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    I don't want to dump him, I just want to man him up
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    It says that you have very low standards.
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    That's so sad Spooning is supposed to be one of the more intimate positions too, he's obviously not putting that effort into it.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The problem with me going on top is that he grabs my lower body and controls the rhythm, pushing my face into the pillow/side of his neck so I don't get anything from it, because of the angle and stuff.
    That sounds awful too. Urgh.

    I'd just get off, lol :p: You really need to lay it on the line for him though - tell him he's not getting any unless he puts the effort in, that it's not fair on you and that he's making you feel like crap by acting how he is.

    If he cares about you, the last part should help.
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    i think any normal guy would quite happily let a girl take control :P
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    (Original post by dh00001)
    if hes refusing to listen to you or try to make you happy perhaps you should tell him to jog on

    ^^

    straight up
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    If my dad were reading this thread, you know what he would say?

    'Shove your finger up his arse, that'll make him start moving.'

    Failing my dad's 'advice', you could dump him like others have said.
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    Let him lie on his back with you on top one last time, but ride him so hard you break the 'saddle'. Then go find someone else, you don't sound happy with the relationship, not just the sex. And with good reason imo, if he's so selfish in bed, he probably is outside of the bedroom too.
    And anyway sex is important, don't feel bad for caring about it!
    OR, you could have a proper talk about things if you haven't already. Maybe he doesn't realise what he's doing.
    Good luck anyway.
    • #1
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    #1

    To Suek. He does absolutely adore me, not to be bigheaded but he does. He does love me very much I can tell. he'd be so hurt if he knew I'd posted this but I'm at the end of my tether.
    If it was just bad sex then ok I could live with it but it's affecting other parts of our relationship - He feels like he's let me down, I feel frustrated, we make more of an effort but it inevitably just fails. So we end up fighting.

    We've talked about it before, it's been an underlying problem for ages and he always says that we'll try new things, make more an occasion of it but it never materialises. it's so disheartening.
    This shouldnt happen to teenagers this sort of thing happens to people when they've been married for 30 years. It doesn't help that he'll only do it once a day either, he says he needs a longer recovery time.
    So if we have crap sex in the morning, thats it for the day and sometimes I only see him a few times a week because we both live at home. So we end up actually having "crap sex weeks".

    I just don't know what to do. He's my first sexual partner, but I just know that this isn't normal. It should be better than this. It makes me feel like crying
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    (Original post by 3105)
    If my dad were reading this thread, you know what he would say?

    'Shove your finger up his arse, that'll make him start moving.'

    Failing my dad's 'advice', you could dump him like others have said.
    I like the sound of your dad. Get him to join the forum!
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    Seriously, stop putting out. Is no sex much of a leap from crap sex for you? Make sure he KNOWS why you're doing it too - because you want more satisfaction from it. Otherwise it's just not fair, at all. He's being so selfish in this respect.
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    I've spoken to him about it now, last night on the phone. He says that he's been aware for a while now that I've not really been enjoying having sex with him and yet can't give me a reason as to why he didn't do anything about it??!!!

    Thank you for all the advice given so far, but what I really want to know is whether anyone on this forum has ever had this kind of problem with their partner and what the outcome of it was? Can it be fixed?
    Is it me?
    He's told me his ex split up with him and embarassed him in front of friends by saying he was crap in bed. Are some people just crap? I thought sex was something that you got better at with practice?
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    There's a differene between being crap and being selfish. From what I can gather, you what him to do it differently, try new positions etc and he is utterly unwilling to try even though he knows you don't like how it is?

    You've got three options.

    Stop having sex with him until you're both equals.

    Ditch him.

    Let him walk over you.

    I suggest the second. Life's too short to be dealing with people who say one thing and do another.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I know the options, I don't like any of them :[

    does me making such a fuss make me unreasonable?? does it make me a *****?
    what would guys say if it was their girlfriend?
    I'm sorry to keep goin on, I know this is an old topic now. But I built my immediate future on him, you know? :[
    • #2
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    It doesn't make you unreasonable or a *****. Did he even suggest that he might change, now that you've spoken to him?

    I got the impression from your first post that your sex life actually used to be good but now I'm feeling that maybe it's always been like this for you?

    Sex is something you get better at with communication - this is where you guys are failing bigtime.

    Me and my boyfriend talk a lot about sex. It's really great though, it's not all dirty talk as such, a lot of it is kinda getting into our heads about the whole thing, and we both really want to please each other. I guess we both have some skeletons in our closets or... something along those lines. Some little quirks, anyway. For instance - he's only ever orgasmed once in the past from oral - surprising for a man no? And there's reasons for it. When we first got together, he didn't really talk to me about it, time's gone on now and he has opened up and it's given me all the ammo I need to give him an awesome experience. I hope.

    And vice versa! And aside from the obvious benefits, it brings us closer as a couple.

    It's really opened my eyes anyway. In the past, I've never been with someone where I felt I could open up like that, and yeah it's massively damaging to the sexual side of the relationship. You both have to find a way to overcome it... coz it's so amazing when you do.
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    I can't help gettin bored when he hasn't given me any sexual pleasure or passion for ages and I'm getting a bit too good at faking
    To start with, stop faking it - it'll only encourage him. I don't think you're being unreasonable. If you were my girlfriend (unlikely scenario, but nevertheless) I'd feel guilty about my behaviour. If you're that unhappy, then your only options are the three that BrotherDown mentions - I know it's harsh but if he isn't willing to be reasonable then you have to do what's right for you.
 
 
 
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