Badges: 7
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
hi can you guys mark my attempt and english language paper one question 4 please a mark and some improvements please andif you have any model answers to any of the questions yourselves that will be SO HELPFUL

This part of the story, where Mr Fisher is marking homework, shows Tibbet’s story is better than Mr Fisher expected, and his reaction is extreme.’
To what extent do you agree? In your response, you could
: • consider your own impressions of what Mr Fisher expected Tibbet’s homework to be like
• evaluate how the writer conveys Mr Fisher’s reaction to what he discovers
• support your response with references to the text
I strongly agree that the writer conveys the feeling that Mr. Fisher thinks that Tibbet’s story is better than his and this is clear to see as Mr. Fishers standards of Tibbets work changes throughout the extract. I think that in the beginning Mr. Fisher has low expectations of Tibbets story as he described Tibbet as being “not a brilliant scholar at all means” and that “he had obviously done part of his homework on the bus” which could perhaps infer Mr. Fishers pre-determined judgement of Tibbet. Mr. Fisher also expresses that reading his work is a chore and that he’d rather “be home,dinner,bed” the use of the triple shows what he would rather be doing that reading his story but as Mr. Fisher begins to read his work I feel that Mr. Fisher is extreme because he is very surprised at the calibre of his work as he re reads it but “critically this time” which suggests that by him re reading so meticulously, as he was “marking off the paragraphs with notes in red”, could show that he puts more effort into marking his work so he could have a higher expectation of it.
I also believe that Mr.Fisher that he is overwhelmed by the emotion when shows and has extreme reaction as he is marking Tibbets work. When he re reads it “His breathing quickened, stopped, quickened again. He began to sweat” this reflects the movement of a heartbeat which connotes feeling of pride and heightened emotions, emotions which he may have not felt in a long time as there are described , as if a long unused muscle had been brought into action. The simile infers that he is very passionate towards Tibbets works which contrast with the lack of emotion felt before marking the piece.
Badges: 12
Report 9 months ago
okay ill have a shot at helping you
on this line (I think that in the beginning Mr. Fisher has low expectations of) I'd get rid of 'I think that' and just put that 'in the beginning...'. I know it asks your opinion but this is a stronger statement and still shows your view.
on that same sentence, change some of the 'tibbets' to 'he' because you say tibbet about three times.
good use of talking about the triple, try to use more vocab like this (simile, emotive language, exaggeration). If you look online for literary techniques there should be a bunch of lists of vocab you can use.
I'd split some of your sentences up because some of them are wayyyy too long. this one in particular: Mr. Fisher also expresses that reading his work...
remember to proofread,
Take the start of the sentence below for example
I also believe that Mr.Fisher that he is overwhelmed by the emotion when shows and has extreme reaction as he is marking Tibbets
That's yours^. Personally I'd rewrite it like this to make your whole writing a bit clearer.
I also believe Mr Fisher is emotionally overwhelmed, shown through his extreme reaction when marking Tibbet's essay
I think going through over you've written and editing and proofreading your sentences so they are more concise and less wordy would really help.
Overall it's pretty good . You've got some good points in there, just try and analyse your quotes a little more and proofread. I don't have a mark sheet sorry, just a literature degree, so I'm not able to give you a mark, but hopefully the comments are useful.
Hope this helps
Badges: 1
Report 3 weeks ago
yeah the answer is really nice but isn't the content too short for a 20 mark answer?

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