How to stop thirsting for a boyfriend Watch

Anonymous #1
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I’m 19 and a second year at Uni. I think my desperation for a relationship stems from the fact that I’ve never really been able to form a genuine bond with people. Since beginning my life in education, all of my “friends” have either been acquaintances, or toxic, so I’ve never really experienced what it’s like to deeply care about someone and have someone care about me in return. Considering it’s been near 15 years, I doubt this is something that will change and even now I’m in a pretty miserable situation.

I always feel a very petty and intense jealousy when I see girls with their boyfriends. This morning there was a couple by the bus stop and the guy was looking at his girlfriend with such adoration. It sounds painfully corny but I wish that I could love someone like that.

Guys have never really shown an interest in me. I’ve been asked out before, half the time by random guys on the street and another half as pranks, which severely dampened my confidence. I think it’s maybe because of the aura that I give off. I’m not a naturally happy person. I usually have to fake smiles just to seem like I’m not plotting to kill someone. I also think it’s because maybe they can sense that im desperate, but I can’t help it. When I’m around guys, it’s like I just tense and start acting differently. It’s an automatic thing, so even forcing myself to “act natural” would be very... well, forced in itself.

What can I do about this? I know that a relationship isn’t everything. I understand that there are plenty of relationships that do more harm than good. But I’m so lonely right now.
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samynmeciad
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You are still young and still have experience to have and the train is never late. I think things like that just come like that i mean if you dont have a boyfriend that shouldnt make you think negative about yourself just believe that the right person will come at the right time , you dont have to prepare for this thing . sorry my english is a little bit bad nd i wish u will be with your perfect guy
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username3941996
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This sounds a lot like me except for toxic friends part. I used to be very desperate when it came to girls and I always felt I pushed them away with my ‘aura’. Honestly, the best thing you could do is focus less on them and more on what you can do.
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Deggs_14
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Play hard to get so you see which boys are generally interested to know more about you.
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MidgetFever
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(Original post by Deggs_14)
Play hard to get so you see which boys are generally interested to know more about you.
Terrible advice.
It's the whole "playing hard to get" thing girls get so much flack for being "confusing"

Not to mention not all people like chasing. I really don't see how that would solve OP's problem at all.
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Finito
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Who in there right mind will read this entire post?

Focus on your education, family, etc.
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Deggs_14
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(Original post by MidgetFever)
Terrible advice.
It's the whole "playing hard to get" thing girls get so much flack for being "confusing"

Not to mention not all people like chasing. I really don't see how that would solve OP's problem at all.
Okay, just an idea. I'm interested in girls with a bit of mystery about them instead of ones who are TMI the first time you meet them.
Each to their own.
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MidgetFever
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(Original post by Deggs_14)
Okay, just an idea. I'm interested in girls with a bit of mystery about them instead of ones who are TMI the first time you meet them.
Each to their own.
I get that, and I prefer it too if I'm honest.
But playing hard to get and not revealing your entire life story on the first meet are two really different things.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Finito)
Who in there right mind will read this entire post?

Focus on your education, family, etc.
People who would genuinely like to help me?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Red Rose Leftist)
This sounds a lot like me except for toxic friends part. I used to be very desperate when it came to girls and I always felt I pushed them away with my ‘aura’. Honestly, the best thing you could do is focus less on them and more on what you can do.
I’ll try, it’s a little hard to erase muscle memory lol but maybe it can be done?
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Anonymous #2
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I'm 18 and I feel similarly. I've never been in a serious relationship and I'm a virgin etc. I have one close friend and I was in the same boat with her but recently I accidentally set her up with a guy she's liked for a while and now they're in a happy relationship. I'm happy for her but part of me feels lonelier than ever, because her energy and time is all directed at him and when we talk it's always about him. I want to get into a relationship but the only people who have asked me out have been either intensely creepy or asking me out only for a dare, just like you.

I don't really have any advice. I suppose I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Keep us posted and let us know how things go.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Red Rose Leftist)
This sounds a lot like me except for toxic friends part. I used to be very desperate when it came to girls and I always felt I pushed them away with my ‘aura’. Honestly, the best thing you could do is focus less on them and more on what you can do.
I’ll try, it’s a little hard to erase muscle memory lol but maybe it can be done?

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 18 and I feel similarly. I've never been in a serious relationship and I'm a virgin etc. I have one close friend and I was in the same boat with her but recently I accidentally set her up with a guy she's liked for a while and now they're in a happy relationship. I'm happy for her but part of me feels lonelier than ever, because her energy and time is all directed at him and when we talk it's always about him. I want to get into a relationship but the only people who have asked me out have been either intensely creepy or asking me out only for a dare, just like you.

I don't really have any advice. I suppose I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Keep us posted and let us know how things go.
Thanks for that, it’s sad and I’m certainly not happy at our situations but it’s nice to hear someone going through the same thing!
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dj_ad_1
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Im 18 and i can say im in a similar situation than u but im a guy. Like ive never kissed a girl or had a gf but i always think the right girl will come at the right time. Just be patient cos theres plenty of fishes in the sea its only a matter of time before u find ur nemo.
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Anonymous #3
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Your desperation for a boyfriend stems from being a human being. People have needs, emotional and hormonal. It's part of being human, you don't have to excuse it by saying it's because you were not liked. Most of those friendships other people have aren't as great as they look.
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Sammylou40
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(Original post by Anonymous)
People who would genuinely like to help me?
I think you would probably benefit from speaking to someone who can help you work it all out.
talking it all through can help you get to the root of what’s wrong.
I’m sorry you’re lonely. Have you tried joining any clubs for things you’re interested in? If you do then you’ll meet like minded people straight away. It doesn’t just have to be uni. Look around your local area.
It sounds as if your self esteem has taken a battering and of course it’s hard to fake happiness when you’re not.
Wanting a partner is entirely normal. But having that relationship is about enhancing your happiness and not just being the reason you’re happy.
it may help you to have a chat with your gp but definitely speak to student support. They will help you in confidence
Last edited by Sammylou40; 3 weeks ago
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username3941996
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for that, it’s sad and I’m certainly not happy at our situations but it’s nice to hear someone going through the same thing!

Changing old habits is going to be difficult, so it‪s a good thing to remember that there’s not harm in trial and error. Right now, you are trapped in a habitual way of thinking, because your brain is trained to think doing what you usually do in your everyday life is normal when it’s not. Now it’s time to retrain your brain to learn new methods and change your old approach.
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Rakas21
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 19 and a second year at Uni. I think my desperation for a relationship stems from the fact that I’ve never really been able to form a genuine bond with people. Since beginning my life in education, all of my “friends” have either been acquaintances, or toxic, so I’ve never really experienced what it’s like to deeply care about someone and have someone care about me in return. Considering it’s been near 15 years, I doubt this is something that will change and even now I’m in a pretty miserable situation.

I always feel a very petty and intense jealousy when I see girls with their boyfriends. This morning there was a couple by the bus stop and the guy was looking at his girlfriend with such adoration. It sounds painfully corny but I wish that I could love someone like that.

Guys have never really shown an interest in me. I’ve been asked out before, half the time by random guys on the street and another half as pranks, which severely dampened my confidence. I think it’s maybe because of the aura that I give off. I’m not a naturally happy person. I usually have to fake smiles just to seem like I’m not plotting to kill someone. I also think it’s because maybe they can sense that im desperate, but I can’t help it. When I’m around guys, it’s like I just tense and start acting differently. It’s an automatic thing, so even forcing myself to “act natural” would be very... well, forced in itself.

What can I do about this? I know that a relationship isn’t everything. I understand that there are plenty of relationships that do more harm than good. But I’m so lonely right now.
What your feeling on a sub-concious level is the instinct to breed, it is wired into the core of every single one of us.

At any rate as much as some in this thread suggest waiting around, i tend to believe in the mantra that there are people who wait for things to happen and others who make things happen.

If you want to find a boyfriend then you must ultimately put yourself out there. When random men ask for your details, give it to them and go on a date. Get a profile set up on the likes of PlentyOfFish.
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Joleee
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what are you studying? do you have some kind of career goal in mind? if you want my sincere opinion to your thread title, i'd say put a different goal ahead of finding a boyfriend, then boyfriend won't see so important. at least, i know personally i got big goals to work on and a partner would really not fit into my schedule. i barely have time for myself.

i think the issue tho is the last line in your op. do you have good friends you're in relationship with?
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jmsk_
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 19 and a second year at Uni. I think my desperation for a relationship stems from the fact that I’ve never really been able to form a genuine bond with people. Since beginning my life in education, all of my “friends” have either been acquaintances, or toxic, so I’ve never really experienced what it’s like to deeply care about someone and have someone care about me in return. Considering it’s been near 15 years, I doubt this is something that will change and even now I’m in a pretty miserable situation.

I always feel a very petty and intense jealousy when I see girls with their boyfriends. This morning there was a couple by the bus stop and the guy was looking at his girlfriend with such adoration. It sounds painfully corny but I wish that I could love someone like that.

Guys have never really shown an interest in me. I’ve been asked out before, half the time by random guys on the street and another half as pranks, which severely dampened my confidence. I think it’s maybe because of the aura that I give off. I’m not a naturally happy person. I usually have to fake smiles just to seem like I’m not plotting to kill someone. I also think it’s because maybe they can sense that im desperate, but I can’t help it. When I’m around guys, it’s like I just tense and start acting differently. It’s an automatic thing, so even forcing myself to “act natural” would be very... well, forced in itself.

What can I do about this? I know that a relationship isn’t everything. I understand that there are plenty of relationships that do more harm than good. But I’m so lonely right now.
sounds corny but if you find 'the right person' there's often no need to force yourself into being anything other than you! Also this whole idea about 'the right person' is totally misguided; some people fit the bill most of the time but if something doesn't go right one time don't think they actually aren't meant for you or anything like that. And another thing: the most worthwhile thing you can do is focus on yourself. Don't live as who you are - live as who you want to be.
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