Very lonely and depressed at uni
I am in my second year of uni and have no friends. Everytime I see friends on campus and even worse couples I am usually fighting back tears. I feel so alone here I really want friends and a girlfriend like everybody else but I don't know how to go about it. A year and a half of my uni experience has been wasted. I have social anxiety so that's why I never made any friends in first year. Hearing my neighbours have sex all the time makes me feel so jealous and depressed that I am not having that wonderful experience with a girl. What do I do? I moved here to have the best time of my life instead I'm having the worst. I'm sick of being alone in my room everyday while the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of couples are so happy and love and everybody has friends. I can't go on like this anymore. How do I make friends and get a girlfriend this late into uni?
First of all try and book an appointment with a therapist, to try and solve the issue of feeling lonely. You need to be able to feel satisfied hanging out with yourself. The last thing you want is getting new friends( or girlfriend) that you don’t like very much... put yourself out there a little and the right people will gravitate towards you. But, remember don’t force any relationship for the sake of having one!
Perhaps you should try and make friends with your neighbours friends or join clubs and societies at your uni.
Perhaps you should try and make friends with your neighbours friends or join clubs and societies at your uni.
To put it in perspective a little, think of how many people in relation ships are unhappy. My uni friends always ***** and moan about their boyfriend/partners. People cheat on each other, people are dishonest. It's just not worth being in a relation ship's for all that crap that comes with it. People will probably come and say "oh but it's wonderful sharing memories and having someone to be with and kiss blah blah" but they are usually people who think that relationships are hearts and flowers. They're not. Most people cheat, and I am on a particular site that is set up for that sort of thing and you would be astounded at the number of people on there who are cheating. Both men and women too so it's not just damming if one gender here.
However on that site there are singles too, who are looking for hookups. That's your best bet. If you want to avoid feeling lonely and lessen your anxiety in social situations, you have to be more confident. I was like you too when I started uni, with no confidence, no boyfriend, didn't know how to make friends etc. But when I joined the site I'm on and started meeting people I realised that there are ways you can gain confidence. Once you get that, you won't give off such a.... Needy? Vibe. Because people like you and like me previously, give off that vibe. The only way to overcome it is to not give a damn. And to not give a damn you need to have an army of expendable people. Namely hookups. Trust me, I've been doing this for over a year now and I have uni friends and don't feel anywhere near as lonely. Even when I'm at home alone, I'm alone but not lonely. I'm also not as anxious and needy and shy as I used to be either. If you give off a calm "don't really care" vibe people will naturally flock.
However on that site there are singles too, who are looking for hookups. That's your best bet. If you want to avoid feeling lonely and lessen your anxiety in social situations, you have to be more confident. I was like you too when I started uni, with no confidence, no boyfriend, didn't know how to make friends etc. But when I joined the site I'm on and started meeting people I realised that there are ways you can gain confidence. Once you get that, you won't give off such a.... Needy? Vibe. Because people like you and like me previously, give off that vibe. The only way to overcome it is to not give a damn. And to not give a damn you need to have an army of expendable people. Namely hookups. Trust me, I've been doing this for over a year now and I have uni friends and don't feel anywhere near as lonely. Even when I'm at home alone, I'm alone but not lonely. I'm also not as anxious and needy and shy as I used to be either. If you give off a calm "don't really care" vibe people will naturally flock.
Same as what anon2 said, basically, but also dee if your university has a subscription to a forum called Big White Wall, its made for people like you who are having mental health issues to reach out to a community like you. Everyone on there is absolutely lovely, its strictly anonymous so you can really let loose, and it has optional courses you can use to try and provide some care to yourself whilst you wait for formal support
Wishing you the best!
Wishing you the best!
Original post by Anonymous
First of all try and book an appointment with a therapist, to try and solve the issue of feeling lonely. You need to be able to feel satisfied hanging out with yourself. The last thing you want is getting new friends( or girlfriend) that you don’t like very much... put yourself out there a little and the right people will gravitate towards you. But, remember don’t force any relationship for the sake of having one!
Perhaps you should try and make friends with your neighbours friends or join clubs and societies at your uni.
Perhaps you should try and make friends with your neighbours friends or join clubs and societies at your uni.
You're absolutely right that I have to be satisfied with my own company, but at the same time I can't be in my own company all the time as nobody can be satisfied by themselves with no human contact all the time like I am. I will not force any relationship for the sake of being lonely. Like you said I will join some clubs or societies at my uni and make friends with people there who I have common interests with and getting a girlfriend will be a huge turning point for me as that will put an end to this hellish isolation I am experiencing, actually having a girl to connect with physically mentally and emotionally.
Original post by Anonymous
You're absolutely right that I have to be satisfied with my own company, but at the same time I can't be in my own company all the time as nobody can be satisfied by themselves with no human contact all the time like I am. I will not force any relationship for the sake of being lonely. Like you said I will join some clubs or societies at my uni and make friends with people there who I have common interests with and getting a girlfriend will be a huge turning point for me as that will put an end to this hellish isolation I am experiencing, actually having a girl to connect with physically mentally and emotionally.
I'm virtually the only one out of all my uni mates and sixth form mates to never have a girlfriend, one thing i had to stop myself from thinking was that a girl would solve my problems. Everything's going to be okay mate, but you need to take things one step at a time, focusing on making friends before a girlfriend.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm virtually the only one out of all my uni mates and sixth form mates to never have a girlfriend, one thing i had to stop myself from thinking was that a girl would solve my problems. Everything's going to be okay mate, but you need to take things one step at a time, focusing on making friends before a girlfriend.
I agree with you there I have to focus on making friends first but I have to try and get a girlfriend soon after, you said it yourself all your friends have girlfriends, I should be able to have a girlfriend that a large majority of people at uni have too.
You have to work on valuing yourself first. And then go out there and meet people. Always be yourself (as long as you're not a c*nt) and the right people will come. It will take time! Believe me, I had no friends after a few months at uni. But I realised that was because I spent most of my time in my room.
Also, don't ever compare yourself to others. People are different. The only valid comparison is with your former self. So improve yourself (hygiene, get in good shape maybe, work on being more confident)
Also, don't ever compare yourself to others. People are different. The only valid comparison is with your former self. So improve yourself (hygiene, get in good shape maybe, work on being more confident)
Original post by Anonymous
I agree with you there I have to focus on making friends first but I have to try and get a girlfriend soon after, you said it yourself all your friends have girlfriends, I should be able to have a girlfriend that a large majority of people at uni have too.
You don't have to by any means. I used to be very insecure about it, every girl I've fancied has rejected me. But as time goes on I'm going to grow as a person and eventually ill find a girl. Girls *generally* like people who have their affairs in order, including their mental health. Life is long and everyone is on their own path.
