Anyone good with people. How can i support my collegue?

Ok so basically I want to support my collegue at work but am not sure how to. I work at a similar grade to him and we are managing a team of 3 -4 but there is the main manager above us. Over the past year the collegue has been quite direct, but fair (i think) but our team always moaned about him, he went to work elsewhere for a while/got a promotion and i led the tesm for about 6 months, but this all ended so he’s come back with us. Im not a great leader im very passive/quiet and unassertive so i didnt get into too much conflict with the team. Since his return the team have started to be sarcastic to him/threatened to leave etc and the manager told him off for something.

Its a common thing that people moan about him at work but i think he does well, is approachable and was very supportive with me when i first started and went out his way to help. He has looked really downnand upset all day but i did nothing and i feel guilty in a way.

He gets stressed very easily so im often asking him if i can take any work off him (we share it anyway) but i feel that im not supporting him as i turn a blind eye to everything and never stick ip for him. In the past if ive tried to give emotional support he has sort of waved it off and acted all strong as though he has wanted me to shut up. So how can i stick up for him and support him more without falling out with the team. I also dont want to be too intrusive/over familiar as im female and it might look dodgy.

It sounds like you'll need to tread carefully so you want to support your colleague but also maintain a good working relationship with your team.

What exactly do they dislike about him so much, that they would even threaten to leave?

I know exactly. Well they say that they don’t dislike him as a person per see but he is very structured/controlling. He used to be in the police not sure if this has anything to do with it. He just likes to stick to sn agenda and for the team to do their tasks at set times, be back for such a time, be finished with admin at such a time. Also theres a lack of creativity he just likes to overlook every little detail, its basically micromanaging. I think it can be effective but doesnt 100 percent fit the culture of our workplace. He also ‘picks’ on one collegue who works very differently to him/doesnt follow his instructions. Ive found that he has been extremely supportive to me though

His style of management might not be to everyone's taste (no manager is going to please everyone - if it's a big enough issue then the higher-ups will eventually say something), but it's the bullying a colleague aspect I'd have an issue with. While I can appreciate that you don't have a problem with him from your perspective, his perceived sadness or stress doesn't give him an excuse to pick on others.

The collegue he has a problem with actually went agai nst one of my instructions right in front of me when i first started. I had problems with her too but im very passive/not a strong leader so I leave her to it. She constantly belittles him to other staff do there is 2 sides to this, they just dont get on.

It sounds like they're both as bad as each other frankly. I can't be a particularly nice atmosphere to work in. I think the best way to support your colleague is to recommend he speak to his supervisor (or whomever manages him) if he's unhappy. I don't think it's a good idea to 'tell off' your team for venting about him - I've had similar experiences working in a school environment, and people don't appreciate being told how to feel about someone. While you might not agree (and it may be a bit unprofessional of them to talk about him in front of others), they're allowed to talk about their concerns.

Yea it wont go down well if i tell them off for moaning but they do it in front of other professionals and im just like sat there not saying anything supposed to be in charge! His manager is also my manager she knows exactly what goes on and has started to defend the assistant more.

You've said that you're passive and not as assertive as your counterpart - I guess they feel more able to speak out in front of you knowing that they won't face any repercussions.

Yea they do but as you said people have freedom of speech and I know that if i say anything it’l give them ammunition. I wonder what others in the office (who arnt part of our direct team) think of it all/them misning about him when he’s not there). I oftennwonder what they think of me just sat there not saying anything when im supposed to be one of the collegues in charge. It difficult i suppose even for assertive people I probably will say something one day.