my hubby cheated
hey all, ave just found out that my partner of 13 years has cheated on my.he has being txting a girl (who know about me and my son) and they when to a hotel and spend the night , i found out as i found a email and put 2 together, am totally heartbroken!!!! anno i really should be saying that hit over , ave told him he needs to get his own place and cant bare to look at him , but i still cant image my life without him , he has told me everything what has happened ( thats just here say not in black n white) and hes wanting it give it other go and as it should be no way!! there that small dout that I feel I cant walk away i need help i feel like my head about to exploded as i have my family on the phone going mental (so they should be) has this happened to anyone and yous manage to get back to the way yous used to be ?x
Scroll to see replies
Original post by islay2016
hey all, ave just found out that my partner of 13 years has cheated on my.he has being txting a girl (who know about me and my son) and they when to a hotel and spend the night , i found out as i found a email and put 2 together, am totally heartbroken!!!! anno i really should be saying that hit over , ave told him he needs to get his own place and cant bare to look at him , but i still cant image my life without him , he has told me everything what has happened ( thats just here say not in black n white) and hes wanting it give it other go and as it should be no way!! there that small dout that I feel I cant walk away i need help i feel like my head about to exploded as i have my family on the phone going mental (so they should be) has this happened to anyone and yous manage to get back to the way yous used to be ?x
Only a small % of relationships are saved and can go back to normal. The issue is you are unlikely to trust him again and things will never be the same. The difference here is that you have a child? I assume the child is his?
What you do and how you react is up to you.
You say its not as simple because you think you contributed to the relationship being less than ideal?
If you cant talk and be honest between you, then you could try relationship counselling?
https://www.relate.org.uk/
It is unlikely to have happened over night, so if you want to improve things both of you would be better getting your respective sides out so you can understand how both of you are feeling about the relationship even before the event. If he is interested in saving things, then he will do what it takes, which may include time apart. It sounds like he knew what he was doing and it was carefully planned, which means he will have thought about it months ago and your relationship may have been in a poor state for years.
you can do better. and i mean this whole heartedly, HE cheats and then says HE wants to fix things? hes the one who broke them
from my perspective you have two options, either go to marriage counselling, read him to absolute filth, and see if you can fix a relationship with someone who as far as you know has cheated on you once, or make it clear that youre not going to stand for it
i personally think he should still see your child, but if he smashed one of your windows in after installing it wrong would you stand and watch as he does it again?
look to your support system and rebuild. hes the one who ****ed up, not you
wishing you the best of luck
from my perspective you have two options, either go to marriage counselling, read him to absolute filth, and see if you can fix a relationship with someone who as far as you know has cheated on you once, or make it clear that youre not going to stand for it
i personally think he should still see your child, but if he smashed one of your windows in after installing it wrong would you stand and watch as he does it again?
look to your support system and rebuild. hes the one who ****ed up, not you
wishing you the best of luck
thanks for the reply means alot, i have asked him every question that I could possible ask and i believe whats hes telling me as o can tell when hes not telling the truth which sounds daft as we are here ! ave told him there no way back and he sayed about counciling and half of me is saying **** him he's choice his bed my in it but the other is saying give it other go for the sake of my son , my head is all over the place and feel like i could think straight as my family are all having there input which am sure i would be doing if it was one if them but its so different when its you its happening it.
Original post by islay2016
thanks for the reply means alot, i have asked him every question that I could possible ask and i believe whats hes telling me as o can tell when hes not telling the truth which sounds daft as we are here ! ave told him there no way back and he sayed about counciling and half of me is saying **** him he's choice his bed my in it but the other is saying give it other go for the sake of my son , my head is all over the place and feel like i could think straight as my family are all having there input which am sure i would be doing if it was one if them but its so different when its you its happening it.
How about we play the uno card and see how he likes it?
Apart from the cheating, how have things been between you and him for the last couple of years? Has he also been a good father to your son?
What probability do you think there is that this wasn't an isolated incident, but was part of a general long term pattern of behaviour from him?
What probability do you think there is that this wasn't an isolated incident, but was part of a general long term pattern of behaviour from him?
I'm not really surprised if you use words like *****ng 'hubby' 
Original post by islay2016
hey all, ave just found out that my partner of 13 years has cheated on my.he has being txting a girl (who know about me and my son) and they when to a hotel and spend the night , i found out as i found a email and put 2 together, am totally heartbroken!!!! anno i really should be saying that hit over , ave told him he needs to get his own place and cant bare to look at him , but i still cant image my life without him , he has told me everything what has happened ( thats just here say not in black n white) and hes wanting it give it other go and as it should be no way!! there that small dout that I feel I cant walk away i need help i feel like my head about to exploded as i have my family on the phone going mental (so they should be) has this happened to anyone and yous manage to get back to the way yous used to be ?x
just forgive him and move on. it happens. of course it's perfectly possible for things to go back to normal. as long as you forgive him.
Original post by awkwardshortguy
I'm not really surprised if you use words like *****ng 'hubby'
She didn't. She said that half of her is saying "asterisk him!", which is understandable in the circumstances.
Nowhere did she say *****ng hubby.
And in this situation apportioning blame is not a productive thing to do, anyway.
The most useful thing to do is to decide on the best course of action, given the full set of circumstances as they stand now.
well first of all it will never be possible for things to ever go back to 'the way they used to be'
once a person in a relationship cheats they have effectively killed that part of their marriage off for good
an affair in a marriage is sort of akin to a person dying, you will never be the same again but at some point in your life you will be able to move on from it and will be able to find a new version of happiness.
you need to accept this fact first and foremost, whether you forgive him now or later, you marriage will not be the same. not really
secondly you are going to have to take a massive step back and overly think and re-evaluate your life, your marriage and what it is that you truly want from life and from your marriage.
FORGET about what your family and everyone else tells you, this marriage is between YOU and him and ONLY you and him so its up to YOU - not your family - whether you want to take him back or not.
Firstly theres no time limit, he cheated on you so now you have the right to punish him by making him wait. He can't force your hand, otherwise what - he'll leave you if you don't give him an answer?! pah thats the one thing hes hoping you won't do. so take HOWEVER long you need to take to come up with a decision. whether weeks, months, ever a year. don't be rushed by anyone. and in this time i want you to really evaluate EVERYTHING:
.why it is that you think you NEED him so much?
.what a life without him would look like - would you really struggle as much as you think you would or do you possibly think theres a chance that you might get over him and pull yourself together and carry on on your own?
.now think of the major possibility that can and does happy in a lot of relationships after one party cheats - what if he does it again. its certainly not impossible. might not be any time soon but somewhere down the line he might get tempted again and do it again. is it worth going through it all over again?
sadly theres no right or wrong answer here because like i said its YOUR marriage and your decision, no one elses. some people forgive and move on, some people forgive and never forget, some people never care and some people end the marriage. its up to you what you think the next step will be but you need to think about this long and hard and take however long you need to take and set whatever ultimatums you need to set etc just don't rush into it ok. and don't make a decision based on the wrong factors - like taking him back just to make your son happy, that'll be the biggest regret you'll have. do what you feel is the right decision.
once a person in a relationship cheats they have effectively killed that part of their marriage off for good
an affair in a marriage is sort of akin to a person dying, you will never be the same again but at some point in your life you will be able to move on from it and will be able to find a new version of happiness.
you need to accept this fact first and foremost, whether you forgive him now or later, you marriage will not be the same. not really
secondly you are going to have to take a massive step back and overly think and re-evaluate your life, your marriage and what it is that you truly want from life and from your marriage.
FORGET about what your family and everyone else tells you, this marriage is between YOU and him and ONLY you and him so its up to YOU - not your family - whether you want to take him back or not.
Firstly theres no time limit, he cheated on you so now you have the right to punish him by making him wait. He can't force your hand, otherwise what - he'll leave you if you don't give him an answer?! pah thats the one thing hes hoping you won't do. so take HOWEVER long you need to take to come up with a decision. whether weeks, months, ever a year. don't be rushed by anyone. and in this time i want you to really evaluate EVERYTHING:
.why it is that you think you NEED him so much?
.what a life without him would look like - would you really struggle as much as you think you would or do you possibly think theres a chance that you might get over him and pull yourself together and carry on on your own?
.now think of the major possibility that can and does happy in a lot of relationships after one party cheats - what if he does it again. its certainly not impossible. might not be any time soon but somewhere down the line he might get tempted again and do it again. is it worth going through it all over again?
sadly theres no right or wrong answer here because like i said its YOUR marriage and your decision, no one elses. some people forgive and move on, some people forgive and never forget, some people never care and some people end the marriage. its up to you what you think the next step will be but you need to think about this long and hard and take however long you need to take and set whatever ultimatums you need to set etc just don't rush into it ok. and don't make a decision based on the wrong factors - like taking him back just to make your son happy, that'll be the biggest regret you'll have. do what you feel is the right decision.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
She didn't. She said that half of her is saying "asterisk him!", which is understandable in the circumstances.
Nowhere did she say *****ng hubby.
And in this situation apportioning blame is not a productive thing to do, anyway.
The most useful thing to do is to decide on the best course of action, given the full set of circumstances as they stand now.
Nowhere did she say *****ng hubby.
And in this situation apportioning blame is not a productive thing to do, anyway.
The most useful thing to do is to decide on the best course of action, given the full set of circumstances as they stand now.
Do you not read thread titles or am I missing some joke here?
Original post by awkwardshortguy
Do you not read thread titles or am I missing some joke here?
The thread title says "my hubby cheated", which is a good 3 word summary of the situation.
There is no use of asterisks nor swear words in the thread title.
Original post by Ciel.
just forgive him and move on. it happens. of course it's perfectly possible for things to go back to normal. as long as you forgive him.
How did I know you'd be telling the OP to forgive their cheating husband 😂
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Apart from the cheating, how have things been between you and him for the last couple of years? Has he also been a good father to your son?
What probability do you think there is that this wasn't an isolated incident, but was part of a general long term pattern of behaviour from him?
What probability do you think there is that this wasn't an isolated incident, but was part of a general long term pattern of behaviour from him?
it has being fine the last few years we had when under off for our son so had a good few years of heartache before our son , he is a great father to our son , the last few month have being rocky as his mum is on drugs and relying on him for lots of thing ( no excuse and not making excuses for him) he did say a while ago he wasnt feeling himself , i dont think its happened before as i kinda noo something wasnt right and hes not being out of anything in a long-time but god knows if he has.
Original post by princetonalec
you can do better. and i mean this whole heartedly, HE cheats and then says HE wants to fix things? hes the one who broke them
from my perspective you have two options, either go to marriage counselling, read him to absolute filth, and see if you can fix a relationship with someone who as far as you know has cheated on you once, or make it clear that youre not going to stand for it
i personally think he should still see your child, but if he smashed one of your windows in after installing it wrong would you stand and watch as he does it again?
look to your support system and rebuild. hes the one who ****ed up, not you
wishing you the best of luck
from my perspective you have two options, either go to marriage counselling, read him to absolute filth, and see if you can fix a relationship with someone who as far as you know has cheated on you once, or make it clear that youre not going to stand for it
i personally think he should still see your child, but if he smashed one of your windows in after installing it wrong would you stand and watch as he does it again?
look to your support system and rebuild. hes the one who ****ed up, not you
wishing you the best of luck
thanks for the reply xx everytime ur saying is 100% true and he is the worst person in the world rlto me !!! and for my son thats the only reason I think do we need to try again as first thing in the morning to his dad comes bk home he sits at the window shouting on him he loves his daddy so much and anno its his dad that has caused this all , but what if it can get fitted , god knows as you can image my head is doing overtime and not the best time of year either.
Original post by Ciel.
just forgive him and move on. it happens. of course it's perfectly possible for things to go back to normal. as long as you forgive him.
You would say that lol
Original post by DJWatson
How about we play the uno card and see how he likes it?
i actully sayed this aswell and wish I could but I couldn't do this to maself x
Given that he is remorseful and wants to get back together with you and that he has been, on the whole a good husband and father. And that a large part of you wants him back. And it's the Season of Good Will. And that this may well be an isolated incident.
I think you should give him a second chance. On the condition that he pulls himself together and doesn't let this issue with his mum affect his own family life with you and your son.
You could also use some reverse psychology and let him know that you'd prefer it if he told you in advance if he's making plans to have sex with someone else. If you kind of gave him the green light to go ahead and cheat again as long as he lets you know about it.
What you don't tell him is that any more cheating from him and you'll be straight to your solicitor to file for divorce and that you'll be looking to extract as much money from him and the family resources as possible in order to support your son in a comfortable manner.
I think you should give him a second chance. On the condition that he pulls himself together and doesn't let this issue with his mum affect his own family life with you and your son.
You could also use some reverse psychology and let him know that you'd prefer it if he told you in advance if he's making plans to have sex with someone else. If you kind of gave him the green light to go ahead and cheat again as long as he lets you know about it.
What you don't tell him is that any more cheating from him and you'll be straight to your solicitor to file for divorce and that you'll be looking to extract as much money from him and the family resources as possible in order to support your son in a comfortable manner.
Original post by islay2016
i actully sayed this aswell and wish I could but I couldn't do this to maself x
Well we could just pound these sorrows away
you do not have to make any rash decisions, but you do need to make sure you are financially fit to take care of yourself should it really hit the fan. do you have your own bank account, savings, a job, etc? not saying you'll need to use it but everyone needs an emergency fund.
(edited 4 years ago)
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Wrong NI number
- Help. We can’t decide. Music Theatre degree 2023. GSA or RCS?
- To live with a hateful in-law family?
- Is this cheating?
- Do you consider this as cheating (Girls)
- I’m worried that this is micro-cheating
- Would you cheat on your SO?
- I cheated on my boyfriend
- How does one forgive themselves?
- what do you call cheating
- Would you class this as cheating?
- Confession: I'm a serial cheater
- Is helping the opposite gender considered cheating
- Trusting in relationships
- What shall I do?
- Has my boyf cheated
- Should I forgive my cheating boyfriend?
- I can't stop cheating
- is this cheating?
- Boy Problems 🙅*♀️
Latest
Last reply 3 minutes ago
ATAS (Academic, Technology, Approval Scheme) Certificate 2023/2024Last reply 8 minutes ago
Official London School of Economics and Political Science 2024 Applicant ThreadLast reply 18 minutes ago
LSE International Social and Public Policy and Economics (LLK1) 2024 ThreadPosted 19 minutes ago
Failed 2 out of 3 exams semester 1 and scared about the 3 I have left in semester 2.Last reply 23 minutes ago
Official Dental Hygiene and Therapy (Oral Health Science) 2024 Entry ThreadDentistry
2927
Last reply 38 minutes ago
University of Oxford 2025 Undergraduate Applicants Official ThreadLast reply 2 hours ago
Official University of Edinburgh Applicant Thread for 2024Trending
Last reply 3 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 3 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 3 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 3 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
