Abusive parents I need advice

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
#1
Hi, I don’t really know where to start with this. I am 19 years old, and my parents are still abusive to me. I am writing this on here as I feel like I can’t tell anyone. My dad has hit me on and off since I was 14. He hits me when he gets angry and feels like he can. He says it’s all my fault and that I deserve it. One time he pinned me to my bed and screamed in my face while shaking me. This was because I was on the phone to my friend, who he didn’t like. The last time he hit me was just over a month ago, he grabbed me by my breast and shook me, calling me names like a “pig” and a “*****” in the process. Both my parents bring me down constantly and make me feel guilty for even being here. When I go on a night out with friends (which I rarely do) they say things like “I’m not allowed to be happy” and that I shouldn’t be going out and enjoying myself. They’ve honestly kept me in a mental cage my whole teen years and never let me express myself or have experiences with friends. My mum always says that I am “nothing” and that I am never going to get anywhere in life. They hate to see me happy, they don’t allow me to be happy. I feel like there is no escape and I’m never going to be free and be able to be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I need advice
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threeportdrift
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#2
Report 10 months ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I don’t really know where to start with this. I am 19 years old, and my parents are still abusive to me. I am writing this on here as I feel like I can’t tell anyone. My dad has hit me on and off since I was 14. He hits me when he gets angry and feels like he can. He says it’s all my fault and that I deserve it. One time he pinned me to my bed and screamed in my face while shaking me. This was because I was on the phone to my friend, who he didn’t like. The last time he hit me was just over a month ago, he grabbed me by my breast and shook me, calling me names like a “pig” and a “*****” in the process. Both my parents bring me down constantly and make me feel guilty for even being here. When I go on a night out with friends (which I rarely do) they say things like “I’m not allowed to be happy” and that I shouldn’t be going out and enjoying myself. They’ve honestly kept me in a mental cage my whole teen years and never let me express myself or have experiences with friends. My mum always says that I am “nothing” and that I am never going to get anywhere in life. They hate to see me happy, they don’t allow me to be happy. I feel like there is no escape and I’m never going to be free and be able to be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I need advice
Because you are over 18, no-one is going to swoop in and rescue you unfortunately. You are legally considered an adult and you have to make your own decisions. Either you put up with this, or you leave. Interim measures like calling the police when you are physically assaulted, while perfectly possible, isn't going to resolve the fundamental issue, which is put up with it, or leave.

So quite clearly, you need to focus on a plan to leave. You can see if a refuge or similar will take you, but you'd have to be in a regular crisis, you probably wouldn't be a priority unless you'd got children or the police had been involved or similar. So it's friends that aren't known to your parents, or get enough financial independence to move out. is Uni a possibility? Otherwise, get a job the other side of the country. Bullies rarely make much effort to bully, they pick on whoever is convenient.
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WhisperWillow
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Report 10 months ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I don’t really know where to start with this. I am 19 years old, and my parents are still abusive to me. I am writing this on here as I feel like I can’t tell anyone. My dad has hit me on and off since I was 14. He hits me when he gets angry and feels like he can. He says it’s all my fault and that I deserve it. One time he pinned me to my bed and screamed in my face while shaking me. This was because I was on the phone to my friend, who he didn’t like. The last time he hit me was just over a month ago, he grabbed me by my breast and shook me, calling me names like a “pig” and a “*****” in the process. Both my parents bring me down constantly and make me feel guilty for even being here. When I go on a night out with friends (which I rarely do) they say things like “I’m not allowed to be happy” and that I shouldn’t be going out and enjoying myself. They’ve honestly kept me in a mental cage my whole teen years and never let me express myself or have experiences with friends. My mum always says that I am “nothing” and that I am never going to get anywhere in life. They hate to see me happy, they don’t allow me to be happy. I feel like there is no escape and I’m never going to be free and be able to be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I need advice
So you need to move out. like as soon as possible but you need to be careful. do you have older siblings you could stay with, family friends that could protect you from them. you're over the age where they legally have any power over you.
do you have a job? or multiple? do you have a savings account? can you access this account without your parents seeing or taking money out. how stable is this job?
if you don't have a job I would be litterally handing out CV's by the dozen. get any retail job, cashier, cleaner anything to save up money. do you pay for your own phone bills or do your parents? if you have a job could you think about switching over so that close to if you do move out they can't hold that over your head?

to put it simply your household is toxic, highly by the sounds of it.

of moving out isn't an option. do everything you can to be as independent as you can. if you don't have a job get one, organise a way so that you can start paying that phone bill so they can hold that over you, so it's yours and can't be taken away if they attempt to do that. stop seeing home as a place where your allowed to express yourself, see it as a pit stop. you go there to rest, get food, drink water among other drinks. and then go out and go to college or uni or wherever, see your friends when you want. don't tell them about it, they're clearly not going to do anything good with the information.

or finally if you've got younger siblings and the same thing is happening to them you can call the police. it may be extreme and if you have younger siblings they might be but into foster care or another family member will take responsibility for them but I'm not too sure if they can help you when you're living at home.

I hope this helps. if you've got any other or for her question do ask. I ant to help of I can with advice. I'm not sure how useful it is but of it helps.
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