Driving instructor abandoned me

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Loveteal
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#1
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
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Hey, so I took my first ever driving test today and I failed with 15 minors and 1 serious. I've been learning how to drive since 2017 now and I still haven't passed my driving test. I'm 20 now and I've been trying to drive since I was 18.

I've changed driving instructors three times now and obviously have to get a fourth one now since my driving instructor abandoned me. So before my test I had two mock tests they both turned out terribly and my driving instructor said I'm not ready to take the test but bare in mind, I always do well in my initial lessons.

When I took my actual driving test, even the examiner said that I'm definitely not ready to take my test I was driving way too cautious, I shouldn't be let out driving.

My driving instructor said now he's going to get in trouble and next time I should've listened to him when he said, I wasn't ready and I should get another driving instructor. Yet he gave me the benefit of the doubt and said prove me wrong.

But I felt like I was ready, really I did and i felt like I was doing well in the test until I hesitated turning right into a junction and drove under the limit at times which is why I failed.

After the test he told me to go to the passenger seat in a harsh tone.
During the drive home it was very silent and I cried but he didn't care, he just sat there driving, not even looking at me, rushing to get home. He said take care and he was off, just like that. I generally don't think I'm bad driver, suffer from anxiety and it lessened greatly during the last few years but obviously it still affects me.

When I first started taking lessons with him, it felt like he didn't want to really teach me and when our course ended he said I think you should another instructor but if you want you could still be taught by me. when I kept on saying i wanted to be taught by him he kept dodging it and saying, I think you should get another instructor.

And when we were leading up to my test he said what are you going to do if you fail? And I said retake it of course.

Whenever we had our lessons he wasn't encouraging, he would always shout and pick out on what I did wrong and would always talk a lot when I drive and that would obviously distract me and get mad when I make a mistake and would sometimes talk to me in a rude way.

I just feel like I can drive but all my driving instructors knocked my confidence out of me, especially my current now old instructor. Just left me there and said take care when he dropped me home. It's like he wouldn't wait to get out of there.

Anyways, I'm probably going to take the test again but I really need positive reassurance that it's not all my fault, I feel like I let everyone down.

Sorry if I'm over the place but I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going round I circles and worked very hard. I don't understand why this journey when it comes to my driving have been so hard for me.

Any opinion and advice could really help.
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threeportdrift
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(Original post by Loveteal)
Hey, so I took my first ever driving test today and I failed with 15 minors and 1 serious. I've been learning how to drive since 2017 now and I still haven't passed my driving test. I'm 20 now and I've been trying to drive since I was 18.

I've changed driving instructors three times now and obviously have to get a fourth one now since my driving instructor abandoned me. So before my test I had two mock tests they both turned out terribly and my driving instructor said I'm not ready to take the test but bare in mind, I always do well in my initial lessons.

When I took my actual driving test, even the examiner said that I'm definitely not ready to take my test I was driving way too cautious, I shouldn't be let out driving.

My driving instructor said now he's going to get in trouble and next time I should've listened to him when he said, I wasn't ready and I should get another driving instructor. Yet he gave me the benefit of the doubt and said prove me wrong.

But I felt like I was ready, really I did and i felt like I was doing well in the test until I hesitated turning right into a junction and drove under the limit at times which is why I failed.

After the test he told me to go to the passenger seat in a harsh tone.
During the drive home it was very silent and I cried but he didn't care, he just sat there driving, not even looking at me, rushing to get home. He said take care and he was off, just like that. I generally don't think I'm bad driver, suffer from anxiety and it lessened greatly during the last few years but obviously it still affects me.

When I first started taking lessons with him, it felt like he didn't want to really teach me and when our course ended he said I think you should another instructor but if you want you could still be taught by me. when I kept on saying i wanted to be taught by him he kept dodging it and saying, I think you should get another instructor.

And when we were leading up to my test he said what are you going to do if you fail? And I said retake it of course.

Whenever we had our lessons he wasn't encouraging, he would always shout and pick out on what I did wrong and would always talk a lot when I drive and that would obviously distract me and get mad when I make a mistake and would sometimes talk to me in a rude way.

I just feel like I can drive but all my driving instructors knocked my confidence out of me, especially my current now old instructor. Just left me there and said take care when he dropped me home. It's like he wouldn't wait to get out of there.

Anyways, I'm probably going to take the test again but I really need positive reassurance that it's not all my fault, I feel like I let everyone down.

Sorry if I'm over the place but I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going round I circles and worked very hard. I don't understand why this journey when it comes to my driving have been so hard for me.

Any opinion and advice could really help.
Read it again and again and eventually you might see it for what it is. An under-confident student who is a lousy driver but who really won't listen to professional advice and in the face of all evidence thinks determination to take the test will help them pass the test.

The driving instructor knew you weren't going to be a good fit, but he can't say 'you are too flakey, my style is too direct for you to deal with', so he kept suggesting you chose another instructor, but you ignored that advice.

You didn't have either of a) the confidence to ask him to talk less or b) the ability to ignore his chatter when driving (so heaven help if you ever switch the radio on in the car). He's a driving instructor, not a mental health advisor, he has other lessons and life to get on with when your paid for time with him is up.

Just look outside your own small universe. What you have described is a perfectly reasonable driving instructor, doing his best for you, and you not listening and blaming everyone else for your inability to drive.
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JaffaNeko
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A lot of instructors can be quite harsh and less understanding. Not everyone is amazing at driving and you just need to find an instructor that respects your abilities and one that can also help you build your own personal confidence when on the road. It can be quite disheartening and stressful as I had an instructor who wasn't teaching me properly and I always stalled etc but when I find the right one he went through everything and we took time to learn manoeuvres. Everything takes time and one day you'll get it, you just need to find the right teacher to guide you.
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ReadingMum
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Might it be worth finding one of those intensive courses where you drive for hours a day so you feel totally comfortable in the car?
Are you going out to practice, maybe with a parent, between lessons?
You don't sound that confident and you really do need to be if you are going to be out on the road travelling at up to 70 mph.
Maybe appeal via a local facebook group if you do FB for an instructor who has had good success with anxious drivers. That way instructors will only put themselves forward if they are ready to take you on rather than just keep trying the next instructor who has availabiliity.
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StriderHort
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Yeah as others said, It kind of sounds like your Instructor, rude as they may be, is making themselves pretty clear. When a contractor says 'you might want to get another contractor' that's huge understatement. If both your mocks were by your own admission terrible, how did you jump to being sure you were ready? I'm sorry to pile on but 15 minors and a serious is about as bad as it's gets without crashing, you don't get that for hesitating turning right and being under the limit at times y'know? That's been a BAAAAD test.

There's evidently a significant discrepancy between what you think of as test ready, and what driving instructors and the DVLA think. I failed twice with serious faults and some minors, but both examiners basically said 'bad luck, fix this, try again', for them to outright say to someone 'you shouldn't be taking this test' you must been have driving in a way to give them serious cause for concern, like over and above what they're allowed to write on the form.
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Johnpassngo
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I would advise to try a different instructor and ask them to assess your driving to allow them to make a action plan for yourself and the instructor to work towards to help give you your confidence back and get you ready for your next test. If the instructor doesn't mention a mock test ask the instructor if they would do this for you in advance of your next test to make sure your ready. If you were not ready at this point you would be able to reschedule your test.
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Loveteal
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(Original post by threeportdrift)
Read it again and again and eventually you might see it for what it is. An under-confident student who is a lousy driver but who really won't listen to professional advice and in the face of all evidence thinks determination to take the test will help them pass the test.

The driving instructor knew you weren't going to be a good fit, but he can't say 'you are too flakey, my style is too direct for you to deal with', so he kept suggesting you chose another instructor, but you ignored that advice.

You didn't have either of a) the confidence to ask him to talk less or b) the ability to ignore his chatter when driving (so heaven help if you ever switch the radio on in the car). He's a driving instructor, not a mental health advisor, he has other lessons and life to get on with when your paid for time with him is up.

Just look outside your own small universe. What you have described is a perfectly reasonable driving instructor, doing his best for you, and you not listening and blaming everyone else for your inability to drive.
I would just like to highlight that with him, I listened to his advice and rescheduled my test a few times. So it wasn't just like I was so stubborn and I didn't listen to his advice. No it wasn't like that at all. I did throughout my time with my previous instructor. But I felt like I was ready but i just wasn't confident in my driving.

I've never felt like other drivers where they could drive and felt sooo confident in their driving and loved it. I could drive, but I never felt confident or I even loved driving.

I have now got a new instructor and he judged my driving and he said I'm a good driver. I have good control and I know how to drive a car but I need to believe in myself. With my previous driving instructor... I realised I never felt confident with him. But with this new driving instructor he helped me on the things that I needed to work on which were a few twicks. And he said I can definitely pass but I need to belive in myself because I can actually drive. So thank you everyone for your advice, it was hard at first but then I took it all in and it made me realise a few things.

I found confidence in my driving that I never did before and I realised I never learnt how to love driving.

Thank you guys for your advice, thank you for it all xx
Last edited by Loveteal; 9 months ago
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mnot
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(Original post by Loveteal)
I would just like to highlight that with him, I listened to his advice and rescheduled my test a few times. I have now got a new instructor and he judged my driving and he said I'm a good driver. I have good control and I know how to drive a car but I need to believe in myself. My previous driving instructor, I realised I never felt confident with him. But with this new driving instructor he helped me on the things that I needed to work on which were a few twicks. And he said I can definitely pass but I need to belive in myself because I can actually drive. So thank you everyone for your advice, it was hard at first but then I took it all in and it made me realise a few things.

I found confidence in my driving that I never did before and I realised I never learnt how to love driving.

Thank you guys for your advice, thank you for it all xx
Is it possible you start off well with each new instructor because you have been practising for years, hence already have control of clutch, mirrors, basic mechanics but when it comes to properly safely operating a vehicle you simply arent up to it?

I suspect the driving instructor was happy to take your money but felt bad as they couldn't improve your ability and new this wouldn't change with them hence were trying to save you some money...

It sounds to me like you should stop for a little bit completely reset yourself then attempt to learn again.
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Loveteal
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I u

(Original post by mnot)
Is it possible you start off well with each new instructor because you have been practising for years, hence already have control of clutch, mirrors, basic mechanics but when it comes to properly safely operating a vehicle you simply arent up to it?

I suspect the driving instructor was happy to take your money but felt bad as they couldn't improve your ability and new this wouldn't change with them hence were trying to save you some money...

It sounds to me like you should stop for a little bit completely reset yourself then attempt to learn again.
I understand why you have concern, honestly I do. But I had like four previous instructors and I've never felt confident with any of them.

I changed them early on because I knew that it wouldn't work out but with my recent previous driving instructor (which you all know about), I didn't because I wanted to let things work out even though there were signs and I knew deep down.... that he wasn't the right driving instructor for me. And I know that was my fault carrying on with him.

Now with my new instructor, he said that he saw my driving and he said you're actually a good driver but you lack planning ahead and you get hesitant. I'm scared of making mistakes when I'm driving that why I haven't learnt to just enjoy driving. He tells me where I'm going wrong and what I'm doing right.
My past driving instructors all were bad, shouted at me and didn't really progress my driving abilities. But with this one, I can already tell he's a good one. I felt good and confident in my driving and feel like I can actually do this which I have never felt at all with any of my previous driving instructors.

But I believe in myself now and I know I'll pass my driving test this year
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Urinia
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(Original post by Loveteal)
Hey, so I took my first ever driving test today and I failed with 15 minors and 1 serious. I've been learning how to drive since 2017 now and I still haven't passed my driving test. I'm 20 now and I've been trying to drive since I was 18.

I've changed driving instructors three times now and obviously have to get a fourth one now since my driving instructor abandoned me. So before my test I had two mock tests they both turned out terribly and my driving instructor said I'm not ready to take the test but bare in mind, I always do well in my initial lessons.

When I took my actual driving test, even the examiner said that I'm definitely not ready to take my test I was driving way too cautious, I shouldn't be let out driving.

My driving instructor said now he's going to get in trouble and next time I should've listened to him when he said, I wasn't ready and I should get another driving instructor. Yet he gave me the benefit of the doubt and said prove me wrong.

But I felt like I was ready, really I did and i felt like I was doing well in the test until I hesitated turning right into a junction and drove under the limit at times which is why I failed.

After the test he told me to go to the passenger seat in a harsh tone.
During the drive home it was very silent and I cried but he didn't care, he just sat there driving, not even looking at me, rushing to get home. He said take care and he was off, just like that. I generally don't think I'm bad driver, suffer from anxiety and it lessened greatly during the last few years but obviously it still affects me.

When I first started taking lessons with him, it felt like he didn't want to really teach me and when our course ended he said I think you should another instructor but if you want you could still be taught by me. when I kept on saying i wanted to be taught by him he kept dodging it and saying, I think you should get another instructor.

And when we were leading up to my test he said what are you going to do if you fail? And I said retake it of course.

Whenever we had our lessons he wasn't encouraging, he would always shout and pick out on what I did wrong and would always talk a lot when I drive and that would obviously distract me and get mad when I make a mistake and would sometimes talk to me in a rude way.

I just feel like I can drive but all my driving instructors knocked my confidence out of me, especially my current now old instructor. Just left me there and said take care when he dropped me home. It's like he wouldn't wait to get out of there.

Anyways, I'm probably going to take the test again but I really need positive reassurance that it's not all my fault, I feel like I let everyone down.

Sorry if I'm over the place but I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going round I circles and worked very hard. I don't understand why this journey when it comes to my driving have been so hard for me.

Any opinion and advice could really help.
(Original post by threeportdrift)
Read it again and again and eventually you might see it for what it is. An under-confident student who is a lousy driver but who really won't listen to professional advice and in the face of all evidence thinks determination to take the test will help them pass the test.

The driving instructor knew you weren't going to be a good fit, but he can't say 'you are too flakey, my style is too direct for you to deal with', so he kept suggesting you chose another instructor, but you ignored that advice.

You didn't have either of a) the confidence to ask him to talk less or b) the ability to ignore his chatter when driving (so heaven help if you ever switch the radio on in the car). He's a driving instructor, not a mental health advisor, he has other lessons and life to get on with when your paid for time with him is up.

Just look outside your own small universe. What you have described is a perfectly reasonable driving instructor, doing his best for you, and you not listening and blaming everyone else for your inability to drive.
Hi - keep going the more you hesitate, the more nervous you will be. Get a friend to help you out -or family- offer to pay for petrol and get extra lessons alongside your driving lessons. Don’t give up !
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