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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon, Im 24 female and have wasted my whole youth by not going out or having any friends. Ive tried to make friends at college and hinted at people that I wouldn't mind going out with them but never get invited. All I do at night is stay home Ive been clubbing once in my whole life and have never had a bf. Ive just no friends and my mum says its my fault cause I enjoy my own company to much and turned away from friends in infant school:rolleyes: Ive tried making friends but they lose interest, I live in a really quiet area but the town centre is busy Ive just no one to go with everything I do is on my own. I go to work and the few people that do talk to me have families etc the younger people are just not interested despite me initiating conversation. I feel like Ive wasted my life doing nothing Ive joined loads of clubs in the past but teh friends I had have had babies and drifted away. What would you do in my position? I can't talk about going out at night, bf's or sex because Ive never exerienced any of it!! It must be my fault, maybe its because I look under 16 I can't even buy a lottery ticket without ID, I went shopping the other week and walked past these 2 women they smiled at me and after I went past one said to the other 'see why's she not in school and wondering on her own' lol! Ok I don't want to be paranoid but Im sure they meant me. Im trying not to blame this situation on anyone or anything as all sorts of people have good lives life is what you make it so what am I doing wrong??

    Dont be so over dramatic. You havent wasted your life. You are merely equating "normal" with always being "fulfilling"

    DONT. It isnt. Continue as you are if you are happy.

    Make changes if you are not.

    If you have wanted to change things for a while, but havent - I sympathise. Its difficult. I know.

    Look on the (very) bright side. Whats old to them is still new and unsullied to you. While they begin to settle into life as they choose, you are free to catch up as you see fit. Life is not a race - The only person you need to prove yourself to is yourself. Keep this in mind when you make the changes you feel nessecary. Life is not nessacarily what you make of it - sometimes you roll snake eyes, sometimes you throw down a Royal Flush. A lot of who you are and what you do is down to luck. That said, you have some measure of control in your hands to shape your life as you see fit. Are you shy? I was too, for a time. You can work out the issues underlying this and deal with them if you so desire. Do you think you are unattractive? You almost certainly are not. Most people are, strangely enough, at least average looking. Something that can easily be improved if you lavish some attention on yourself and - Now this is the important part - realise that you are not such a bad person after all. People who value themselves tend to radiate this into their every action. When they walk, you can see it. When they talk, you can hear it. Its a certain something that is hard to define. I would say perhaps, that you may have let yourself fall into a downward spiral of sorts. It happens to a lot of people, dont worry. But you can change this... And its better to start sooner than later.




    Well?

    Whats stopping you from changing things?

    What are you waiting for?
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    Hi, I think firstly you should stop feeling that you are doing something wrong, because otherwise you will just keep worrying and thinking about how you could have done things differently etc. But you have to set goals and plans about how you want to change your life. You need to force yourself to really critically look at your life and work out which aspects of it you need to change. Only you can do this for yourself.

    Definitely think about whether you could move cities, etc, even move abroad, do something daring and risky and surprise yourself, force yourself out of your comfort zone. Moving into a new area will give you an excuse to go out, make friends. Other people have suggested university - if this is possible this is definitely a good idea, you would probably be able to get a good amount of financial assistance, and there are so many people at uni... you would definitely make friends.

    Perhaps internet dating would be good, go on those speed-dating nights or singles nights if you really want a relationship, get a part-time job in the evenings at a pub or bar, which will force you to go out and be more social interacting with customers...

    Good luck with everything, PM me if you want to talk, I will be more than happy to chat
    XX
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    i felt the same for a large part of my life, and still do in a lot of ways. i know how painful loneliness can be. PM me if you want.
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    What is "a life"? What do you define it as?

    If you define it as sex, alcohol, clubbing and going out with friends at 2AM and then having the ability to chat about what you said while you were drunk on Facebook, then yes, you didn't have much of a "life".

    If you define it as being happy and content with who you are, then tbh everyone should (and will, in about ten years) want to be you. :rolleyes:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    There are too many replies to answer individually so just want to say that Ive read them all so thanks for the advice! Yea basically the real problem is Ive actually wanted to be more social (as in have friends and a bit of popularity lol) for the past 5/6 years and have made attempts by volunteering, joining clubs, getting jobs but it doesn't work, I don't make any friends! I know this sounds really sad but a few years ago on friday nights I used to dress nicely with a bit of make up on and walk to the corner shop hoping to meet someone lol! I just ended up comming back with sweets lol I also used to take the dog for a walk just in case I tried to meet someone cause I don't have the confidence to go clubbing on my own people who know me will definately know Im a loner then. I just don't know how to get friends without making a huge life change like going to university, can't I just go somewhere (like a shop), talk to someone and become friends? My cousin has loads of friends and doesn't have a job or anything.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There are too many replies to answer individually so just want to say that Ive read them all so thanks for the advice! Yea basically the real problem is Ive actually wanted to be more social (as in have friends and a bit of popularity lol) for the past 5/6 years and have made attempts by volunteering, joining clubs, getting jobs but it doesn't work, I don't make any friends! I know this sounds really sad but a few years ago on friday nights I used to dress nicely with a bit of make up on and walk to the corner shop hoping to meet someone lol! I just ended up comming back with sweets lol I also used to take the dog for a walk just in case I tried to meet someone cause I don't have the confidence to go clubbing on my own people who know me will definately know Im a loner then. I just don't know how to get friends without making a huge life change like going to university, can't I just go somewhere (like a shop), talk to someone and become friends? My cousin has loads of friends and doesn't have a job or anything.
    Just go to a pub or something. A quieter one perhaps and get to know the people there. Once you've got to know them if they ask why you started coming in alone you can tell them the truth and they'll probably understand.

    I mean I have friends, but I will go in a pub on my own if I fancy a drink. I don't see why that would even look weird or anything. I've met some folks in a pub too, whether it's challenging someone to a game of pool or talking to the barman/maid - etc etc

    It'll take guts if you know you're going in to find friends, other than to just have a drink, but just be confident. Make yourself comfortable in there and see who you can find :yy: good luck -

    Alcohol also has the added bonus of helping you unwind and relax

    I imagine uni to be the easiest option though, can probably make friends with everyone there.

    good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There are too many replies to answer individually so just want to say that Ive read them all so thanks for the advice! Yea basically the real problem is Ive actually wanted to be more social (as in have friends and a bit of popularity lol) for the past 5/6 years and have made attempts by volunteering, joining clubs, getting jobs but it doesn't work, I don't make any friends! I know this sounds really sad but a few years ago on friday nights I used to dress nicely with a bit of make up on and walk to the corner shop hoping to meet someone lol! I just ended up comming back with sweets lol I also used to take the dog for a walk just in case I tried to meet someone cause I don't have the confidence to go clubbing on my own people who know me will definately know Im a loner then. I just don't know how to get friends without making a huge life change like going to university, can't I just go somewhere (like a shop), talk to someone and become friends? My cousin has loads of friends and doesn't have a job or anything.
    That's not sad at all! I really respect you for doing that. I did that when I was on holiday in New York, just visiting my mum so I didn't really know anyone- I smoked then so I would deliberately leave my lighter in the hotel then ask smoking people for a light and would stop for a chat, really worked!

    So I guess you could take up smoking...

    Thing is realistically to form real friendships, putting yourself in a social institution such as uni or a new place of work will work tonnes better than hoping to meet someone truly great in the newsagents.

    Making a fresh start will feel better as well, I would go for it!
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    See, you're not alone .
    (Original post by Faint_x)
    I would suggest starting a whole new life. Move somewhere where you don't know anyone at all and start fresh. Make new friends, get a new job and everything. If you stick with the life you have now its not gonna change much.
    :yy:
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    Can you go to university? move away from your mum? and you will be forced to meet people, and do more things for yourself
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    (Original post by wanderlust.xx)
    What is "a life"? What do you define it as?

    If you define it as sex, alcohol, clubbing and going out with friends at 2AM and then having the ability to chat about what you said while you were drunk on Facebook, then yes, you didn't have much of a "life".

    If you define it as being happy and content with who you are, then tbh everyone should (and will, in about ten years) want to be you. :rolleyes:
    lol! :rolleyes: umm...i think you have to find a balance. If i had never done any of those things, I'm pretty sure that in ten years time i would regret it.
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    Without going into to much [email protected]!? Do something about it if your not happy, your the only one who can change things (in most cases).

    Want to go travelling? Do it! If you havent enough money, get a job then earn the money and go travelling. You haven't got enough friends? Go join the gym, join a few clubs, try a few new sports, start a new job, go to night school. It isn't difficult nessarily to occupy yourself and in term meet people. Give yourself a kick up the ass and do something.

    Also sounds like you don't give a ***** about urself. Sorry! Accpet what you have then make smal improvements in your life every day. You are who you are, stop moaning and get on with it.
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    Can't beat getting drunk and talking to absolute randomers, as long as they're drunk too
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    (Original post by Toni_bean)
    That's not sad at all! I really respect you for doing that. I did that when I was on holiday in New York, just visiting my mum so I didn't really know anyone- I smoked then so I would deliberately leave my lighter in the hotel then ask smoking people for a light and would stop for a chat, really worked!
    haha, i've always thought that! my old friends in my old hometown used to smoke, and always got to know loads of people just through lending them their lighter. i guess smoking has its benefits......
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    right now i have my gf and my best friend. no others as i drifted away from them after high school and haven't made the effort in college, i sorta regret but i'm happy with what i've got. i like my own company and don't feel the need to be surrounded with "friends" just cos thats the norm
    • #2
    #2

    am in da same situation nd age but i don look younger...maybe we'll try to know each other..lets try if dat works out..wat say
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    am in da same situation nd age but i don look younger...maybe we'll try to know each other..lets try if dat works out..wat say
    EDIT: Nevermind lol

    Anyways OP if u say u look younger... maybe post a pic? lol
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    Looking young for your age...believe, when you hit your 20s, that becomes a set in stone good thing.

    There's been some good advice here, I'll chip in a little.

    You need to define what a "life" is firstly. I'm 28, had it all at school and thereafter; confident, not fat, not thin, played rugby, not bad looking, loads of "friends", and I was lucky enough to have 4 real friends with whom I went through everything together. That 'life' is not always everything it is cracked up to be. I was drinking in the pubs in my town at 14 on Fridays and Saturdays, back in school on Monday to laugh and joke with the others who could get served, to the chargrin of those who couldn't. Girlfriends came easy, for whatever reason. I vigorously pursued a quantity over quality philosophy that paid me back in dividends. It is not all bright lights though, that life that you seem to cast one envious eye over. I shunned all school work, and later work in general, in favour of the party, the crack, the chase. By 21 I was damn near burnt out and wondering how it would end. Turned out a lot of my great life was populated by strange friends, whom the only common bond I shared was a mutual love of booze/sex/pills/self-destruction. That is at least as mentally destructive as being alone; and far more physiologically. I still have plenty of friends, but your 20s chucks different curve balls at you. People go to Uni and move away, others have children, some go travelling, almost all start to settle down at some point. I've been with my fiance for 7 and a half years now, and it's all good. I don't see my 'good' friends half as much as I used to (or want to), but at least we are of an age now where we can have some perspective and not take for granted the time we have. People naturally splinter off as careers and real life take over. It's all part of the tapestry.

    When I started Uni (28 year old 3rd year undergrad FTW!) I realised I shared the square root of sod all with my peer group. I needed new pursuits and new acquaintances to enjoy this new chapter of my life. I quit smoking and started mountain biking (exercise is great for your karma: look good, feel ninja), then added climbing as a pursuit. Why? The sudden realisation that life is little more than a bunch of experiences woven together. You want an interesting life, you need to do interesting things. The only person who can make that happen is YOU.

    If you wait, the only thing that happens is you get older.
 
 
 
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