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    mine just ended.
    wasnt working out. we spoke once a week at best and he was always really rude on the phone, eg 'why did you phone me'
    i know its for the best, i just can't believe its over. help??
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    (Original post by botanica)
    mine just ended.
    wasnt working out. we spoke once a week at best and he was always really rude on the phone, eg 'why did you phone me'
    i know its for the best, i just can't believe its over. help??
    First of all :hugs: sorry to hear that. how long had you guys been together? had you just become a LDR? i think what you need to do to get over him is not contact him, delete any numbers (or save them somewhere where you cant get them easily) as well as email addresses to avoid you speaking to him. it will only make it harder to get over him. also keep busy, throw yourself into uni or whatever so that you dont have time to dwell too much.
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    (Original post by botanica)
    mine just ended.
    wasnt working out. we spoke once a week at best and he was always really rude on the phone, eg 'why did you phone me'
    i know its for the best, i just can't believe its over. help??
    If he was asking why you were phoning then it doesn't sound like the LDR bit was the main issue. I would be gutted if my boyfriend said that to me (even though he may be thinking it ). All I can offer are electronic hugs and that same old advice that things get better over time. I know what you mean about just not believing it's over though, when I split up with my boyfriend of over 3 years it was very strange as we never really talked about it happening or saw it coming, it just happened. I hope you feel better soon
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    yeah it was fine before, we'd been together almost 8 months in close contact and hes been at uni for 3, so it aint been easy! but thanks for your support, i just need hugs now xxx
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    Heya guys......well here's my story!

    I study french and portuguese at uni...so I am currently living in France...I have been here since mid september and am here until the end of April, when I will then go to Portugal for 2-3 months.

    I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and we have lived together for about 18 months, so beforehand, we saw each other everyday. Now I don't see him at all, and it makes me really sad We speak almost everyday on the webcam and we email and text too, so it isnt as thought I have no contact with him! He visited me at the end of October and I am going home a couple of days before christmas for 2 weeks

    I don't worry about spliting up.....I'm sure that won't happen, we are a solid couple....when he visited, I hadnt seen him for over 5 weeks, but it was like we hadnt been apart. I trust him 100% and he's the same with me. The thing I don't like is some of the emotions I've been feeling, beforehand I was never jealous at all, but now when I know he's going out with his friends it makes me jealous and I don't like it. There is a girl we are friends with, and I know she fancies him, and normally it doesnt bother me at all, I know he doesnt fancy her at all and would nevr cheat on me, but now it really riles me...I guess it's because I'm not there.

    Also, I do feel lonely in the evenings....I live on my own in a huge 3 bedroom flat and it makes me feel lonely, I do go out with my french friends quite a bit but you know, it gets to me sometimes....how much i miss him.

    Anyway sorry for the essay!!!

    29 days til I get to see him :woo:
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    (Original post by **CutiePie**)
    Hey fellow LDR'ers!
    O.k, so as you lot know me and my bf have been in an LDR since he went off to uni.

    Anyway, everythings good, we have a great relationship, but it's just hard you know? The whole LDR thing.

    We get on great when he's home and it's like he's never gone, but when he goes we just have little pops at each other, like little arguments. To be honest I think we're both finding it hard to be honest, and weve both said were willing to make it work, that we'll do anything to make it work. I just hate the inbetween, the little arguments

    So I was just wondering, when you started your LDR how did you get used to it, to the point where it's natural him going and you know?
    Ive tried talking to the boyfriend about the arguments and he said that he really is sorry, were both just very headstrong people and don't like admitting we are wrong. Weve been together a year and 7 months, so we are serious about each other, we just need to get past this new stage i think.
    the little arguments always make me realize how much I actually love my girl and how much I want her to be part of my life.and we always talk about our fights and arguments at the end of the day and have a laugh at it and say we will never fight like that anymore.but the whole process from fighting to be back normal can be tough i know.
    Haven't seen my girl for 4months and another 7months to go!always plan ahead when is the next time you both gonna meet each other,I find that useful.(I'm planning for my 2010's trip already!one reason cause I'm in scotland she is in melbourne,so its a lot of money so must think ahead)don't be upset cause he is leaving again for uni,but just be grateful he is part of your life now.
    all the best to you
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    (Original post by polythenepam)
    Heya guys......well here's my story!

    I study french and portuguese at uni...so I am currently living in France...I have been here since mid september and am here until the end of April, when I will then go to Portugal for 2-3 months.

    I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and we have lived together for about 18 months, so beforehand, we saw each other everyday. Now I don't see him at all, and it makes me really sad We speak almost everyday on the webcam and we email and text too, so it isnt as thought I have no contact with him! He visited me at the end of October and I am going home a couple of days before christmas for 2 weeks

    I don't worry about spliting up.....I'm sure that won't happen, we are a solid couple....when he visited, I hadnt seen him for over 5 weeks, but it was like we hadnt been apart. I trust him 100% and he's the same with me. The thing I don't like is some of the emotions I've been feeling, beforehand I was never jealous at all, but now when I know he's going out with his friends it makes me jealous and I don't like it. There is a girl we are friends with, and I know she fancies him, and normally it doesnt bother me at all, I know he doesnt fancy her at all and would nevr cheat on me, but now it really riles me...I guess it's because I'm not there.

    Also, I do feel lonely in the evenings....I live on my own in a huge 3 bedroom flat and it makes me feel lonely, I do go out with my french friends quite a bit but you know, it gets to me sometimes....how much i miss him.

    Anyway sorry for the essay!!!

    29 days til I get to see him :woo:
    I know exactly how you're feeling. I'm not a jealous person, especially when it comes to my boyfriend. I trust him so much, I can hardly put it into words. But when he tells me he's going out and that he wants to get drunk I can't help but worry about him. Will he get home okay? I hope he doesn't hurt himself. That kind of thing. There's also something in me that I don't understand and can't explain, its a kind of jealousy when he tells me he's going out but also a worry. I know what it can be like when people are in clubs and everyone is dancing together. I just want the feeling to go away but I don't want him to think I'm being clingy or think I don't trust him because I do.
    Argh, I just don't know how to suppress it. I guess I just have to not think about him going out and leave him to it. If I trust him and he loves me then I have nothing to worry about I know we're a solid couple and he tells me all the time how he feels closer to me and that the LDR is working well for him.

    Ahh, I just wish I was there with him really, enjoying his new experience with him
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    (Original post by crankine)
    Umkay, well, I feel like an awful n00b here but anyway:
    I was in an LDR when my (now ex) went to Uni when I was still at school, and that really didn't work out, partly because fo distance and lack of time, and the fact that I wasn't sexually attracted to him as much as I could/should have been.

    Now, my boyfriend and I are both heading to Uni next year, him to Nottingham and me to Sheffield if we are amazingly lucky- but it could be Cardiff and Aberdeen!
    I'm so scared it won't work, even though this relationship is so much better and is full of much more honesty and respect - we've been friends for 4 years and have no secrets - I mean none. We both really want to be together after uni, and we talk about it.
    We see each other almost every day at school and have no idea how to cope without that, and without getting a massive phone bill!
    Also, my ideal course is a crazy dual honours so I won't have much in the way of free time. I don't look forward to having to say 'no' to seeing my David

    Any advice and support for this? Help!
    Just so you know - if you are in the Nottingham and Sheffield position, it's only about £9 return on the train with a student railcard, or £15.80 without one (I really should get mine sorted! )

    I'm in Sheff and my boyfriend is in Notts. It's definitely an LDR, and we don't get to see each other much cos of timetable clashes (I'm in uni all week, and he works all weekend, so it's really hard to see each other) but it's definitely do-able. It's only an hour on the train as well. Plus if you put your postcodes into Google maps you can work out how far away you are - it's only 38 miles from my flat here to my boyfriend's house, which is really comforting for some reason

    And don't worry about dual honours. You might be doing more than one subject, but you still take the same amount of credits as everyone else so you don't have any more work than anyone else really (apart from the fact that if you're taking very essay-y reading-y subjects then of course you'll spend quite a while doing that). But really, it's ok

    And as for the phonebill thing - either get on the same network and do one of those deals, or download Skype. It's a free program you get off the internet, and all you need is a microphone and speakers and you can chat away on that for free! If you both get webcams, you can put them on too - it's really good

    (sorry for the essay-like response!!)
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    (Original post by accident)
    the little arguments always make me realize how much I actually love my girl and how much I want her to be part of my life.and we always talk about our fights and arguments at the end of the day and have a laugh at it and say we will never fight like that anymore.but the whole process from fighting to be back normal can be tough i know.
    Haven't seen my girl for 4months and another 7months to go!always plan ahead when is the next time you both gonna meet each other,I find that useful.(I'm planning for my 2010's trip already!one reason cause I'm in scotland she is in melbourne,so its a lot of money so must think ahead)don't be upset cause he is leaving again for uni,but just be grateful he is part of your life now.
    all the best to you
    Hiya.
    Thank-you so much for replying, it makes me feel better that i'm not the only one in this situation. Especially that your a guy too! That's definatly comforting!
    All the best to you and your girl, and thankyou for helping, you have definatly talked sense. I just wish that my boy realised all this and wasn't so ..you know, always arguing with me.
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    (Original post by ssk2)
    Have you also considered how difficult it will be to get a green card so that you can live and work permanently there? It takes people years to get one...
    Sorry for the late reply, Yes I have, but his mom is being my sponer and we getting married which will make it easier for me, We have to get a Wedding/fiancee visa and get married within the time limit for that.

    (Original post by **CutiePie**)
    Hiya.
    Thank-you so much for replying, it makes me feel better that i'm not the only one in this situation. Especially that your a guy too! That's definatly comforting!
    All the best to you and your girl, and thankyou for helping, you have definatly talked sense. I just wish that my boy realised all this and wasn't so ..you know, always arguing with me.
    I understand how you feel, the distance does get hard and you argue but thats only generally because he cares for you, and its hard coping without you. I know, because My Fiance is in America and Im in the UK. Already planning my trip but its only for 2 weeks since im taking it as a college resdiental as part of my course

    What he needs to understand that he does need to see you but maybe he would find it hard to say goodbye, which is why hes distancing himself from you. Things will get easier, The arguements will die down and things will go back to how it use to be. He should really consider that he doesn't have thousands and thousands of miles to go see you and doesnt need to save up so much money.
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    (Original post by SianStrikedown)
    Sorry for the late reply, Yes I have, but his mom is being my sponer and we getting married which will make it easier for me, We have to get a Wedding/fiancee visa and get married within the time limit for that.



    I understand how you feel, the distance does get hard and you argue but thats only generally because he cares for you, and its hard coping without you. I know, because My Fiance is in America and Im in the UK. Already planning my trip but its only for 2 weeks since im taking it as a college resdiental as part of my course

    What he needs to understand that he does need to see you but maybe he would find it hard to say goodbye, which is why hes distancing himself from you. Things will get easier, The arguements will die down and things will go back to how it use to be. He should really consider that he doesn't have thousands and thousands of miles to go see you and doesnt need to save up so much money.
    Not to be a damp squib but...have you considered the implications of the marriage/visa? As in, your marriage may well be investigated as it might look like you only got married for a visa...
    I only say this because the same happened to my cousin (albeit here in the UK, but I can imagine the US being just as strict if not moreso), as her fiance was from Columbia and they only just managed to get a temporary visa for him after 7 years of marriage and being investigated.
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    Yeah I know, One of the requirements is that you have to meet them once before the marriage in the states, nad then they ask you questions about each other, I've looked it up, it doesn;t promise straight away that you will get your green card.

    His family are actually going to support me though throughout the process as much as they can espically his mom, is trying her best to get me there, i.e As a Sponser and paper work.

    It may take a long time but its going to be worth it in the end
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    (Original post by SianStrikedown)
    Sorry for the late reply, Yes I have, but his mom is being my sponer and we getting married which will make it easier for me, We have to get a Wedding/fiancee visa and get married within the time limit for that.



    I understand how you feel, the distance does get hard and you argue but thats only generally because he cares for you, and its hard coping without you. I know, because My Fiance is in America and Im in the UK. Already planning my trip but its only for 2 weeks since im taking it as a college resdiental as part of my course

    What he needs to understand that he does need to see you but maybe he would find it hard to say goodbye, which is why hes distancing himself from you. Things will get easier, The arguements will die down and things will go back to how it use to be. He should really consider that he doesn't have thousands and thousands of miles to go see you and doesnt need to save up so much money
    .
    Hiya, thank-you.
    He used to be one of those guys who wanted to see me as much as he can, he was open, caring and would show his emotions (I got a 4 page letter from him the day before he went to uni).. now.. well now he refuses to write another letter to me saying it's not him, he doesn't tell me how he feels, he hardly wants to see me. I can see where your coming from and thank-you. I think I just need to learn to stop looking in the past and thinking how it used to be, because that's not us anymore, the 'us' is now I guess.
    Basically i'm a little insecure, my ex boyfriend was a T**T, he was cheating on me for 6 months and I didnt realise (How, I dont know!)..right under my nose it was all that time and i didnt realise. And he was really nasty to me, would shout at me right in my face to F off and grab my arms and push me etc..
    So I worry about my current boyfriend, weve been together alot longer than me and my ex had, and he's said to me he wouldnt still be with me now if he wasn't serious about 'us', but it doesn't stop me from worrying I guess. I just liked the old him.. the new him is one of those guys Ive always steered clear from you know?



    On the up note.. the last two times he's left to go back to uni I haven't cried! I'm getting better

    God, you sound like you have it tough, I admire you for what your doing, your positive and everything. How did you meet your 'fiance' (wow!)? I seriously wish I had guts and was as positive and calm about my relationship! You sound like a good couple!
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    Question to everyone (especially those in international LDR's!): How and how often do you guys communicate when you are away from each other??

    Reason I ask is because me and my guy are almost not talking anymore! He visited a month ago, and after he left he made a real effort to text me all the time. Now he is getting slammed at work, as am I, and with the time difference, there is basically never a good time to talk to each other. I go to work before he gets home from work, and when I get home from work he is asleep. He's mentioned that he doesn't think that it is working out (and I agree at the moment!), but its not him I have a problem with at all, its just the distance. It seems like a silly reason to break up when you've found an amazing person. Help!
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    (Original post by djk_99)
    Question to everyone (especially those in international LDR's!): How and how often do you guys communicate when you are away from each other??

    Reason I ask is because me and my guy are almost not talking anymore! He visited a month ago, and after he left he made a real effort to text me all the time. Now he is getting slammed at work, as am I, and with the time difference, there is basically never a good time to talk to each other. I go to work before he gets home from work, and when I get home from work he is asleep. He's mentioned that he doesn't think that it is working out (and I agree at the moment!), but its not him I have a problem with at all, its just the distance. It seems like a silly reason to break up when you've found an amazing person. Help!
    Hiya, I'm in an international LDR (Singapore-Germany) and, aye, time difference is definitely a pain in the butt. But we usually try to chat everyday if possible or every other day online be it for a few minutes or a few hours. I don't deny my sleep cycle's a bit warped.

    However, there were periods when he was swamped with work or vice versa and we didn't talk for 2 weeks or so. It was difficult but what we did was exchange a couple of emails each day or leave offline chat messages which would pop up upon logging in. So rather than looking forward to chat to him because I knew it wouldn't be possible, I looked forward to receiving his little email every morning which made me smile. Even a simple 'thinking of you' went a long way in making my day. At some point, he became more innovative and started having conversations on chat with himself by providing replies on my behalf!

    Naturally, being able to talk to your guy and hear his voice is great but getting messages and hearing his voice in your head is just as good. Makes being able to talk to each other that much more special IMO. Even though it doesn't seem to be working out for you right now, stick with it! And try to explain to him that you guys can make it work. It wasn't easy for me initially coping with the distance and always yearning to talk to him but after quite a while in an IDR, I've become used to it. It takes time, so don't quit just yet. Alles beste!
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    (Original post by **CutiePie**)
    Hiya, thank-you.
    He used to be one of those guys who wanted to see me as much as he can, he was open, caring and would show his emotions (I got a 4 page letter from him the day before he went to uni).. now.. well now he refuses to write another letter to me saying it's not him, he doesn't tell me how he feels, he hardly wants to see me. I can see where your coming from and thank-you. I think I just need to learn to stop looking in the past and thinking how it used to be, because that's not us anymore, the 'us' is now I guess.
    Basically i'm a little insecure, my ex boyfriend was a T**T, he was cheating on me for 6 months and I didnt realise (How, I dont know!)..right under my nose it was all that time and i didnt realise. And he was really nasty to me, would shout at me right in my face to F off and grab my arms and push me etc..
    So I worry about my current boyfriend, weve been together alot longer than me and my ex had, and he's said to me he wouldnt still be with me now if he wasn't serious about 'us', but it doesn't stop me from worrying I guess. I just liked the old him.. the new him is one of those guys Ive always steered clear from you know?



    On the up note.. the last two times he's left to go back to uni I haven't cried! I'm getting better

    God, you sound like you have it tough, I admire you for what your doing, your positive and everything. How did you meet your 'fiance' (wow!)? I seriously wish I had guts and was as positive and calm about my relationship! You sound like a good couple!

    Maybe you need to think about it as you've taken a further step into the relationship, so he's acting different around you. My ex boyfriend was a big ****. He sexually abused me, but in my current relationship, i wouldnt let it affect what we have, I couldnt compare him to my ex, and its bad if you do it to. Not all guys are *******s, i mean they change when they go away. Maybe he wants to see all macho in front of his uni mates.

    Haha Im not always positive about my relationship, we have our ups and downs, but if we have a down time, we have made up by the next day. His mom is amazing about us, she generally said "I can move there, anytime i want". With a Relationship you just ahve to go with the flow, and if it finishes at least youwill have great memories to remember, and may have even more with someone else.

    The new him is because he has and thinks thats the way he will make friends at uni, maybe you should try and talk to him about how hes changed, and that he doesn't have to be different around you.


    I talk to my fiance everyday and everynight for hour's, Basically we work around what i have to do in the day and what he has to do. Its the most amazing relationship i've ever had and i may only be 17 but i know that he's my soul mate.
    I met my fiance through a friend, and we started to talk on skype and a gaming messenger called Xfire, things went from there, he had a crush on me and people told me online and we both fell in love, It was a while before we said we loved each other, I remember when he first said it, It was extremely cute and the way he asked me, and it took me a while to decided, but at least im not thinking what if now?

    God im so HAPPYY
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    (Original post by **CutiePie**)
    Hiya.
    Thank-you so much for replying, it makes me feel better that i'm not the only one in this situation. Especially that your a guy too! That's definatly comforting!
    All the best to you and your girl, and thankyou for helping, you have definatly talked sense. I just wish that my boy realised all this and wasn't so ..you know, always arguing with me.
    no problem at all
    I surely know how you feel and all when you both argue,but depends who is the tough one in the relationship.My gf is a little stubborn at times,so when we fight I always try to be the one giving in and comforting her.Best is if both are pissed/angry,just don't talk and cool down first.Cause when we're angry we don't think straight.
    All the best to you too!
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    (Original post by djk_99)
    Question to everyone (especially those in international LDR's!): How and how often do you guys communicate when you are away from each other??

    Reason I ask is because me and my guy are almost not talking anymore! He visited a month ago, and after he left he made a real effort to text me all the time. Now he is getting slammed at work, as am I, and with the time difference, there is basically never a good time to talk to each other. I go to work before he gets home from work, and when I get home from work he is asleep. He's mentioned that he doesn't think that it is working out (and I agree at the moment!), but its not him I have a problem with at all, its just the distance. It seems like a silly reason to break up when you've found an amazing person. Help!
    when you think you found an amazing person,don't give up on him cause of the distance.it's too silly of a reason tbh.as for your question,I talk to my girl for hours everyday despite the great distance and the different time zone (australia-uk).I just spent 40quid in 3days talking to my girl,communication can said to be the most important key for an ldr.Sacrifice some sleep to talk to your partner,even if its 3 in the morning,wake up and talk to him.I find it very sweet

    me and my girl we wake each other up almost everyday,and sometimes in the morning with her still in bed all blur and sleepy voice,she really sound so cute saying the good morning to me
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    Yeah, When me and my boyfriend/Fiance fight, he leaves to cool down before anything bad happens.
    =]
    It means that he walks away and so do I before we do something we both regret.

    It seems im being judge for getting engaged at a young age, but to me it feels right.

    Yeah, I wake him up and he wakes me up at anytime in the morning, i swear its worth being tired for because he puts me in such a good mood that Im fine anyway. I pay £6.00 for unlimited dialing to mobiles and home numbers in the states using skype and the £6.00 is for 3 months worth.
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    (Original post by SianStrikedown)
    Maybe you need to think about it as you've taken a further step into the relationship, so he's acting different around you. My ex boyfriend was a big ****. He sexually abused me, but in my current relationship, i wouldnt let it affect what we have, I couldnt compare him to my ex, and its bad if you do it to. Not all guys are *******s, i mean they change when they go away. Maybe he wants to see all macho in front of his uni mates.

    Haha Im not always positive about my relationship, we have our ups and downs, but if we have a down time, we have made up by the next day. His mom is amazing about us, she generally said "I can move there, anytime i want". With a Relationship you just ahve to go with the flow, and if it finishes at least youwill have great memories to remember, and may have even more with someone else.

    The new him is because he has and thinks thats the way he will make friends at uni, maybe you should try and talk to him about how hes changed, and that he doesn't have to be different around you.


    I talk to my fiance everyday and everynight for hour's, Basically we work around what i have to do in the day and what he has to do. Its the most amazing relationship i've ever had and i may only be 17 but i know that he's my soul mate.
    I met my fiance through a friend, and we started to talk on skype and a gaming messenger called Xfire, things went from there, he had a crush on me and people told me online and we both fell in love, It was a while before we said we loved each other, I remember when he first said it, It was extremely cute and the way he asked me, and it took me a while to decided, but at least im not thinking what if now?

    God im so HAPPYY
    Hey again!

    Thanks for that again, wow he sounds so cute! Are you the same age? Has he considered moving over here?

    About the ex thing, I don't compare them , just worry you know, that the same thing will happen really.
    I'm definatly going to try and talk things over, he's here now and being so sweet =] I love it when he's being his old self and sweet.

    Good luck with everything, and thanks for the advice, I'm definatly going to use it =]
 
 
 
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