I can't meet the expectations on me - stress

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#1
Hi everyone, so recently my stress has been building. It all started in year 11, when I did fairly decently in my GCSEs (after working really really hard). I went to a pretty bad state school, and still do for sixth form, and my results are a lot higher than those around me.

However, I'm not naturally clever/the class genius lol, I genuinely did just work really hard. Now I'm in year 13, got good AS grades (which, again, worked really hard for) and my teachers have decided to label me as an absolute genius. I ask questions etc and obviously don''t understand things on first try, but my teachers just dismiss it (quote from today - 'with your results, I'm sure you can figure it out', took out my test results and went 'well yours is actually twice what anyone else got'). The comments have really started to build the pressure, and I feel like my teachers will all be so disappointed in me if I don't ace every test and exam.

This is all heightened by the fact that I applied to Oxford (ffs, didn't really even want to go) earlier in the year, and the acception/rejection date is next week. Last person to even get an oxford interview at my school was around 6 years ago, and teachers keep making comments like 'well when you're there', or 'you'll defo get in', when I went and saw the competition and am aware that's simply not the case.

In short, I'm getting really stressed at the expectations placed on me that I just can't meet - I was never smart, and always tried to combat the label - i just worked really hard.

I feel constantly sick every test and can't even bring myself to think about the summer exams.

Mock week is next week and I feel like crying every lesson I walk into.

Sorry for the rant, but can anyone suggest some help?

I hope this doesn't come off like I'm trying to big myself up or anything - genuinely not what I'm trying to do - want some tips for stress management.
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Déessee
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#2
Report 9 months ago
#2
Hey
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.
I understand how anxious and worried you may be feeling on a daily basis and that doesn't help at all with your exams / school work.

Have you spoken to anyone about this (friends, family, counsellor/therapist), sometimes speaking to someone can really help.

Also, I've been in a similar situation to you. I still to this day try to meet (and often fail) other people's expectations. It's not a nice feeling at all.

All I can really say is focus on YOU.
What do you want out of all of this?
At the end of the day, you're essentially putting pressure on yourself, therefore YOU are the only one who can take it off (make sense?)

Try taking some days off from 'working' for some rest. Do an activity you love, watch that movie/TV show, meditate or exercise if you want. Don't spend every hour thinking about work, about Oxford and about exams.
Give yourself a break too.

Wish you the best!
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
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(Original post by MiaNova)
Hey
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.
I understand how anxious and worried you may be feeling on a daily basis and that doesn't help at all with your exams / school work.

Have you spoken to anyone about this (friends, family, counsellor/therapist), sometimes speaking to someone can really help.

Also, I've been in a similar situation to you. I still to this day try to meet (and often fail) other people's expectations. It's not a nice feeling at all.

All I can really say is focus on YOU.
What do you want out of all of this?
At the end of the day, you're essentially putting pressure on yourself, therefore YOU are the only one who can take it off (make sense?)

Try taking some days off from 'working' for some rest. Do an activity you love, watch that movie/TV show, meditate or exercise if you want. Don't spend every hour thinking about work, about Oxford and about exams.
Give yourself a break too.

Wish you the best!
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply?

You're right about taking the pressure off myself - I've always been quite self conscious so feel like I constantly need to do what everyone else wants and please everyone - I need to step back a bit I think.

Considering going to talk to someone - feel pretty cringe with a teacher or family though, but will find someone...

Thank you for your reply x
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clueIxss
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I definitely agree with post #2. It can be extremely hard when everyone around you expects you to follow a certain path, but even if you do get into Oxford, if you don't want to go, nobody should pressure you to. Going to University is a huge huge step despite how increasingly common it's becoming, and you should choose the best one for you- not the most "prestigious". Oxbridge can be a very intense environment, and choosing a University should be about the specifics of the course you're doing, not necessarily always the Uni itself. Do some research into where you're applying and put your time and energy into a) a Uni you actually want to go to, and b) relaxing! A-Levels aren't for a little while yet, you can afford to have a bit of time where you don't think about them. Your life is your own- follow your own path, not the one everyone else sets out for you. <3
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Déessee
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply?

You're right about taking the pressure off myself - I've always been quite self conscious so feel like I constantly need to do what everyone else wants and please everyone - I need to step back a bit I think.

Considering going to talk to someone - feel pretty cringe with a teacher or family though, but will find someone...

Thank you for your reply x
No worries!
I'm here if you ever need someone to talk too :hugs:
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Muttley79
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone, so recently my stress has been building. It all started in year 11, when I did fairly decently in my GCSEs (after working really really hard). I went to a pretty bad state school, and still do for sixth form, and my results are a lot higher than those around me.

However, I'm not naturally clever/the class genius lol, I genuinely did just work really hard. Now I'm in year 13, got good AS grades (which, again, worked really hard for) and my teachers have decided to label me as an absolute genius. I ask questions etc and obviously don''t understand things on first try, but my teachers just dismiss it (quote from today - 'with your results, I'm sure you can figure it out', took out my test results and went 'well yours is actually twice what anyone else got'). The comments have really started to build the pressure, and I feel like my teachers will all be so disappointed in me if I don't ace every test and exam.

This is all heightened by the fact that I applied to Oxford (ffs, didn't really even want to go) earlier in the year, and the acception/rejection date is next week. Last person to even get an oxford interview at my school was around 6 years ago, and teachers keep making comments like 'well when you're there', or 'you'll defo get in', when I went and saw the competition and am aware that's simply not the case.

In short, I'm getting really stressed at the expectations placed on me that I just can't meet - I was never smart, and always tried to combat the label - i just worked really hard.

I feel constantly sick every test and can't even bring myself to think about the summer exams.

Mock week is next week and I feel like crying every lesson I walk into.

Sorry for the rant, but can anyone suggest some help?

I hope this doesn't come off like I'm trying to big myself up or anything - genuinely not what I'm trying to do - want some tips for stress management.
I'm so sorry your school has done this to you. I'm sorry you felt pressured to apply to a uni you did not want to go to - it's not the best place for many degrees nor for many people. Offers, if made, can and are, rejected.

I'd consider missing/deferring mock week and taking the pressure right off now - talk to a teacher you trust and explain. Your teachers think they are helping you but they aren't really - try to explain that.

Which uni do you want to go to? PM me if you prefer - take care of yourself
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henleykt
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This is such a crappy position to be in. Please try not to let he pressure get to you. Make time for yourself and remember that the only person you have to do well for is yourself.
I had the same. I got amazing grades at gcse and then after all the pressure I felt from teacher comments in my a levels I cracked, decided I didn’t care and came out with crap a levels.
So honestly work hard, but do it for yourself and no one else.
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Ghostlady
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Definitely speak with parents about oxford. if you get an offer and dont want it, your best off speaking to them. Talk to them before the offer comes through. Tell them what your concerns are. Dont worry about your teachers, its your life, you do what you want.
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Dunnig Kruger
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Take an official Mensa IQ test. Make sure you do at least one practise / postal test before sitting the official one.

The official test will give you a good indication as to whether you are in the top 1% or 2% of the country when it comes to working through either the verbal reasoning or the shape patterns test.

If you don't want to go to Oxford, can I have your place please?:bird:

Read the classic Dale Carnegie book: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. See if your local library can get it, or buy a used copy off ebay.
I think it's an even better book than How to Win Friends and Influence People. You can read that book as well.
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Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
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(Original post by henleykt)
This is such a crappy position to be in. Please try not to let he pressure get to you. Make time for yourself and remember that the only person you have to do well for is yourself.
I had the same. I got amazing grades at gcse and then after all the pressure I felt from teacher comments in my a levels I cracked, decided I didn’t care and came out with crap a levels.
So honestly work hard, but do it for yourself and no one else.
This is what I'm worried about! Feel like starting to fail would completely take the pressure off, but then might not come out with decent grades.
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Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Take an official Mensa IQ test. Make sure you do at least one practise / postal test before sitting the official one.

The official test will give you a good indication as to whether you are in the top 1% or 2% of the country when it comes to working through either the verbal reasoning or the shape patterns test.

If you don't want to go to Oxford, can I have your place please?:bird:

Read the classic Dale Carnegie book: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. See if your local library can get it, or buy a used copy off ebay.
I think it's an even better book than How to Win Friends and Influence People. You can read that book as well.
Hahaha I'm 100 percent confident there isn't even a place for me there, and good luck to you! I've heard lots about that book, so will give it a read.

As for an IQ test, I don't even want to know my IQ. In myself I'm completely happy just doing my best and working hard, it's just the pressure from others.
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Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
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(Original post by Muttley79)
I'm so sorry your school has done this to you. I'm sorry you felt pressured to apply to a uni you did not want to go to - it's not the best place for many degrees nor for many people. Offers, if made, can and are, rejected.

I'd consider missing/deferring mock week and taking the pressure right off now - talk to a teacher you trust and explain. Your teachers think they are helping you but they aren't really - try to explain that.

Which uni do you want to go to? PM me if you prefer - take care of yourself
Not entirely sure where I want to go, like the look of Warwick because I feel like it's still got a great rep and also wouldn't feel like I was unbelievably stressed there...
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Marina_w
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone, so recently my stress has been building. It all started in year 11, when I did fairly decently in my GCSEs (after working really really hard). I went to a pretty bad state school, and still do for sixth form, and my results are a lot higher than those around me.

However, I'm not naturally clever/the class genius lol, I genuinely did just work really hard. Now I'm in year 13, got good AS grades (which, again, worked really hard for) and my teachers have decided to label me as an absolute genius. I ask questions etc and obviously don''t understand things on first try, but my teachers just dismiss it (quote from today - 'with your results, I'm sure you can figure it out', took out my test results and went 'well yours is actually twice what anyone else got'). The comments have really started to build the pressure, and I feel like my teachers will all be so disappointed in me if I don't ace every test and exam.

This is all heightened by the fact that I applied to Oxford (ffs, didn't really even want to go) earlier in the year, and the acception/rejection date is next week. Last person to even get an oxford interview at my school was around 6 years ago, and teachers keep making comments like 'well when you're there', or 'you'll defo get in', when I went and saw the competition and am aware that's simply not the case.

In short, I'm getting really stressed at the expectations placed on me that I just can't meet - I was never smart, and always tried to combat the label - i just worked really hard.

I feel constantly sick every test and can't even bring myself to think about the summer exams.

Mock week is next week and I feel like crying every lesson I walk into.

Sorry for the rant, but can anyone suggest some help?

I hope this doesn't come off like I'm trying to big myself up or anything - genuinely not what I'm trying to do - want some tips for stress management.
People work hard in study and real life, dont get so depressed, hard work is the key, genius people sometimes can get lazy and work hard people win over
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 9 months ago
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(Original post by Ghostlady)
Definitely speak with parents about oxford. if you get an offer and dont want it, your best off speaking to them. Talk to them before the offer comes through. Tell them what your concerns are. Dont worry about your teachers, its your life, you do what you want.
Thank you for the advice x
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Ghostlady
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not entirely sure where I want to go, like the look of Warwick because I feel like it's still got a great rep and also wouldn't feel like I was unbelievably stressed there...
Warwicks a great uni. Im sure your parents will understand. Your mental wellness is far more important, so if you feel Oxford is going to be too much;, by talking about it shows your maturity and that you have your own mind and you know what is good for you. Explain you have given it a lot of thought, its not on a whim.
If they um and aah about it, then just say to them you will wait until offer day on the 14th,and, should you have an offer from Oxford, you will give it a week or so to think more about it and to explore how you feel about that. Then if your still feeling the same and want Warwick, then they have to respect your decision.
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