moving out at 16? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#1
i am tired of my home life
i constantly have arguments with my mum, going on for almost a year now. she has tried to patch it but the relationship has deteriorated to the point at which she always screams at me
it's related to me not doing little things she asks of me, like eating or this or that... then she overeacts and lashes out at me. it's making my life at home difficult.
i am currently 15, so I have a year before i can move out. I am hoping I will be out of the place by 19.
i know for a fact people won't be willing to take me in because I am from an asian background where disobedience to parents is considered shameful and someone like me would be an outcast. i'm not even half bad, i get good grades and i don't even have a phone.

when i finish my a-levels, i plan to leave. anybody know any good internships where i can get a job and support myself?
any charities that aid young people in this dilemna?

thank you
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londonmyst
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#2
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You probably won't be able to move out until you are 18- unless your parents are violent towards you or commit criminal offences.
You can't sign a tenancy until 18.
If you leave at 16, your parents can call the police to bring you back and the police will do it- unless you have a restraining order against your parents or are legally married.
That's why I waited until 18 to escape from my parents.

Just save up as much money as you can, hide it where your mother won't know you have it and do your best to stay out of her way.
Good luck!
Last edited by londonmyst; 5 days ago
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-Quava-
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Moving out is not easy by the way and you can't move out until you're 18.

Expect your mother to react like that when you choose to say 'no' when she asks something from you. Respect is a big thing in the Asian community, we don't say no to good favours asked by anyone, especially the elderly, let alone our parents.

Stay with your parents and learn how to respect and obey them.
Learn how to not say 'uff' when they ask something from you, learn how to not roll your eyes or raise your voice at them, learn how to listen and obey them and your problem is solved.
You also need to get used to the fact that when you're rude to your parents, yes they will rant at you/ discipline you. That's literally the nature of the relationship.
You've said your mother has tried to 'patch things up' with you. Imo, that's too nice of her. It's you that's being utterly disrespectful AND can't take being told off and you have your mother being disrespected AND trying to patch things up with you??? wth.

And also, there is more to a "good kid" than getting decent grades and not having a phone.
A kid who gets good grades and doesn't have a phone is nothing compared to a child who never says no to their parents.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by -Quava-)
Moving out is not easy by the way and you can't move out until you're 18.

Expect your mother to react like that when you choose to say 'no' when she asks something from you. Respect is a big thing in the Asian community, we don't say no to good favours asked by anyone, especially the elderly, let alone our parents.

Stay with your parents and learn how to respect and obey them.
Learn how to not say 'uff' when they ask something from you, learn how to not roll your eyes or raise your voice at them, learn how to listen and obey them and your problem is solved.
You also need to get used to the fact that when you're rude to your parents, yes they will rant at you/ discipline you. That's literally the nature of the relationship.
You've said your mother has tried to 'patch things up' with you. Imo, that's too nice of her. It's you that's being utterly disrespectful AND can't take being told off and you have your mother being disrespected AND trying to patch things up with you??? wth.

And also, there is more to a "good kid" than getting decent grades and not having a phone.
A kid who gets good grades and doesn't have a phone is nothing compared to a child who never says no to their parents.
There are a lot of assumptions here and there's no need to be so hostile. This is the kind of response that OP was trying to avoid. Let's try and be helpful here rather than ranting and belittling them.
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-Quava-
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(Original post by Anonymous)
There are a lot of assumptions here and there's no need to be so hostile. This is the kind of response that OP was trying to avoid. Let's try and be helpful here rather than ranting and belittling them.
'It's related to me not doing little things she asks of me'

I don't expect any Western children to relate to or understand my post.
Asian family dynamics differ a lot and we hold great values on family ties and respect for our elders. We never say no to 'little favours.' It's highly disrespectful.
I'm not going to encourage her to leave her parents at 15. There's nothing regarding abuse or a bad upbringing, OP just won't get a glass of water for her mother.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by -Quava-)
'It's related to me not doing little things she asks of me'

I don't expect any Western children to relate to or understand my post.
Asian family dynamics differ a lot and we hold great values on family ties and respect for our elders. We never say no to 'little favours.' It's highly disrespectful.
I'm not going to encourage her to leave her parents at 15. There's nothing regarding abuse or a bad upbringing, OP just won't get a glass of water for her mother.
Actually that's very presumptuous that you assumed that I'm white. I am of Indian origin actually and I fully understand Asian family dynamics. Your post just came across a little hostile that's all. Just making sure that TSR is a safe space...
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-Quava-
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Actually that's very presumptuous that you assumed that I'm white. I am of Indian origin actually and I fully understand Asian family dynamics. Your post just came across a little hostile that's all. Just making sure that TSR is a safe space...
I never said you were white. Western children which can be any child born and raised in the West.
I'm not trying to attack OP, TSR can remain a safe space.
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999tigger
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i am tired of my home life
i constantly have arguments with my mum, going on for almost a year now. she has tried to patch it but the relationship has deteriorated to the point at which she always screams at me
it's related to me not doing little things she asks of me, like eating or this or that... then she overeacts and lashes out at me. it's making my life at home difficult.
i am currently 15, so I have a year before i can move out. I am hoping I will be out of the place by 19.
i know for a fact people won't be willing to take me in because I am from an asian background where disobedience to parents is considered shameful and someone like me would be an outcast. i'm not even half bad, i get good grades and i don't even have a phone.

when i finish my a-levels, i plan to leave. anybody know any good internships where i can get a job and support myself?
any charities that aid young people in this dilemna?

thank you
Well this thread turned into a cripple fight.

1. You can leave home when you are 16 and your parents cant stop you.
https://england.shelter.org.uk/housi...d_leaving_home
2. The only time parents can step in is if they can prove that you are a danger to yourself and at risk.
3. Because 16 is young then you should contact social services to help you and they are obliged to do so.
4. If you are lucky you might get a place in a hostel.
5. It is not easy.
6. If you get social services involved you are at risk of your parents turning on you and disowning you completely. Even more so considering it is an asian background.
7. If social workers get involved their first stance will be to keep you at home and patch things up.
8. I am not getting the impression your situation is serious and if not survive your A levels and then move.
9. Think long term and not getting into conflict will make your life easier.
10. When 18 leave and get a job.
11. If you believe your situation is serious then contact social services or
You can speak to standalone
https://www.standalone.org.uk/students/
Childline 0800 1111
12. Patching up with mother and learning to co exist till 18 imo (unless she is beating and abusing you) will be less disruptive to your life, but then I dont know all the facts.
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rcmotorboy
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#9
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#9
Like, what everyone else are saying, not unless she abuses you, then you can claim to move out. At least work on your own problems first, because 16 years old is too young to move out anywhere. PLEASE avoid taking advantage of the justice system to get what you want unless you have too.
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