The Student Room Group

Boyfriend tells me ‘I hope you get raped.’ Thoughts?

Scroll to see replies

Absolutely shocking.
You should dump this guy asap.
break up with him. it’s an obvious one. this is such a red flag it’s practically being waved right in front of your face. what kind of sociopath would say that? this is not the one mate he’s a control freak stay any longer and i assure you that you’ll learn the hard way that you ought to break up.
Holy ****. Don’t even bother dumping his ass. Just run. That’s sickening
Original post by Anonymous
TL:biggrin:R
“Boyfriend got mad that I didn’t reassure him I was going to be drinking at a party. He doesn’t like me drinking. He got so mad that he told me ‘I hope you get raped so you know what’s going to happen as a consequence of your drinking.’ What do you guys think of this?”



Told my boyfriend I was gonna be at a party. I posted something on social media showing that I was drinking. He got pretty mad because I did not tell him I was gonna be drinking nor reassured him that I was not going to be drinking a lot and that I wasn’t gonna do anything stupid. So I apologised for not reassuring him enough. I then go on to ask “Why is it such a big deal? I can decide if I want to drink for myself besides I remember everything that happened nor did I do anything stupid that could hurt you.” He goes on to say that he’s really disappointed in me and he’s really furious that I would drink without telling him. He told me that he hopes I get raped so I understand what the consequence of my action would be (basically what’s going to happen if I drink too much and got taken advantage of). I thought that was so out of line. I was tipsy but I was aware of what was happening and event sent my friends home on the Uber. I even messaged him after I got home at 12 which he thought was very late. What are your thoughts?


No matter what you say or what you do nobody should ever say that you should get raped. Ever.
The argument that drinking leads to sexual assault is idiotic, out-dated, and ignorant on so many levels. It is victim blaming and takes responsibility away form the rapist. There is no excuse to rape someone, and especially if it's just because someone is drunk. Being drunk is not an invitation to be exploited. It is not asking for it. Non-consensual sex is never asked for. So if you were to be raped, it would not be a consequence of your actions at all. It would be the consequence of someone else's actions and decision to take advantage of you in a vulnerable situation.
Honestly this makes me so angry.
He sounds controlling, as well as sexist and victim blaming. The fact that he could say such a thing to you, someone he supposedly cares about, astounds me. If you really cared about someone you'd never even think to say that.
It is your choice whether you drink or not. Not his. You are autonomous, and a separate human being. He shouldn't be saying that you can or cannot do something such as drinking on a point of his personal principles in the first place. Also 12 is a fine time to get home. Seriously.

My opinion? Dump him. Even if he can be really lovely, saying something like that and acting in that way shows a side of a person I know I wouldn't feel comfortable dating. He does not control you. Relationships are an added bonus, and you have to put yourself before anything else.
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Original post by Anonymous
TL:biggrin:R
“Boyfriend got mad that I didn’t reassure him I was going to be drinking at a party. He doesn’t like me drinking. He got so mad that he told me ‘I hope you get raped so you know what’s going to happen as a consequence of your drinking.’ What do you guys think of this?”



Told my boyfriend I was gonna be at a party. I posted something on social media showing that I was drinking. He got pretty mad because I did not tell him I was gonna be drinking nor reassured him that I was not going to be drinking a lot and that I wasn’t gonna do anything stupid. So I apologised for not reassuring him enough. I then go on to ask “Why is it such a big deal? I can decide if I want to drink for myself besides I remember everything that happened nor did I do anything stupid that could hurt you.” He goes on to say that he’s really disappointed in me and he’s really furious that I would drink without telling him. He told me that he hopes I get raped so I understand what the consequence of my action would be (basically what’s going to happen if I drink too much and got taken advantage of). I thought that was so out of line. I was tipsy but I was aware of what was happening and event sent my friends home on the Uber. I even messaged him after I got home at 12 which he thought was very late. What are your thoughts?

Kick his nut-sack
How the **** have you stayed with him this long already?

Leave his ass. What a disgusting thing to say...
Reply 27
Original post by Anonymous
TL:biggrin:R
“Boyfriend got mad that I didn’t reassure him I was going to be drinking at a party. He doesn’t like me drinking. He got so mad that he told me ‘I hope you get raped so you know what’s going to happen as a consequence of your drinking.’ What do you guys think of this?”



Told my boyfriend I was gonna be at a party. I posted something on social media showing that I was drinking. He got pretty mad because I did not tell him I was gonna be drinking nor reassured him that I was not going to be drinking a lot and that I wasn’t gonna do anything stupid. So I apologised for not reassuring him enough. I then go on to ask “Why is it such a big deal? I can decide if I want to drink for myself besides I remember everything that happened nor did I do anything stupid that could hurt you.” He goes on to say that he’s really disappointed in me and he’s really furious that I would drink without telling him. He told me that he hopes I get raped so I understand what the consequence of my action would be (basically what’s going to happen if I drink too much and got taken advantage of). I thought that was so out of line. I was tipsy but I was aware of what was happening and event sent my friends home on the Uber. I even messaged him after I got home at 12 which he thought was very late. What are your thoughts?


what boyfriend?
Reply 28
Guys, please keep all replies to this thread friendly and constructive please :smile:
What everyone else said; disgusting thing to say and he sounds toxic as hell
Reply 30
He's not your boyfriend anymore, I hope
Original post by Anonymous
TL:biggrin:R
“Boyfriend got mad that I didn’t reassure him I was going to be drinking at a party. He doesn’t like me drinking. He got so mad that he told me ‘I hope you get raped so you know what’s going to happen as a consequence of your drinking.’ What do you guys think of this?”



Told my boyfriend I was gonna be at a party. I posted something on social media showing that I was drinking. He got pretty mad because I did not tell him I was gonna be drinking nor reassured him that I was not going to be drinking a lot and that I wasn’t gonna do anything stupid. So I apologised for not reassuring him enough. I then go on to ask “Why is it such a big deal? I can decide if I want to drink for myself besides I remember everything that happened nor did I do anything stupid that could hurt you.” He goes on to say that he’s really disappointed in me and he’s really furious that I would drink without telling him. He told me that he hopes I get raped so I understand what the consequence of my action would be (basically what’s going to happen if I drink too much and got taken advantage of). I thought that was so out of line. I was tipsy but I was aware of what was happening and event sent my friends home on the Uber. I even messaged him after I got home at 12 which he thought was very late. What are your thoughts?


Please tell me that you're not with him anymore? This is ringing so many alarm bells, it's hurting my ears
r u n
Original post by Deyesy
Guys, please keep all replies to this thread friendly and constructive please :smile:

That is an awful thing to say to anyone. You need to get out of this relationship. Your boyfriend does not need to know if you are are drinking, he does not need reassurance of how much and getting mad because of it out of order. Rape is not a consequence of drinking. It's your life, you can do what you like its none of his business and you need to tell him to either sort his **** out or you leave.
He’s undoubtedly in the wrong and I think you should get away as soon as you can.

What you drink isn’t up to him, it’s up to you. Hell, I don’t even drink but my girlfriend drinks as much as she likes and I respect that because I respect her. As for the rape thing, run a mile. It’s not his place to judge or punish you.
Original post by YaliaV
You had a drink without telling? Heaven forbid. He’s controlling and it could become violent if you stay with him. He sounds a bit dangerous.


Why are you talking about control as if it is a awful behavior. It could be jealousy, caring
Original post by rojomed
Why are you talking about control as if it is a awful behavior. It could be jealousy, caring

Control isn't caring it's abuse
https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-intimate-or-family-relationship
He’s controlling for sure. Not someone you need in your life.
His responses are born from control and immaturity.
It doesn’t matter how nice he is to you at other times, these things shouldn’t happen
In a “proper relationship you would have said you were going to a party and he would have said have a great time.
I’m married so it’s a little different. I say I’m going somewhere, do you mind? And so does hubby. And even then it’s purely a formality because if I can’t see a reason why I can’t go then off I pop.
I no longer drink and haven’t for some time but when I did my hubby would say something like please don’t come home alone” or “make sure you stick together
Which comes from a place of care.
Hopefully you’ve ended it by now
If he isn't already your ex-boyfriend then you're doing it wrong.

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending