Wanting to vent about a friend. Watch
I also have aspergers, and he shows all the signs of it but like most of his personality hes very lethargic and won't do anything that requires effort, that being said he loves to work and hates being unemployed.
Backstory here, in the past he has had a habit going back when I first met him 9 years ago after i moved out, to come round to my flat and stay for 2-3 days on average till he moved local to me 3 years ago, I have helped him improve a little but hes still not that great, at his worst he once stayed 5 days, and kept saying he would go in a hour then said he was too tired, he isn't doing things like that due to malice he just doesn't realise, again I think he has aspergers/autism like me. At his worst he would buy a few beers each day, and 2-3 large take aways and just dump rubbish on floor and say hes the guest and I am making something of nothing/overreacting.
For past few years he comes round once a week for a takeout and he does annoying things like not bring change or is a little short so I have to pay for him again not out of malice he genuinely doesn't realise. But then the next time I see him he forgets and he gets agrivated and claims I am ripping him off as he can't remember owing me money or thought it was less.
If I lend him anything I will say its temporary but each time he thinks it means permanent, there was something I asked for back about a year ago, a xbox controller and he said I had plenty of spares and never used it, I only used it total hours maybe 20-30 in total and was brand new when I got it so I asked him to pay for it i.e it cost me £20 so I asked for £15. still cheaper than him buying a new one and he already had it over a year at this point and he seemed confused.
His overal attitude reminds me of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, not intentionally malicious but can offend me and others and doesn't even realise and when told, he just doesn't understand.
Last year I was seeing a mental health support officer who wanted me to write my feelings onto paper, I wrote a long letter describing the issues I had, left it on sofa and forgot and it slipped down the side, he was sitting on the chair one time saw it and picked it up and read the whole letter and when I caught him he told me whats the problem, then said it was my fault for leaving a personal document where he could find it.
If he ever does anything wrong after much pestering he does a minor apology, but its not genuine, its like when a child is told to apologise they go big eyed and don't understand and just do so as they are told.
His other things are like when he turns up at random (rare now as he works) lets say I have been cleaning and have a brush on floor, I tell him to watch where hes going and he says "ok" then trips over the brush and snaps at me because I left it there and its my fault, its the same for anything really its never his fault, again not malicious he just lacks understanding.
Something happened to me last summer, I was very ill and outright told him on multiple occasions I had been referred to hospital, and was choking so badly I almost fainted many times and was sick due to not being able to breathe, and if he saw me in distress hand me water and inhaler, well what happened was he got his takeaway I started choking and near blacked out (a few more seconds and I would of been) I was gesturing for my inhaler and he just ignored it, when I managed to breathe again I tried politely telling him again that I near collapsed and asked him to help me, and he snapped at me and told me he was eating his take away, and its not his responsibility to help me.
Theres other things like lets say I get a phone call and go to answer it, he rushes to my computer chair and puts on music he likes and very loudly so I can't hear the person I am on phone with then I tell him he shouldn't of done that and he just says "well you weren't using the pc"
If I AM watching something on the tv or pc he whinges about how it sucks, and outright insults my tastes and says he doesn't want to watch it.
A few more things I promise, a few times before he moved local to me at the time I was unemployed, he would ask if he could stay in my spare room rent free, council tax free and for forseeable future, when I declined he got angry and said it was unfair and I was being greedy, when I mentioned costs, he said rent was paid by benefits so it didn't cost me anything, same for electric. Again he didn't intentionally be malicious he just doesn't understand.
I got a council flat in the end as my rented flat had health issues after a flood, he asked me if he could live rent free in my flat until the contract ended and for me to leave a sofa and bed for him, I declined and he was snapping at me saying its unfair. In the end I let him stay for a week on the basis he help me move a few things in his car (a third of a mile on same estate and he had big car) he agreed but when he did so he refused saying why should he, its not his stuff, it was one of the few times I snapped at him and he realised and his tone of voice changed and he apologised and helped me.
A few times he has spilled beer, or sauces on my carpet, not told me or even if he has he just goes "its ok, YOU can clean it up" same goes for when I have shampooed carpet and I tell him to make sure he has no mud on his shoes and he trails in mud and just says "its ok you can shampoo carpet again"
I can go on and on and on about this guy, I am a nice guy but he knows I have had trauma in my life and he has never helped me with it due to his own mental health issues but doesn't respect what I do for him and how his are making mine worse.
Then theres the petty things, he is a chomper and slurper when he eats and its very distracting as he doesn't close his mouth, and he doesn't even wash up his plates and cups after.
So this is mostly a vent, but wanted some opinions but for people who reply to be aware I have mental health problems and aspergers, and he has mental health problems and the signs of aspergers/autism.
Sorry venting more.
- does this guy have his own house/place to stay consistently?
- what kinda job does this guy do lol?
- is he your only friend? (it sounds like a friend?!)
- does he hang out with others that you know? do they receive similiar treatment?
- do you ever go around their place? does he treat his place the same as yours?
He has no other friends as he is socially awkward (another sign of autism)
Hes technically one of 2 local friends to me, I have one that lives far away that I used to spend a lot of time talking to on Skype before I started work now rarely speak to him, the other has mental health problems and whilst is a super nice guy and if I do have a appointment with him he turns up early, if he comes to mine for a meal or takeaway he always cleans up after.
I don't go round to theirs as they live in a pigsty, this guy is so messy that he shared with the other local friend for 6 months, in that time he never hoovered once and when he moved out there was caked on dust on walls, he has brushed once or twice in 2 years at his current property and never hoovered, hes a very unhygenic person and scruffy, up till a few months back he wore 8 year old clothes full of holes, which reminds me of another thing about him
He was out of work for about 5 years, he would turn up for interviews looking like Kurt Cobain (he really has that image down) long messy hair, unshaven, holes in clothes, dirty scruffy trainers then complain how he was turned down for a job and told me he doesn't need to dress up for interivews as hes going for warehouse or cleaning jobs.