Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Hi,

So I’m 20 and have recently started to notice that my parents treat me a lot less like an adult than other people’s parent seem to. It hasn’t really bothered me until now since I’ve been able to escape it at uni, but now I need to decide whether I want to move home after uni or not and try find a job there.

For starters I feel like I have no privacy in the house, if my door is shut they will literally barge in without any warning. Now, over Christmas I tried to explain to them that I’d prefer if they knocked first. Even just for the fact that I could be getting changed. But they didn’t seem to understand why they should do that and basically just laughed it off.

On top of this if I leave the house at all they will ask me loads of questions about it before and after, like who’s going? Who’s driving? Why did you go there but not somewhere else?. Don’t get me wrong they’d never stop me from going out, but they just seem to think it’s right for them to know every single aspect in detail. Am I not allowed to have some privacy? Because at this point I feel like I have to justify everything I do. It’s got to the point that I just turn down meeting friends sometimes because I Cba justifying my actions and then having to give a 30 min debrief (twice sometimes because I’ll tell my one of them when the others out).

There’s a few other things as well but those are the main things that have been annoying my recently. I know that while living at home I need to be respect and everything but I really just feel that my parents haven’t started to treat me like an adult yet, when they should be. I’ve spoken to some of my friends about it and I was shocked to find that most of them have been getting more freedom than me since they were 16.

Now I’m in the situation of whether or not to move home, which in theory will save me a lot of money for the future. But, I also just want to be able to leave the house without coming up with a good enough reason and then be able to have some privacy in my room.

Sorry for such a long essay, I think my question really is, are my parents not giving me enough privacy? And any suggestions on how to make the treat me like an adult.

Thanks!
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Honestly im gonna be turning 20 in a couple months time and my parents are exactly the same.

Sorry if this is a bit personal but are you a girl? Parents tend to get more worried whenever its their daughter that goes out. But either way i think its best to sit them down and talk to them about what makes you feel more comfortable. I understand some parents may not listen to you i mean mine sure wont lol but its all you can do. My parents used to be a lot worse before. When i was 16 i would not be allowed out at all and i would have to give my parents details of my whereabouts every few minutes when i was going to to school. The whole reason why i had a phone then was so that they could track me using the find iphone feature to make sure i was where i said i was. But 3 years later im allowed out until any time (only with certain people ok but i dont really have a problem with that anyway since we are all close and dont really hang with any other people anyway) just as long as i send them a message to let them know im safe.

But long story short i think with some parents that are more stubborn than others it may just take time. Prove to them that you are trust worthy. Do not give them any reason whatsoever to justify them treating you like a kid. And who knows after a while they may start to ease up on you like they should have done a while back.

Also side note im still also suffering with the whole parents barging in the room thing also haha. Just thought id throw it in there just because...
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly im gonna be turning 20 in a couple months time and my parents are exactly the same.

Sorry if this is a bit personal but are you a girl? Parents tend to get more worried whenever its their daughter that goes out. But either way i think its best to sit them down and talk to them about what makes you feel more comfortable. I understand some parents may not listen to you i mean mine sure wont lol but its all you can do. My parents used to be a lot worse before. When i was 16 i would not be allowed out at all and i would have to give my parents details of my whereabouts every few minutes when i was going to to school. The whole reason why i had a phone then was so that they could track me using the find iphone feature to make sure i was where i said i was. But 3 years later im allowed out until any time (only with certain people ok but i dont really have a problem with that anyway since we are all close and dont really hang with any other people anyway) just as long as i send them a message to let them know im safe.

But long story short i think with some parents that are more stubborn than others it may just take time. Prove to them that you are trust worthy. Do not give them any reason whatsoever to justify them treating you like a kid. And who knows after a while they may start to ease up on you like they should have done a while back.

Also side note im still also suffering with the whole parents barging in the room thing also haha. Just thought id throw it in there just because...
Ahhh, I should have mentioned that, I’m actually a guy.

Thanks for sharing though! At least we’re in the same boat lol. Sorry to hear you’re parents have always been so strict but looks like things are getting better. If you’re not at uni I couldn’t recommend it enough from a freedom standpoint.

Yeah get what you mean I’m kinda hoping that they will change at some point, which could happen. When I first went to uni they would ring me everyday, but I eventually got them to stop by being really blunt with them when they asked me if anything had changed since I last spoke to them 24 hours ago. I’m just worried that they don’t think I deserve to be treated like an adult, since I get the feeling they were never treated like that when they lived at home in their mid 20s.
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ahhh, I should have mentioned that, I’m actually a guy.

Thanks for sharing though! At least we’re in the same boat lol. Sorry to hear you’re parents have always been so strict but looks like things are getting better. If you’re not at uni I couldn’t recommend it enough from a freedom standpoint.

Yeah get what you mean I’m kinda hoping that they will change at some point, which could happen. When I first went to uni they would ring me everyday, but I eventually got them to stop by being really blunt with them when they asked me if anything had changed since I last spoke to them 24 hours ago. I’m just worried that they don’t think I deserve to be treated like an adult, since I get the feeling they were never treated like that when they lived at home in their mid 20s.
I admit though it did help lots when i stayed in accommodation for my first year at uni because it was like i was showing them that i can take care of myself etc. I never did any of those things where flatmates would go out and drink since im not a girl that likes to drink/party anyways.

I would have loved to stay out for second and third year but i chose to stay home for certain reasons, mostly to do with finances if im honest.

Im sure you probably are already thinking about this sort of thing but its not an easy case of saying that you wanna move once uni is finished. For one thing a lot of places of accommodation require a deposit so you have to think realistically whether or not its something you can do now or if it would be better to hold off for a while and work for a bit to save up for something better.

But anyways whatever you decide on doing i hope it goes well for you
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