what can i do with my life Watch

Anonymous #1
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i used to be happy and confident when i was younger but then people started to take the piss out of me calling me ugly and weird, ive become withdrawn and i have awful anxiety and cant socialise anymore.

everyone in my school still calls me ugly and its just depressing, i have no friends and my parents are **** so im alone

im worried uni will be the same, im leaving my school in 6 months and will start uni shortly after but i cant even talk to people anymore, what if everyone just treats me the same.

what can i do to turn my life around
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Jess.1819
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There’s people for everyone, you just have to find the right group of people, treat uni as a fresh start, ik it’s hard but just be yourself and talk to people. By doing this you’ll find the people you fit in with, uni is a great place to do this and a lot of people stay friends with there uni friends long after they leave.

If you struggle to talk to people practice conversation starters (relevant to your interests) and make sure your body language is open, people will come to you and if you show who you are you’ll attract similar people. I know everyone says this but if you’re different you will get treated like **** by the ones that ‘fit in’ (especially at school) and that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you and it doesn’t mean you’re always going to be alone, by uni most people start maturing more so it gets better.

I also struggle to talk to people but I’ve slowly discovered it’s because I am putting so much pressure on myself to get along with these people because I’m utterly terrified of being alone, this makes me subconsciously filter everything I’m thinking to say cause I’m so worried of getting it wrong but doing this isolates you and it gets you nothing but fake relationships. The best advice I can give you is to be yourself and stop worrying so much about what others think of you (Ik it’s the hardest thing when you feel like this) and it’ll come naturally, it may take a bit of time and it might take a bit of searching but you’re not going to be alone forever.

You can send me a private message if you ever need someone to talk to, I find it always helps just having someone else’s perspective to bring you back to earth.
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Rainbowrain92
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i used to be happy and confident when i was younger but then people started to take the piss out of me calling me ugly and weird, ive become withdrawn and i have awful anxiety and cant socialise anymore.

everyone in my school still calls me ugly and its just depressing, i have no friends and my parents are **** so im alone

im worried uni will be the same, im leaving my school in 6 months and will start uni shortly after but i cant even talk to people anymore, what if everyone just treats me the same.

what can i do to turn my life around
Hello you seem really lovely. This is your classic school bully's. Good knews they don't exist in uni I can tell you that! Everyone is alone and is trying to make friends. So let it be your play ground. Go to all the events your interested in not to meet people but because you enjoy them. My first uni event was a Foam party never had been to one but a club was to make friends with people to party with I'm not much of party animal so I made friends in the library and by joining a walking society where we all went to snowdonia that was good because you spend allot of time with people and therefore it's easier to make friends baking cakes, offering tea and hot chocolate to people gets you remembered! And you get allot of thank yous!

Actually at work I bring in baked cakes I am known for this makes you popular quick!

More good knews it's not about what you look like is about who you are and what you do! We all get old and our looks fade what counts is the positivity we give ourself and others!

Ps please take this away. F OTHERS opinions of you, your opinion of you is what counts. Uni is for doing a topic you love and discovering things you love and make you happy I joined dance society and made no friends I am actually picky with friends and people I have around me, but I LOVE dance and moving my body in odd ways! So I enjoy dance class. Also joined walking club where they often two 2 day weekend trips some where pretty I love going I take audio books and my snacks and we all share food!

For these 6 months stand up for your self at school if they say your this or your that simply say one time in a calm fashion I am not and smile and continue with what your doing. Don't let it show it bothered you. In form your teachers to be aware so if they can see it happening they can intervene. Bullies look for a reaction when they don't get anything they get bored. Even better if you can help a bully they tend to remember that. In uni I had this girl that was horrible to me not that I cared and she was stressed about an essay that I had completed. So I showed her my essay and send her some good journals and books from our online library! Guess who loves me now lol! Not that I care! I don't opt to hang out with her but she is really nice to me know and says hello!

I choose nice people to have in my life that wouldn't want to bully or hurt anyone else! So you may not want to be friends with them but I do hate bullying and would like them to leave you be. Don't react to bullying and inform the teacher privitely and they will observe. When you let them know in privite, it doesn't look like you have told on them because they are more aware they will look out more and if they see any sign of bullying they will say I saw that and start changing this the bulky thinks oh I GOT Caught not oh she/he told on me!!

Keep your head down In the books and pull it up to have fun doing things you like and spend time with family and friends

Gcse I had no friend I did really well because instead of playing and doing nothing I studied and now I am older I have a few best friends but they are worth their weight in gold. There's a book I read about communication skills and people skills it gave some great advise about how to listen and communicate with others. One thing I learned is 'be interested' if you have interest in what people are saying genuine interest then man do they want to talk to you! Reading is a great thing sometimes!

Sorry its been such a long message!
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Anonymous #2
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oh man you're just describing my own life story right about now so sadly i don't have an answer for you. guess i just wanted to tell you - same!
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Delusion6
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honestly uni is nowhere near the same as college and school. you will be amongst FAR better people who are much more mature and will treat you like a human, trust me. I had the same anxieties when starting uni and you will see that its worlds apart from anything you had expected. People are there to work and progress, not judge people on what they do or don't have. also there will be many older people as fellow students. i had people in their 30s and 40s in my classes. I loved my uni experience, I don't know anyone who didn't. I think you will enjoy it too. Try not to overthink it too much which I know is easier said than done.
Last edited by Delusion6; 2 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
oh man you're just describing my own life story right about now so sadly i don't have an answer for you. guess i just wanted to tell you - same!
well its reassuring to know im not the only one going through this situation, hopefully things will work out ok for us in the end
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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(Original post by Jess.1819)
There’s people for everyone, you just have to find the right group of people, treat uni as a fresh start, ik it’s hard but just be yourself and talk to people. By doing this you’ll find the people you fit in with, uni is a great place to do this and a lot of people stay friends with there uni friends long after they leave.

If you struggle to talk to people practice conversation starters (relevant to your interests) and make sure your body language is open, people will come to you and if you show who you are you’ll attract similar people. I know everyone says this but if you’re different you will get treated like **** by the ones that ‘fit in’ (especially at school) and that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you and it doesn’t mean you’re always going to be alone, by uni most people start maturing more so it gets better.

I also struggle to talk to people but I’ve slowly discovered it’s because I am putting so much pressure on myself to get along with these people because I’m utterly terrified of being alone, this makes me subconsciously filter everything I’m thinking to say cause I’m so worried of getting it wrong but doing this isolates you and it gets you nothing but fake relationships. The best advice I can give you is to be yourself and stop worrying so much about what others think of you (Ik it’s the hardest thing when you feel like this) and it’ll come naturally, it may take a bit of time and it might take a bit of searching but you’re not going to be alone forever.

You can send me a private message if you ever need someone to talk to, I find it always helps just having someone else’s perspective to bring you back to earth.
thanks for your comment, im just worried uni will be the same, what if everyone there thinks im ugly and just treats me the same. aswell its not just like its the people in my school who call me ugly, whenever i walk around and go outside people stare at me and occasionaly hear people call me ugly, it just gives me awful anxiety and i rarely leave my house anymore apart from school and if i do leave my house i cant go out without a hood on.

ill definitely try practice someone conversation starters, i just dont know if its too late, i havent really had a conversation with anyone for a couple of years and i completely devoid of any social skills which i feel like are too late to develop
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Jess.1819
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thanks for your comment, im just worried uni will be the same, what if everyone there thinks im ugly and just treats me the same. aswell its not just like its the people in my school who call me ugly, whenever i walk around and go outside people stare at me and occasionaly hear people call me ugly, it just gives me awful anxiety and i rarely leave my house anymore apart from school and if i do leave my house i cant go out without a hood on.

ill definitely try practice someone conversation starters, i just dont know if its too late, i havent really had a conversation with anyone for a couple of years and i completely devoid of any social skills which i feel like are too late to develop
I can tell you now you aren’t devoid of social skills cause you’re talking to us, you’re just inexperienced and it’s never too late to learn, people are constantly learning. You’re gonna make mistakes and that’s fine it’s just important to be you, if you feel you’ve done something wrong just explain your situation and decent people will understand.

And about people calling you ugly there’s a lot you can do to improve your appearance, eat well, exercise and make sure you’re hygienic (one of the most important things), maybe get a new haircut etc. I can’t tell you the difference it makes just looking after yourself, it won’t change bone structure but honestly it really helps, I myself think I’m pretty ugly (bad bone structure especially in my face) but I lost a lot of weight and looked after myself and after that I got called names a lot less, I even got a boyfriend. I’m still not the most attractive person but looking after yourself really makes a difference and not everyone is obsessed with appearance and it especially shouldn’t matter for friends (if they care then they aren’t worth it).
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Jess.1819)

And about people calling you ugly there’s a lot you can do to improve your appearance, eat well, exercise and make sure you’re hygienic (one of the most important things), maybe get a new haircut etc. I can’t tell you the difference it makes just looking after yourself, it won’t change bone structure but honestly it really helps, I myself think I’m pretty ugly (bad bone structure especially in my face) but I lost a lot of weight and looked after myself and after that I got called names a lot less, I even got a boyfriend. I’m still not the most attractive person but looking after yourself really makes a difference and not everyone is obsessed with appearance and it especially shouldn’t matter for friends (if they care then they aren’t worth it).
i already do all of these things though but people still think im ugly, i eat healthy,im not overweight or skinny and im pretty lean, i go to the gym 4 times a week, shower every other day and style my hair. everyone still thinks im ugly, personally i dont think im ugly, i would like to think im pretty average looking but weird at the same time, i have a really big head and just kinda stand out from others in a bad way.
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Jess.1819
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i already do all of these things though but people still think im ugly, i eat healthy,im not overweight or skinny and im pretty lean, i go to the gym 4 times a week, shower every other day and style my hair. everyone still thinks im ugly, personally i dont think im ugly, i would like to think im pretty average looking but weird at the same time, i have a really big head and just kinda stand out from others in a bad way.
Honestly then I think your best bet is time, I think your circumstances have put you around groups of really horrible people cause idk anyone who’s unattractive enough when they look after themselves in every way they can to warrant that sort of reaction from others, ik I don’t know what you look like but from what you’ve told me I don’t think you are ugly and you yourself don’t think you are so that says a lot (we are our own worst critics after all).

Honestly the people at your school have probably noticed you react to them saying that (even if that’s just you drawing away from people) and they probably see it as some sick game. If you’re an outcast you will get picked on even for things that aren’t normally a big deal which is a horrible, horrible thing but a lot of the time it’s a part of going through school and it gets better as you get older and people start to value different things.

I’m really sorry this is happening to you and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but it will get better you just have to give it time.
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shebk
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This is quite bully!
In fact, appearance isn't as important as ability. Do you study well in school?
I guess there would be much fewer people bullying you in university
Last edited by shebk; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by shebk)
This is quite bully!
Are you boy or girl?
In fact, appearance isn't as important as ability. Do you study well in school?
I guess there would be much fewer people bullying you in university
im a guy, it seems like everyone at my school judges me for the way i look, i study pretty well
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da_nolo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i used to be happy and confident when i was younger but then people started to take the piss out of me calling me ugly and weird, ive become withdrawn and i have awful anxiety and cant socialise anymore.

everyone in my school still calls me ugly and its just depressing, i have no friends and my parents are **** so im alone

im worried uni will be the same, im leaving my school in 6 months and will start uni shortly after but i cant even talk to people anymore, what if everyone just treats me the same.

what can i do to turn my life around
1. your title doesn't match your original post quoted above. "what can I do with my life?" has many answers that have nothing to do with how you look or how others perceive your "look." "what can I do" involves actions, and well you can do many things. your biggest barrier is not how others think you look but how you treat yourself. consider how you can get out of your head and stop repeating what others have said about your own image. catch yourself, then focus and preoccupy your mind on other things. if this issue continues, then a therapy may be a good option. please no drugs. straight edge is way to be.

2. there are multiple ways to respond to comments or how others look at you. please consider how others responded in this thread and other ways to deal with bullying. one is mentioned in point 1. I like the third option bathoon theory from movie Angus. a little joke that feels good because we accept our suffering and identify ways to change it. sometimes showing others that you will not hide does the job. each situation is different, so our responses and our behavior need to adapt. our smarts needs to adapt.

3. happy. just like sadness, happy is temporary. it comes and goes. the lasting feeling of achievement and content is joy. I follow this principle and accept the things I can not change. to help with joy and happiness, I turn to God. many have coincided to these understandings in different ways. either way, I have come to appreciate concepts from following videos.
https://youtu.be/UtBsl3j0YRQ
https://youtu.be/36m1o-tM05g

first is about being and finding gratefulness
second is philosophy on being happy with life.
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