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    please anon as he uses this and i don't want him to know for sure it's me.

    i'm in an LDR with my boyfriend, we've been together for 6 months and we were really close friends for about a year before that. he lives about a 3 hour drive away from me and because of uni/work/money on average, we see eachother for about a week once a month, sometimes more, sometimes less.
    when he comes up to see me he stays with his mum, as his parents are divorced and his mum lives near me. however, this week, he's come up with his brother and sister.

    normally, he spends all his time with me when he's here. but because his brother and sister are also here, his mum is organising outings and my boyfriend feels compelled to go. i know he's trying to split his time evenly between us but he is spending more time with them. he's cancelled on me last minute to go somewhere with them, he's spending a couple of hours with me and the rest of the day with them. i know he's trying; i know he's trying not to offend anyone.

    i can't help feeling a bit miserable and a bit bitter about the whole thing. i know it's quite selfish, but he sees his brother and sister all the time and yet he's spending alot of his time with them. when i tried to talk to him about it, he accused me of being needy. and tbh i am being a bit needy. but i don't get to spend time with him normally so all i want is to make the most of the time we do have together. he's said he wants to be with me all the time but he doesn't want to neglect his family. which i get, i'm just sad because he's so close and yet im not with him. what do other people think? am i in the wrong?
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    Yes you're in the wrong. They're his family. You've only been going out a few months. It's not like he's ignoring you altogether.
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    I don't believe you're entirely in the wrong; accommodating your partners neediness (if it's reasonable) is an important part of most relationships. :P

    You have a right to be miserable if he's spending that little time with you. I don't know what to suggest since you've already talked to him about it, but at least you know that you're not necessarily being unreasonable here. All the best.
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    6 months is more than a few tbh.

    OP have you told him how you feel? Couldn't you go with him and get to know the family??
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    I dont think you're really in the wrong. It can be easy to cling on to any opportunity to spend time with someone if you dont see them very often, and also its so much easier to feel insecure about LDR's than 'normal' relationships.
    Have you met his mum/brother/sister before? If so and you're friendly with them, then maybe you should suggest to him that you could go along on one of these outings? That way you get to spend time with him and get to know his family without him missing out on any time with them!
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    I dont think your in the wrong at all...

    I'd have a chat with your boyfriend, the best way is to talk it out, like emmska said, can you not maybe go with them? My GF and i do all sorts with our parents together and it keeps everyone happy
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    Maybe he is looking for a way to destroy you, and end your reign of tyranny. No seriously, I think he is trying but his siblings may be placing too much pressure on him
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    (Original post by Gremlin)
    Yes you're in the wrong. They're his family. You've only been going out a few months. It's not like he's ignoring you altogether.
    Sorry OP, I think I agree here. I mean yeah, I'd probably feel a bit down as you obviously don't see him alot, but blood's thicker than water. They ARE his family, I just think you should deal with it as it's only a one time thing.

    Edit: I feel pretty mean for saying it now. I wouldn't say you're in the wrong as such, but he's trying his best to share his time.
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    He might see his siblings all the time, but obviously see his mother that often, he's probably just enjoying being a 'family' as it they don't all get together very often, theres always next month
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    i get on well with his family, we often watch films with his mum and her boyfriend and i've met his brother and sister a few times and we're quite friendly but the problem is that i don't fit in the car lol. his mum, her bf, him, his brother and his sister fills up the car and im left at home on my own

    i have tried a couple of times to tell him i'd like it if he spent a bit more time with me. but he gets all defensive which makes it so difficult to talk to him calmly because i end up getting annoyed; he's seriously stubborn and hardly ever admits that he's wrong. i'm honestly not trying to have him all to myself, i know he has to and wants to spend time with him family too. i just feel like he doesn't understand what i'm trying to say to him; he thinks i'm being needy and unreasonable. i think i'm overtired and probably quite hormonal atm so its making it worse. i just want to spend more time with my boyfriend. is that really too much to ask?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i get on well with his family, we often watch films with his mum and her boyfriend and i've met his brother and sister a few times and we're quite friendly but the problem is that i don't fit in the car lol. his mum, her bf, him, his brother and his sister fills up the car and im left at home on my own

    i have tried a couple of times to tell him i'd like it if he spent a bit more time with me. but he gets all defensive which makes it so difficult to talk to him calmly because i end up getting annoyed; he's seriously stubborn and hardly ever admits that he's wrong. i'm honestly not trying to have him all to myself, i know he has to and wants to spend time with him family too. i just feel like he doesn't understand what i'm trying to say to him; he thinks i'm being needy and unreasonable. i think i'm overtired and probably quite hormonal atm so its making it worse. i just want to spend more time with my boyfriend. is that really too much to ask?
    The car thing is unfortunate! I know what you mean though when you just want to spend time with your boyfriend and you cant!
    Im assuming that these outings arent happening everyday, so cant you just spend the day/night at his so he'll still be around his family? Or maybe try and get them to do something that doesnt involve driving places, like staying in one night playing games (cheesy as hell, but can actually be a laugh)!
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    I think you're understandably upset, but maybe try to see the situation from his mother's POV - it's probably been a long time since she's been able to be with all her children at once & she's trying to make the most of that.

    Maybe make sure your boyfriend is super-attentive to your every needs next time he comes to visit
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i get on well with his family, we often watch films with his mum and her boyfriend and i've met his brother and sister a few times and we're quite friendly but the problem is that i don't fit in the car lol. his mum, her bf, him, his brother and his sister fills up the car and im left at home on my own
    Why don't you sit on his lap or something?
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    Why can't you ask to go along with them one day? You and his family don't have to be two separate things: go along and get to know them and more about where he comes from
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    (Original post by Paxdax)
    Why don't you sit on his lap or something?
    i feel like i'm interrupting though. his family are all perfectly lovely to me and they always try to include me. but i'm an insecure person at heart and i worry that they don't really want me there, or that my boyfriend wishes he didn't have to spend time with me. i know it's irrational, my boyfriend despaired of me when i told him that. i just feel really rubbish about the whole thing.

    i don't even thing it's about him spending most of his time with his family anymore. i'm just scared about this whole relationship in general. i love him more than anything but i feel like my insecurities and my mood swings are pushing him away. i'm going to uni in september which is going to make it even harder for us to see eachother and i'm so scared i'm going to lose him. i just feel over emotional all the time. he's been so lovely and so supportive but i know his patience will eventually run thin.

    the distance is turning me into this insecure needy monster and i hate it. but i love him and i don't want to lose him.
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    (Original post by Alreeeet)
    Sorry OP, I think I agree here. I mean yeah, I'd probably feel a bit down as you obviously don't see him alot, but blood's thicker than water. They ARE his family, I just think you should deal with it as it's only a one time thing.

    Edit: I feel pretty mean for saying it now. I wouldn't say you're in the wrong as such, but he's trying his best to share his time.

    bros over hos, sorry!
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    First of all, get a nice cup of cocoa and go to bed. You are too upset right now to assess your relationship with a clear head. I bet his family will want to get to know you, and you should want to get to know them too. In fact, I bet that they would be more worried about what you think of them than what they think of you. It is scary 'meeting the family' and spending time with them, but you should be confident: dress nicely, do your hair and relax! You are young and carefree and should be enjoying life whilst you can
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    (Original post by Paxdax)
    Why don't you sit on his lap or something?
    Because it's illegal.
    Atleast he's planning to spend a bit of time with you, it's not like he's not seeing you at all. It's not like your married or anything.
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    Your seeing him 3 hours a day, I'm afraid you've just got to let go at the end of the day. I understand your feelings exactly but he can't really ignore his family if his mum hasn't seen him for a long timeI think you're best to try get involved in the family if you can.

    Nevertheless you're going to uni soon, best to end it while you can. Harsh but true.
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    Why don't you make the effort to go see him?

    ...I'm assuming that you don't visit/stay with him usually. If I'm wrong I apologize.
 
 
 
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