Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#1
So, I’m currently a second year at a university that’s pretty far from home – about 4-5 hours on the train. I’m unhappy with my course (that’s not what this is about, but it feels worth mentioning), but for a whole bunch of reasons I won’t explain I’m sitting it out until I graduate.

The issue is, I’m feeling so disconnected and isolated from everything around me, and it doesn’t feel like it’s just one singular reason.

I don’t have any friends at uni which is difficult in itself, but the longer I’ve been here the more I’ve felt distant from my family, too. I still call every week, I still speak to them — but it doesn’t feel like I’m a part of their life anymore. I’m often not really updated on what’s going on, and there’s been a big shift in the atmosphere since I left (sister going to high school, Mum starting to work, change in financial situation, etc). It’s worth mentioning that I’m not bitter at my family for all of this; I know that their world doesn’t revolve around me, and things obviously move on without me there. But I don’t feel like I’m part of anything anymore. And since I’m too far to go back very often, I always feel a bit awkward when I’m back. Now that I’m working at uni, too, there’ll be even less opportunity to see them in the Summer. We’ve never been a super tight family, but since I’ve left it seems like my parents have grown much closer and huggier and everything with my sisters (I’m a fair bit older than both) so it’s hard not to feel left out.

I’m also not really connected with my Dad’s family, which is more of an ongoing thing. My stepmum posts a lot of photos and things bragging about how amazing her kids are, but it’s just HER three kids: my brothers and sister. It stings a bit.

And beyond that – I’ve really lost any interest in anything at all. I’ve struggled with my mental health a fair bit all through school and college, but this doesn’t even feel like that. I feel so unstimulated and so much more stupid than I was before university. I can’t find interest in anything at all, even things that I used to care about. I’ve no longer got any ambition or any idea what I want to do after I graduate – it feels like all of the drive I had in college has disappeared. As I mentioned, I’m unhappy on my course but I need to sit it out at this point for a lack of other options. But I’m in a small class (13-15 people), and the only one without friends.

I don’t even really know what the point of this post is – I’m not sure what I expect people to offer. All I know is that things are feeling really bleak right now, and I’m feeling more stuck and more lonely and isolated than ever before in my life.
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 6 days ago
#2
I can understand why you feel the way you do right now - and know that you are valid in your feelings.

Moving out of home can be difficult in itself but I can see how for you it has been a bit harder than it is on most because of the structure of your family, especially with younger siblings who seem to get more/different attention. It's very good of you to recognise that things have changed not just for you but also for your family, but I wonder, have you explained to your Mum on the phone that you are feeling so down and unhappy? Perhaps because she is busy with her new job and her other children she hasn't realised how you are feeling and thinks you might be doing well? It might be worth speaking to her frankly, especially if you've always been close.

If I were you, I wouldn't waste your thoughts on your Stepmother showing off her own children. I know uni (and life in general!) can feel competitive enough without it coming from family too. Don't put too much stock or attention in it and try and concentrate on seeking support from where you will truly find it.

Have you engaged any of support services at university? They can sometimes be a little bit lackluster but most unis will have a wellbeing or counselling service and you might find it helpful to see them, even if its just speaking to someone outside of family about how you are feeling and dealing with things right now.

Making friends at uni can be difficult - don't believe the constant hype about how its the "best time of your life" where you make "friends for life". This really isn't what happens for everyone and a lot of it is for show. Lots of people don't have this amazing group of friends you see on the uni brochures. I know how isolating it can feel when you don't have anyone at uni and you constantly think you see nothing but other people with their friends. If you feel up to, especially with the new term, you could try and join a society or two as people join societies throughout the year. However, if you don't feel up to it, maybe take some time to work on your anxiety and own mental health. Don't put any pressure on yourself, especially as its evident you've made an effort.

Also, if you feel you need to, don't hesitate to speak to your GP. You don't have to take anti-anxiety meds or antidepressants. They might refer you for CBT if that is something you'd like. In fact, these days you can usually refer yourself!

It sounds like you need some support but your usual source of support doesn't seem available right now. Seek support from the uni, maybe if you feel able mention to your tutor or a friendly face in the school admin team.

Best wishes
1
reply
Anonymous #2
#3
Report 6 days ago
#3
I can understand why you feel the way you do right now - and know that you are valid in your feelings.

Moving out of home can be difficult in itself but I can see how for you it has been a bit harder than it is on most because of the structure of your family, especially with younger siblings who seem to get more/different attention. It's very good of you to recognise that things have changed not just for you but also for your family, but I wonder, have you explained to your Mum on the phone that you are feeling so down and unhappy? Perhaps because she is busy with her new job and her other children she hasn't realised how you are feeling and thinks you might be doing well? It might be worth speaking to her frankly, especially if you've always been close.

If I were you, I wouldn't waste your thoughts on your Stepmother showing off her own children. I know uni (and life in general!) can feel competitive enough without it coming from family too. Don't put too much stock or attention in it and try and concentrate on seeking support from where you will truly find it.

Have you engaged any of support services at university? They can sometimes be a little bit lackluster but most unis will have a wellbeing or counselling service and you might find it helpful to see them, even if its just speaking to someone outside of family about how you are feeling and dealing with things right now.

Making friends at uni can be difficult - don't believe the constant hype about how its the "best time of your life" where you make "friends for life". This really isn't what happens for everyone and a lot of it is for show. Lots of people don't have this amazing group of friends you see on the uni brochures. I know how isolating it can feel when you don't have anyone at uni and you constantly think you see nothing but other people with their friends. If you feel up to, especially with the new term, you could try and join a society or two as people join societies throughout the year. However, if you don't feel up to it, maybe take some time to work on your anxiety and own mental health. Don't put any pressure on yourself, especially as its evident you've made an effort.

Also, if you feel you need to, don't hesitate to speak to your GP. You don't have to take anti-anxiety meds or antidepressants. They might refer you for CBT if that is something you'd like. In fact, these days you can usually refer yourself!

It sounds like you need some support but your usual source of support doesn't seem available right now. I would really urge you to seek support from the uni, maybe if you feel able mention to your tutor or a friendly face in the school admin team.

Best wishes
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