Why do guys not approach me?/How do I approach them?

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F2312
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#1
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I’ve recently come out of a relatively long term relationship and so I’m back on the dating scene. I’ve been in relationships since leaving school at 16 and now being 20 I don’t really know where to start when it comes to dating.
I know that I’m a little bit on the thicker side and I’m trying to lose that weight, but I only seem to attract guys that aren’t really my type. I know it’s not about how someone looks, but in the past I’ve always ended up with guys that aren’t my type and in the end it’s ended because of the lack of attraction (I know it’s my fault for putting myself in that situation). Even my parents sat me down for an intervention about not settling for guys and that I deserve better.
I feel that it’s not quite as simple as that though. I don’t really get approached in clubs, but I’m never in other situations to meet guys. There’s a decent guy in my flat that I enjoy spending time with, but he doesn’t seem the least bit interested. Plus I know it would make things messy to date someone you’re living with in case something went wrong. I’ve tried dating apps, but they make me feel uncomfortable since you never actually know if who you’re speaking to is who they say they are.
I’m just at a bit of a loss. I know that I’ll find someone at some point and I’m told that I shouldn’t try to force it, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to even go about meeting new guys that are actually my type and how to approach them if I do.
Last edited by F2312; 6 months ago
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WildLuxray99
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(Original post by F2312)
I’ve recently come out of a relatively long term relationship and so I’m back on the dating scene. I’ve been in relationships since leaving school at 16 and now being 20 I don’t really know where to start when it comes to dating.
I know that I’m a little bit on the thicker side and I’m trying to lose that weight, but I only seem to attract guys that aren’t really my type. I know it’s not about how someone looks, but in the past I’ve always ended up with guys that aren’t my type and in the end it’s ended because of the lack of attraction (I know it’s my fault for putting myself in that situation). Even my parents sat me down for an intervention about not settling for guys and that I deserve better.
I feel that it’s not quite as simple as that though. I don’t really get approached in clubs, but I’m never in other situations to meet guys. There’s a decent guy in my flat that I enjoy spending time with, but he doesn’t seem the least bit interested. Plus I know it would make things messy to date someone you’re living with in case something went wrong. I’ve tried dating apps, but they make me feel uncomfortable since you never actually know if who you’re speaking to is who they say they are.
I’m just at a bit of a loss. I know that I’ll find someone at some point and I’m told that I shouldn’t try to force it, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to even go about meeting new guys that are actually my type and how to approach them if I do.
People are right about the not trying to force it thing, sometimes its just one of those things that happens eventually :/ Its not like you ned to rush with stuff like that. This is coming from someone who has never dated before lol but maybe try not to think about it so much because that might make you feel worse about it?? Or just keep going out and trying to meet new people at places and see what happens?? Sorry if this isn't much help but that's probably what I would do haha
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dj_ad_1
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(Original post by F2312)
I’ve recently come out of a relatively long term relationship and so I’m back on the dating scene. I’ve been in relationships since leaving school at 16 and now being 20 I don’t really know where to start when it comes to dating.
I know that I’m a little bit on the thicker side and I’m trying to lose that weight, but I only seem to attract guys that aren’t really my type. I know it’s not about how someone looks, but in the past I’ve always ended up with guys that aren’t my type and in the end it’s ended because of the lack of attraction (I know it’s my fault for putting myself in that situation). Even my parents sat me down for an intervention about not settling for guys and that I deserve better.
I feel that it’s not quite as simple as that though. I don’t really get approached in clubs, but I’m never in other situations to meet guys. There’s a decent guy in my flat that I enjoy spending time with, but he doesn’t seem the least bit interested. Plus I know it would make things messy to date someone you’re living with in case something went wrong. I’ve tried dating apps, but they make me feel uncomfortable since you never actually know if who you’re speaking to is who they say they are.
I’m just at a bit of a loss. I know that I’ll find someone at some point and I’m told that I shouldn’t try to force it, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to even go about meeting new guys that are actually my type and how to approach them if I do.
If i were u id just be patient cos the right person will come at the right time ygm. Its better to just be patient then waste ur time on guys who ur prob not gonna be happy with. At ur age ur mindset should be date to marry kinda thing.
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ANM775
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(Original post by F2312)
I’ve recently come out of a relatively long term relationship and so I’m back on the dating scene. I’ve been in relationships since leaving school at 16 and now being 20 I don’t really know where to start when it comes to dating.
I know that I’m a little bit on the thicker side and I’m trying to lose that weight, but I only seem to attract guys that aren’t really my type. I know it’s not about how someone looks, but in the past I’ve always ended up with guys that aren’t my type and in the end it’s ended because of the lack of attraction (I know it’s my fault for putting myself in that situation). Even my parents sat me down for an intervention about not settling for guys and that I deserve better.
I feel that it’s not quite as simple as that though. I don’t really get approached in clubs, but I’m never in other situations to meet guys. There’s a decent guy in my flat that I enjoy spending time with, but he doesn’t seem the least bit interested. Plus I know it would make things messy to date someone you’re living with in case something went wrong. I’ve tried dating apps, but they make me feel uncomfortable since you never actually know if who you’re speaking to is who they say they are.
I’m just at a bit of a loss. I know that I’ll find someone at some point and I’m told that I shouldn’t try to force it, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to even go about meeting new guys that are actually my type and how to approach them if I do.
reading that you seem a bit too picky tbh, overweight people generally don't have their pick of the bunch. You complain about settling in the past for those guys, well tbh they were most likely settling for you too.

any woman on a dating site will get a torrent of guys inboxing her no matter what she looks like. Ask them to video chat before meeting if catfishes are your issue.
The "I don’t really get approached in clubs" tells me that you in fact do, but these guys arn't upto the standard you want them to be.

If you are truly unhappy with the standard of guys who are approaching you then start sending out messages on dating sites, and going upto guys and saying hi in clubs. I'm sure you can start a conversation ....and if the guy is interested he'll carry it on and make a move.

and start wearing more enticing clothes.
Last edited by ANM775; 6 months ago
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Surnia
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What hobbies and interests would 'your type of guy' have? Go to places where you are likely to meet them and then you've got something in common to start a conversation.
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F2312
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(Original post by ANM775)
reading that you seem a bit too picky tbh, overweight people generally don't have their pick of the bunch. You complain about settling in the past for those guys, well tbh they were most likely settling for you too.

any woman on a dating site will get a torrent of guys inboxing her no matter what she looks like. Ask them to video chat before meeting if catfishes are your issue.
The "I don’t really get approached in clubs" tells me that you in fact do, but these guys arn't upto the standard you want them to be.

If you are truly unhappy with the standard of guys who are approaching you then start sending out messages on dating sites, and going upto guys and saying hi in clubs. I'm sure you can start a conversation ....and if the guy is interested he'll carry it on and make a move.

and start wearing more enticing clothes.
I don’t know how I managed to miss this reply and although this was months ago, I feel that it’s important to reply to you regarding some of the comments you made here.
I appreciate your effort to provide some sort of “help” in your own way, but if you are going to offer some insight then I suggest you read the post properly before doing so. Especially, since I’d imagine a lot of people on here are looking for genuine help when perhaps it can’t be offered to them through other means. Although looking back now, my post seems very surface level, there were a lot more deeper things going on behind the scenes and this post had nothing really to with guys approaching me; but more about loneliness and an extremely low self esteem. Regardless, I suppose you can only see the post for what it is and so you can only comment on that.
To start, I never said that I personally thought I was “settling” for those guys. I had merely said they were not my type and that it was of my parents opinion that I was settling, which was just to give a bit more context that I’ve been ending up with the wrong people. And that’s not necessarily to do with how they looked (as you are implying), but how they treated me.
The “I don’t really get approached in clubs” was actually “I don’t get approached in clubs” with a “really“ chucked in there so it didn’t make me sound, as I thought at the time, pathetic. But thanks for your assumption and I’m impressed you managed to gather that I set my standards too high just from that one line alone!
The next paragraph I actually appreciate as genuine advice that I will take on board. But then you ruin it with “and start wearing more enticing clothes”. Had it not been for this comment, I most likely would have let this to go without a reply. But the implication of how a woman should dress to attract a man is just really disgusting and infuriating! Enticing clothes???!!!! How misogynistic!!! And the fact that it’s there as a stand-alone line is a clear indication that you were hoping it would have an impact and invoke a reaction... shame on you!!
Last edited by F2312; 3 weeks ago
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BlueBazooka
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(Original post by F2312)
I don’t know how I managed to miss this reply and although this was months ago, I feel that it’s important to reply to you regarding some of the comments you made here.
I appreciate your effort to provide some sort of “help” in your own way, but if you are going to offer some insight then I suggest you read the post properly before doing so. Especially, since I’d imagine a lot of people on here are looking for genuine help when perhaps it can’t be offered to them through other means. Although looking back now, my post seems very surface level, there were a lot more deeper things going on behind the scenes and this post had nothing really to with guys approaching me; but more about loneliness and an extremely low self esteem. Regardless, I suppose you can only see the post for what it is and so you can only comment on that.
To start, I never said that I personally thought I was “settling” for those guys. I had merely said they were not my type and that it was of my parents opinion that I was settling, which was just to give a bit more context that I’ve been ending up with the wrong people. And that’s not necessarily to do with how they looked (as you are implying), but how they treated me.
The “I don’t really get approached in clubs” was actually “I don’t get approached in clubs” with a “really“ chucked in there so it didn’t make me sound, as I thought at the time, pathetic. But thanks for your assumption and I’m impressed you managed to gather that I set my standards too high just from that one line alone!
The next paragraph I actually appreciate as genuine advice that I will take on board. But then you ruin it with “and start wearing more enticing clothes”. Had it not been for this comment, I most likely would have let this to go without a reply. But the implication of how a woman should dress to attract a man is just really disgusting and infuriating! Enticing clothes???!!!! How misogynistic!!! And the fact that it’s there as a stand-alone line is a clear indication that you were hoping it would have an impact and invoke a reaction... shame on you!!
You tell them lmao. It was wrong of them to make negative assumptions about you like that. Though, as a guy, I do have to say that we are almost always thinking about sex, and a woman wearing skimpy clothing will get our attention more (even though women should in no way feel pressured to wear this clothing that shows off so much, and society should not expect it). It's definitely not the only way to get guys though, so keep doing what you're doing, approaching people, and I'm sure your situation will improve soon. Good luck.
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Anonymous #1
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#8
(Original post by F2312)
I don’t know how I managed to miss this reply and although this was months ago, I feel that it’s important to reply to you regarding some of the comments you made here.
I appreciate your effort to provide some sort of “help” in your own way, but if you are going to offer some insight then I suggest you read the post properly before doing so. Especially, since I’d imagine a lot of people on here are looking for genuine help when perhaps it can’t be offered to them through other means. Although looking back now, my post seems very surface level, there were a lot more deeper things going on behind the scenes and this post had nothing really to with guys approaching me; but more about loneliness and an extremely low self esteem. Regardless, I suppose you can only see the post for what it is and so you can only comment on that.
To start, I never said that I personally thought I was “settling” for those guys. I had merely said they were not my type and that it was of my parents opinion that I was settling, which was just to give a bit more context that I’ve been ending up with the wrong people. And that’s not necessarily to do with how they looked (as you are implying), but how they treated me.
The “I don’t really get approached in clubs” was actually “I don’t get approached in clubs” with a “really“ chucked in there so it didn’t make me sound, as I thought at the time, pathetic. But thanks for your assumption and I’m impressed you managed to gather that I set my standards too high just from that one line alone!
The next paragraph I actually appreciate as genuine advice that I will take on board. But then you ruin it with “and start wearing more enticing clothes”. Had it not been for this comment, I most likely would have let this to go without a reply. But the implication of how a woman should dress to attract a man is just really disgusting and infuriating! Enticing clothes???!!!! How misogynistic!!! And the fact that it’s there as a stand-alone line is a clear indication that you were hoping it would have an impact and invoke a reaction... shame on you!!
Oh shut up... everything about the post you replied to was true. Stop thinking that just because you are a girl, life owes you anything. It doesn’t. Don’t expect people to throw themselves at you as if you deserve that.
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh shut up... everything about the post you replied to was true. Stop thinking that just because you are a girl, life owes you anything. It doesn’t. Don’t expect people to throw themselves at you as if you deserve that.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
What? Hello? Exqueeze me? Baking power?
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What? Hello? Exqueeze me? Baking power?
Are you having a stroke?
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ANM775
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(Original post by F2312)
I don’t know how I managed to miss this reply and although this was months ago, I feel that it’s important to reply to you regarding some of the comments you made here.
I appreciate your effort to provide some sort of “help” in your own way, but if you are going to offer some insight then I suggest you read the post properly before doing so. Especially, since I’d imagine a lot of people on here are looking for genuine help when perhaps it can’t be offered to them through other means. Although looking back now, my post seems very surface level, there were a lot more deeper things going on behind the scenes and this post had nothing really to with guys approaching me; but more about loneliness and an extremely low self esteem. Regardless, I suppose you can only see the post for what it is and so you can only comment on that.
To start, I never said that I personally thought I was “settling” for those guys. I had merely said they were not my type and that it was of my parents opinion that I was settling, which was just to give a bit more context that I’ve been ending up with the wrong people. And that’s not necessarily to do with how they looked (as you are implying), but how they treated me.
The “I don’t really get approached in clubs” was actually “I don’t get approached in clubs” with a “really“ chucked in there so it didn’t make me sound, as I thought at the time, pathetic. But thanks for your assumption and I’m impressed you managed to gather that I set my standards too high just from that one line alone!
The next paragraph I actually appreciate as genuine advice that I will take on board. But then you ruin it with “and start wearing more enticing clothes”. Had it not been for this comment, I most likely would have let this to go without a reply. But the implication of how a woman should dress to attract a man is just really disgusting and infuriating! Enticing clothes???!!!! How misogynistic!!! And the fact that it’s there as a stand-alone line is a clear indication that you were hoping it would have an impact and invoke a reaction... shame on you!!


There was nothing wrong with my comment about wearing more enticing clothes. You sound like salty feminist with sand up her vagina. You want to attract bee's? then show them a pretty flower, you want to attract a man? then give him something to look at. If you were a guy complaining how you can't attract people you find attractive i'd of suggested gym [aka giving the ladies something to look]. My comment was not misogynistic at all.


and i'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe you don't get approached by no one at clubs. When females say this, I find it typically means "I am actually getting approached from time to time, but it's not by guys I think I deserve therefore it doesn't count in my eyes".

Why arn't you getting approached at clubs?
It's not normal for a female to never get approached in clubs.

I stand by my comment about wearing more enticing clothes even more then if there is actually any truth in your statement.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh shut up... everything about the post you replied to was true. Stop thinking that just because you are a girl, life owes you anything. It doesn’t. Don’t expect people to throw themselves at you as if you deserve that.
chill out dude lmao if OP has self esteem problems you're only going to make it worse saying things like that (don't listen to him OP)
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username5234220
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(Original post by ANM775)
There was nothing wrong with my comment about wearing more enticing clothes. You sound like salty feminist with sand up her vagina. You want to attract bee's? then show them a pretty flower, you want to attract a man? then give him something to look at. If you were a guy complaining how you can't attract people you find attractive i'd of suggested gym [aka giving the ladies something to look]. My comment was not misogynistic at all.


and i'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe you don't get approached by no one at clubs. When females say this, I find it typically means "I am actually getting approached from time to time, but it's not by guys I think I deserve therefore it doesn't count in my eyes".

Why arn't you getting approached at clubs?
It's not normal for a female to never get approached in clubs.

I stand by my comment about wearing more enticing clothes even more then if there is actually any truth in your statement.
Your words are saying: Get into shape, maybe lower your standards, and remember that it's hard for everyone
Your emotions are saying: I hate women, I'm compensating for something, and I want to make OP feel bad
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LovelyMrFox
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(Original post by ANM775)
There was nothing wrong with my comment about wearing more enticing clothes. You sound like salty feminist with sand up her vagina. You want to attract bee's? then show them a pretty flower, you want to attract a man? then give him something to look at. If you were a guy complaining how you can't attract people you find attractive i'd of suggested gym [aka giving the ladies something to look]. My comment was not misogynistic at all.


and i'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe you don't get approached by no one at clubs. When females say this, I find it typically means "I am actually getting approached from time to time, but it's not by guys I think I deserve therefore it doesn't count in my eyes".

Why arn't you getting approached at clubs?
It's not normal for a female to never get approached in clubs.

I stand by my comment about wearing more enticing clothes even more then if there is actually any truth in your statement.
If you only look for 'enticing clothing' on a woman, than you are shallow.
Wearing revealing clothing will attract the wrong type of men. The ones that the OP obviously doesnt want to get into a relationship with, and I dont blame her.
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ANM775
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
If you only look for 'enticing clothing' on a woman, than you are shallow.
Wearing revealing clothing will attract the wrong type of men. The ones that the OP obviously doesnt want to get into a relationship with, and I dont blame her.

If you want to attract an attractive man then you generally need to physically catch his eye.

I am being REAL here.
Not fantasy land feel good advice about how the right man will look at her from across the room, fall in love with her mind ..approach her and want to have babies with her.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by ANM775)
If you want to attract an attractive man then you generally need to physically catch his eye.

I am being REAL here.
Not fantasy land feel good advice about how the right man will look at her from across the room, fall in love with her mind ..approach her and want to have babies with her.
Nobody is denying that looks matter but your ******ed demeanour honestly just sounds like you've been reading too much /r/theredpill or 4chan
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Nobody is denying that looks matter but your ******ed demeanour honestly just sounds like you've been reading too much /r/theredpill or 4chan



Listen. You're the one with the attitude problem. At least I say everything I say to people's faces, rather than shooting arrows from the shadows.

shut up and say that off anon
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by ANM775)
Listen. You're the one with the attitude problem. At least I say everything I say to people's faces, rather than shooting arrows from the shadows.

shut up and say that off anon
incel
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
incel
lol, that the best you can come up with
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