Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by screenager2004)
    it's entirely narcissistic.

    If you want to read this go ahead. It's from a blog back when I was seriously depressed though (I don't feel the same way any more), but I thought you might be able to identify with it.


    Spoiler:
    Show


    Alrightys, let’s define what kinds of love there are: wikipedia ftw!
    Service: desire to help
    Altruism: selfless or unselfish concern for another
    Physical intimacy: sharing of intimate personal space
    Affection: feelings of tenderness and/or wanting physical closeness
    Kinship: family bonds
    Reciprocation: if love is mutual
    Friendship: the spirit between friends
    Commitment: a desire to maintain love
    Attachment: satisfying basic emotional needs
    Emotional intimacy: sharing emotions and feelings
    Passion: whole-hearted desire

    That’s satisfactory for now. Let’s tackle them in order.



    Service: desire to help / Altruism: selfless or unselfish concern for another

    This is an easy kind of love to quickly discount. I grouped these two together because the same argument is used to argue against their existence. You simply have to ask yourself – is there such a thing as a selfless act? Hell no, every “selfless act” you can think of WILL benefit you in some way or another.
    Helping an old lady cross the street, donating blood, community service. If you have ever donated blood, you will know that you did it because you wanted the karma, to feel good about yourself, to go “I gave blood, I saved a life” - the ego boost that you helped is more important than the help itself. You don’t see that blood you donated get put to use – all you experience first hand is that act of giving and that self esteem boost derived from it. This can be applied to any "selfless" act.
    All intentional actions are the result of a cost-benefit analysis, weighing the cost of the effort to help with the emotional reward that you helped someone. With any “selfless act” – you can guarantee it will have either:
    Boosted your own ego (The knowledge that “I helped, I did something good” – makes you feel important.)
    Raises self esteem (see above)
    Earns your respect in society
    Makes you feel a higher status in society
    Makes you feel more important than people who didn’t help.
    Benefits you emotionally, spiritually (Pleases your God, appeases your family, government),
    Benefits you intellectually, mentally, (the knowledge that you are morally superior or more clever)
    Benefits you physically. (releases chemicals that feel nicey)

    This is the ultimate motive for anything you'd consider "good" or "benevolent". All actions are selfish. All actions are self-serving.
    Benevolence does not exist. Altruism doesn’t exist. These things are hypothetical constructs that mask the primitive truth.


    Physical intimacy: sharing of intimate personal space / Affection: feelings of tenderness and/or wanting physical closeness

    This is the easiest one of the lot – the desire to have sex. It’s biological. It’s an instinct hardwired into every human being to copulate, to reproduce to ensure the survival of the species, I don’t have to tell you that! – The love that is attached to this is an evolutionary instinct to find a steady mate, one with good genes (beautiful, aesthetically well built and symmetrical).

    As well as this, there is another selfish motive for this kind of love – the self esteem boost – the knowledge that you are desirable, that you are “****able”. That you aren’t hideously ugly that someone finds you attractive, that is good for your ego and that it confirms in your thoughts that you are aesthetically superior to other people, as your mate chose to sleep with you. He/she picked you over others to find attractive and that must mean you are prettier than some people. Self serving, narcissistic self esteem boost. Next.


    Kinship: family bonds

    This is another evolutionary instinct. To ensure the survival of the species, the newborn must live until full maturity and sexual maturity. Therefore the brain forms a bond with it’s offspring to protect it to ensure the survival of the species. Paternal and maternal bonds are animalistic. They exist, yes. But not out of this hypothetical construct of a selfless “love” – out of biological rule and necessity.

    Besides, the phrase “ooh we just wanted a little life to share between us” reeks of narcissism. There are thousands of orphaned children out there who you could adopt but instead you have your own child! Why? A) Human urge to replicate your OWN genes – biological and B) because your child is something YOU MADE, like a 5 year old who made a painting of their imaginary friend to show the world, “look what I made!” – A child almost becomes a possession. Because mothers are proud of their children, that giving birth is a great achievement (and I am not saying this isn’t the case, it’s a miracle of biology to birth a healthy child) – but this pride is nevertheless self serving, because pride makes you feel important. Makes you love yourself.


    Reciprocation: if love is mutual / Friendship: the spirit between friends

    Here again we link to the concept discussed in “Physical intimacy” – the self esteem boost you gain from a relationship in knowing that you are desirable as a person, however in this case it’s not merely desirable in a sexual context, but in a social one also. The knowledge that people find you intellectual, that people find you fun to talk to, that people enjoy your company makes you feel good. This links to evolution because humans are social animals, and there will always be dominance in a social environment. Dominant behaviour ensures our survival. It is narcissistic. Think about it - the knowledge that someone loves you is a bit of a no-brainer to ask how that could be selfish. That knowledge is entirely self serving. That’s why we love others, to try and incite these feelings back. It’s a two way thing.


    Commitment: a desire to maintain love / Attachment: satisfying basic emotional needs
    This one is pretty easy – we all want to maintain love. Because losing love would be rejection, which is damaging for the ego as anyone who has ever gone through a break-up will gladly tell you. So to avoid this rejection, to quell this anxiety for fear of rejection, we have a basic desire to maintain the currently happy status quo.

    Emotional intimacy: sharing emotions and feelings / Passion: whole-hearted desire

    These are two end notes: emotional intimacy very much relies on body language and unspoken love, and trust – this is linked to the ideas in “reciprocation” – where you get pleasure from knowing someone thinks you’re great. Passion is applicable to all kinds of love; it just means that the love is particularly strong or overpowering.



    So in summation: Mcfly were right after all – it’s all about you. (There you go Jack)

    I am not arguing that love doesn’t exist, because it’s classifiable and observable and quite obviously does. I am arguing that love is not this hypothetical, almost magical force, tied to fate, that there is that one person out there and you will share this unspoken bond between two souls – that’s absurd romanticisation. Love as we know it is a series of self-serving narcissistic cognitive processes that have strong ties to evolution and your basic biology.

    If love doesn’t exist then what is there worth living for? To just go through the motions? Be slaves to biology like an ant farm and then die? This is all very depressing: but I leave you with this thought – this is the reason I am not resigning to the fact I live in a loveless world.
    Unrequited love. - The most heartbreaking of emotions. Why do people put themselves through this? No ego boost derived from unreturned feelings towards someone. Yet people pour their souls into it. So there’s hope out there, right?
    See this is why I recognise the need to draw a line between “right” and “happy”. Because at this point being “correct” is no longer important, your personal happiness is. Which is why 99% of people reading this (including myself) will just push it to the side and carry on with their lives unaffected.

    (as a side note, the idea that there’s one person for everyone is statistically ridiculous, consider, of 6.6 billion humans in the world, what the chances are that your “one” is even in the same country as you are: yet millions find their life partners in the same city, in the same schools or workplaces – it’s impossible that everyone finds their “one” so easily considering how many billions of us there are to choose from.)

    Maybe I am. But I wish to live my life fulfilling aspirations and not having failed relationships bringing me down.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I don't think so.

    I usually resort to a rule to figure this out. I would imagine a world without a given thing, and if the world can't function properly then that thing exists.

    All of our actions are governed by choices, not "love".
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Flick The Switch)
    Emotions are chemicals at work in the brain. But of course jobs exist, we can physically prove all of that.
    How exactly do you physically prove the existence of a job?

    I can confirm the building I work in exists, the customers exist, the other staff exist, the products we sell exist, but not that the job itself exists.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HJV)
    How exactly do you physically prove the existence of a job?

    I can confirm the building I work in exists, the customers exist, the other staff exist, the products we sell exist, but not that the job itself exists.
    If you sign a contract it is. But even so, a job is then a concept.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by i_<3_you)
    personally i think it does....otherwise why do some lovers, or people stay awake till midnight or even 3am till their partner arrives from work, then goes to bed... or waits till 4 to have lunch with their partner?? if this isnt love what is it?
    Sometimes I don't get out of bed until lunchtime, but I think it's just laziness.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Flick The Switch)
    Maybe I am. But I wish to live my life fulfilling aspirations and not having failed relationships bringing me down.
    Why do you expect the relations to fail?
    My relationship inspires and motivates me, I don't think I would have got the A level results I did had I not had my boyfriend pulled me out of the funk that I had written that self-loathing diary in anyway.

    Put it this way: have you so little faith in humanity that you think we wouldn't (as a species) have twigged if Love was a total farce?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Flick The Switch)
    If you sign a contract it is. But even so, a job is then a concept.
    Well that's my point, everything in the social world is made up. You just have to accept it

    There's of course real things such as rocks, trees, lakes. They'd be there even if no humans existed. Love exists in the same sense as a job does. You can't physically point out oh look, there's a job behind that tree.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by screenager2004)
    Why do you expect the relations to fail?
    My relationship inspires and motivates me, I don't think I would have got the A level results I did had I not had my boyfriend pulled me out of the funk that I had written that self-loathing diary in anyway.

    Put it this way: have you so little faith in humanity that you think we wouldn't (as a species) have twigged if Love was a total farce?
    I think we're just pretending it's there because there is so little humanity left in the world. If there is so much 'love' to share, most of the bad in the world wouldn't happen.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by screenager2004)
    Put it this way: have you so little faith in humanity that you think we wouldn't (as a species) have twigged if Love was a total farce?
    One only has to look at religion, especially fundamentalism, to see that humanity loves comforting farces.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HJV)
    Well that's my point, everything in the social world is made up. You just have to accept it

    There's of course real things such as rocks, trees, lakes. They'd be there even if no humans existed. Love exists in the same sense as a job does. You can't physically point out oh look, there's a job behind that tree.
    Well I refuse to accept this made up concept then :mad:
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xBillyBrownx)
    Haha:p:.

    I'm not sure.. I don't think I've ever experienced it, yet. I always wonder though.
    I love you :love: :flutter:
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Flick The Switch)
    I think we're just pretending it's there because there is so little humanity left in the world. If there is so much 'love' to share, most of the bad in the world wouldn't happen.
    If we pretend it's there, doesn't that make it exist? it's just an abstract concept after all, it doesn't exist objectively. If it's just a concept and everyone perpetuates the myth of this concept then it's as good as real.

    People are feeling it, maybe they're deluded or misguided, but they feel it, so it serves it's purpose and affects us irrespective of whether it "exists" or not.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HCD)
    One only has to look at religion, especially fundamentalism, to see that humanity loves comforting farces.
    How is Religion a comforting farce?

    The knowledge that all my family and friends who won't beleive in god no matter how I try and convert them, they keep telling me I'm silly and that god doesn't exist and I know they'll go to hell and I can't save them no matter how hard I try.

    The constant fear of sinning, the constant guilt of having sinned. The guilt of absent minded thoughts that count as sin. The fear and threat of hell. The knowledge that all fall short of the glory of god. That only 88,000 will get into heaven and that's probably not going to include me.

    That terrifies the **** out of me! It's not comforting at all. I'd be happier without that.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by screenager2004)
    If we pretend it's there, doesn't that make it exist? it's just an abstract concept after all, it doesn't exist objectively. If it's just a concept and everyone perpetuates the myth of this concept then it's as good as real.

    People are feeling it, maybe they're deluded or misguided, but they feel it, so it serves it's purpose and affects us irrespective of whether it "exists" or not.
    Conclusively, some like to believe in a made up concept and others don't wish to believe in it.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    of coarse it exists!!!

    sometimes one has to let go to believe in the unbelievable. i care for many people, but whether i love them is another story. certainly i love my family and nearest and dearest, but there are some friends that I would walk to the moon for, and others i wouldn't. but the most important thing is, is that love is a behavior and not an emotion...look it up...
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Flick The Switch)
    Conclusively, some like to believe in a made up concept and others don't wish to believe in it.
    It completely astounds me how you'd "wish" to live in a world where it didn't exist....
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I hope so
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by screenager2004)
    It completely astounds me how you'd "wish" to live in a world where it didn't exist....
    It would solve many complications. A life of solitude is better than a life full of pain.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by screenager2004)
    That only 88,000 will get into heaven and that's probably not going to include me.
    Is that due to health and safety regulations? Not enough exits in case of an emergency, so they had to limit the number of people.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Flick The Switch)
    It would solve many complications. A life of solitude is better than a life full of pain.
    Um no. A life full of love is better than a life full of solitude.

    What has pain got to do with it?! Love isn't pain. Lust and infatuation involve pain. Not love.
 
 
 
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.