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lied about rape, but i have!
Ok this is a bit of a long storey but i'll try make it as short as poss. Basically i left home and moved in with friend, as I really hate living at home and can't stand being around my dad, he is quite agressive he's not overly violent he would like a lot of other parents give us a whack if we were naughty or didnt do as he said, but he's very much has to be in control, and has to be head of the house and what he says goes, if not you'll be in trouble. He also use to hurt our dog throwing things at her knocking her over when she had artritis in her hips and was old and this all just made me think less of him.
I also feel really uncomfortable around him, as he stares at me in a way you'd look at someone u fancied and would lookthem up and down. he also would put his hand on the chair next to me to lean on and it would be touching my leg so i would move over and he would move his hand so it was touching again. I dont know if i'm blowing it out of proportion but i feel so uncomfortable around him and wont wear any alightly revealing clothes around him or my pj's around him.
Apart from this i've been feeling really down to the point i've considered killing myself, so i spoke to someone on the phone and told them everything about how i felt and they said its common for people who have suffered some type of sexual abuse as a child to show these symptoms of feeling some sort of resentment towards the one who did it, but dont remember why as you've blocked it out. Could this really be true? It would explain a lot.
But then theres another thing to add, I know this was so wrong and i'm a horrible person for doing it but i lied to a friend and said my dad had raped me, i think i did it cos i felt so bad i needed a reason why i felt the way i did. my friend knows i lied as i told her and i shouldnt have done it, but it was easy to say i had as it explained why i felt like i did about my dad and why i felt the way i did about myself.
another reason i dont know but i have been raped but daren't tell anyone as i feel its my fault, i had too much to drink and it just got out of hand and this man from my college took advantage of the situation and i was too out of it to stop him, and i think maybe by me lying and saying it was my dad it explained whyi felt the way i did and then i didnt have to explain i got raped because it was my fault as i was too drunk.
anywayits just a complete mess, i feel worse now having lied to my friend even though she has been so understanding and feel even more suicidal than before, although i dont deserve the easy way out of dying.
just wanted peoples advice and opinions on what they think?
I also feel really uncomfortable around him, as he stares at me in a way you'd look at someone u fancied and would lookthem up and down. he also would put his hand on the chair next to me to lean on and it would be touching my leg so i would move over and he would move his hand so it was touching again. I dont know if i'm blowing it out of proportion but i feel so uncomfortable around him and wont wear any alightly revealing clothes around him or my pj's around him.
Apart from this i've been feeling really down to the point i've considered killing myself, so i spoke to someone on the phone and told them everything about how i felt and they said its common for people who have suffered some type of sexual abuse as a child to show these symptoms of feeling some sort of resentment towards the one who did it, but dont remember why as you've blocked it out. Could this really be true? It would explain a lot.
But then theres another thing to add, I know this was so wrong and i'm a horrible person for doing it but i lied to a friend and said my dad had raped me, i think i did it cos i felt so bad i needed a reason why i felt the way i did. my friend knows i lied as i told her and i shouldnt have done it, but it was easy to say i had as it explained why i felt like i did about my dad and why i felt the way i did about myself.
another reason i dont know but i have been raped but daren't tell anyone as i feel its my fault, i had too much to drink and it just got out of hand and this man from my college took advantage of the situation and i was too out of it to stop him, and i think maybe by me lying and saying it was my dad it explained whyi felt the way i did and then i didnt have to explain i got raped because it was my fault as i was too drunk.
anywayits just a complete mess, i feel worse now having lied to my friend even though she has been so understanding and feel even more suicidal than before, although i dont deserve the easy way out of dying.
just wanted peoples advice and opinions on what they think?
Scroll to see replies
Apart from this i've been feeling really down to the point i've considered killing myself, so i spoke to someone on the phone and told them everything about how i felt and they said its common for people who have suffered some type of sexual abuse as a child to show these symptoms of feeling some sort of resentment towards the one who did it, but dont remember why as you've blocked it out. Could this really be true? It would explain a lot.
Right. First of all, this is speculation, whoever you spoke to has put ideas into your head which most likely are untrue - it's likely you would remember something like that.
As far as your Dad is concerned, it doesn't sound like a nice situation at all so getting out of there and starting a new life is the best option.
It is not your fault you got raped, you didn't help the situation at all but he was the one who took advantage.
I suggest going to see a counsellor, and make it clear from the start that you are not interested in speculation, only help. Whoever you spoke to on the phone has suggested something to you that has made the situation spiral out of control.
Good luck x
flugestuge
That is a horrible thing to do.
However, you do seem to have a number of issues.
I would strongly recommend that you see a counsellor.
However, you do seem to have a number of issues.
I would strongly recommend that you see a counsellor.
Yea I agree - accusing someone of rape especially your father no matter how much resentment you have towards him is wrong. My Dad often gets on my wick too and etc (although he doesnt do any of the things you have mentioned in your post), but never on this earth would I say such a thing to anyone regardless of it being a lie.
Its clear that you have a variety of issues which need sorting - so my suggestion is that you go and find a Counsellor who you can talk in confidence with about your problems.
If your Dad makes you feel uncomfortable it isn't a healthy relationship, and moving out was probably the best thing.
You shouldn't have lied about him raping you, but it was brave of you to admit that you had done this later on. You obviously have a forgiving and understanding friend, so don't be afraid to ask her for help and talk to her about the way you're feeling. Maybe you should talk to her about the real assault? Although bear in mind she might be sceptical because of what you said before.
I hope everything works out okay for you
xx
You shouldn't have lied about him raping you, but it was brave of you to admit that you had done this later on. You obviously have a forgiving and understanding friend, so don't be afraid to ask her for help and talk to her about the way you're feeling. Maybe you should talk to her about the real assault? Although bear in mind she might be sceptical because of what you said before.
I hope everything works out okay for you
xx
you poor girl, just get away from your father because he just doesn't seem to be a very nice person in general. to be honest i think you should see a counsellor, and tell him/her about the real rape and also just everything you've been feeling. i hope you seek help and feel better soon.
You need to speak to someone professional about this - you've got far too much on your plate to deal with, and I can understand everything you've done; there's no point going over the dad thing, you know it was wrong, and you've admitted to lying, so don't worry. Move on from that.
Don't try and get through this alone, you'd be making it far too difficult for yourself.
Don't try and get through this alone, you'd be making it far too difficult for yourself.
flugestuge
Yeah, but she only lied to a friend about it.
She hasn't had him charged by the police.
She hasn't had him charged by the police.
Let's hope the OP's friend doesn't decide to say something in order to protect the OP from her monstrous rapist of a father.
OP, you need help, for both your depression and for whatever's wrong with you that made you say something like that. My dad treated me a hell of a lot worse than yours does, I suffered from depression too and I'd never have said something like that.
You also need help regarding the rape issues, but that's another matter.
Practically, I think you need to tell your friend that you lied because otherwise there's the potential that (s)he may tell someone else. It may get back to your dad, it may get back to an authority figure - imagine how horrified your dad would be if he found out you'd said that.
firstly i dont view you as a bad person for lying, you have a lot of issues and the way your father treats you could easily lead to the lie you told so i cant say i completly understand but i have looked at it from your point of view, and i dont feel it right to slate you for this.
Secondly you need to speak to someone, a close familly member, close friend or a counceller. Tell them everything and dont hold back but make sure you can trust them.
Suicide is not the answer, you just need to move on which you are and start a new life. Try to look to your future and live in the present not the past.
I always find in bad situations you need to focus on better things. Think of how the bad situation is a positive in your life- what does it teach you? etc
I hope my advice is somewhat usefull and i really hope you can get past what has went on in your life. God Bless
Secondly you need to speak to someone, a close familly member, close friend or a counceller. Tell them everything and dont hold back but make sure you can trust them.
Suicide is not the answer, you just need to move on which you are and start a new life. Try to look to your future and live in the present not the past.
I always find in bad situations you need to focus on better things. Think of how the bad situation is a positive in your life- what does it teach you? etc
I hope my advice is somewhat usefull and i really hope you can get past what has went on in your life. God Bless
wow, you have one great friend! You need help, did you actually say no to the dude who raped you or did you just lie there? Seriously get help from a counselour telling someone your dad raped you just because you feel 'uncomfortable' with him is seriously messed up
jesus-ninja
firstly i dont view you as a bad person for lying, you have a lot of issues and the way your father treats you could easily lead to the lie you told so i cant say i completly understand but i have looked at it from your point of view, and i dont feel it right to slate you for this.
The rest of your post was good, but I disagree with this. The father's only crime seems to me to be his treatment of the dog, which I think is despicable but doesn't entitle his daughter to accuse him of rape! The remarks about him acting as if he fancies the OP are entirely subjective and could be no more than an overactive imagination (let's face it, someone who will lie about their father raping them is not the most mentally reliable person in the world...). I interpreted the 'occasional whack that a lot of parents give their kids' as an open-handed slap of some description, although obviously this reading may be wrong.
That said, I'm not saying the OP is a bad person, just that they obviously need some help because anyone who would lie about a father raping their daughter (not many things are more disgusting, surely?) has got serious problems. My objection to your post was only that I don't think there are any reasons in the first post to justify the lie that the OP told, and it's counterproductive to suggest that there are.
i think that accusing someone of rape when they havent done it in the slightest is one the lowest things you can do.
You may have issues and i hope they come back and bite you really soon, your a despicable human being.
Your crime is two fold,
1 accusing your father of rape is one way to destroy all for making you feeling uncomfortable. You have issues with your father and i can understand that then move out (whic you did) - do not then go accuse him of rape. You';ve left and then your friend understandably goes all righteous anger about him over you when your a base lying cur. That calls into question in my mind everything else that you have said.
2. You have commited an action that calls into question all genuine instances of rape.
You have sickened me on a level that no one else has on TSR to this date and i have no sympathy whatsover for your current state of being. In fact i sincerly hope that the gods and karma make it worse for you
You may have issues and i hope they come back and bite you really soon, your a despicable human being.
Your crime is two fold,
1 accusing your father of rape is one way to destroy all for making you feeling uncomfortable. You have issues with your father and i can understand that then move out (whic you did) - do not then go accuse him of rape. You';ve left and then your friend understandably goes all righteous anger about him over you when your a base lying cur. That calls into question in my mind everything else that you have said.
2. You have commited an action that calls into question all genuine instances of rape.
You have sickened me on a level that no one else has on TSR to this date and i have no sympathy whatsover for your current state of being. In fact i sincerly hope that the gods and karma make it worse for you
That is a terrible thing to do. Thats one of those things that really annoys me. It makes it so much worse for people who do get raped and have to go through so much crap because people dont believe them.
Your dad doesnt sound like a nice guy, but theres literally no excuse to say that happened when it didnt, you shouldnt have even mentioned that you were drunk because that in no way justifies it.
I suppose the good thing is that it didnt go further than that, so the best thing would be to just forget about it and take it as a lesson learnt. Im sure people have done worse. But as long as you know yourself how bad of a thing it is to do, and that you'd never do anything like it again, then just move on.
*Edit* Also, I completely agree with whoever said to see a counsellor, you must be having a few problems if you're in a mental state that would push you to saying something like that
Your dad doesnt sound like a nice guy, but theres literally no excuse to say that happened when it didnt, you shouldnt have even mentioned that you were drunk because that in no way justifies it.
I suppose the good thing is that it didnt go further than that, so the best thing would be to just forget about it and take it as a lesson learnt. Im sure people have done worse. But as long as you know yourself how bad of a thing it is to do, and that you'd never do anything like it again, then just move on.
*Edit* Also, I completely agree with whoever said to see a counsellor, you must be having a few problems if you're in a mental state that would push you to saying something like that
superfical space cadet
wow, you have one great friend! You need help, did you actually say no to the dude who raped you or did you just lie there? Seriously get help from a counselour telling someone your dad raped you just because you feel 'uncomfortable' with him is seriously messed up
Er... it doesn't matter because under UK law positive consent has to be given not just assumed, ie, she has to actively say 'yes' rather than just not saying anything. That she "just lay there" is no defence.
Saying that, it was wrong to lie about your dad raping you. But you came clean to your friend, which was brave and the right thing to do. One bad, confused action does not make you an evil person. As for the actual rape - and I cannot stress this enough - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. No matter how drunk you were, no matter waht you wore, where you went with this guy. It is entirely his fault for taking advantage of you.
You really do need to speak to a professional, due to the problems with your dad and about the rape. If your father's behavious is as you percieve it, then it is inappropriate and you need to discuss this with someone. If, however, you are confusing the situation, possibly as a result of your rape, this also needs to be dealt with. I really hope you get help and things get better for you.
caustic87
Er... it doesn't matter because under UK law positive consent has to be given not just assumed, ie, she has to actively say 'yes' rather than just not saying anything. That she "just lay there" is no defence.
Saying that, it was wrong to lie about your dad raping you. But you came clean to your friend, which was brave and the right thing to do. One bad, confused action does not make you an evil person. As for the actual rape - and I cannot stress this enough - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. No matter how drunk you were, no matter waht you wore, where you went with this guy. It is entirely his fault for taking advantage of you.
You really do need to speak to a professional, due to the problems with your dad and about the rape. If your father's behavious is as you percieve it, then it is inappropriate and you need to discuss this with someone. If, however, you are confusing the situation, possibly as a result of your rape, this also needs to be dealt with. I really hope you get help and things get better for you.
Saying that, it was wrong to lie about your dad raping you. But you came clean to your friend, which was brave and the right thing to do. One bad, confused action does not make you an evil person. As for the actual rape - and I cannot stress this enough - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. No matter how drunk you were, no matter waht you wore, where you went with this guy. It is entirely his fault for taking advantage of you.
You really do need to speak to a professional, due to the problems with your dad and about the rape. If your father's behavious is as you percieve it, then it is inappropriate and you need to discuss this with someone. If, however, you are confusing the situation, possibly as a result of your rape, this also needs to be dealt with. I really hope you get help and things get better for you.
It's alot different though if she didn't say anything to give him the impression that she didn't want to, than her actually saying no and him forcing himself on her
It makes me sick, how some of you people on here bypass the issue of her father, and make her sound like some horrible person. It seems to me that you were just desperate for someone to understand you, and saying "well, he looks at me sometimes..." wouldn't have been enough for emotional support.
Like has been said, call the Samaritans or something.
Like has been said, call the Samaritans or something.
DisgruntledMoth, I disagree. You're leaping to the defence of someone who has accused her innocent father of rape. He's never touched her inappropriately to the OP's knowledge, he's never made any questionable remarks (or the OP would have mentioned them), he's certainly never raped her. And yet his own child told someone that he had raped them. Can we just look at this from the father's perspective for a moment?
That's completely subjective; haven't you ever thought that someone might fancy you at school because of how they looked at you and it's turned out they didn't?
His side of the matter: he was sitting with his daughter who he loves. Why would it matter if his hand brushes your leg? Only someone who is already mentally geared up to suspect someone would have read anything into such an action.
Again, this is the OP feeling as if her dad poses a threat, when nothing she has said he's done actually represents a threat at all.
And this is the OP starting to convince herself that her dad must have done something to her when she was younger, because she hates him. There's no evidence for this whatever. I'm not saying that the OP's dad is a paragon of moral decency (he's clearly not) but he hasn't done anything that even vaguely approximates rape or sexual abuse.
The OP needs help and is clearly mentally unwell. She's not a horrible person for lying, but she needs some kind of counselling because thinking in this paranoid way (and, of course, making a wild accusation of rape which she is even trying to justify afterwards) is not usual behaviour.
Anonymous
I also feel really uncomfortable around him, as he stares at me in a way you'd look at someone u fancied and would lookthem up and down.
I also feel really uncomfortable around him, as he stares at me in a way you'd look at someone u fancied and would lookthem up and down.
That's completely subjective; haven't you ever thought that someone might fancy you at school because of how they looked at you and it's turned out they didn't?
he also would put his hand on the chair next to me to lean on and it would be touching my leg so i would move over and he would move his hand so it was touching again.
His side of the matter: he was sitting with his daughter who he loves. Why would it matter if his hand brushes your leg? Only someone who is already mentally geared up to suspect someone would have read anything into such an action.
I dont know if i'm blowing it out of proportion but i feel so uncomfortable around him and wont wear any alightly revealing clothes around him or my pj's around him.
Again, this is the OP feeling as if her dad poses a threat, when nothing she has said he's done actually represents a threat at all.
i spoke to someone on the phone and told them everything about how i felt and they said its common for people who have suffered some type of sexual abuse as a child to show these symptoms of feeling some sort of resentment towards the one who did it, but dont remember why as you've blocked it out. Could this really be true? It would explain a lot.
And this is the OP starting to convince herself that her dad must have done something to her when she was younger, because she hates him. There's no evidence for this whatever. I'm not saying that the OP's dad is a paragon of moral decency (he's clearly not) but he hasn't done anything that even vaguely approximates rape or sexual abuse.
The OP needs help and is clearly mentally unwell. She's not a horrible person for lying, but she needs some kind of counselling because thinking in this paranoid way (and, of course, making a wild accusation of rape which she is even trying to justify afterwards) is not usual behaviour.
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