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boyfriends depression getting me down
Anon rant,very sad + confused, plz read.
My boyfriend has severe depression, he hates life, is suicidal, is afraid of social interaction and the only time he gets out of his house is to come round mine. He wants to get better obviously but is waiting for an operation which will be taking place at the end of the year and refuses to do anything till then. The problem is I have such ambition for life, there are so many things I want to do, I want to travel and get into filmmaking, I can do anything I like and make anything of my life. However, Im constantly feeling like im being dragged down by my bfs depression, seeing him down makes me feel down. We cant go out and explore the world, so Im left going round his and sitting in his blackened room watching re runs of only fools and horses. I just want him better, he is a wonderful person who I know will always be loyal to me - if he does get over his depression then he wants to live his life with me. But for the last few months ive just wanted to get out, Im worried that i'll always be bogged down with this and all the time im with him im just hearing the clock tick past and i'll never be happy, never doing all the things ive wanted to do and should be doing.
I want to be there for him to give support, I try but he just doesnt accept it and gives me a good dose of silent treatment a few times a week, but other times he is really happy with me and forgets all his other worries. I guess im asking for advice, what should I do? I truely love him, but I have so many things I want to do which I cant do if im with him, should I give up my happiness so that I am there for him? What if I left to pursue my dreams..what would happen to him, the only person he has in the world (his parents dont care) im scared he might take his own life. Thats why im still here holding onto him. But I am so very unhappy
My boyfriend has severe depression, he hates life, is suicidal, is afraid of social interaction and the only time he gets out of his house is to come round mine. He wants to get better obviously but is waiting for an operation which will be taking place at the end of the year and refuses to do anything till then. The problem is I have such ambition for life, there are so many things I want to do, I want to travel and get into filmmaking, I can do anything I like and make anything of my life. However, Im constantly feeling like im being dragged down by my bfs depression, seeing him down makes me feel down. We cant go out and explore the world, so Im left going round his and sitting in his blackened room watching re runs of only fools and horses. I just want him better, he is a wonderful person who I know will always be loyal to me - if he does get over his depression then he wants to live his life with me. But for the last few months ive just wanted to get out, Im worried that i'll always be bogged down with this and all the time im with him im just hearing the clock tick past and i'll never be happy, never doing all the things ive wanted to do and should be doing.
I want to be there for him to give support, I try but he just doesnt accept it and gives me a good dose of silent treatment a few times a week, but other times he is really happy with me and forgets all his other worries. I guess im asking for advice, what should I do? I truely love him, but I have so many things I want to do which I cant do if im with him, should I give up my happiness so that I am there for him? What if I left to pursue my dreams..what would happen to him, the only person he has in the world (his parents dont care) im scared he might take his own life. Thats why im still here holding onto him. But I am so very unhappy
Reply 1
A friend of mine is going through similair problems. It saps all the life out of you, and it a full-time job. I recommend thinking about yourself first, he may be unwell but needs to realise that the way he is behaving is not OK and he should help himself instead of dragging people down with him.
Personally, whenever this sort of stuff has happened to me, I split up with said person. Immediately you are a hundred times happier, and their situation won't change.
Personally, whenever this sort of stuff has happened to me, I split up with said person. Immediately you are a hundred times happier, and their situation won't change.
Reply 2
I cant help knowing though that if I split with him he would most likely go dramatically downhill and loose all hope of getting better. I might end up leading a fantastic happy life, and hes stuck behind closed doors for the rest of his life because of me.
Reply 3
dump his ass
(joking)
get married
(serious)
(joking)
get married
(serious)
Reply 4
Either way, he's going to suffer from depression for a long time, you can't help him, he can't help himself. You won't make him go downhill by leaving him. He's already there.
Reply 5
Speaking as someone who suffered from severe depression at one point, I think you should wait until after his operation to see if there's improvement when he gets help. Yes, that seems like months away now but it'll come faster than you think and he could recover. Try to see it this way, you feel he's dragging you down but at the moment you're pulling him up, whether it seems that way or not. Do spend time with other people so that you're not only around him but keep in mind that you being in his life will help him recover.
It seems as though you care about one another a lot, I think you just have to hang on during this rough period. You don't want to lose someone special just because they're ill. He can't control how he feels and as hard as it is for you, it's harder on him.
It seems as though you care about one another a lot, I think you just have to hang on during this rough period. You don't want to lose someone special just because they're ill. He can't control how he feels and as hard as it is for you, it's harder on him.
Reply 6
Is he receiving any medical treatment for his depression?
Reply 7
What kind of operation, and is there a why for why he's depressed?
Reply 8
Hard situation-i feel for the both of you.
I suffer from severe depression myself, its not easy. However, i have a great family and doctor that are helping me.
If your mental state begins to deteriorate then its best to end things with him, but still be in his life and be there for him. Do his parents know the seriousness of his illness? Perhaps you could talk to them if they will listen.
Why dont you try to make him do different things-it will take time and you will have to be patient (although it already sounds like you are a patient person!)
If hes in an 'im not talking' mood, then bring something to his place with you that you can do whilst still being there for him. My ex had depression (i didnt have it at that stage), and he had those moments too. I used to sit on his bed and write him nice letters for him to read when i went home. He was a really good guitarist so one day i even attempted to play his favourite song by learning to read tabs. That made him laugh cos i was so utterly pathetic and it sounded so bad!
Do some film making-make a fool of yourself. Stare into his eyes, smile and wait for him to smile back. Just little things can do wonders.
You are a very caring person-we need more people like you in the world!
I suffer from severe depression myself, its not easy. However, i have a great family and doctor that are helping me.
If your mental state begins to deteriorate then its best to end things with him, but still be in his life and be there for him. Do his parents know the seriousness of his illness? Perhaps you could talk to them if they will listen.
Why dont you try to make him do different things-it will take time and you will have to be patient (although it already sounds like you are a patient person!)
If hes in an 'im not talking' mood, then bring something to his place with you that you can do whilst still being there for him. My ex had depression (i didnt have it at that stage), and he had those moments too. I used to sit on his bed and write him nice letters for him to read when i went home. He was a really good guitarist so one day i even attempted to play his favourite song by learning to read tabs. That made him laugh cos i was so utterly pathetic and it sounded so bad!
Do some film making-make a fool of yourself. Stare into his eyes, smile and wait for him to smile back. Just little things can do wonders.
You are a very caring person-we need more people like you in the world!
Reply 9
makeshiftwings
Personally, whenever this sort of stuff has happened to me, I split up with said person. Immediately you are a hundred times happier, and their situation won't change.
That's such a selfish way to live. I assume you've never loved?
Reply 10
Comfortablynumb17
Why dont you try to make him do different things-it will take time and you will have to be patient (although it already sounds like you are a patient person!)
If hes in an 'im not talking' mood, then bring something to his place with you that you can do whilst still being there for him. My ex had depression (i didnt have it at that stage), and he had those moments too. I used to sit on his bed and write him nice letters for him to read when i went home. He was a really good guitarist so one day i even attempted to play his favourite song by learning to read tabs. That made him laugh cos i was so utterly pathetic and it sounded so bad!
Do some film making-make a fool of yourself. Stare into his eyes, smile and wait for him to smile back. Just little things can do wonders.
You are a very caring person-we need more people like you in the world!
If hes in an 'im not talking' mood, then bring something to his place with you that you can do whilst still being there for him. My ex had depression (i didnt have it at that stage), and he had those moments too. I used to sit on his bed and write him nice letters for him to read when i went home. He was a really good guitarist so one day i even attempted to play his favourite song by learning to read tabs. That made him laugh cos i was so utterly pathetic and it sounded so bad!
Do some film making-make a fool of yourself. Stare into his eyes, smile and wait for him to smile back. Just little things can do wonders.
You are a very caring person-we need more people like you in the world!
Your boyfriend is so lucky. You really are the exception.
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- My boyfriend broke up with me over this.
- Not shaving down there stopping me getting a boyfriend?
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