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    I Love my girlfriend with all my heart, we've been together 7 months and everything was going fine untill recently. Im a student and she works full time in a supermarket, she chased me for 8 months or so and i feel a fool for not asking her out sooner. We got together just before christmas last year and she had been seeing another guy for a few weeks before but broke it off to be with me. I knew this guy at uni and we did get on well. He finished his degree and moved back home a month or two ago but he has now moved into a house with others from their workplace in our town and now he's back in her life.
    It wasn't serious between them although I know she liked him alot. He's hardly trustworthy and has a bad rep for sleeping around they fell out big time when she got with me and she told me she couldn't understand what she saw in the slimeball. She has always understood that i was worried about him, but lately he's begun hanging out in her social circle again. My girl only has one small circle of friends, the people she works with and he is part of this group but now this guy is back im scared I am going to lose her.
    They have called a truce and seem to be gettng on well at the moment I told her I was uncomfartable about them getting too close and she said he was horrible when they were together and they are just friends so why am i scared???? Usually she is the one who gets jealous. I have a lot of female friends tho none of them exe's and she tells me if she feels concerened and i do my best to reassure her and things work out well. The whole situation came to a head last week after she went to a house party at his house where he told her he still likes her. She said that she told him she was happy with me and it was his loss not her's.
    I know they texted each other a few times in the days following the party and it got to a point where i wanted to make my feelings clear that although i don't mind them being friends I don't want them to get too pally. I wrote her a letter which looking back was a bit harsh i told her i was convinced she was going to leave me for him and that i didn't want them spending too much time together.
    She was upset and angry at first and after a few days of my moping she told me that if my behaviour didn't change i would end up pushing her away. Im not sure why im worried she tells me she loves me all the time writes me little love notes tho not since this incident and i woke up next to her this morning with her stroking my hair and kissing me on the forehead.
    She tells me im the guy she wants to marry in future and even texts me saying she couldn't imagine life without me. Last night she went quiet and I know she has a few problems at the mo, she told me that my behaviour last week had caused her some stress and she has a housing problem and hates her job and its all getting her down at the moment.
    I Really love this girl but I'm convinced this sleazeball will take my her away from me, I've never felt this jealous before and am generally fine with her and other guys i'ts just him! I am also alone in this town it is 40 miles from home and i decided to stay here the summer to be with her. I have no one to talk to about this problem which makes it worse and im scared to talk to her because she will get annoyed and ill 'Push her away' . Yet she always makes it clear when she is not happy with me and other girls and talks to me. it's not fair.
    Am i right to worry or should i get over my paranoia before I drive her away???

    ANON
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    I think that you just need to try and keep calm over this. From what you have written this girl has never given you any reason to doubt her loyalty and by acting this way you are just going to be driving her away. Sit down a calmly talk to her about how you are feeling, explain that you know that it is irrational but that doesn't change it. Communication is the key

    Just try to stay calm and remember that she has never given you any reason to believe that she would betray you.
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    Oh man, get over the paranoia! She sounds like a really good girlfriend, and she's made it clear to him AND you that she only wants you. If she's having trouble in her life she really can't be dealing with problems with you too. You need to be there for her and get over this jealousy because she's given you no reason to be like that. Get over it.
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    Calm down, you WILL push her away if you carry on like this - she's given you no reason to worry, ok this guy, you don't like him and don't want him to steal her etc...

    But come on! She left him for you! What more do you need! If you carry on like this seriously you will push her away.

    She obviously won't get too pally with him if she doesn't like him, so please stop worrying.
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    well she likes him enough to be friends and they work on the same department at work. I just worry about them spending so much time together. But reading the replies i can understand how I have upset her. I just kind of expected her to understand all my feelings even the horribe ones, I wrote the letter thinking she would be sympathetic and give me a big hug instead she freaked out, but then again the letter was a bit heavy.
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    Like everyone else has said, you need to relax about this situation or you will just push her away.

    Accept that he is now her friend again, and that she is with YOU! and she has been with you for months. If she chooses to go behind you back and cheat then you deserve better.
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    you have to trust her if theres no trust theres no relationship, how do you think it makes her feel you constantly letting her know that you don't trust her to be friends with a guy, theres only so much reassurance she can give you
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    well its been a week since my first post and although most of last week i was ok and didn't let this issue bother me its all come to a head and th green eyed monster is back! Im paranoid again cos i went away at the weekend and she went out clubbing with friends and walked home with this guy and her 'sister' that does'nt bother me so much but it was his facebook status that got me worked up again yesterday it said 'Im so confused, why can't things be more straightforward' i know he likes her. Why is he confused did something happen between them? did she say she has feelings for him??? im also annoyed because not only of that but also when i had an innocent conversation with her sister in their living room she went mad that i was getting 'freindly' why do i accept and understand her jealousy but she can't understand mineif i said something like that about him she would just leave the room. HELP!!!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well its been a week since my first post and although most of last week i was ok and didn't let this issue bother me its all come to a head and th green eyed monster is back! Im paranoid again cos i went away at the weekend and she went out clubbing with friends and walked home with this guy and her 'sister' that does'nt bother me so much but it was his facebook status that got me worked up again yesterday it said 'Im so confused, why can't things be more straightforward' i know he likes her. Why is he confused did something happen between them? did she say she has feelings for him??? im also annoyed because not only of that but also when i had an innocent conversation with her sister in their living room she went mad that i was getting 'freindly' why do i accept and understand her jealousy but she can't understand mineif i said something like that about him she would just leave the room. HELP!!!!
    You need to trust her.

    You need to trust that if anything happened she would tell you.

    There is NOTHING you can actually do to change events if they did happen. I'm not saying they did of course.
    The only thing you can do is ensure you don't push her into his arms. Seriously, calm down.
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    I know, i just wish he'd go away. Im trying hard not to get worked up I mean she text me over the weekend loads saying she missed me and we went to my sisters wedding the other day and she said she would love that to be us one day but then i get doubts like she text me saying she missed me lots which she used to do early in the relationship when I went back home but not the last few times so im wondering is she feeling guilty about something!!! I thought only girls felt like this! i guess its hard because my 2 other gf's cheated on me and theres an age gap between me and my girl now im 23 shes 18 although shes mature for her age and isn't really into clubs etc I remember girls of that age always saying im in love with two people etc
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know, i just wish he'd go away. Im trying hard not to get worked up I mean she text me over the weekend loads saying she missed me and we went to my sisters wedding the other day and she said she would love that to be us one day but then i get doubts like she text me saying she missed me lots which she used to do early in the relationship when I went back home but not the last few times so im wondering is she feeling guilty about something!!! I thought only girls felt like this! i guess its hard because my 2 other gf's cheated on me and theres an age gap between me and my girl now im 23 shes 18 although shes mature for her age and isn't really into clubs etc I remember girls of that age always saying im in love with two people etc
    You can't over-analyse everything And you can't generalise, she isn't your exes, nor is she the same as any other member of the female population. I've never, ever been inclined to cheat, nor would I ever be, for example - not every girl plays the field in her teens. In fact most don't.

    You NEED to calm down! I mean over-reacting about texts etc? Doesn't have to be a guilty conscience, maybe she's just thinking that you guys are getting through the 'honeymoon period' or whatever and wants to try and recapture the way you acted at the start of the relationship.
 
 
 
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