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Graduating in the morning and I can't sleep... watch

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    I'm finally getting the old diploma in the morning. My dress is laid out, my make up, legs are shaved and shoes polished. Tickets didn't arrive but know what I have to do when I get to the hall... and yet I can't sleep.

    Tomorrow is going to be one of the most important days of my life so far and all I can think about is that my mum isn't here to share it with me as she died last month.

    My sister is coming in her place but she made me feel guilty about it ranting about having to arrange childcare, take a day off work, the amount of money it's costing (She's 40 and getting my dad to pay for her train ticket).

    And whereas everybody's mum is going to come and help them robe up, be there with sage advice ("Don't fall over and embarrass yourself") with motherly love and a hand for pinning the cape, my sister and dad are cutting it close and I don't even know if they'll be in their seats on time.

    I kind of feel that my big day is now not my big day, but merely an event that has to cater to the whims of others, and the one person that I really want to be there apart from my dad can't be.

    Everybody is saying, "She'll be with you in spirit." and "I'm sure she's watching." However it really doesn't make up for the fact that she said she would make it to my graduation but couldn't.

    I'm guessing this is more of a venting than anything else because there's truly nothing that can be said to make it better, but I just wish that for such a happy occasion I could be less.... miserable.
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    Just think of how proud she'll be of you.
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    I'm sorry about your Mum, it must be very difficult for you right now.

    Good luck tomorrow, you've achieved something great. :hugs:
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    I'm truly sorry to hear about your loss. You've made a big achievement though, so you deserve to celebrate - don't let it put you off.
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    *hugs* Thanks guys.

    I'm mostly terrified of bursting into tears at some really inappropriate moment. She died the day results came out so I've not seen anybody since we handed in our dissertations. I just think that tomorrow is going to be an unpleasant day instead of a happy one. I'm sure she's proud of me, wherever she may be and I know she'll be with me but it's still not quite the same. :no:
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    I'm normally rubbish with emotions, but feel compelled to reply to this..don't worry about your sister, your mum would be proud (cliched yes, but true). You've worked hard for several years now, it's your day and regardless of whatever your sister says, celebrate!
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    (Original post by Little Lamb)
    *hugs* Thanks guys.

    I'm mostly terrified of bursting into tears at some really inappropriate moment. She died the day results came out so I've not seen anybody since we handed in our dissertations. I just think that tomorrow is going to be an unpleasant day instead of a happy one. I'm sure she's proud of me, wherever she may be and I know she'll be with me but it's still not quite the same. :no:
    Burst into tears if you want. Do any of your uni friends know about her passing?
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    I just want to thank you guys so much for your kind words. I held my cool until they read my name out to cross the stage as my middle name is my mum's. After that I just got so irate after losing my dad and sister a million times it didn't quite kick in till we were on the tube and I came home to my flat instead of back to my dad's to have some quiet time.

    As I got to the other side of the stage I could almost hear my mum breathe a sigh of relief and go "Thank God for that!".

    That's one milestone of a few to come that I got through.

    Thanks again guys *hugs*
 
 
 
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