The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Watch

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foxycaradoc
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#1581
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#1581
(Original post by cazamatazz)
Alright. Alright! Having thought more about it I've decided to let him go. It's intensely painful but the way things are now, and the way he is now, this can't work. Maybe in a few years, when he's grown up- when we've both grown up- we can try again, but for now I just want us both to get on with our lives.

Now I'm going to ring him, tell him that, then curl up into a ball and sob my pathetic little heart out. End.
Hope it goes ok. You might want to write out a list of why you're doing it to avoid those "oh god, what have I done, I want him back" moments and keep everything in perspective. Still, it's good that you can recognise when something isnt working and get out of it, instead of watching it descend into something poisonous.

Then go for a big cry, then a long phone call to a good mate. Hope you're alright. xx
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Anonymous #53
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Okaaay.

My boyfriend moved off to university nearly a month ago, and it's pushed us into an LDR..which is making me miserable as hell.

We'd been dating for nearly 4 years, which is why I'm so surprised that it has taken less than a month for everything to go so wrong. When he left, it wasn't perfect (we were arguing more than usual due to the stress of packing and leaving and hadn't managed to have much time to ourselves) but the distance has exacerbated everything. He tries his best to talk to me every night and usually does (sometimes for 40 mins or more) but there's no "connection" anymore. We used to have a great vibe and talk for ages, whereas nowadays our hugely long phone calls are mostly silence. I have become an obsessive ****wit, who checks his facebook at least twice a day to look at the photos on there - usually just to upset myself because there's a girl he's become close to recently (he wont talk about it) and she seems to appear in half his photos. But I'm living this rubbish double-life, because I've got a stupid crush on a boy at work which wont go away, and I flirt because I can - yet I know it's just because I loved my boyfriend and hate him being so far away. The distance I think I can deal with, but the jealousy and his changing personality make it impossible. I knew he would change, but he's not the person I fell in love with anymore, and I dont want to be saddled with a stagnant LDR when I go to Uni in a year's time. Nonetheless, I still care about him more than anyone - I just don't know who he really is!

God. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. My friends aren't the understanding type - I give them advice rather than vice-versa. I actually only wanted to post a simple question..if I was to end it with him, should I do it over the phone (cheaper and so much easier) or travel up to see him? The train fare will cost us about £30 each, and I don't want to break his heart and then try to extract money from him so that I can go home again..also, if I go and visit I will have to stay the night (train times mean I can't get there and back in a day), can't afford a hotel and would have to share his bed, either pre or post-breakup. What should I do?
cazamatazz
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#1583
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(Original post by foxycaradoc)
Hope it goes ok. You might want to write out a list of why you're doing it to avoid those "oh god, what have I done, I want him back" moments and keep everything in perspective. Still, it's good that you can recognise when something isnt working and get out of it, instead of watching it descend into something poisonous.

Then go for a big cry, then a long phone call to a good mate. Hope you're alright. xx
Okay-ish. He just accused me of playing games and said he was sick of the drama. So I said my piece, said 'goodbye' and hung up. Then I went into the shower and cried for a while.

Came back out to find three missed calls and a text. :/ I really resent being told by someone that they don't want to see me ever again, then having them call me just to whine about me playing games. I've explained why I didn't talk to him for a bit following the break-up- my period was a week late, the last time that happened I miscarried extremely painfully- and that I was terrified. But he's too wrapped up in himself to listen. He's really changed. I hope he snaps out of this at some point so we can be friends.

This is why I don't have relationships. Uch.
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vale_farfallina
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(Original post by vale_farfallina)
thanks.. we are not officially together.. I hope one day (soon) we will be!
I need to finish my undergrad and move to England.. 5-6 months maybe? Can't wait!!!
I have to pass my exams in Januaryy!!


England was GREAT, we went to Ireland for 24 hrs and there, after a big meal, walking through Cork.. he asked me to be his girlfriend

We are officially 2gether NOW! We are apart but we'll be together soon (he's comin to visit me in Italy at the beginning of Dec) :cool:

I am soooo happy (even if we are in a LDR) because in a few months I've decided to move to England

It's better if I start studying NOW! I wanna finish my degree and fly away!!
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Ginger_Rogers
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Hey guys and gals.


Any advice from you seasoned LDRers on how to get over feeling really low about missing someone?

It comes in fits and starts...and tonight I REALLY have it bad
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SmilerNuts
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#1586
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Tis called a LDR hangover. I have no remedy for it though :o:
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cazamatazz
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#1587
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I've written my ex a letter apologising for my behaviour and clarifying why we shouldn't talk to each other for a while.

Then I sprayed it with a tiny bit of the perfume I always wore when I was with him.

A significant part of me wants to vomit at that.
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manderlay in flames
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#1588
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Woah the insane angry lonely jealous rage is hard to control.
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22KT22
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#1589
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#1589
(Original post by Ginger_Rogers)
Hey guys and gals.


Any advice from you seasoned LDRers on how to get over feeling really low about missing someone?

It comes in fits and starts...and tonight I REALLY have it bad
As smilernuts said its called a LDR hangover... where you miss them LOADS.

i tend to just try and keep busy... if you're not just sat around etc and youve got lots on your mind it makes you miss them less, it also gives you lots to talk about when you speak to them. go out with friends, join societies (if you're at uni) etc. the other cure goes hand in hand with the other.... a stack of comedies/sitcoms, big bar of chocolate and a tub of ben and jerrys. Both work especially together :p:
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Ginger_Rogers
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#1590
(Original post by 22KT22)
As smilernuts said its called a LDR hangover... where you miss them LOADS.

i tend to just try and keep busy... if you're not just sat around etc and youve got lots on your mind it makes you miss them less, it also gives you lots to talk about when you speak to them. go out with friends, join societies (if you're at uni) etc. the other cure goes hand in hand with the other.... a stack of comedies/sitcoms, big bar of chocolate and a tub of ben and jerrys. Both work especially together :p:

Haha thank you, I think I might try the latter. I'm not at university any more unfortunately! And I can't go out or do anything because I'm saving every penny I have to go to Australia and see him for a month in January. Feeling slightly more positive today so thanks
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Rocky Raccoon
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He's here with me now, and its so good being with him, and its the first time he's seeing my room etc. And he's staying here a week!! yay!
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22KT22
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(Original post by Rocky Raccoon)
He's here with me now, and its so good being with him, and its the first time he's seeing my room etc. And he's staying here a week!! yay!
I feel that this emoticon is the most appropriate :woo::woo:
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:)x
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(Original post by manderlay in flames)
Woah the insane angry lonely jealous rage is hard to control.

i agree
i keep getting angry with him for no reason! and sometimes i can't stop it. he hasn't even done anything wrong!

it's really weird, and i HATE being in that mood

it only happens when we're not together, and we just had a lovely weekend together yet again.

however i won't see him for two weeks, so it's going to be harrrrrrrrd!

x
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**CutiePie**
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#1594
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#1594
(Original post by 22KT22)
As smilernuts said its called a LDR hangover... where you miss them LOADS.

i tend to just try and keep busy... if you're not just sat around etc and youve got lots on your mind it makes you miss them less, it also gives you lots to talk about when you speak to them. go out with friends, join societies (if you're at uni) etc. the other cure goes hand in hand with the other.... a stack of comedies/sitcoms, big bar of chocolate and a tub of ben and jerrys. Both work especially together :p:
It's easier said than done though.
I hate it.. when they go and the day after you feel horrible because you KNOW it's going to be ages before you see them again.
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**CutiePie**
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(Original post by :)x)
i agree
i keep getting angry with him for no reason! and sometimes i can't stop it. he hasn't even done anything wrong!

it's really weird, and i HATE being in that mood

it only happens when we're not together, and we just had a lovely weekend together yet again.

however i won't see him for two weeks, so it's going to be harrrrrrrrd!

x
I do this.. then I feel so bad, but I do it and I cant stop!
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cazamatazz
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#1596
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Haven't talked to him for nearly a week. Have never missed anyone as much as this. Hopefully he'll get the letter sometime tomorrow.
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22KT22
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#1597
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(Original post by **CutiePie**)
It's easier said than done though.
I hate it.. when they go and the day after you feel horrible because you KNOW it's going to be ages before you see them again.
I know its easier said than done, the last time i had to say goodbye to my bf i wasnt sure how long it would be until i saw him and i spent ages crying, but keeping busy does help obviously its hard to find things to take your mind of it, but it does work. least it did for me, i did overtime at work, saw my friends i hadnt seen in a while etc.
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Anonymous #54
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Hello everyone, just had some questions. Sorry about being anon, it's just my relationship is only known to my closest friends.

Just wondering if you get really very jealous when you see other couples who get to see each other every day and look so happy. I feel really bad for feeling like this, but when my two best friends whinge to me they wont see their bf for a week I feel really sad.

Also what's the average people see their other half? I only see my gf every 4 weeks or so, and only for an evening/night at a time. It's hard. Am I the only one who wonders if it's worth it sometimes?

Though we text all the time and talk on the phone every couple of days.

Thanks
gogo
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#1599
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I'm 6 weeks in to a 6 month separation from my boyfriend. It's been really tough, and there have been moments where I've been almost sick of the feeling of constantly missing him. We have a lot of contact so I still feel like despite the distance we're involved in eachother's lives which i think is important. No matter how hard it gets though I know it's worth it. I love him and I know I want him in my life. But yeah, it can be really tough.
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DamnitJanet
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hello everyone, just had some questions. Sorry about being anon, it's just my relationship is only known to my closest friends.

Just wondering if you get really very jealous when you see other couples who get to see each other every day and look so happy. I feel really bad for feeling like this, but when my two best friends whinge to me they wont see their bf for a week I feel really sad.

Also what's the average people see their other half? I only see my gf every 4 weeks or so, and only for an evening/night at a time. It's hard. Am I the only one who wonders if it's worth it sometimes?

Though we text all the time and talk on the phone every couple of days.

Thanks
Yes, I know how you feel! I was get jealous that they're such a big part of each others lives, yet I've never even seen my boyfriends house (and probably won't til next June!) It's ok though, you do get more used to it.

As for how long, it does vary, but it sounds like you've got a pretty rough deal! We go three to four weeks without seeing each other (though we're in the middle of a five week stretch atm), but when we do, it's for a weekend rather than just an evening. :hugs: I know it can be hard, but hopefully you feel that it IS worth it.
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