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grandad died and i don't know how to take it? watch

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    so after a week in hospital, my grandad got suddenly really bad and ended up on life support. there was the cliché turning it off with all the family around and well, he's dead, and i'm finding it really weird.
    i was the only one not to cry at the hospital, and i really hated being there, i kept having to go outside because it was making me feel really sick. my family just took it as me being insensitive.

    the next day i went off to barcelona without cahnce to really think about it or talk it through with my best friend(the only person i talk to about anything serious like this), i got back last night, he leaves for belgium tomorrow and isn;t back until wednesday and the funeral is next thursday.


    going through paperwork with my dad, being in the house, sorting his things with my nan, i've all been fine with. but at odd times, on the plane, in my room at night, i'll remember i'll never see him again and start crying.
    i know there is nothing i can do, but i stil find it hard to believe and don't want to believe it. it was so unexpected because he was really very healthy!
    i have no idea how to think about it and get over it.
    i'm scared to go to the funeral before i've spoke to someone about it, and i don't want to talk to anyone!
    i don't want to go to the funeral. probably because i don't want to have to admit he's gone, idk, i keep wishing he could just come home and thinking about watching ecerything slow down at the hospital when he died.
    we're expecting 200/300+ people there because he was so popular and loved and i don't want to be there and i don't know how i will take it or react.

    i'm not yet accepting that i won't see him again and there's lots of things he won't be around for anymore and i son'r know how to ):
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    I'm sorry to hear about your Grandfather.

    There's no right way to take it, except the way that you currently are.
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    I'm sorry for your loss :hugs:

    You should go to the funeral, even if you don't feel like it. Its the find of thing you'll regret if you miss it. Seeing the coffin may even help you get over it to an extent and you could say bye for one last time.

    You wont have to talk to anyone if you dont want to. I'm sure people will understand and wont hold you being in a bad mood against you!

    Losing people is always tough. I dont know how I've coped in the past, it just seemed to go by so quickly and in a haze.
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    Hi there,

    I'm so so sorry to hear about your Grandfather. The important thing to remember is that how you're feeling at the moment is a normal response. It's so incredibly hard to get your head around things like this, especially when it's sudden. A very close friend of mine died just over a month ago, and all of what you said strikes a chord with me. The main thing I've found is helping somewhat is to 'allow' yourself to feel what you feel. Indulge in what you feel - if you want to cry then cry, if you want to scream, scream. It can be a nice distraction to go and see a film with some mates, or do something fun for a bit. Accept that everyone responds differently and just because you don't cry all the time doesn't mean that your pain isn't as great as anyone elses.

    This is probably a bit of a rambling mess, but I just wanted to say you're not alone, and if you want to talk about it, you're more than welcome to PM me.

    kate xxx.
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    I know that it's difficult, but you need to remember that everyone who knew him feels the same way that you do. They will all dread the funeral because it makes it all 'real'.
    You say that you can only talk to your friend but it is all academic to her. You need to talk to the people who are most affected by this, your family.

    There's a time for friends and a time for family, and this is the time for family. You are all grieving and it isn't easy but you have to take care of each other. Stop running away from them and throw yourself into helping with the funeral arrangements or just running messages or going to the shops for odds and ends, making tea for the streams of relatives. It will help you to cope better as well, rather than trying to avoid everyone.

    My sympathies to you and your family. Take care of each other.
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    My grandad died 2 months ago really suddenly, and I kept crying all the time, especially at odd times like on the bus or when I was on my own. I cried throughout the funeral too, but that was a kind of a closure thing. I'd advise you to go to the funeral, you will probably regret it later if you don't. It does get better, I don't cry anymore, but I still get sad when I think about it a lot. I e-mailed my friends to let them know and they were all really helpful and kind, so if you have anyone you could talk to, that would be good too. I hope you feel better soon.
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    Im sorry to hear of your loss.

    Recently ive lost 2 grandads in the space of a year and i know its a hard thing to come to terms with. Theres no right or wrong way to take it, months later i sometimes find it hard to grasp that i'll never see mine again so its normal you havent accepted it yet.

    Act in the way that you feel is best for you. Dont think you have to talk to people, dont think you have to cry if you dont want to, dont think you have to be around family all the time etc.
    If you want to talk to someone, feel free to pm me :hugs:
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    The funeral is the best place to let everything out, you should go, im sure it would do something for you.
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    I lost my nanna a couple of weeks ago... know exactly what your going through, it still hasnt sunk in yet - it's like I know she's died but it doesn't feel like I'll never see her again I havn't felt bad since in the church at the funeral... think i've blocked it off and will have to deal with it when things calm down.
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    everyone mourns in different ways. there is no right and wrong.
    do what makes you feel best but dont shut yourself off from the world
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    Hey, my dad passed away around a month ago and so I kinda know how you're feeling. I think because the funeral is time away yet, you're thinking too much about it in a way, my dad's one was the next day and I just wanted to get it done and over with. Trust me, you feel alot better once you've been and its over- otherwise you may regret it later on. Although your going away, and that is a good way to get your mind off things, its good to stay and support your family if possible-its a lot more managable when there are other people around to talk to etc. Lastly, I'm sorry for your loss and all you can do now is take one day at a time.

    Please feel free to pm me if you wonna talk,
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    It sounds a lot like me when my G'dad died. I wasn't there when he died (only my Mum, uncle and Nan were) and I flew to Germany 5 days after he passed... I was given the option to stay home and go to the funeral, but I've never really liked the idea of them and I know my G'dad was really excited about me going away anyway. I've never regretted it and I doubt I will; I've made my peace with it.

    You sound a lot like me also in the respect that I didn't cry in front of my family... I didn't really start to feel anything until after Christmas/New Year (he died on Dec. 14th 2003) and I would cry myself to sleep most nights because it suddenly hit me, what it meant. I still hope and kid myself that he will be sitting on the couch when I go round my nans, I can still hear his voice and I have a great picture of him in my mind - Taken the Christmas before, him posing next to this massive tree with a paper hat on his head :p: It's the little things that I slowly began to remember again, for the first 6 months all I could think about was the fact that he'd gone.

    It does get better, trust me. It's hard at first, especially if it's the first loss you've experienced, but do what you feel you need to do, whether it's crying all day and night or just carrying on as normal (not the best thing to do, admitedly... but it worked for me for a while). Grief is a very personal thing, no-one can tell you what's right and what's wrong. You could try doing something physical like releasing a balloon to help you think about it.

    Maybe think about getting something together to remember him by, I have a cross necklace that I bought with the money he left me and it's my good luck charm - I wear it on all important days like results, interviews and birthdays. It feels like he's there with me then.
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    Theres no one way to cope with a death simply because people all grieve in different way.
    Some may just want to cry all the time or go into the sevre depression, some people may not cry at all, some people may want to cook a fiest, others may not want to eat.
    It's okay to cry - go ahead and cry your little eyes out and slam the ground a couple of times to get the fustration out. Go ahead do a couple of good deeds to keep you mind off her. The sooner you stop thinking and move on the better (I am not saying stop completely just on certain days like maybe his birthday could be a special greiving day)
    I think your grandad will be happy to know you moved on with your life and becoming what he wants you to do.
    I am sorry for your death and god bless to you and you grandad.
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    I remember at my grandad's funeral, I must've only been about 11 at the time, I really didn't know what to do. I was looking around at my dad, my brother, to try and see if I should cry or not.

    I know that doesn't really quite pair up with your story, but you're certainly not alone in the way you feel. My grandma died much more recently, and I went through a similar sort of experience as you are going through now. Time is all you can ask to heal these things, really. It's normal for grief to hit you at random times, because when you're concentrating on death it's hard to comprehend. It's more thinking "I'll never hear him play the piano" or "I'll never hear the familiar crack as she opens a brazil nut for me". The little things are what you miss.
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    Honour ever last moment you have.Go to the funeral.You will feel the emotion and you will be able to release it.

    Regret is a terrible thing in life and those who live without it are often the happiest.Also comfort yourself in the fact that your G'dad had a good life (assuming as he was popular). And remember, just be there for you G'dad on his final goodbye. Dont miss it for the world.He will want you to be there.
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    I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. It will be difficult. But you have a duty to go to his funeral, and if you did not you would regret it later. Be strong when you must be and let out your grief when you can.
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    go to his funeral! Its the last thing that you will ever do for him!

    missing it shall only bring regret, rather make a mistake by doing something than not doing it!!!
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    If you don't want to go OP, don't go. Like I said, I didn't go to my Grandads and do not regret it, I suppose it depends on your personality. I'm someone who'd rather avoid public displays of grief at all cost, because I feel stupid... Just make sure it's you who decides, not us or your family.
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    (Original post by watermelon sugar)
    so after a week in hospital, my grandad got suddenly really bad and ended up on life support. there was the cliché turning it off with all the family around and well, he's dead, and i'm finding it really weird.
    i was the only one not to cry at the hospital, and i really hated being there, i kept having to go outside because it was making me feel really sick. my family just took it as me being insensitive.

    the next day i went off to barcelona without cahnce to really think about it or talk it through with my best friend(the only person i talk to about anything serious like this), i got back last night, he leaves for belgium tomorrow and isn;t back until wednesday and the funeral is next thursday.


    going through paperwork with my dad, being in the house, sorting his things with my nan, i've all been fine with. but at odd times, on the plane, in my room at night, i'll remember i'll never see him again and start crying.
    i know there is nothing i can do, but i stil find it hard to believe and don't want to believe it. it was so unexpected because he was really very healthy!
    i have no idea how to think about it and get over it.
    i'm scared to go to the funeral before i've spoke to someone about it, and i don't want to talk to anyone!
    i don't want to go to the funeral. probably because i don't want to have to admit he's gone, idk, i keep wishing he could just come home and thinking about watching ecerything slow down at the hospital when he died.
    we're expecting 200/300+ people there because he was so popular and loved and i don't want to be there and i don't know how i will take it or react.

    i'm not yet accepting that i won't see him again and there's lots of things he won't be around for anymore and i son'r know how to ):
    It's hard, almost exactly the same thing happened to me, a year ago this month. Just try to be strong for the people around you, and fill up all the time you have with things to do - help people (especially your nan), do loads of exercise (running was good for me), and try to be smile because he lived such a great life (sounds like he was popular), rather than cry because he has gone. It can be tough, but you have to confront the loss sometime. I would suggest writing down how you feel, if your best friend isn't around.

    Just keep positive x
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    Everyone handles grieve in different ways...

    Some like to talk about it (somes like you're wanting to, but the one person you feel you can talk to is away from you at the moment).
    Others cry a lot.
    Some shut themselves away from everyone.
    Others try to carry on as normal.

    There's not "right" or "wrong" way to grieve.

    Personally, I think you should go to the funeral. It will help make it more "real" and give you closure... a proper way to say goodbye. A time to celebrate his life, yet realise it's over. You won't be alone if you cry. You won't be alone if you don't. You'll find out things you never knew about him and yet be reminded of other things. You'll see how many people's lives he touched. That'll mean a lot. You may think you know the size of the attendance, but until you see it, it won't be real.
    However, don't let anyone force you if you really don't want to go. At the end of the day it's your choice.

    Does your best friend know your Grandad's died?
    Can you contact him before he goes on holiday?
    If so, ask him if he can go to the funeral with you if you feel you need outside support.

    Understandably, you want to talk to your friend about it before the funeral. That may not be possible, but you could talk to him within the few days after the funeral I'm sure.
    I think it'd be better to go to the funeral, even if you don't feel "ready" to do so, then talk about it rather than don't go to the funeral, talk about your grandad's death a few days later and then forever regret not attending.

    Hope there was something useful in that
    *hugs*
 
 
 
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