Finding excuses to see my flatmates Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I dunno why but I just feel weird leaving my room to see my flatmates when I hear them chatting in the kitchen (university accommodation, first year)... I don’t like just walking in with no motive, just walking in and standing their awkwardly for a bit maybe talking to some people and then leaving. Feels much more natural to go into the kitchen when I’m cooking, then after I’m finished cooking I have the perfect excuse for being there! So then I don’t feel weird staying there chatting for a while... But a lot of the time I go and cook, eat, and stand around waiting for a while to see if anyone else is coming in, and then they don’t... So I just cook and leave for my room again, then when I’m BACK in my room suddenly everyone else is going into the kitchen chatting and cooking, but what am I meant to do if I’ve already cooked? Just run back in and pretend I still haven’t cooked yet and make something random?

Don’t judge, I know this sounds really stupid and there are much bigger problems out there but I get really bad anxiety and things like this really annoy me. Anyone know any excuses other than cooking, for going into the kitchen. I just like to prepare in case someone in there asks “hi whatcha doing?” So usually I can just reply “just about to cook” but what if I’m not there to cook? I might just want to go in here so I don’t feel left out of socializing, I’m very shy but I hate feeling like an outsider so it helps just being around people (even if I don’t say a lot). Any other excuses other than cooking? I don’t want to say thw truth, just want something that comes across natural and casual... Maybe “just wanted some tea” or something? I just need an excuse to go to the kitchen and stay there with my flatmates a while. Freshers week was peak anxiety time for me I was a shy mess but I have improved so much... Problem is times when I’ve already cooked/made some tea and have no reason to go to the kitchen where everyone else is socializing and laughing...
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999tigger
Badges: 19
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I dunno why but I just feel weird leaving my room to see my flatmates when I hear them chatting in the kitchen (university accommodation, first year)... I don’t like just walking in with no motive, just walking in and standing their awkwardly for a bit maybe talking to some people and then leaving. Feels much more natural to go into the kitchen when I’m cooking, then after I’m finished cooking I have the perfect excuse for being there! So then I don’t feel weird staying there chatting for a while... But a lot of the time I go and cook, eat, and stand around waiting for a while to see if anyone else is coming in, and then they don’t... So I just cook and leave for my room again, then when I’m BACK in my room suddenly everyone else is going into the kitchen chatting and cooking, but what am I meant to do if I’ve already cooked? Just run back in and pretend I still haven’t cooked yet and make something random?

Don’t judge, I know this sounds really stupid and there are much bigger problems out there but I get really bad anxiety and things like this really annoy me. Anyone know any excuses other than cooking, for going into the kitchen. I just like to prepare in case someone in there asks “hi whatcha doing?” So usually I can just reply “just about to cook” but what if I’m not there to cook? I might just want to go in here so I don’t feel left out of socializing, I’m very shy but I hate feeling like an outsider so it helps just being around people (even if I don’t say a lot). Any other excuses other than cooking? I don’t want to say thw truth, just want something that comes across natural and casual... Maybe “just wanted some tea” or something? I just need an excuse to go to the kitchen and stay there with my flatmates a while. Freshers week was peak anxiety time for me I was a shy mess but I have improved so much... Problem is times when I’ve already cooked/made some tea and have no reason to go to the kitchen where everyone else is socializing and laughing...
It may be or sounds like your flatmates are ok and you dont have any enemies, so they respect you are quite and you stay in your room a lot.

I understand you say you need an excuse to be there in the kitchen and you use that as a jump off point.
They dont do that, so think why?

Because they have the confidence and know they are home, in their flat and are capable of being sociable without needing excuses?

Make a drink get a snack, offer to make them a drink or just say hi, how was your day. You dont need an excuse to socialise.

Might be better if you understood a bit more about making friends and small talk. The more you interact the more any friendship can grow. That is what everyone else will be doing.


Shyness and social anxiety
https://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/sh...cialphobia.asp

Raising self esteem guide NHS
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress...w-self-esteem/

Making friends
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Friends-Inf.../dp/0743272773
/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=how+to+make+ friends+teens&qid=1579123732&sr= 8-2
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Teenage-Gui...V36M0D1GP95S25
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MidgetFever
Badges: 21
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#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
You don't need an excuse.
Just say you fancied a chat or something, if you get on well I'm sure they'll be fine with it.
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AzureCeleste
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#4
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#4
(Original post by MidgetFever)
You don't need an excuse.
Just say you fancied a chat or something, if you get on well I'm sure they'll be fine with it.
This or I often going to the kitchen when I'm procrastinating and bored so normally say procrastinating.
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Anonymous #2
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
go in and make a cup of tea/coffee or get a glass of water. and then just stay and drink it with them. but honestly noone will notice/mind if you just come in and chat. as long as everyones friendly it will be fine
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#6
Thanks for all the advice, sorry my question might have sounded kinda stupid but it’s a genuine issue for me. My flatmates are lovely and I know I don’t really need an excuse, they’d never judge me, it’s just sometimes I feel weird walking in, just standing there not saying much and then just walking out again... I’m very quiet and need an excuse to stay, just for being there you know? So I’m not just standing awkwardly... When I’m in there to cook I feel a lot more natural like it makes sense for me being in the kitchen, and I’m a bit more confident speaking as I have more to say like what I’m cooking, asking of they’ve eaten yet etc... Making tea is a great excuse tbh, just going in to make a drink and then staying feels natural... I don’t have any milk atm though so can’t use the tea excuse yet, and I have no snacks in the kitchen which would also be a good excuse...
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