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    Hi I'm 18 years old and have been with my first serious serious boyfriend for nearly 10 months (he's 20 this year) and our sex life has already gone slightly down the drain. When we have sex he's kind of lazy but demanding at the same time often bending me into uncomfortable positions so that he can stay lying on his side or back. This means I rarely get any pleasure from it and although he knows he's not doing anything for me he doesn't do anything to rectify it. This lack of pleasure has started to get me down and now I don't even bother getting undressed because I know there's no point and I've stopped gettin turned on.

    This has made me be a bit *****y towards him in other respects, like I push him away or turn my head when he kisses me on the face or head cos he always does this lip smacking whistly thing with his lips and I HATE IT. It sounds like flies in my head and he keeps doin it, and he does it at stupid times like when I'm talkin to his mum or paying for something in a shop.

    And now I keep picking fights with him (I know I'm doing it) and I can't seem to stop even though I know while it's happening that I'm acting stupidly.

    Grrrr this probably makes me seem quite immature but it makes me so frustrated and he won't listen to me when I speak to him and he always turns the situation around and makes me seem like the evil ***** from hell (he's a lot more articulate then me).

    Has anyone ever been in this situation? Does it make me a bad person that I place so much importance on our sex life and just can't seem to be happy with a guy who is otherwise perfect?
    I don't know what to do, I love him so much but I can't help gettin bored when he hasn't given me any sexual pleasure or passion for ages and I'm getting a bit too good at faking.
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    if hes refusing to listen to you or try to make you happy perhaps you should tell him to jog on
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    Why don't you take the reigns in the bedroom? Then he can be lazy in some respects, but at least you're getting some fun out of it :p:

    Also, if he won't respect the fact you don't like him doing something, he seems like a bit of an arse.
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    :ditto: It doesn't really sound like he is "otherwise perfect"..
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    That lip smacking whistly thing sounds like a bag of arse. Tread on his foot when he does it.
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    Wow, he sounds like a true Gentleman.

    Even Chandler went on top every so often(for Monica's sake).
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    Not everyone was meant to be. One thing you find out once you become "active" is that not everyone "fits" physically or emotionally in that department.
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    Sorry I don't know how to quote.
    To Inksplodge, I have tried before but he always rejects me. Sex has to be on his terms, or so it seems, I can instigate kissing and turn him on but then he takes the lead when it comes to the actual sex.

    We used to have such good sex but now it's rubbish and it makes me feel unattractive and also immature when I complain about it, and it's manifesting as a problem in other areas of our relationship.

    To Blacksheep, he's not perfect but he is lovely and kind and very good to me, which is why I feel like I'm betraying him by going behind his back and writing this, even if it is anonymous.

    I don't know what to do. I don't want to end it but our relationship needs a serious kick up the behind. I've never cheated in my life but if things don't improve I worry about what I might want to do, and maybe eventually do.

    This is such a rubbish situation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry I don't know how to quote.
    To Inksplodge, I have tried before but he always rejects me. Sex has to be on his terms, or so it seems, I can instigate kissing and turn him on but then he takes the lead when it comes to the actual sex.
    I'd get rid. There's two of you in bed, not just him - if he's going to be selfish, why should you put up with it? At the end of the day, it's different that he won't put in a little bit of effort/compromised for you than it would be if it was poor sex because, say, he had trouble with premature ejaculation. That's something to work through - this is something different.
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    Sex ban. Dont have sex with him until he realises what he needs to do for you. He'll get fed up within a week or two of having no sex and when he asks you why tel him its because he doesnt satisfy you and you want him to go on top or no nookie.
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    Tell him to sort it out or finish with him. It's not going well.
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    Try to have a proper talk with him about it, rather than just 'complaining'. Not saying you do but, it's your word I used there, so

    Say you miss how it was before etc, and that sex matters to you too - you want to feel what he feels. And that it's not fair if you keep putting in all the effort for him to get all the enjoyment, so you won't put the effort in until he can reciprocate a bit more :p:

    (Although, girl on top is pretty satisfying for the woman generally, not that I'm suggesting it's ok for you to put in all the effort lol, just.. yeah.. something I thought, reading your post)
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    Throw him on his back and **** him, you can move to you know??

    If not chuck him.
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    (Original post by Thail)
    Throw him on his back and **** him, you can move to you know??

    If not chuck him.
    That's the problem though - that's all their sex life entails at the moment. It's not fair if it's all up to one partner and the other is reaping all the rewards.
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    Try taking control in the bedroom?
    Talk to him and express your concerns and the issues outlined above. He may be more articulate than you but make him listen. If you say things enough they should get through to him. Or if he fails to listen, hold off with the sex until he decides that your pleasure is of importance and that he should not be a selfish lover.

    Alternatively consider whether overall this relationship is making you happy. If not then either discuss these issues and attempt to resolve them or perhaps end things with him. You shouldn't have to put up with a selfish guy who doesn't listen to you :hugs:
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    (Original post by suek)
    That's the problem though - that's all their sex life entails at the moment. It's not fair if it's all up to one partner and the other is reaping all the rewards.
    Indeed if that's the case you're right. However she said he is putting her in awfull positions that are umcomfortable. My experiences have been that the girl loves getting on top, and i can't see how it's uncomfortable . But yes, it's still no sex life. I'd try talking but if you don't get a really good response i'd throw him, there are plently of blokes out there who really like to make an effort and please their girls.
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    Suek is right, our sex life is just so predictable I could probably judge to the minute how long each "segment" lasts. The problem with me going on top is that he grabs my lower body and controls the rhythm, pushing my face into the pillow/side of his neck so I don't get anything from it, because of the angle and stuff.

    Its so annoying. He's willing to give me oral but I dont like asking for it because sometimes it takes me a while to climax and he's there looking at me and I can't relax and enjoy it cos I worry that his tongue will go numb or something.

    I'm just caught in this cycle. I've read articles about sex therapy and such but I don't think it's what we as a couple need.

    He just needs to lay me for god's sake!!! And for once do it bloody properly!
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    get a dildo? or a more considerate boyfriend if the bad sex is enough reason to finish it?
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    To thail, it's not me on top, it's me on my side facing away from him (spooning is the technical term i think??) and its such a rubbish position. No stimulation, no eye contact, no intimacy, it's like I'm a prop.

    Whenever he goes on top he just pounds away irregularly, just lies flat on top of me (and he's not lightweight I tell you), when he's done says I love you and then rolls over.

    There have been times when I've lain there and just thought to myself "******* it I'm just going to finish myself off" whiles he's asleep, because I'm just not satisfied!

    It seems so unfair, I'm not ugly, I have self confidence and I want to pleasure a guy and be pleasured in return, I'm open minded. I've spent loads on lingerie and props and things, and whenever I've tried to instigate using them he hasn't been up for it. I bought a special outfit for our holiday, wore it under my dressing gown and showed him.... and he retied the dressing gown, kissed my forehead and said "maybe after dinner".
    How rubbish does that make me feel?

    I don't want to end it, I love him very much. Has ANYONE boy or girl ever had this to?
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    jeez, just dump him and get another bf, there are so many eligible guys in this world that it's a waste to even stay with one who's perfect, let alone one who's totally crap in bed and selfish
 
 
 
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