FWB - I need advice!

So I’ve been seeing a guy for a month now. It seems like he has feelings for me - and I have feelings for him - but I’ve been led on before and don’t have a ton of experience dating, as I was in a very long relationship until several months ago.. So I keep second guessing myself. I don’t know what to do! I’m afraid that it’s too soon to express my feelings and that it might scare him away... but I’m also afraid that I’ll seem too uninterested in a romantic relationship and cause him to move on. I love how things are going and don’t want them to stop.

We’ve hung out once or twice a week for the last month. We have amazing chemistry- some of the best sex I’ve ever had. We’ve texted every single day since we met - he even texted me to tell me happy birthday to my daughter, and he asks about my day and sends me music. We are both single parents and we have a ton in common and a ton to talk about when we’re together. He’s cooked me dinner, breakfast, or both several times, I’ve stayed over every time I’ve seen him and we’ve slept cuddled up very closely each night, we usually watch a movie and hold hands or snuggle after we hook up. We spent Christmas Eve together rather than spending the evening alone. He always hugs me and kisses me goodbye in the morning. He even took me out to a movie and dinner last week (his idea), and recently he sent me a remix of “Singing in the Rain” (the sun’s in my heart / I’m ready for love”) with a bunch of heart emojis.

Do men act this way when they aren’t interested in a romantic relationship? Do I tell him how I feel or ask him how he feels? Or do I just let things continue to develop how they are going? The closeness, companionship, sex, and cuddling is amazing - so amazing that I’m really, really afraid of losing him.

Help!

Hey why don't you ask him how he feels? There's no need to overreact about it, just ask him what he wants out of it but also don't be too direct about it, just say something like "hey ****, where do you think we're headed? How do you feel about us?"

I’m terrified to do it. I’m really afraid I won’t get the answer that I want.. and I’m afraid that, if he does just want to keep things casual, asking such a question will push him away. As much as I would enjoy him being my boyfriend, I would rather have him in my life than not have him, even if it is a casual thing. I get the impression that any dude in his right mind should understand that how he is behaving would inspire feelings in their partner, but I know pressure to commit or decide things early on can scare people away…

Aside from a couple of hook ups this is the first person I have been really casually dating in 8 years. I’m bad at this haha

You wouldn't want him to have a different idea of what you guys are though, right? You say you'd rather have him in your life than not have him at all but you can't just settle for anything because you're afraid of rejection. Be casual about it and don't interrogate him, just make sure you two have similar expectations and that you won't be disappointed if something you don't like happens in the future.

So I’ve been seeing a guy for a month now. It seems like he has feelings for me - and I have feelings for him - but I’ve been led on before and don’t have a ton of experience dating, as I was in a very long relationship until several months ago.. So I keep second guessing myself. I don’t know what to do! I’m afraid that it’s too soon to express my feelings and that it might scare him away... but I’m also afraid that I’ll seem too uninterested in a romantic relationship and cause him to move on. I love how things are going and don’t want them to stop.

We’ve hung out once or twice a week for the last month. We have amazing chemistry- some of the best sex I’ve ever had. We’ve texted every single day since we met - he even texted me to tell me happy birthday to my daughter, and he asks about my day and sends me music. We are both single parents and we have a ton in common and a ton to talk about when we’re together. He’s cooked me dinner, breakfast, or both several times, I’ve stayed over every time I’ve seen him and we’ve slept cuddled up very closely each night, we usually watch a movie and hold hands or snuggle after we hook up. We spent Christmas Eve together rather than spending the evening alone. He always hugs me and kisses me goodbye in the morning. He even took me out to a movie and dinner last week (his idea), and recently he sent me a remix of “Singing in the Rain” (the sun’s in my heart / I’m ready for love”) with a bunch of heart emojis.

Do men act this way when they aren’t interested in a romantic relationship? Do I tell him how I feel or ask him how he feels? Or do I just let things continue to develop how they are going? The closeness, companionship, sex, and cuddling is amazing - so amazing that I’m really, really afraid of losing him.

Help!

Don't do anything. If you love it as it is then keep it that way. If you tell him you want him as a boyfriend there is a chance he says no and a chance that him as a boyfriend is not the same as him as he is now. A no-win scenario. Know that he is probably feeling the same way as you, so just look for hints and drop hints when you talk to eachother, and one of you will say it sooner or later...

Yeah… My only fear in that type of situation is that I will continue to develop these feelings only to not have them reciprocated. But I think you may be right. I don’t want him to think I’m not interested in an actual relationship but at the same time I don’t want him to feel pressured or pushed too early on. It has literally been exactly a month since we started hanging out. That’s pretty fast. He is very busy and he’s made a point of making time for me, so we’ve hung out probably 8 or 9 times in the last month, including a date and Xmas eve, but still, one month is a very short time.

I have dropped some hints and I’ve suggested a date to a basketball game recently (which he couldn’t go to, but he thanked me for asking). Before the date he took me on, as I was walking up to his house, I could hear him on speakerphone talking to some dude (it actually sounded like it might have been his dad?) and he said “I actually think she’s here now.” and the guy on the phone said “Awesome! Good luck buddy! Have fun!” And we did hold hands throughout the movie...

Yeah so he does like you clearly but has put up his defences due to his own past as he said to you. Just being who you are, you will break it down eventually. I think patience here is all that is required.

Thank you. That’s been kind of my instinct. I kind of imagine that maybe we are feeling the same way… Really into each other but really afraid of being hurt. I think being a single parent brings a component of vulnerability to the situation that we both feel and understand. When he told me that his feelings won’t be hurt at this point in his life I kind of took that as him saying that he won’t be offended if somebody isn’t into him romantically.
But I’m glad that I’m not crazy for thinking that these are some pretty obvious signals that he is genuinely into me beyond just hooking up. What would you do now? I don’t know how to subtly illustrate that I have feelings for him. I am generally a pretty straightforward and somewhat intense person

I would go out with him more. Outings are the best way to get to know someone, after you get to know eachother you will become closer. I would reveal how i felt in a couple of weeks maybe, just because you have to remember tthat the longer you leave it the more pain you could face...

I would go out with him more. Outings are the best way to get to know someone, after you get to know eachother you will become closer. I would reveal how i felt in a couple of weeks maybe, just because you have to remember tthat the longer you leave it the more pain you could face...

Part of me just wants to text him “Hey, we’ve been seeing each other for a month now and I’m having a great time. I think it’s pretty obvious that I like you a lot and I really enjoy spending time with you! I just wanted to check in and see how you’re feeling about everything ”. Do you think that would be weird? Haha

Haha no do not text that! The problem with texting is that you won't know his immediate reaction and you get back a well thought of/diplomatic response. So yeah i would just continue messaging him about anything other than meeting for just sex. If he entertains these other conversations then you know you are onto something, then hit him with something about how you feel in about 2/3 weeks.