Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Hi everyone,

I just graduated from uni 6 months ago, and moved back to my parents house since finished my degree because I want to work in Belfast rather than in England. I have just started my graduate scheme job 2 weeks ago. Before this, I was doing full time admin for only a month. My situation is that I stayed home for nearly 6month after uni and thinking to move out. Obviously, I am not happy at all for staying Home. I have a younger brother who is 6yrs, I’ll have to look after him and play with him after I finish my work. My parents have a small takeaway shop so it’s open after 5pm and extremely busy at the weekends. I am always asked to work in the shop during weekends, which I don’t really want to. Let me explain what my life looks like, so I wake up 6am in the morning and have to drive 40mins to reach to my work place, starting work at 8am finish at5pm. Then drive another 40mins to go home. After my dinner it’s nearly 7pm....then need to look after my little bro because they start work at 5pm and they don’t want to hire anyone in the shop for saving money... so i am the one who is doing baby sitting and even have to work during weekends......I barely have my own time....I am thinking to move out but my parents don’t agree and they are actually angry with that..... they think I am selfish and don’t want to help them...... ps I don’t have weekends since 15yrs, because I have to help in the shop during weekends and look after baby bro after school.... that’s why I chose to go to a uni far from home.... I chose to go back to Northern Ireland doesn’t mean I want my old life back again, obviously it did went back again...... I back to NI it’s only because the life here is very good, have low living cost and it’s also easier to save deposits for a house..... my current graduate schemes is 18monthes contract but with potential to be permanent after completing it. My current salary is 22,000...do you think I am be able to move out ? Do u think I should move out? How to talk to my parents? Ps I am so sad my relationship with them is so bad already.....They done something really hurt me.....( I don’t want to mention what happened but it’s heartbreaking). But I am worried about my bro, because if I move out he’ll have to go to work with my parents which means he’ll play his mobile game all day long.....Any advices are welcome.... but please don’t leave harsh comments..... I am very upset already ... sorry for such a long info....I just wrote what I come up with my head
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claireestelle
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone,

I just graduated from uni 6 months ago, and moved back to my parents house since finished my degree because I want to work in Belfast rather than in England. I have just started my graduate scheme job 2 weeks ago. Before this, I was doing full time admin for only a month. My situation is that I stayed home for nearly 6month after uni and thinking to move out. Obviously, I am not happy at all for staying Home. I have a younger brother who is 6yrs, I’ll have to look after him and play with him after I finish my work. My parents have a small takeaway shop so it’s open after 5pm and extremely busy at the weekends. I am always asked to work in the shop during weekends, which I don’t really want to. Let me explain what my life looks like, so I wake up 6am in the morning and have to drive 40mins to reach to my work place, starting work at 8am finish at5pm. Then drive another 40mins to go home. After my dinner it’s nearly 7pm....then need to look after my little bro because they start work at 5pm and they don’t want to hire anyone in the shop for saving money... so i am the one who is doing baby sitting and even have to work during weekends......I barely have my own time....I am thinking to move out but my parents don’t agree and they are actually angry with that..... they think I am selfish and don’t want to help them...... ps I don’t have weekends since 15yrs, because I have to help in the shop during weekends and look after baby bro after school.... that’s why I chose to go to a uni far from home.... I chose to go back to Northern Ireland doesn’t mean I want my old life back again, obviously it did went back again...... I back to NI it’s only because the life here is very good, have low living cost and it’s also easier to save deposits for a house..... my current graduate schemes is 18monthes contract but with potential to be permanent after completing it. My current salary is 22,000...do you think I am be able to move out ? Do u think I should move out? How to talk to my parents? Ps I am so sad my relationship with them is so bad already.....They done something really hurt me.....( I don’t want to mention what happened but it’s heartbreaking). But I am worried about my bro, because if I move out he’ll have to go to work with my parents which means he’ll play his mobile game all day long.....Any advices are welcome.... but please don’t leave harsh comments..... I am very upset already ... sorry for such a long info....I just wrote what I come up with my head
your brother presumably would have a good 6 years before he could be unsupervised, that's a long time to stay home when you aren't happy in what seems a toxic home environment. I think you could move out at that salary and I think you should, otherwise, you might not for years. Not having any rest time isn't good for you.
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shnac99
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If you’ve got a secured job with decent pay just move out, it doesn’t have to be far so you can go see your brother and family but on your terms.
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marple
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#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone,

I just graduated from uni 6 months ago, and moved back to my parents house since finished my degree because I want to work in Belfast rather than in England. I have just started my graduate scheme job 2 weeks ago. Before this, I was doing full time admin for only a month. My situation is that I stayed home for nearly 6month after uni and thinking to move out. Obviously, I am not happy at all for staying Home. I have a younger brother who is 6yrs, I’ll have to look after him and play with him after I finish my work. My parents have a small takeaway shop so it’s open after 5pm and extremely busy at the weekends. I am always asked to work in the shop during weekends, which I don’t really want to. Let me explain what my life looks like, so I wake up 6am in the morning and have to drive 40mins to reach to my work place, starting work at 8am finish at5pm. Then drive another 40mins to go home. After my dinner it’s nearly 7pm....then need to look after my little bro because they start work at 5pm and they don’t want to hire anyone in the shop for saving money... so i am the one who is doing baby sitting and even have to work during weekends......I barely have my own time....I am thinking to move out but my parents don’t agree and they are actually angry with that..... they think I am selfish and don’t want to help them...... ps I don’t have weekends since 15yrs, because I have to help in the shop during weekends and look after baby bro after school.... that’s why I chose to go to a uni far from home.... I chose to go back to Northern Ireland doesn’t mean I want my old life back again, obviously it did went back again...... I back to NI it’s only because the life here is very good, have low living cost and it’s also easier to save deposits for a house..... my current graduate schemes is 18monthes contract but with potential to be permanent after completing it. My current salary is 22,000...do you think I am be able to move out ? Do u think I should move out? How to talk to my parents? Ps I am so sad my relationship with them is so bad already.....They done something really hurt me.....( I don’t want to mention what happened but it’s heartbreaking). But I am worried about my bro, because if I move out he’ll have to go to work with my parents which means he’ll play his mobile game all day long.....Any advices are welcome.... but please don’t leave harsh comments..... I am very upset already ... sorry for such a long info....I just wrote what I come up with my head
Your parents are being very unfair. Presumably they managed childcare for your brother when you were at university, and can do so again. Find yourself a house/flat share on Spareroom.co.uk or similar and move out. Try not to become emotional or defensive, just say that you've got the chance of accommodation nearer work and you're going to take it because you need to concentrate on your new job and with commuting etc you are not able to give it the hours needed to make it a success.

Try and get into a routine with your parents in terms of when you visit etc. You need to establish an adult relationship with your parents, not the one you had prior to uni.You could arrange to take your brother out for say one Sunday a month to do something fun which would be a treat for him.

Best wishes
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by claireestelle)
your brother presumably would have a good 6 years before he could be unsupervised, that's a long time to stay home when you aren't happy in what seems a toxic home environment. I think you could move out at that salary and I think you should, otherwise, you might not for years. Not having any rest time isn't good for you.
This is absolutely toxic! I am not happy at all for staying home and barely to talk to my parents already....thanks so much for your advice
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by marple)
Your parents are being very unfair. Presumably they managed childcare for your brother when you were at university, and can do so again. Find yourself a house/flat share on Spareroom.co.uk or similar and move out. Try not to become emotional or defensive, just say that you've got the chance of accommodation nearer work and you're going to take it because you need to concentrate on your new job and with commuting etc you are not able to give it the hours needed to make it a success.

Try and get into a routine with your parents in terms of when you visit etc. You need to establish an adult relationship with your parents, not the one you had prior to uni.You could arrange to take your brother out for say one Sunday a month to do something fun which would be a treat for him.

Best wishes
Actually, the main problem is that I am scared to tell them about moving out. Do you know what they are thinking, They think they raised me to an adult, which I can live independently, now it is the time that I have to give them something back(well, I’ve been working and doing babysitting for years already).........they think I have the ability to live independent but then I don’t want to help them anymore...which as they said I am selfish........I am so angry with this....
As I said before if i tell them now we definitely gonna have a fight......at the moment our relationship is soooooooo bad - __-! I am so stressed everyday.....
and my job is graduate scheme which is fixed term18months contract.....It can be secured after finish this program but it might not.......
I don’t know whether I explained clearly....but thanks for your advice and really appreciated
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by shnac99)
If you’ve got a secured job with decent pay just move out, it doesn’t have to be far so you can go see your brother and family but on your terms.
I am not sure if 22000 is decent and as I said graduate scheme is fixed contract, although it has big potential to be permanent, it might not be....
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