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My girlfriend is depressed

I’m so lost on what to do. My girlfriend is depressed. She has an assignment due, it’s 50% of her module and she’s refusing to do it as she finds it too difficult, and also won’t ask for help. If she fails it, she’ll basically fail the module and therefore first year. She’s already said if she fails first year she’ll drop out. If she drops out, we’ll break up. I’ve done all I can and I’m so lost. I’m crazy about her.

Any advice???
Reply 1
Avatar for Ciel.
Ciel.
21
Original post by WhatIsLife1
I’m so lost on what to do. My girlfriend is depressed. She has an assignment due, it’s 50% of her module and she’s refusing to do it as she finds it too difficult, and also won’t ask for help. If she fails it, she’ll basically fail the module and therefore first year. She’s already said if she fails first year she’ll drop out. If she drops out, we’ll break up. I’ve done all I can and I’m so lost. I’m crazy about her.

Any advice???

"if she drops out, we'll break up" - why? you don't sound supportive at all.
Reply 2
Avatar for RussPJ
RussPJ
6
Original post by RussPJ
no

actualllllyyyy........
get her on some kahoots
Why would you break up if she drops out?
Original post by Ciel.
"if she drops out, we'll break up" - why? you don't sound supportive at all.

She lives very far from the uni, and there isn’t an easy place to meet up in the middle
Original post by WhatIsLife1
She lives very far from the uni, and there isn’t an easy place to meet up in the middle

Well then you make the effort to meet up..
Reply 6
Avatar for Ciel.
Ciel.
21
Original post by WhatIsLife1
She lives very far from the uni, and there isn’t an easy place to meet up in the middle

i see. but uni isn't for everyone. she's clearly not well enough to continue with it at the moment. there's little you can do, other than offer your support.
Original post by Ciel.
i see. but uni isn't for everyone. she's clearly not well enough to continue with it at the moment. there's little you can do, other than offer your support.

I’ve been trying my best to. I’ve been pushing her to email her personal tutor and explain that she’s struggling, I’ve been asking her to engage in the university’s support network.

I know that back home she essentially has no friends. She’d be living with her mum with no direction, and I know her mental health would take a further nose dive. At uni, she has an amazingly solid group of friends, and also a boyfriend who cares about her. She’s also been very ill this past week. I’m just so worried, I don’t want her to go :frown:
Reply 8
Avatar for Ciel.
Ciel.
21
Original post by WhatIsLife1
I’ve been trying my best to. I’ve been pushing her to email her personal tutor and explain that she’s struggling, I’ve been asking her to engage in the university’s support network.

I know that back home she essentially has no friends. She’d be living with her mum with no direction, and I know her mental health would take a further nose dive. At uni, she has an amazingly solid group of friends, and also a boyfriend who cares about her. She’s also been very ill this past week. I’m just so worried, I don’t want her to go :frown:

right. i assume the coursework deadline is soon... so, my advice is this: if you can afford it, find and pay someone to do the assignment for her. at least it will give her more time to pull herself together. to avoid any plagiarism issue, have her edit it a bit etc. so that the writing is more her style. not going to solve the issue long term, but i assume this is pretty urgent.
Original post by Ciel.
right. i assume the coursework deadline is soon... so, my advice is this: if you can afford it, find and pay someone to do the assignment for her. at least it will give her more time to pull herself together. to avoid any plagiarism issue, have her edit it a bit etc. so that the writing is more her style. not going to solve the issue long term, but i assume this is pretty urgent.

It’s due on Tuesday.. She’s also ignoring me at the moment because I told her directly I don’t know what else I can do to help her and that it’s eating away at me. Knowing her, she’s feeling guilty. I’ll try and talk to her..
Original post by WhatIsLife1
It’s due on Tuesday.. She’s also ignoring me at the moment because I told her directly I don’t know what else I can do to help her and that it’s eating away at me. Knowing her, she’s feeling guilty. I’ll try and talk to her..

give her some space

yuore clearly a very caring person but please please look after yourself as well and youve given all the advice you can to her and now it is up to her to decide what do to with it :smile:

theres no reason for you to feel guilty at all if youve given her the your est input. she's an adult and should be able to do hw etc or even take a gap year idk to help her maybe

lok after yourself and dont let her mental health have a negative effect on you and stress you out so so much

take care
Original post by WhatIsLife1
I’ve been trying my best to. I’ve been pushing her to email her personal tutor and explain that she’s struggling, I’ve been asking her to engage in the university’s support network.

I know that back home she essentially has no friends. She’d be living with her mum with no direction, and I know her mental health would take a further nose dive. At uni, she has an amazingly solid group of friends, and also a boyfriend who cares about her. She’s also been very ill this past week. I’m just so worried, I don’t want her to go :frown:

You sound really nice and caring about her :smile: I'm sorry you've ended up in this position. By the sounds of it, you can't really do any more than you are doing already, regarding supporting her and encouraging her to get help. I'd just try to redouble this: particularly with regards to the submission of her academic work. If she's really struggling at the moment with MH and other things, then she could always get an extension to her deadline which would at least give her a bit of breathing space. Does she have any evidence from her GP/uni health centre/student services?
Original post by Reality Check
You sound really nice and caring about her :smile: I'm sorry you've ended up in this position. By the sounds of it, you can't really do any more than you are doing already, regarding supporting her and encouraging her to get help. I'd just try to redouble this: particularly with regards to the submission of her academic work. If she's really struggling at the moment with MH and other things, then she could always get an extension to her deadline which would at least give her a bit of breathing space. Does she have any evidence from her GP/uni health centre/student services?

I’m not sure. I know she was on medication back home, but I’d have to ask her. I also know her personal tutor is also the lecturer for the module that’s she’s struggling, but apparently isn’t a particularly nice person so she’s scared to email her.. I know she’s gone to the doctor today for a variety of symptoms, but we’ll see what happens there. I just can’t help but stress now! I want her to stay :frown:
Original post by WhatIsLife1
I’m not sure. I know she was on medication back home, but I’d have to ask her. I also know her personal tutor is also the lecturer for the module that’s she’s struggling, but apparently isn’t a particularly nice person so she’s scared to email her.. I know she’s gone to the doctor today for a variety of symptoms, but we’ll see what happens there. I just can’t help but stress now! I want her to stay :frown:

Yes, I can see that. But surely you wouldn't want her to stay if it were making her really miserable?
Original post by Anonymous
give her some space

yuore clearly a very caring person but please please look after yourself as well and youve given all the advice you can to her and now it is up to her to decide what do to with it :smile:

theres no reason for you to feel guilty at all if youve given her the your est input. she's an adult and should be able to do hw etc or even take a gap year idk to help her maybe

lok after yourself and dont let her mental health have a negative effect on you and stress you out so so much

take care

I’ll try. Hopefully it’ll have blown over this time next week, and it’ll all have been sorted
Original post by Reality Check
Yes, I can see that. But surely you wouldn't want her to stay if it were making her really miserable?

I know.. but I know she’d be more miserable back home. It’s ultimately her decision, I just don’t want her to do anything she might regret..

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