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    Does anyone else think they sort of make their depression worse? Like if I feel a bit sad, I put sad music on or read sad news and stuff. I don’t really know how to feel happy and I’m used to depression so I think if I don’t have it maybe I don’t feel normal!!

    Even though I know it’s a bad idea and I’ve felt actually suicidal before and I really don’t ever want to feel like that again. But even at the time, I was making myself relive all my bad memories and trying to make myself worse and almost daring myself to make it stop forever. I knew it’d hurt people though and I did get some help and get out of it a bit.

    But it’s like my default is sadness, like I don’t know how to be any other way. If I’m not sad then I don’t feel anything and I think a bit of sadness is better than nothingness. If I’m not sad, like feeling normal, there’s really nothing to be happy about.

    Also I don’t remember being really happy past the age of 10 and I’m an adult now so I just don’t see myself being happy ever. I don’t know if this is just my personality. I don’t know what my personality is!

    Sorry I probably don’t make any sense.
    Does anyone get me?
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    I do things like listen to songs that exaggerate my feelings, so yes, to an extent. And I tend to dramatise negative situations in my head too,which is also bad..live in a fantasy world, me :s
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    Sorry if this is a pointless post.

    But happiness is a way better addiction.

    I guess I can kind of understand what you're saying, it's like a spiral, when you get sad you tend to do sad things which make you even more sad etc etc...

    It's just disrupting that cycle I guess...

    I'm so so denots! :laugh:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Does anyone else think they sort of make their depression worse? Like if I feel a bit sad, I put sad music on or read sad news and stuff. I don’t really know how to feel happy and I’m used to depression so I think if I don’t have it maybe I don’t feel normal!!

    Even though I know it’s a bad idea and I’ve felt actually suicidal before and I really don’t ever want to feel like that again. But even at the time, I was making myself relive all my bad memories and trying to make myself worse and almost daring myself to make it stop forever. I knew it’d hurt people though and I did get some help and get out of it a bit.

    But it’s like my default is sadness, like I don’t know how to be any other way. If I’m not sad then I don’t feel anything and I think a bit of sadness is better than nothingness. If I’m not sad, like feeling normal, there’s really nothing to be happy about.

    Also I don’t remember being really happy past the age of 10 and I’m an adult now so I just don’t see myself being happy ever. I don’t know if this is just my personality. I don’t know what my personality is!

    Sorry I probably don’t make any sense.
    Does anyone get me?
    Yes to all, especially the bolded part.
    It makes sense to me, I get where you're coming from.
    Dont really know what to type after that.
    But I feel what you're feeling.
    Everything just seems so pointless.
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    And..I still don't feel as if I know myself or my true personality yet either-and I'm 24...too much trying to please others I think-*mental note made to stop this*
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    Have you been diagnosed as having depression?
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    Just remember that you are not alone. Maybe you could talk to people who feel the same way? I do know that there is a depression society and perhaps you could chat to some people there, who I am sure would be willing to support you. I think you would benefit from hearing other people's experiences with this and finding out what they did to overcome it. With regards to you accentuating your feelings, I think it's just something you need to get out of, perhaps you could try counselling? I know it doesn't work for some, but you never know until you try it. I do hope things get better for you =).
    • #2
    #2

    Sometimes I read things on the web that make me angry, which never helps. Usually, I end up imagining what I didn't do years ago that (in theory) would mean I was happier now, most of them probably aren't very realistic though. And I can't change what's happened anyway.

    Talking to someone about it can be useful, I went to my GP and discussed things and it helped me work out what I could do to sort things out.
    • #3
    #3

    Oh - I totally get you as I am experiencing the same thingthus why I want to be anon ad please delete if can't be]

    My family might say lighten up and smile but I just feel I can't because I have been threw so much and I don't see the light!

    I have been suicidal and cried a lot but I know that;s not the way out and that you will not just take your own life you will take others with you!

    Whatever you do don't resort to that as I have become aware of too that that is not the answer and anything else is but that. so please dont xx

    And remember You're not alone!

    -Also I would try seeing a councellor because that has really helped me a lot-and also because I am religious my faith gets me threw it

    But try not worrying too much and don't think that the world is against yu as it isn't-if anything it is waiting for you-so why not get a job or something to take your mind off things if you dont already have one and it would mean you can socialis more and grow some confidence.

    However Listening to sad things and stuff might just be your comfort zone so don't worry about that too much.

    hope this helps a little-xxx
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by MSB)
    Have you been diagnosed as having depression?
    Yeah at one of my darkest times I did go to the doctors. And I tried counselling, it didn't work, I probably didn't try that hard though. I don't know if I definitely have depression right now but I know that I'm always moving in and out of it- or the stages of it, maybe I'm never actually out of it... I don't know.

    Thanks for the other replies.

    AlexanderGPM- I may not be alone like in the world or TSR but in my community, in my little world, I'm very alone with this. I honestly have no idea how other people who reside in my life are happy and fine. I suppose they might have fulfilling relationships or something? haha I don't know.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    AlexanderGPM- I may not be alone like in the world or TSR but in my community, in my little world, I'm very alone with this. I honestly have no idea how other people who reside in my life are happy and fine. I suppose they might have fulfilling relationships or something? haha I don't know.
    Remember that not everyone has a perfect life =). If someone appears to be happy that does not mean everything is going well for them. In short, everyone has problems, and I am sure there is someone out there you can talk to. Please, don't feel so alone! I understand how hard depression can be and how isolated one can feel, but honestly the best way to dig yourself out of the hole is to confide in others. I guarentee there will be millions of people feeling exactly the same as you =).
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    I do that.

    At times, it's just daring myself to see if I can tolerate a bit more before I do something stupid. I replayed everything my father's criticizes about me, and most of the time I do something I regret. Stupid.

    I don't think I'm every happy. Sometimes it's hard to smile.

    But talk. Talking helps, although I'm pretty sure my best friend is sick of me and my problems.
    • #4
    #4

    I used to have depression (I believed so anyway but didn't see anyone about it) and often did things I knew full well would make me more depressed. I don't really know why, it wasn't out of wanting to feel like that. It was a sort of morbid curiosity, like the carcrash effect - you don't want to look but you just do it anyway - and perhaps examining how different things made me feel or maybe punishing myself, I'm not entirely sure. I couldn't remember a time in my life when I'd really been happy and even if I seemed briefly happy on the outside, I didn't feel it on the inside. I could never get 'above' nothing/neutral, only below.

    Now I really am happy and I'm sure I've never felt like this before. I think it's down to a few things - firstly leaving a place which was making me unhappy and then later finding an amazing group of friends I really fit in with (for the first time) and who help me feel better about myself and my life without even realising it. I could tell them anything and they wouldn't judge me for it or think I was 'weird' or 'sad' (ok perhaps if I was a murderer or a rapist or something, but then I wouldn't be me). I'm not sure how I'll cope without them if I'm honest.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by *HullaBaLoO*)
    I do that.

    At times, it's just daring myself to see if I can tolerate a bit more before I do something stupid. I replayed everything my father's criticizes about me, and most of the time I do something I regret. Stupid.

    I don't think I'm ever happy. Sometimes it's hard to smile.

    But talk. Talking helps, although I'm pretty sure my best friend is sick of me and my problems.
    This post is just how I used to feel, particularly the bits in bold (though not my father criticising me, just bad thoughts or painful memories in general). The 'daring myself' bit was exactly what I was looking for in my previous post when I was trying to work out why I did it.

    I didn't talk though. I imagined talking to people in my head, addressed my thoughts to them, or wrote my thoughts down sometimes but I didn't have people I could really talk to back then. My 'best friend' at the time just wanted to argue with everything and put me down.
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    the good thing is that you want to change, sometimes people enjoy depression, you obviously have something going for you, the people around you as you said, do something that will make you happy, to me it comes accross that youre trying to find yourself as youre growing up, dont let the depression become your future, take smal steps and always remind yourself how youve come so far, youll be stronger and hopefully you wont let the demons return

    and dont fiend for sadness, look for things that give you a lift, euphoria, adrenaline and satisfaction

    good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This post is just how I used to feel, particularly the bits in bold (though not my father criticising me, just bad thoughts or painful memories in general). The 'daring myself' bit was exactly what I was looking for in my previous post when I was trying to work out why I did it.

    I didn't talk though. I imagined talking to people in my head, addressed my thoughts to them, or wrote my thoughts down sometimes but I didn't have people I could really talk to back then. My 'best friend' at the time just wanted to argue with everything and put me down.
    Do you ever wonder that it's actually you who makes the problem worse? I dunno, I keep thinking that I'm the one who makes my brain think like this...and it's weird. When I was at my lowest, my mother refused to believe this was all happening, and my father told me to get a grip. It's a taboo. Or maybe my mother just didn't understand anything.

    Sometimes it's hard for being to deal with someone close to them feeling like this, because you feel like you should know what they're going through. Sorry if it's not making any sense lol, just that I feel like there's two sides of me all the time, and most of my friends only see one side.

    I never talked to people at my lowest. If you ever need to vent out or just talk, PM me! :hug:
    • #5
    #5

    I used to. I'd sit around a mope and just not try at all when I was feeling really bad, I'd know that things like seeing my friends or making myself do something that I needed to do would distract me, if only for a bit, but I never pushed myself enough to do them. Through a combination of antidepressents, behavioural therapy and my own determination not to **** everything up I've learned not to do that anymore and it's a habit now.

    It took years to get to where I am (I was diagnosed when I was 15, I'm 22 now and its only in the last year or so that I've really felt I'm getting stronger and learning to cope better) and I still have some really bad habits, like getting ridiculously drunk when I'm at my lowest but meh...It can be done. It takes a lot of effort.
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    dont worry about it, everyone has bad habits theyd change and a little sadness wont do you no harm

    It does take a lot of effort, i decided to bury the depressed version of me, you need to make drastic changes but you need to have patience and keep yourself occupied

    You have determination and thats good, me i had these moments where i realised that at some point i had to stop because i didnt want to become that person

    you have the qualities that will help you move forward, i just wish that fewer people would use medication, it makes you feel weak and helpless
    • #6
    #6

    yes OP I'm similar. I actually like my depression, I hate being too happy because I know when I fall down I'll be even more depressed than before, so depression is like the default mode. I think I would go crazy without it. And yes I listen to sad songs, think of memories, write poems, etc.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by roots)
    you have the qualities that will help you move forward, i just wish that fewer people would use medication, it makes you feel weak and helpless
    Hmm...I don't think that I could've managed without it. When I wasn't on medication I was so totally unmotivated to do anything, there's no way I would even considered therapy which was the main thing that's helped me change. Plus my moods were all over the place...I'm bipolar and its hard convincing myself when I'm on an up that I need to change anything. The medication stabilised my moods enough that I could see I needed, and was able, to start doing something about it.

    Although I don't doubt that it isn't right for everyone.
 
 
 
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