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    I have two friends online that I've known for about eight years, although I've met up with one in person, and also he's going to University with me in September. They're both friends online with each other. Anyway, first person who I haven't met had a random outburst at me about a week ago telling me that I'm too negative, and that it's both draining and also irritating speaking to me. Granted I have complained about a few things in the past few weeks to her, but I didn't think it was more than normal. Anyway, she told me randomly that she 'couldn't help me' and deleted me from her MSN/Facebook/LJ which became mutual.

    Anyway, my other friend heard about what happened and said that he agreed with her, and that I was probably pushing him away in the same way. I sometimes get into conversations with him about how I feel about certain things, maybe if I'm feeling inadequate about something. This is about once every two weeks or a little less, but I think it's mainly been due to A-level/exam stress. I've also been suicidal to him two or three times which was due to stress from major things.

    I feel guilty that I make him feel this way, but equally I thought that friends are meant to be there to listen to each other's problems, so should I? None of my other friends have seemed to have any kind of problem which is why I find it strange that these two have - I don't speak to most of them any differently. I kind of get the idea that they only want me to talk to when I'm being happy/amusing and then doesn't want to know when something's wrong? I don't want to censor myself when I'm feeling bad about something, but I also don't want to lose that friendship too especially as we met. So yeah, any advice? :/
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    Your aware this isnt Anon?

    And they sound like Crap friends to abandon a suicidal friend in his hour of need.
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    (Original post by trefusis128)
    Your aware this isnt Anon?

    And they sound like Crap friends to abandon a suicidal friend in his hour of need.
    Yeah, I know, it's not really that important as I'm quite sure neither will see this by the time they come online again.

    I kind of thought so... I was having a really bad time back in January and some other friends of mine truly helped me through it, it was just totally different.
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    True friends should accept you fully as you are- your a whole package, you shouldn't have to hide behind a contrived face of joy if inside your hurting- a true friend would see straight through is anyway.

    If the help, they are good friends. If I run away from the duty/responsibility they have as your mate- they ain't
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    If you are negative all the time, you have to understand it can get on people's nerves. I have an old school friend (well, more like, friend of a friend) who is like that. They always go on about how crap he has it, how **** he's feeling etc. I don't know what it's like for girls but I don't want to hear that ****e all the time.
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    (Original post by trefusis128)
    True friends should accept you fully as you are- your a whole package, you shouldn't have to hide behind a contrived face of joy if inside your hurting- a true friend would see straight through is anyway.

    If the help, they are good friends. If I run away from the duty/responsibility they have as your mate- they ain't
    I don't know, the first one I mentioned was useless but the other one has listened to me when I've been like that, but he hasn't really offered any advice I guess... I'm mainly just worried from what he told me that he'll snap at me and ditch me in the same way as the first one. A couple of nights before one of my final exams I was really really stressed because of both the exam and something he said to hurt me (which he timed right before the exam - he said later on he'd rather have jeopardised my exam success than keep it on his chest a few more days). I got suicidal, and he was the only one awake that I could talk to so I tried to get his reassurance. He just said he couldn't deal with it and left, which being unstable at the time I found even harder to deal with. I don't know.
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    (Original post by Overmars)
    If you are negative all the time, you have to understand it can get on people's nerves. I have an old school friend (well, more like, friend of a friend) who is like that. They always go on about how crap he has it, how **** he's feeling etc. I don't know what it's like for girls but I don't want to hear that **** all the time.
    I do understand this, but it's hardly all the time. I asked a few of my other friends and they said they didn't know what I was talking about and that I'm no more negative than the next person. I don't mind if people talk to me about their problems as long as it isn't all the time, and I know I'm positive 90% of the time anyway because I've been keeping a mental record of when I am.
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    (Original post by JocastaJackal)
    I do understand this, but it's hardly all the time. I asked a few of my other friends and they said they didn't know what I was talking about and that I'm no more negative than the next person. I don't mind if people talk to me about their problems as long as it isn't all the time, and I know I'm positive 90% of the time anyway because I've been keeping a mental record of when I am.
    If that's the case then clearly it's not your problem. It's theirs.

    I'm just saying -- there are people that seem permanently depressed and miserable. They'll have a moan and a whine at anything. It seems you're adamant you're not like that....so what do you want advice for?
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    (Original post by Overmars)
    If that's the case then clearly it's not your problem. It's theirs.

    I'm just saying -- there are people that seem permanently depressed and miserable. They'll have a moan and a whine at anything. It seems you're adamant you're not like that....so what do you want advice for?
    Mainly just wondering if that kind of friendship is worth persuing if I have to censor myself when I'm upset around them. The reason why it means so much to me is that I've known them for years and we're going to the same Uni, I enjoy talking to them, so having a real friendship in person would be great. But I don't know if it's worth it if it's going to be like this.
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    I must say, I totally sympathise. I am entirely there for any of my friends whenever they're feeling **** for any reason, and there's very few that are actually there for me, and I've been through similar stuff. I don't know why this happens, but I can honestly say that if they don't want to listen to you when you're having a bad time, it's inaccurate to say they're "not real friends", but perhaps they see friendship differently to how you do.
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    it's inaccurate to say they're "not real friends", but perhaps they see friendship differently to how you do.
    Yeah, actually you're probably completely right by saying this. To me, acquaintences are people I just enjoy talking to but don't feel particularly like I have the emotional engagement to help them at a time like that, and friends are people who I do have it for. I guess I see him more as a 'friend' and he sees me as an 'acquaintence', which would make sense.
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    (Original post by JocastaJackal)
    Mainly just wondering if that kind of friendship is worth persuing if I have to censor myself when I'm upset around them. The reason why it means so much to me is that I've known them for years and we're going to the same Uni, I enjoy talking to them, so having a real friendship in person would be great. But I don't know if it's worth it if it's going to be like this.
    Meh, **** 'em. Don't make a point of avoiding them. You say you get on with the guy, no? If it ever reaches a stage where he wants to avoid you/doesn't want to listen to you, then just don't spend as much time with him.

    You're going to be at uni. The chances that you'll run into them (provided they're not in your classes) if you don't plan to are very small. Don't worry :yy:
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    (Original post by Overmars)
    Meh, **** 'em. Don't make a point of avoiding them. You say you get on with the guy, no? If it ever reaches a stage where he wants to avoid you/doesn't want to listen to you, then just don't spend as much time with him.

    You're going to be at uni. The chances that you'll run into them (provided they're not in your classes) if you don't plan to are very small. Don't worry :yy:
    I suppose it's worth trying to be friends in person but there's always that if we don't get on.

    I just feel weird to feel guilty about being honest about how I feel, and now I've consciously stopped voicing it to anyone now for the most part when something bothers me emotionally, since I had that argument.
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    (Original post by JocastaJackal)
    Yeah, actually you're probably completely right by saying this. To me, acquaintences are people I just enjoy talking to but don't feel particularly like I have the emotional engagement to help them at a time like that, and friends are people who I do have it for. I guess I see him more as a 'friend' and he sees me as an 'acquaintence', which would make sense.
    And, you being female, this is hardly a surprise. Men are often a lot less open and a lot more secretive and withdrawn, meaning that the idea of "friendship" being extended to people you share some sort of emotional engagement with is largely nonsensical, because that kind of emotional engagement - if it happens at all - mostly only really happens between absolute best friends or in a relationship.

    Sigh. I sympathise.
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    And, you being female, this is hardly a surprise. Men are often a lot less open and a lot more secretive and withdrawn, meaning that the idea of "friendship" being extended to people you share some sort of emotional engagement with is largely nonsensical, because that kind of emotional engagement - if it happens at all - mostly only really happens between absolute best friends or in a relationship.

    Sigh. I sympathise.
    Yeah, that sounds pretty much it. I probably find it weird because a lot of my friends are gay men and in general they seem to be a lot more emotionally in touch which is why I'm not used to it here. You've probably pretty much explained it in the best possible way.
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    As a male i do not think friends exist solely to comfort each other and i can understand how a friend who required constant reassurance would be very irritating. I would quite happily support a friend who had major problems, such as a death in the family or something of the same magnitude, however if a friend was once every week or two weeks unable to cope with a minor problem and i felt they were simply over dramatic, it would strain the relationship. I'd rather spend time enjoying my friends company rather than discussing their problems, especially if those problems seemed insoluble. There are only so many times you can tell someone they are not ugly, unintelligent or considered a freak by their peers.

    I think part of being an adult is dealing with ones own problems, i doubt these problems you face every week or two weeks are genuinely that serious.
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    (Original post by George231086)
    As a male i do not think friends exist solely to comfort each other and i can understand how a friend who required constant reassurance would be very irritating. I would quite happily support a friend who had major problems, such as a death in the family or something of the same magnitude, however if a friend was once every week or two weeks unable to cope with a minor problem and i felt they were simply over dramatic, it would strain the relationship. I'd rather spend time enjoying my friends company rather than discussing their problems, especially if those problems seemed insoluble. There are only so many times you can tell someone they are not ugly, unintelligent or considered a freak by their peers.

    I think part of being an adult is dealing with ones own problems, i doubt these problems you face every week or two weeks are genuinely that serious.
    Agree 100% with this. ^
 
 
 
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