asian father in law making my life hell Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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So I got married recently and moved in with my husbands parents and his brother who is also married (she works full time but I’m not working at the moment as I have an exam to prepare for). My father in law became unwell recently and my parents decided to visit him and during this visit he decided to complain about me saying I’m not around in the kitchen while he and his wife are cooking. I did say to my husband that I am willing to learn how to cook and cook in the evenings after my studies as I am more mentally focussed during the day but physical activities I can do in the evening. You don’t really have to think when you cook. My mum replied when he said that and told him that I will learn slowly and that if the day comes where I have to cook alone she will direct me through video call but he still wasn’t happy with this response and said ‘well if she learnt off me she wouldn’t need to video call you’. I’m battling a very severe anxiety disorder along with my studies so I’m struggling as it is but he doesn’t want to make any compromises. He could just teach me after my studies. He also has a tendency of nit-picking small things and telling me off over stupid things like for example he asked me to do something once I didn’t hear him so I repeated what I thought he said which was to check if the heating was on and then he said yes so I checked and came back to tell him that it’s off and then he told me off saying ‘I told you to turn it on’ then I said ‘I must’ve not heard you properly’ as in I tried to just take the blame even though I don’t feel it’s my fault as I didn’t want to argue like a good Asian daughter in law then he said ‘well if you hadn’t heard me then why did you go and check if you don’t understand something you should ask me’. -_- This is all making my mental health deteriorate, I understand that he’s terminally ill but it doesn’t mean you can go around being horrible to people.

Oh and another important thing hes only on my case with learning how to cook off him but just because I'm around doesn't mean I'm free and sitting around doing nothing
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AzureCeleste
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You are living there though
You should play your part, do the cooking the cleaning whatever. It's not clear how you are helping in the house tbh? No person is 24/7 working, you will have time in the evenings to potentially learn how to cook or go and watch. Suggest to help out

What do you do to help them? From what I read, it sounds like you study all the time
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DiddyDec
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Talk to your husband about it, if he cares he will try to resolve the situation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by AzureCeleste)
You are living there though
You should play your part, do the cooking the cleaning whatever. It's not clear how you are helping in the house tbh? No person is 24/7 working, you will have time in the evenings to potentially learn how to cook or go and watch. Suggest to help out

What do you do to help them? From what I read, it sounds like you study all the time
I do all the tidying and cleaning in the evening alone (no one helps me and it all pretty much gets left to me) and they don't cook in the evening only during the day and I told my husband that I am willing to cook in the evening but they don't want to change the time they cook. They cook before lunchtime for that day and the next day and Asian dishes take long to cook (a few hours as you have to make a few dishes) so I wanted to do this in the evening instead but no one wants to listen to me
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DiddyDecAlt)
Talk to your husband about it, if he cares he will try to resolve the situation.
he tells me to ignore his dad, doubt he will speak to him
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AzureCeleste
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I do all the tidying and cleaning in the evening alone (no one helps me and it all pretty much gets left to me) and they don't cook in the evening only during the day and I told my husband that I am willing to cook in the evening but they don't want to change the time they cook. They cook before lunchtime for that day and the next day and Asian dishes take long to cook (a few hours as you have to make a few dishes) so I wanted to do this in the evening instead but no one wants to listen to me
That explains it a bit more.

Are you of asian background as well or not?
Maybe you could make a dish from your country?
How long does it take to actually make? Can you not help a little and then leave it to stew or cook? Do you need to be there the whole time?
When are your exams?

Tell your husband how it is affecting you so he helps out
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DiddyDec
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(Original post by Anonymous)
he tells me to ignore his dad, doubt he will speak to him
You need to make your feeling known especially about how it affects your mental health.
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username1003420
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talk to your husband about it
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