Don’t think my girlfriend appreciates me

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
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It feels like my girlfriend doesn’t appreciate me at all and the effort I’m trying to put in. Which I feel I don’t get back in return.
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sinfonietta
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#2
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Can you provide us with some examples of her behaviour that make you feel this way? From your post we can't tell you whether she appreciates you or not.
Last edited by sinfonietta; 10 months ago
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Anonymous #1
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I’m the one who asks to meet and initiate. I make time for her and cancel plans to be with her and don’t get it at all in return. She makes it seem like it’s a chore to see me. Are a few examples.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m the one who asks to meet and initiate. I make time for her and cancel plans to be with her and don’t get it at all in return. She makes it seem like it’s a chore to see me. Are a few examples.
I've never been in a serious relationship so take the advice I'm giving you with a pinch of salt. The first thing that I'd suggest you do is: communicate how you feel with her (make a few hints or just be direct) as she may not even be aware of it. If that doesn't work you should think whether she's worth all this effort your putting in and getting nothing in return, if she is then, of course, stay; if not - leave her.

Happy New Year btw, I wish you all the very best. Can I ask how long you've been in a relationship with her?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've never been in a serious relationship so take the advice I'm giving you with a pinch of salt. The first thing that I'd suggest you do is: communicate how you feel with her (make a few hints or just be direct) as she may not even be aware of it. If that doesn't work you should think whether she's worth all this effort your putting in and getting nothing in return, if she is then, of course, stay; if not - leave her.

Happy New Year btw, I wish you all the very best. Can I ask how long you've been in a relationship with her?
Happy new year to you too man!! Thank you and about 2 months now.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Happy new year to you too man!! Thank you and about 2 months now.
No worries. And it's still early days, if you're feeling like this after 2 months I don't think this is end game. It's definitely not on your part though!!
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m the one who asks to meet and initiate. I make time for her and cancel plans to be with her and don’t get it at all in return. She makes it seem like it’s a chore to see me. Are a few examples.
Stop cancelling plans. As a general rule, always try to follow through on your original plans, even though at times a better alternative may come along. You want to build up a reputation that you do what you say will you do. That you turn up to events on time when you've said you'll be there.
You don't want to get a reputation that you are fickle.

Give her some space. Demonstrate to her that you are popular and in demand. And that you could get another girlfriend easily enough if the 2 of you were to split up.
Demonstrate that you don't rely on your girlfriend for anything. But at the same time you enjoy doing things together with her a lot. And the things that you do with her should be fun, interesting, enjoyable from her point of view.

The impression you want to make is that nothing that you do is a chore for you. And that you are busy and in demand. That you have special times without her and special times with her. There are a few things you can do to make her time with you really special - starting in the bedroom...

If I were with someone who made it seem like a chore to see me, if I couldn't fix this within a month or two, I'd suggest breaking up.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've never been in a serious relationship so take the advice I'm giving you with a pinch of salt. The first thing that I'd suggest you do is: communicate how you feel with her (make a few hints or just be direct) as she may not even be aware of it. If that doesn't work you should think whether she's worth all this effort your putting in and getting nothing in return, if she is then, of course, stay; if not - leave her.

Happy New Year btw, I wish you all the very best. Can I ask how long you've been in a relationship with her?
The trouble with communicating how he feels is that it will be really difficult to do this without it coming over as criticism of her.
Criticism is the poison of relationships.
One should avoid doing it as much as possible. Or if it is unavoidable, do it in the most indirect and diplomatic manner possible with as much positive spin as possible about the person wrapping up the criticism.

If I were with someone who made it seem like a chore to see me, if I couldn't fix this within a month or two, I'd suggest breaking up.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by dunnig kruger)
stop cancelling plans. As a general rule, always try to follow through on your original plans, even though at times a better alternative may come along. You want to build up a reputation that you do what you say will you do. That you turn up to events on time when you've said you'll be there.
You don't want to get a reputation that you are fickle.

Give her some space. Demonstrate to her that you are popular and in demand. And that you could get another girlfriend easily enough if the 2 of you were to split up.
Demonstrate that you don't rely on your girlfriend for anything. But at the same time you enjoy doing things together with her a lot. And the things that you do with her should be fun, interesting, enjoyable from her point of view.

The impression you want to make is that nothing that you do is a chore for you. And that you are busy and in demand. That you have special times without her and special times with her. There are a few things you can do to make her time with you really special - starting in the bedroom...

If i were with someone who made it seem like a chore to see me, if i couldn't fix this within a month or two, i'd suggest breaking up.

The trouble with communicating how he feels is that it will be really difficult to do this without it coming over as criticism of her.
Criticism is the poison of relationships.
One should avoid doing it as much as possible. Or if it is unavoidable, do it in the most indirect and diplomatic manner possible with as much positive spin as possible about the person wrapping up the criticism.

If i were with someone who made it seem like a chore to see me, if i couldn't fix this within a month or two, i'd suggest breaking up.
i love you! :d:u
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Xarao
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m the one who asks to meet and initiate. I make time for her and cancel plans to be with her and don’t get it at all in return. She makes it seem like it’s a chore to see me. Are a few examples.
You're choosing to be with someone that will eventually dump you. Either continue to the point she does, or end it.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Xarao)
You're choosing to be with someone that will eventually dump you. Either continue to the point she does, or end it.
Not necessarily. I've seen a few happy enough long term relationships where one of them was luke warm during the opening days, weeks or months of the relationship.

Some people - especially the real keepers - have strengths that are not obvious during the initial meeting and getting to know you stage. They have strengths that only become apparrent as you get to know them well. A prime example is the ability to respond well to stress. Another example might be the ability to become fantastic in bed after a few sessions becoming attuned to the new partner.
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Xarao
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Not necessarily. I've seen a few happy enough long term relationships where one of them was luke warm during the opening days, weeks or months of the relationship.

Some people - especially the real keepers - have strengths that are not obvious during the initial meeting and getting to know you stage. They have strengths that only become apparrent as you get to know them well. A prime example is the ability to respond well to stress. Another example might be the ability to become fantastic in bed after a few sessions becoming attuned to the new partner.
You're right and I don't deny that. However, from what the OP wrote and his following posts, you can easily tell she barely has any interest anymore if she considers him a 'chore'. You can also tell that, the OP is the kind of guy that'll do anything she says (no offence buddy), which isn't healthy at all, especially for him. The relationship will break down.
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RealLifeJoker
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It feels like my girlfriend doesn’t appreciate me at all and the effort I’m trying to put in. Which I feel I don’t get back in return.
She’s cheating on you mate
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Xarao)
You're right and I don't deny that. However, from what the OP wrote and his following posts, you can easily tell she barely has any interest anymore if she considers him a 'chore'. You can also tell that, the OP is the kind of guy that'll do anything she says (no offence buddy), which isn't healthy at all, especially for him. The relationship will break down.
That is a reasonable summary. And there's a very high chance that your 2 posts will turn out to be very true.

However if he'll do anything that she says, maybe he'll also do anything that you or I say that might salvage the relationship. In which case he has a slim chance of turning this around.
She is at least still seeing him - even though it is somewhat unethusiastically. But that's still enough to give him a chance to fully win her heart. Especially if he starts doing the right sort of things in the right way.
(Original post by AnxiousAtypical)
She’s cheating on you mate
That is a distinct possibility.
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