20 years old and never had a relationshipWatch
I'm a 20 year old male, and I never had a girlfriend or had sex, I haven't even kissed a girl yet, I only had One date in my entire life with a girl I got close to get on a relationship with, but I ended loosing her cause Im a pussy. This is starting to get frustrating as time passes by, everyday I wake up sad and feeling lonely. I just don't know what my problem is, looks are not my issue because i consider myself quite attractive and I dress well, lots of girls in my college Stare at me (I notice this things) I just don't know how to approach them. I believe that my situation has much to do with my personality, Im a very introverted person, a thinker, and I overthink everything, also I was raised with too much love and protection from my mom (my father didn't help her much when raising me) wich turned me into a coward I Guess. I also have social anxiety (depends on the environment). I'm a very smart and intelligent guy and I believe I'm actually a bit charming cause I act like mysterious and hard to get (that's just the way I am), and I have lots of general knowledge. I get nervous around girls I find attractive and I cant ask them out because rejection is maybe my worst fear. Socially, I dont have lots of friends like some people do, but I have a considerabilly large (with males and females) circle of close friendships (not close enough for me to tell them how I feel, I hate talking about my emotions because it makes me feel vulnerable) and I like being with them, and they love to be around me because I have a huge sense of humour and Im a very Nice helpful and logical person. Getting girls is my only problem. I just can't understand, I'm pretty sure lots of girls find me attractive because I get stared by them all the time (don't want to sound arrogant, I talk about what I observe) and I know my looks are not bad, but this is just getting horrible and starting to depress me, making me ask if my life is worth it. It makes me so sad when my friends are talking about their sex stories or about their relationships and I have nothing to bring up to the table. I mean at this point, I dont even want to have sex with random girls, I just want to have a relationship with a Nice sweet girl who understands me and likes me for who I am, not for something I pretend to be. But right now honestly I'm starting to lose hope and feel desperate. Its also terrible that I cant talk about this to anyone, even to my closest friends or my family, because of my personality and the fact that I hate people worrying about me,I'm totally Alone in this and I really need help and advice, I just dont know what to do anymore, right now I hate being myself. Hope this does'nt happen to anyone cause its really painfull and its killing me inside. The other thing is, I know that there are other guys who are virgins and never had love etc. But all of them are like "loosers" or nerds, and I know Im not a looser because Im quite normal in other aspects. Please help me I just want to be happy
Wow dude, the honesty and vulnerability is something I really respect. I'm in the same f****ing boat. I'm 20 and never done it before never kissed a girl. I pushed so many girls away man or f****d things up when it was getting hot. You aren't a pussy, it's normal to feel shy and scared at moments especially when there's a new thing infront of you and there's pressure. You are an awesome dude. I feel so gutted seeing everyone else with their girlfriend and when my cousin tells me of all the girls he's slept with. I believe I've had sexual anorexia for a long time where I want a girl but I feel I don't deserve it or no one would want me so I starve myself from something I want. I feel immense shame and feelings of missing out when I'm told stuff like this by my cousin and others. Please do not lose hope. There is nothing wrong with you, what's wrong is just your view on yourself. I would really suggest investing in therapy or attending a social anxiety support group to really open up and talk about how you feel in a compassionate environment; then a lot of the fear starts to decrease as you've shared it with people who are willing and able to help. Try to compassionately open yourself up to the right women (kind and friendly ones); start by conversing with those who you get along with who aren't so attractive and just work your way up to the girl who terrifies you. There is hope and please do not feel depressed as I had thoughts only yesterday of killing myself as I'm really experiencing the same thing. Try to really open yourself up to the right people including women as much as you can. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin or those 'losers' or 'nerds' at school. We are all people and we have the right to be whoever we are and there should be no form of discrimination even to those who lack sexual experience.