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    Please keep this anonymous, it's a very sensitive issue.

    I just had a huge argument with my dad. He has cancer but it isnt life threatening so he should count himself lucky. Over the past few months, he has been going for weeks on end without eating, despite the fact that I have been cooking meals every day. He has gone from being about 15 stone to about 10 and he is more or less skeletal. He locks himself in his room 24 hours a day, just venturing out to get cigarettes and alcohol and then he goes back into his room. My mother died 12 years ago so I live alone with him. Don't feel sorry for him, he is a selfish alcoholic.

    I made him a meal two days ago and while I was talking to him about 10 minutes ago, I discovered the meal untouched. He tries to emotionally blackmail into thinking that I am a selfish daughter who thinks that I am better than him but I do EVERYTHING for him and my household. Surely it should be relatively the other way around. I have no job or savings and am surviving on my student overdraft which is being recalled at the end of this month. I pay ALL the bills, do all the cooking, cleaning, everything. I am trying to get a job with no luck. I just give up...on him, on life. I am sat here in my room in tears and I feel incredibly alone.

    I dont know what I expect to gain from this but I just don't know what to do
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    he has cancer but it isn't life threatening? Isn't all cancer life threatening?
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    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    he has cancer but it isn't life threatening? Isn't all cancer life threatening?
    Quoting the words of the specialist really. It's a very common form of cancer which isn't adversely affecting his health in any way. He isn't receiving any treatment for it and it is being monitored every three months.
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    You need outside help, especially financial. It sounds as though your Dad has depression, which is an illness I generally feel no sympathy for in regards to sufferers - it is the most selfish illness in the world. Nevertheless, he is mentally unwell and needs help. Speak to his doctor straight away and explain the situation, basically you are his 24hr carer at the moment and recieving no financial assistance.
    This is not something you can deal with alone. If I were you, try feeding him smaller meals, snacks etc. He's not used to eating so his stomach will have shrunk, I doubt he could eat a plate of food. Sandwiches, fruit, biscuits etc will be a good idea, he has to eat something every day or he would have died already.
    Again, I can't stress this enough, talk to his doctor. I'm not a massive fan of anti-depressants but it's not just him they will assist in benifitting, it's you as well.
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    Chin up!
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    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    he has cancer but it isn't life threatening? Isn't all cancer life threatening?

    Most are but some are not. Steve Jobs(APPLE CEO) had cancer which was successfully treated and now he is out there selling iphones
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    Please get some help for yourself. Go to your doctor and explain how you feel and what you do to help at home. It does sound as though he is exhibiting symptoms of depression but you need help and support for yourself. If you are offered antidepressants don't refuse them but ask the doctor all about them. They can be very effective. You must have a high level of anxiety but remember almost everything works out OK in the long run. There are various organisations that can help, try and contact one or two. Good luck.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep this anonymous, it's a very sensitive issue.

    I just had a huge argument with my dad. He has cancer but it isnt life threatening so he should count himself lucky. Over the past few months, he has been going for weeks on end without eating, despite the fact that I have been cooking meals every day. He has gone from being about 15 stone to about 10 and he is more or less skeletal. He locks himself in his room 24 hours a day, just venturing out to get cigarettes and alcohol and then he goes back into his room. My mother died 12 years ago so I live alone with him. Don't feel sorry for him, he is a selfish alcoholic.

    I made him a meal two days ago and while I was talking to him about 10 minutes ago, I discovered the meal untouched. He tries to emotionally blackmail into thinking that I am a selfish daughter who thinks that I am better than him but I do EVERYTHING for him and my household. Surely it should be relatively the other way around. I have no job or savings and am surviving on my student overdraft which is being recalled at the end of this month. I pay ALL the bills, do all the cooking, cleaning, everything. I am trying to get a job with no luck. I just give up...on him, on life. I am sat here in my room in tears and I feel incredibly alone.

    I dont know what I expect to gain from this but I just don't know what to do
    Is there some sort of help you could get from a social service or maybe the hospital where he was diagnosed / goes for treatment?

    If not then I think you need to threaten him with you leaving and judging by his reaction, maybe leave him for a while to see how he feels he can cope on his own...?
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    Thanks for all your replies everyone. I do have family members I can talk to about the situation but they have all more or less washed their hands of him because of his behaviour. I accept that he is depressed but the alcohol isn't helping him either. I only tend to give/offer him light thing anyway, like salads, jacket potatoes, meat and a little vegetables and rice or things like that. I think I will take a trip to the doctor tomorrow- I can't face sitting there for hours today.

    I'm not about to give up, it just feels too easy to do so. I've had to retake some exams this summer because the situation is getting me down (I'm 22) and affected my work. I know some will say that I should just leave but I guess it's just the fact that I can't bear to see another of my parents just die but I think I need help myself.
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    Oh bloody hell how horrible for you. No wonder you feel like giving up! BUT DON'T. Have you tried sitting down with him and trying to have a really calm, mature conversation about how you're feeling? I don't think you're in the wrong at all, but it might be useful to bite the bullet and try acting extra extra understanding (and a bit false) to see if it helps. Other than that, get help. Go to social services, because this isn't good enough parenting, whatever his excuse. Plenty of parents manage with horrendous illnesses to still care for their kids. STOP PAYING THE BILLS. He'll have to deal with the repercussions. It's not your responsbility. As someone above said, have you got any relatives that can help? I really admire you, you sound like an amazing daughter and your dad clearly isn't recognising that
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Quoting the words of the specialist really. It's a very common form of cancer which isn't adversely affecting his health in any way. He isn't receiving any treatment for it and it is being monitored every three months.
    Benign.
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    (Original post by ~E8~)
    Most are but some are not. Steve Jobs(APPLE CEO) had cancer which was successfully treated and now he is out there selling iphones
    What a marvellous image that is.
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    Don't stop paying the bills...you'll both equally suffer the repercussions!
    There must be some sort on benefits/support either of you can receive surely?
    It's also not just him to blame!! everybody reacts differently do life changing situations, that's why we are not all the same.
    You also need to talk to him, talk it all through, percivear (sp?)
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    i really admire you for how well you've coped..it's a horrible situation...speak to your doctor they will be able to help and point you in the right direction in terms of outside help that will benefit you and your father.
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    (Original post by joey123)
    Don't stop paying the bills...you'll both equally suffer the repercussions!
    There must be some sort on benefits/support either of you can receive surely?
    It's also not just him to blame!! everybody reacts differently do life changing situations, that's why we are not all the same.
    You also need to talk to him, talk it all through, percivear (sp?)
    Thanks for your post! No obviously I can't really stop paying the bills otherwise as you pointed out we would both be without electricity, water, gas and a telephone. My dad gets his own benefits/ pension, so it's not like he hasn't any money. He just chooses to spend it on alcohol.

    I can't talk to him AT ALL...it's like pulling teeth and that's no exaggeration. He thinks that his way is right, he is above authority and he doesn't have to listen to anyone.

    I don't know. Thanks for all your help everyone.
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    (Original post by makeshiftwings)
    You need outside help, especially financial. It sounds as though your Dad has depression, which is an illness I generally feel no sympathy for in regards to sufferers - it is the most selfish illness in the world. Nevertheless, he is mentally unwell and needs help. Speak to his doctor straight away and explain the situation, basically you are his 24hr carer at the moment and recieving no financial assistance.
    This is not something you can deal with alone. If I were you, try feeding him smaller meals, snacks etc. He's not used to eating so his stomach will have shrunk, I doubt he could eat a plate of food. Sandwiches, fruit, biscuits etc will be a good idea, he has to eat something every day or he would have died already.
    Again, I can't stress this enough, talk to his doctor. I'm not a massive fan of anti-depressants but it's not just him they will assist in benifitting, it's you as well.
    i think thats a very unfair statement to make, you have no idea what goes on in people's lives that causes them to have depression and sometimes it is caused when the thyroid gland isn't working as it should be, therefore making it not the sufferers fault that they have depression.
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    (Original post by piglet29)
    i think thats a very unfair statement to make, you have no idea what goes on in people's lives that causes them to have depression and sometimes it is caused when the thyroid gland isn't working as it should be, therefore making it not the sufferers fault that they have depression.
    yeah i thought that was a bit harsh too.... depression is a mental illness, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain.. it's not like people want to get it, it just happens, like cancer just happens.
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    I have had to deal with a depressed flatmate, a depressed boyfriend and depression myself. I've seen the effect it has on everyone around, I've seen my mother cry her eyes out over how bad I was. I made the effort to get over it, and although I often feel like lapsing back into my old ways, it would have a terrible effect not only on me and the life I've built up afterwards, and on the people I care about. I know it's almost impossible to avoid falling into depression, but unlike cancer, it's possible to withold if you bother to make the effort. Very few cases are actually chemical.
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    Hope everything works out for you OP. Hang on in there.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    I can't talk to him AT ALL...it's like pulling teeth and that's no exaggeration. He thinks that his way is right, he is above authority and he doesn't have to listen to anyone.
    Is there anybody that you can talk too.
    Who's completely indepedent...so not having any previous side of the story?
    They are probably the people who can best help the situation.
    Maybe somebody with some kind of authority...somebody your dad can and will listen to?
 
 
 
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