The Student Room Group

trying to figure out why i am the way i am!!!

I posted a thread earlier... people told me to see a counsellor, i'm too scared!
instead i sent the following email to connexions (i find things much easier to write down then say face to face) thinking maybe they could put me in touch with someone...

what do you all think?

a few weeks ago i got sacked from my job, got paid about £1100 managed to spend it all in under a week - what i spent it on i have no idea, i have nothing to show for it, except for a few new clothes! I now sit at home all day everyday as i dont even have enough money to afford petrol. (i am in the process of job hunting before any of you pick up on that!)

sometimes the smallest of things, (a comment from a friend where they obviously didnt think before they spoke - an argument over nothing with my boyfriend) can lead to me crying hysterically for hours and hours, listing reasons why i should even be alive.

One week i love my boyfriend of 2 years so much i would marry him tomorrow, the next week i hate him and resent him more then anything for taking away 'my best years' im paniking, planning, and thinking how on earth i'm going to finish it with him. - although this could be general mood swings?


I used to self harm when i was about 15 (i'm now nearly 19)

I have a reputation with people that know me for being 'wierd' as i get stupidly hyper, say things out of turn, laugh like there's no tomorrow and say things that - in the words of my friends - no one would ever think of.

I go out clubbing with my friends and sometimes i dont drink as i prefer to know whats going on around me. I stay out all night, from about 11 till 8 the next morning, i get home and unlike others, i sit up and watch tv and im buzzing and cant sleep on such a high. on the flip side to that when i do drink its exsessive amounts. i'll get a double vodka and red bull and 2 sambucca shots, i'll repeat this several times and i rarely remember how i got home.
i convince myself i have no friends, i sit and go through all my friends and go over everything bad they have ever done to me, i sit there crying.convinced that they all hate me
Some days i dont eat, i feel detatched from the world as if its all going on around me.

I dont eat around people i dont know. Nor do i like to be the only person eating.

i've deleted my facebook account for no apparent reason just because i was annoyed and upset with everyone - im not sure why i thought they'd notice or care but i deleted my bebo account too. Only to think i was being silly and re-set them up the next day.

with my friend at our local shopping centre, it was just closing there was no one about and i felt the urge to run about singing
My boyfriend always tells me i read into things to much and 'wind myself up'

last week i was too depressed to even walk i was sitting on the floor of my hallway on the floor crying - also done this in the bathroom.
a lot of the time im unsure of who i am and my opinions change on a daily basis, things like who im with, other peoples opinions effect this also

its far too easy for me to loose my temper and i get episodes, almost of like blind rage where im not myself and i lash out nd say something really hurtful i didnt mean... it goes as quickly as it comes




That was my letter, some of you may have seen my post earlier..

feedback much appreciated.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
I think it sounds fine, well done on making the first step :smile:

And if you do decide that you need counselling, it isn't as bad as you think, it can be really useful and rewarding too.

Good Luck!
Reply 2
See a counsellor.
You have a lot of difficult issues.
Reply 3
all i can say is that its a good thing you e-mailed connexions. although, you seem to have just mentioned all the bad points and not talked about the things people like about you
Reply 4
flugestuge
See a counsellor.
You have a lot of difficult issues.

i think what this lad is trying to say is that you seem to be going through a hard time right now.

As for me, i am sorry to hear all that. I don't pity you, i feel for you- i am sure you know the difference. But keep in mind, you're the person who needs to take the first step, okay?

What is it that makes you afraid of seeing a counselor? Tell me please? lets talk :smile:
Reply 5
first step is admitting you have a problem

btw you can email connexions and they can advise you online if you dont want to see someone face to face
Reply 6
I know i already said this, but if you feel like talking things over, feel free to PM me anytime :smile:

--Lithium
Hi OP, you actually sound like me. I have actually done nearly everyone of those things you have listed.
Reply 8
Lithium
i think what this lad is trying to say is that you seem to be going through a hard time right now.

As for me, i am sorry to hear all that. I don't pity you, i feel for you- i am sure you know the difference. But keep in mind, you're the person who needs to take the first step, okay?

What is it that makes you afraid of seeing a counselor? Tell me please? lets talk :smile:



In all honesty im not so sure.
I have a reputation as being a 'closed book' i'm so reclutant to tell people things. Hence why i've chosen to get advice off randoms on the internet! I care too much about what people think.

I want a career in the future in clinical psychology, or psychology working with adolescents... possibly because i can relate!
im worried if i go to my GP or to a counsellor it will hinder chances of any future employment.

I want to know whats wrong with me (if anything) and help with my 'lows' i just dont want the label and the negative stigma that comes with it!
Reply 9
It wouldn't hinder your chances of employment, i'm pretty sure its all confidential so you don't have to worry about that. Plus, I think it would be good for you to have counseling so you will be able to relate to your future clients and know how they feel.

You should see your GP or something, you have been brave in admitting the problem and that your not happy, I bet you can do it.
Reply 10
Anonymous

I want a career in the future in clinical psychology, or psychology working with adolescents... possibly because i can relate!
im worried if i go to my GP or to a counsellor it will hinder chances of any future employment.

I want to know whats wrong with me (if anything) and help with my 'lows' i just dont want the label and the negative stigma that comes with it!


I don't want to sound pushy :smile: IF you want to talk, I'm more than happy. It would be completely anon anyways. And you wouldn't have to worry about my opinion (i don't tend to judge people anyways :smile:)
Reply 11
I think you have bi-polar disorder from what you've said-it's the first thing that sprung to mind when i read your post-and the symptoms fit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

I so shoulda carried on with psychology at uni...lol
Hi there OP :smile: ,
I would highly recommend that you see a counsellor.There is nothing to

be scared of,been there myself:no biggie:biggrin: .They have heard it all

before,same as going to a gp with an embarrassing illness,it's just another

day at the office for them.Sorry,i do not mean to scare you(a medical

practitioner,i am not) but the "mood swings" which you have mentioned(the

highs and lows) sound like some sort of bi-polar disorder.Please do not take

my word for it,try to read up on bi-polar disorder.If you are concerned about

it you can see your Gp and get an expert opinion.That might put

your mind to rest.

Good luck and may the force be with you :wink: .
Reply 13
NoQualms
I think you have bi-polar disorder from what you've said-it's the first thing that sprung to mind when i read your post-and the symptoms fit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

I so shoulda carried on with psychology at uni...lol

mood swings alone are not diagnostic of bi-polar. please don't throw diagnoses out like that. scare the patient? the mood swings are most likely to anxiety.
Reply 14
On top of it all i'm just worried in general
i'll sound like a nutter i cant imagine sitting down and telling my boyfriend that im like mentally ill, or my parents for that matter.

As for the employment thing, it must effect it?
I applied for a job as police staff not long ago, they were nosy parkers, wanted to know EVERYTHING.

So surely something a bit higher up (a job in need of a degree, thinking about the faaarr future here) would need to know about it.

and unfortunatly as much as we all like to think society is accepting - its not.

Theres so much more i could sit and write, those examples are just first ones that came to my head.

I can just see them putting it down to hormones or something then brushing me off!
Anonymous
On top of it all i'm just worried in general
i'll sound like a nutter i cant imagine sitting down and telling my boyfriend that im like mentally ill, or my parents for that matter.

As for the employment thing, it must effect it?
I applied for a job as police staff not long ago, they were nosy parkers, wanted to know EVERYTHING.

So surely something a bit higher up (a job in need of a degree, thinking about the faaarr future here) would need to know about it.

and unfortunatly as much as we all like to think society is accepting - its not.

Theres so much more i could sit and write, those examples are just first ones that came to my head.

I can just see them putting it down to hormones or something then brushing me off!

I am in medical school and I have a psychiatric "disorder". It is under control, the university counselor is aware of it, and i think that is as far as it goes. I am treated for it by a private physician, and it has NOT gotten in my AT ALL
Hey OP,

Anonymous
On top of it all i'm just worried in general
i'll sound like a nutter i cant imagine sitting down and telling my boyfriend that im like mentally ill, or my parents for that matter.

As for the employment thing, it must effect it?
I applied for a job as police staff not long ago, they were nosy parkers, wanted to know EVERYTHING.

So surely something a bit higher up (a job in need of a degree, thinking about the faaarr future here) would need to know about it.

and unfortunatly as much as we all like to think society is accepting - its not.

Theres so much more i could sit and write, those examples are just first ones that came to my head.

I can just see them putting it down to hormones or something then brushing me off!



If you feel like talking/off-loading the burden,feel free to message me:the

door is always open :smile:

I have been through a similar thing or should i say, i am going through it.
Reply 17
Lithium
mood swings alone are not diagnostic of bi-polar. please don't throw diagnoses out like that. scare the patient? the mood swings are most likely to anxiety.


anxiety?

One of my close friends suffers from bi-polar, has done for years and while, yes there are simalarities, there are huge differences as well.
I havn't read the wiki definition. I hate reading things like that as its so easy to talk yourself into having something once you've read the symtons.
so i tend to avoid it.
interesting to see what people have to say tho, nice to get it off my chest
Reply 18
Anonymous
anxiety?

One of my close friends suffers from bi-polar, has done for years and while, yes there are simalarities, there are huge differences as well.
I havn't read the wiki definition. I hate reading things like that as its so easy to talk yourself into having something once you've read the symtons.
so i tend to avoid it.
interesting to see what people have to say tho, nice to get it off my chest

look, i wish i could rule out all the "nasty" things :smile: what i can say is that if i had to bet my life on it, i would say it is NOT bi-polar. and Bi-polar is kind of a Dx that is made once other Dx have been ruled out.

I just think you need to talk to SOMEONE.....
Reply 19
Anonymous
anxiety?

One of my close friends suffers from bi-polar, has done for years and while, yes there are simalarities, there are huge differences as well.
I havn't read the wiki definition. I hate reading things like that as its so easy to talk yourself into having something once you've read the symtons.
so i tend to avoid it.
interesting to see what people have to say tho, nice to get it off my chest


There's more than one type of bi-polar and there are similarities with bi polar disorder and other illnesses but anyways this is why it's really best to to talk to a professional, people on this forum can help you by letting you talk it out but no one is going to be able to tell you exactly whats wrong with you-and this is what you want to know so you can solve it and feel better about yourself right?