What is wrong with me?
I was in a 5 year long relationship with my ex. We met when I was really young (17) and he was in his 20s. I was the shy introvert type when we met and I was never really exposed to party/sexual stuff when I was younger. I would say I was pretty naive, had my head in books most of the time. When we met I thought the world of him, but after years of being with him I find out he's probably the most disgusting individual I personally know. He had cheated on me constantly over the years, and somewhere down the line 2 or 3 years into it something happened within my head and I just kind of went mental and the thought of him cheating is what started to turn me on. From there on it developed to me seeing the world through his eyes, so things that were normally disgusting to me or I didn't care about then started turning me on instead. For example he's into bigger breasts in women and I started doing getting turned on by that. Or whatever porn and sexual acts he'd describe over text with these other women, would start turning me on. Like deep down inside it was killing me and I felt like crying my lungs out but on the other hand it would make me feel aroused. Soon enough for around 2 years I started masturbating excessively. Like my partner and I were long distance at the time and we'd sext and I alone needed to get off like 4 times a day to the point where I'd become sore but I needed to do it. Around some time last year it stopped but now that we have been in the same country this year and more recently I have found proof of newer relationships he's been having that aren't just random hook ups but proper relationships, they've even been exchanging texts and him missing her whilst I was there silently crying myself to sleep. I don't want to be like this though, it is ****ed up. I want to get away from all that and feel free from him. And even though he has left me I don't feel free. I get overcome with these feelings of lust over things that I find disgusting and I want to stop! Help me. What is wrong with me? Is this a syndrome?
Anyone???
please help
I'm sorry for everything you've gone through.
This sounds like you've been going through some form of trauma, with rather unhealthy defence mechanisms. If you're in the UK, another free health care country or can afford it, I would look into seeing a counselor or therapist.
Sorry for your struggle.
This sounds like you've been going through some form of trauma, with rather unhealthy defence mechanisms. If you're in the UK, another free health care country or can afford it, I would look into seeing a counselor or therapist.
Sorry for your struggle.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm sorry for everything you've gone through.
This sounds like you've been going through some form of trauma, with rather unhealthy defence mechanisms. If you're in the UK, another free health care country or can afford it, I would look into seeing a counselor or therapist.
Sorry for your struggle.
This sounds like you've been going through some form of trauma, with rather unhealthy defence mechanisms. If you're in the UK, another free health care country or can afford it, I would look into seeing a counselor or therapist.
Sorry for your struggle.
Thank you for replying. I'm in the UK but I don't have the money to see a therapist. I thought NHS doesn't offer psychotherapy? I'm at university but it says specifically that we can only talk about academic thins with the university counsellor. I find it so hard to get out of bed.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for replying. I'm in the UK but I don't have the money to see a therapist. I thought NHS doesn't offer psychotherapy? I'm at university but it says specifically that we can only talk about academic thins with the university counsellor. I find it so hard to get out of bed.
NHS may offer it, but even if they don't, talking therapies, counselling, CBT and other therapies exist. You mention that it's also hard to get out of bed, which may be a symptom of depression too.
You can always visit your GP to talk about your mental health too to explore potential paths, if you don't want to self refer:
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/
That's a pretty bad university rule imo, I'm sorry to hear about that. A university counsellor should be there for more than just academia.
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