Housemates are stressing me out Watch

Anonymous #1
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So I live with four other students and three of them are clean freaks. They post in the group chat frequently about small things like "there's a tiny bit of rice in the microwave clean it up", "there's liquid at the bottom of the bin" etc. I make sure that I wash up my dishes, pots, pans and cutlery after every meal daily and if I've made a mess I clean and wipe it up. I regularly clean up the stove/hob and I help out with the bins. But it never seems to be good enough.

So early on in the year I ordered a takeaway and the takeaway bag left a tiny mark of grease stain on the sofa. After that I always made sure to always put the takeaway bag on the floor. One time I was eating and some food fell onto the sofa and left a small stain. I cleaned it up but it left a water mark on the sofa, so I tried to dry it to no avail and posted about in the group chat. One of my housemates was really angry and shouting and it made me uncomfortable, I did apologise and I did not mean for it to happen. I bought a tray after that and it has not happened since.

We share a shower. I always make sure to rinse out the tub after I finish, but it seems that I was not waiting long enough for the water to drain properly and there was still some dirt left behind unbeknownst to me. I also can't see well without glasses. Apparently they had been b*tching aggressively about me behind my back until someone finally told me to my face. I was shocked and immediately rectified the situation - making sure I wait for the water to drain and going back to check with my glasses on. When some rice had fallen on the floor and I had not seen it, I was confronted and hoovered it immediately and since then always check the floor whenever I cook.

I made a really stupid mistake where I forgot to clean out my fridge before I left for home for the Christmas holidays. In the past few years I've been at uni I've never forgotten to do this and for the life of me I don't understand how or why I could be so idiotic, I think mentally I was a mess because my brother at the time was wanting to end his life and I was also dealing with sexual assault trauma that they do not know about so i just wasn't in the right head space. The food went mouldy whilst I was away and they looked at my fridge (I don't share it with anyone else) and were really angry and aggressive about it behind my back. When I came back I was horrified and immediately cleaned it all up. They were still quite aggressive about it and I apologised.

I'm struggling atm because I keep disappointing and angering them and it makes the house uncomfortable for me to be in. One guy makes his anger quite visible sometimes with the way that he looks at me and his whole demeanour towards me. I really hate that I'm such a useless ditzy person and making stupid mistakes for them to be so enraged.
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AzureCeleste
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Sound like clean freaks

Some things are understandable. But some crumbs aren't a big deal. Just say if it matters a lot to them that they should do it.
Realistically I'd say cleaning after yourself is fine and then once a week properly cleaning (getting rid of the couple of grains of rice from the microwave etc. would be sorted then).
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Vexper
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idk what to say man this ain't an isolated incident you are leaving stains every and stuff. this is annoying for people who aren't 'clean freaks' too. also leaving the bath a mess in a shared bathroom is a big no-no.

just clean up your **** man and this problem disappears. step up and take responsibility.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Vexper)
idk what to say man this ain't an isolated incident you are leaving stains every and stuff. this is annoying for people who aren't 'clean freaks' too. also leaving the bath a mess in a shared bathroom is a big no-no.

just clean up your **** man and this problem disappears. step up and take responsibility.
But I do clean up once I'm aware? If you've noticed, every time I've had a problem I make sure I resolve it immediately and don't do it again.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Vexper)
idk what to say man this ain't an isolated incident you are leaving stains every and stuff. this is annoying for people who aren't 'clean freaks' too. also leaving the bath a mess in a shared bathroom is a big no-no.

just clean up your **** man and this problem disappears. step up and take responsibility.
Cut OP some slack. Some people are told that they're being messy and don't do a thing about it to change. Every time OP has been notified they've made effort to do better. OP also says they wash up their dishes and the stove so they're obviously not a slob.
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Vexper
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But I do clean up once I'm aware? If you've noticed, every time I've had a problem I make sure I resolve it immediately and don't do it again.
Yeah but it's not really developing self-awareness. Fair play to you - you're adapting once feedback has been received but you're just band-aiding microproblems rather than addressing the overall problem. These incidents keep occuring - if you've noticed.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Vexper)
Yeah but it's not really developing self-awareness. Fair play to you - you're adapting once feedback has been received but you're just band-aiding microproblems rather than addressing the overall problem. These incidents keep occuring - if you've noticed.
I'm just making a guess here, but it seems that OP is not mentally all there - they describe sexual assault trauma and a suicidal brother, perhaps that's why OP keeps making mistakes because their mind is elsewhere. I believe that if OP gets adequate treatment for their current mental health issues then their mistakes may reduce. For example, OP says that this is the first time that they forgot to empty out the fridge. It's clear that there is an underlying reason if this is uncharacteristic behaviour.
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Justmac
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I understand that perhaps you might not always be aware of it at the time but it can be annoying for people who live with you. To help with this self awareness perhaps you could create yourself a guide and leave it in the kitchen to remind you of all the things you should do to clean that space before you leave. I don't blame your house mates cos that would piss me off. Imho a lot of people are quite trampy when they go to uni and haven't really had good home training. You aren't a child, you shouldn't have to be reminded
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Vexper
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm just making a guess here, but it seems that OP is not mentally all there - they describe sexual assault trauma and a suicidal brother, perhaps that's why OP keeps making mistakes because their mind is elsewhere. I believe that if OP gets adequate treatment for their current mental health issues then their mistakes may reduce. For example, OP says that this is the first time that they forgot to empty out the fridge. It's clear that there is an underlying reason if this is uncharacteristic behaviour.
There is that - of course. An ultimate resolve for this problem is simply whenever you use an area of the shared household - think what you're going to do to clean it before you even use it so it's left clean. Take a step back from the area and look at it all. Also before you put things down that are messy or greasy think about the material it's sitting on etc.

Just be that bit more mindful that other people can be dealling with equally stressing circumstances and coming home to stains and garbage everywhere is not nice. Living with others as a student is an important lesson learning how to be accommodating with other people. Having lived with a messy household with someone exactly as OP describes is not enjoyable. They patch the problem but it's repeated again somewhere else so no progress is ever really made. The mess in the sink disappears, but then you find it was just moved to the bathroom. It's just frustating.
Last edited by Vexper; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #3
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People in this thread are exaggerating how bad you are imo. I have lived with several students MUCH WORSE than you. Some don't even wash their dishes yet you wash up straight after meals. You could be cleaner but you're definitely doing better than most students out there. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just make sure you double check whenever you leave an area.
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Anonymous #4
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This almost sounds like bullying tbh, any idea why they’ve singled you out like this? Everyone makes a slight mess once in a while and if you clean up after being informed of it, I don’t get why they continue to be aggressive.
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cnvlegal
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Tell them to f*** off seriously. I mean this in the literal sense. It will clear the air and liberate you.

Had to do this before and felt so much better after. It didn't rectify the situation entirely but it did liberate me and allowed me to get the confidence to enjoy what I pay for, i.e. the accommodation space. It also gave them a sure sign to back off.

You sound like a perfectly reasonable person. Get aggressive with them and put a stake to what is yours, i.e. your right to live without distress and to keep the flat in a reasonable condition.
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shnac99
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Can we swap, I wish my flat mates were clean freaks
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