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    Hi

    I don't normally post in here but just feeling realy frustrated. When I was younger, I was severely underweight- 5ft6 and about 45kg. Since going to university I picked up sports, ate more and more healthily and have grown to 5ft8 and now 58-59kg which is a lot better. I go to the gym 4 times a week and am realy into it. I've graduated from uni now and have moved back home to start a new job cos I wanna save up money to buy my own place. The problem is that my mum doesn't cook enough and she cooks the wrong things. She likes putting a lot of salt and oil into things and cooks nowhere near enough. I've lost 5kg over about 3 weeks.

    I didn't say anything because she doesn't work and is a housewife. Whenever I bring things up I'm not happy with, even though I'm being polite, she takes it personally and starts crying saying I'm ungrateful for what she does and she puts so muhc effort in I should just accept what she does etc etc. My boyfriend said as I've been losing stupid amounts of weight and getting very lethargic, I should say something. It turned into a huge argument where (surprise surprise) she brought up the "she doesn't work, stays at home, cooks for everyone, I should appreciate her more" babble.

    Now everything's awkward. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm always the one who is in the wrong even though I have done nothing wrong.

    What do you all think? There's tonnes of other family issues there basically around my parents putting too much pressure on me (successfully) to achieve academically.
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    Try cooking your own food?
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    why dont u cook for yourself? that way u can eat what u want?
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    Well I can but I didn't want to segregate myself from everyone else as family meals are important. I've tried hinting to her and offering to cook but she makes excuses about how there's something else that she's planned.
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    You could try making it look like you want to help out, give her a day off from cooking so you can cook the family a nice meal and then cook something really healthy that will fill you up..
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    Why don't you offer to cook a meal for the family a couple of times a week? That way you can cook enough for yourself and give your Mum some time off...am sure she won't mind as long as you do it tactfully, and don't make it obvious that you think she doesn't cook well.
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    Cook your own meals, or offer to cook for your family. Perhaps suggest ways in which your mums cooking could be healthier, but don't make it sound like criticism. Try to arrange it so you cook for your family a few nights a week.
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    As others have suggested, why don't you offer to cook for your family? You'd be doing something about the house to show your gratitude for how much they give to you (I know how lame that sounds, but it might cheer them up a bit) That way you have control over the food, in a polite way?

    Your mother will take everything super personally because to her, it seems she is being a crap parent and naturally that's quite depressing. perhaps you could have shown her your weight and said "I've lost half a stone in three weeks, it wasn't like this when I cooked for myself, I just think I need a bit more/carbs/less oil/salt" etc.

    ....or summat along those lines. Be as tactful as possible.
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    I offered to cook fish pie and dessert tonight so she could take the night off and I could surprise my dad but she said she had planned something else (which turned out to be really bad!)
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    (Original post by -pixie-)
    Well I can but I didn't want to segregate myself from everyone else as family meals are important. I've tried hinting to her and offering to cook but she makes excuses about how there's something else that she's planned.
    you wouldnt be? im asian and we have a proper full on asian meals at home and since im back from uni i been eating healthy and stuff and i just cook along with my mum what i want and she'll cook wot shes making for everyone else, and we all still eat together regardless. theres 6 girls in my house and we all have different tastes, so meal times is never one set meal. it shouldnt really make a difference, just coz ur going to cook your own food dont mean u cnt sit with them
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    Well tell her right now you are cooking tomorrow night, that way she can't plan anything.
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    (Original post by -pixie-)
    I offered to cook fish pie and dessert tonight so she could take the night off and I could surprise my dad but she said she had planned something else (which turned out to be really bad!)
    Bad how? Is she a bad cook or is the food unhealthy?
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    (Original post by Lalli)
    you wouldnt be? im asian and we have a proper full on asian meals at home and since im back from uni i been eating healthy and stuff and i just cook along with my mum what i want and she'll cook wot shes making for everyone else, and we all still eat together regardless. theres 6 girls in my house and we all have different tastes, so meal times is never one set meal. it shouldnt really make a difference, just coz ur going to cook your own food dont mean u cnt sit with them

    I understand.. what I meant was I thought it might seem a bit stupid with me and my boyfriend eating something different to my parents even roudn the same table! Also ends up as a bit more hassle and money. I guess that might be the only way though.
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    to be fair... if its unhealthy for you, maybe you should say that because of your metabolism or what ever it would be (im assuming the rest of your family are fine on this food?) maybe it woud be best for you if she would be able to maybe try some new recipies or something?
    im guesing from what you've said of your mums reaction she likes to be able to take care of you (based on her not wanting to let you cook your own food)
    its like my gran if we ask her to cook anything for us or collect anything she thanks us for letting her and for needing her, maybe your mum feels a little like that? that she likes the fact that you need her again now your back from uni?
    and im sure if you point out that for you personally its unhealthy she will be more than happy to consider some changes? you know point out that you are grateful of what she does, but point out that currently for you personally it isnt healthy...


    oorrrr if you dont think this will work for you, and your mum
    maybe sneakily find some recipes that would be good for you and you think your family would like and say to your mum something like "i found this do you reckon we could have a special meal on ....day and try it out? it looks nice!"
    obviously the cooking is important to your mum and this way she would still feel in control

    x
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    (Original post by Basil Hallward)
    Bad how? Is she a bad cook or is the food unhealthy?
    A bit of both.. but more the food is unhealthy. And my boyfriend who plays rugby has managed to lose 30 pounds! There's not gonna be anything left of us! I'll try and push for me cooking for everyone more and make sure she can't plan anything.
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    go stock up on pot noodles sorted
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    Move in with your boyfriend? Parents are nice to visit every now and again but to live with? Uh-uh.
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    Move in with your boyfriend? Parents are nice to visit every now and again but to live with? Uh-uh.
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    Offer to cook now and then and make it sound like you appreciate how hard your mum works and want to give her time off. She'll be happy and you'll be happy. Win-Win!
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    Haha, yeah I knew there would be a bit of tension moving in with parents but I have to be in London because of my job. I guess my lifestyle has changed a lot since being at uni- a lot more healthy (ironically) and doing a lot more sport makes me crave certain foods- protein, carbs etc, but she doesn't recognise this.

    I do try and offer to cook but I guess I havne't pushed it enough.
 
 
 
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