3 Years Together - NO SEX (At all)

I have been with my Gf for three years - Long story short:

I have spent the last three years trying to convince her to have sex. I have tried various methods speaking about it with her, asking about fears, does she want sex... I’ve been patient with her (hence the three years) I’ve asked when, I’ve tried introducing her to toys so she can practice on her own (buying toys she wants with no input from myself), encourage any behaviour (porn, books...), I’ve tried booking places to go so we are alone and allowing her to control the entire situation, I’ve tried romancing...

The first year was... “nothing sexual”

Second year... did handjobs but no touching her but let me stress when I say no touching, I mean not even above her clothes.

Third year... on and off sexual stuff like handjobs again, I got under her clothes on an irregular basis but again anything that involve her like oral(me going down), getting naked, penetration... etc... mainly never happen.

I have this feeling that her sexual desire isn’t there and she isn’t interest in it or not interested in taking things further with me.

I’m 25 year old and she is 22 year old.

Ohhh sorry this is all over the place... we have tried to have sex twice in three years. She doesn’t use any toys because we got lube and it hasn’t moved once(literally gathering dust...)

I’m on the edge of ending everything, I Love Her that’s why I’ve waited but I’m barely holding on anymore. I’m at that point of constantly watching porn rather than wanting to try and get her to have sex. I’ve given up...

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Reply 1

Mrepic Foulger

You need to talk to her. It seems like she has a problem with physical contact in general, so you should talk to her.

Oof

The username though "The3Years".

Don't let this define you, please.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 4

R_Carter1

Man, I salute you for 3years of waiting. Is she self conscious of anything?

Reply 5

londonmyst

Sound likes the two of you want totally different things.

Is she traditionalist or religious?
Or worried about her health, looks, weight or body shape.
She could also be asexual.

Reply 6

The3Years

Original post by R_Carter1

Man, I salute you for 3years of waiting. Is she self conscious of anything?

She is massively insure with everything about herself, it’s take three years for her to get used to undressing in front of me(non-sexually).

Reply 7

The3Years

Original post by londonmyst

Sound likes the two of you want totally different things.

Is she traditionalist or religious?
Or worried about her health, looks, weight or body shape.
She could also be asexual.

She isn’t religious but she was brought up with a parent who was massive religious.

And yhhh I mentioned this to another user, she is massive in secure and it’s taken three years to get her to undress in front of me.

Reply 8

The3Years

Hahaha it won’t... I needed something for this one question 😂

Reply 9

FloralHybrid

Original post by The3Years

"I have spent the last three years trying to convince her to have sex"

That's incredibly concerning.

Reply 10

username2393237

My first thought was abuse or rape, but it could be any number of things. She may not be ready for a relationship yet and you will probably end up resenting her if this continues indefinitely.

Reply 11

Dunnig Kruger

The 2 of you are sexually incompatible. That would have been obvious two and half years ago.

Love is great, but it's not enough. You need compatability in a few areas, including sexual compatability in order to have a happy long term relationship.

It's well past time you left her and went and found yourself someone with whom you are sexually compatible.
It's possible she might find someone with whom she's sexually compatible too.

Reply 12

The3Years

Original post by FloralHybrid

"I have spent the last three years trying to convince her to have sex"

That's incredibly concerning.

Could you elaborate on that?

Reply 13

username2393237

Original post by The3Years

Could you elaborate on that?

Do you really need someone to spell it out?

Reply 14

The3Years

Original post by Ciel.

ugh, you are disgusting. she's clearly asexual, or is dealing with some deep trauma, and doesn't want sex, and you keep pestering her. so desperate.

A response that isn’t worth anything... but I’ll go ahead and response anyway.

A relationship consists of communication between both parties and we have had multiple, therefore.... oh wait... you don’t deserve the attention.

Reply 15

Criisii

Perhaps she experienced something which has led to her not feeling comfortable. Clearly you are respectful of her but talk to her and see what is up.

Reply 16

Thewanabenerd

i see the only opition is to directly talk about the situation- no more around the bush- tell her how you feel and you opinion

if she clearly does not make you happy then time for a new relationship -someone who is actually 'comfortable' around you
+ dayum props to you for surviving 3 years