Shall I cut myself off from my family? Watch

Justbeingmyself
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So basically my family are quite religious and think they're superior to groups of people from other religious and cultural backgrounds. A lot of them, especially the older generation are quite blatantly xenophobic and their attitude disgusts me. There's only a few relatives that are ok and feel I'm on the same wavelength with, that's about it. What to do...
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Zamestaneh
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No. You will feel at ease for a short while before depression kicks in, and you do not have a spiritual foundation which will hold you up when you feel down. This isn't to say "Haha, 1-0 to religionists vs Atheists", but I am really just saying it as it is.

I have been through the whole leave home/get disowned/cut off crap, so speaking from experience, even if you are strong willed and have a decent support structure around you in terms of friends and think "I don't need them", your life will feel hollow as your primary sources of belonging and love have been removed.
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1st superstar
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(Original post by Justbeingmyself)
So basically my family are quite religious and think they're superior to groups of people from other religious and cultural backgrounds. A lot of them, especially the older generation are quite blatantly xenophobic and their attitude disgusts me. There's only a few relatives that are ok and feel I'm on the same wavelength with, that's about it. What to do...
Tbh just tell them truth and oh boy I bet this is gonna turn in to another theist vs atheist debate...
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mgi
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(Original post by 1st superstar)
Tbh just tell them truth and oh boy I bet this is gonna turn in to another theist vs atheist debate...
Yes, probably. Because these debates often make some very blanket poorly analysed comments/assumptions . e.g: families are always great and treat you with more love and spiritual foundation than your friends or even strangers! We can easily, if we stop and think, realise that this is not actually necessarily true at all! And why does the other poster make no attempt to even try to define what " spiritual foundation " means?
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1st superstar
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(Original post by mgi)
Yes, probably. Because these debates often make some very blanket poorly analysed comments/assumptions . e.g: families are always great and treat you with more love and spiritual foundation than your friends or even strangers! We can easily, if we stop and think, realise that this is not actually necessarily true at all! And why does the other poster make no attempt to even try to define what " spiritual foundation " means?
think by "spiritual foundation" they mean that they (the OP) should be religious and that God and their family will help them in tough times etc (can't explain properly it via typing gotta say it aloud lol)...
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Sammylou40
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Putting aside your religious differences what do you love about your family?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Justbeingmyself)
So basically my family are quite religious and think they're superior to groups of people from other religious and cultural backgrounds. A lot of them, especially the older generation are quite blatantly xenophobic and their attitude disgusts me. There's only a few relatives that are ok and feel I'm on the same wavelength with, that's about it. What to do...
So, I am myself religious and all I can say is that if you feel that it is effecting your life in a negative way then please do not feel you have to put up with it. Maybe try to explain your point of view to them up straight and to the point. If this doesn’t work then I guess you should live your own life. Be happy! But of course it’s entirely up to you. Good luck.
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Charlie1o5
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(Original post by Justbeingmyself)
So basically my family are quite religious and think they're superior to groups of people from other religious and cultural backgrounds. A lot of them, especially the older generation are quite blatantly xenophobic and their attitude disgusts me. There's only a few relatives that are ok and feel I'm on the same wavelength with, that's about it. What to do...
What do you feel, you should do? We don't get to choose our family, but doesn't mean we have to put up with the negativity they inflict on our lives. Family are great for suport, family will always be family, but if they do not support you and you don't agree with their views to the point it can cause conflict, you should do what you think best. Cut them off completely, or just distance yourself, or speak to them infrequently, or talk to them a lot. The choice is yours but follow your gut instinct, it's not usually wrong. It will be tough either way, but what will be harder, the initial break but then potential "freedom" I guess you could say, or staying as you are now, possibly not changing or getting worse?

Final thing, this world is full of wonderful people. The random people you will meet who will support you is just beautiful. So do not worry, it is tough but you are not alone.
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Bushbbg
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I wouldn’t cut them off just because their xenophobic or whatever, but definitely distance yourself if possible. Eg after moving out only visit during holidays

But if they’re abusive mentally, say, aswell than absolutely go no contact.

Otherwise, just be around them less and if they ask why, tell them.
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mgi
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(Original post by 1st superstar)
think by "spiritual foundation" they mean that they (the OP) should be religious and that God and their family will help them in tough times etc (can't explain properly it via typing gotta say it aloud lol)...
Lol!! And what makes the OP believe that this is what only a "family" can or will do? Many of us know from experience that this is bs, right?
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ella1902
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(Original post by Zamestaneh)
No. You will feel at ease for a short while before depression kicks in, and you do not have a spiritual foundation which will hold you up when you feel down. This isn't to say "Haha, 1-0 to religionists vs Atheists", but I am really just saying it as it is.

I have been through the whole leave home/get disowned/cut off crap, so speaking from experience, even if you are strong willed and have a decent support structure around you in terms of friends and think "I don't need them", your life will feel hollow as your primary sources of belonging and love have been removed.
wholeheartedly disagree
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mgi
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(Original post by ella1902)
wholeheartedly disagree
Sorry, but poster Zamansteneth is clueless!
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daily_stoic
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As humans we're affected by the environment around us and the people who we surround ourselves with, because we are social beings and have survived for many thousands of years through being in communities/tribes. Thus, if you surround yourself with lazy, negative friends or family then you are likely to be influenced by these views and adopt them as well - you'll start becoming just like them. Likewise, if you surround yourself with people who are closed-minded, xenophobic with a "us-vs-them" mentality, you will start becoming like this yourself. If you resist, you will create conflict in your family every time the issue comes up.

It's your responsibility to surround yourself with people who have a positive, healthy outlook on the world. Yes they're your family, but do not be afraid to limit your contact with them so that you can live a life with positivity and love for all people. Lead by example - be kind and understanding to your family, but always observe the way your family acts and remind yourself that this attitude will not get you far in your own life. Let your family be a lesson to you so that you and your future children will never think or act in this manner.

As mentioned above, you don't choose the family you're dealt in life, but what you can choose is whether you will let it bring you down or if you'll be willing to learn from it and never allow it to happen in your own life. As for "spiritual foundation", I recommend studying philosophy and setting yourself some goals and let those be the driving forces within your life. You don't have to subscribe to a religion that is filled with outdated, flawed and false beliefs just to live a happier life. Take the principles that will make you and those around you happier (e.g. positivity, kindness, generosity, honesty, courage etc.), turn them into habits and live as the best version of yourself. You don't need religion and all the baggage that comes with believing in fairytales.

So, I'd suggest limit your contact, make friends with a positive attitude, do not be afraid to say "no" to certain beliefs and let your family be a lesson to you.
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Zamestaneh
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(Original post by mgi)
Sorry, but poster Zamansteneth is clueless!
(Original post by ella1902)
wholeheartedly disagree
Loving the detailed reasons why you guys disagree.

10/10 would read again
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1st superstar
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(Original post by mgi)
Lol!! And what makes the OP believe that this is what only a "family" can or will do? Many of us know from experience that this is bs, right?
I think that the family can do a lot, not sure about the religion though
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Bio 7
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(Original post by Zamestaneh)
Loving the detailed reasons why you guys disagree.

10/10 would read again
You didn’t provide anything to refute though.
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londonmyst
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Always listen to your gut instinct.
Particularly if your mental health, personal safety or daily quality of life are being put at risk.
Life is too short for you to be wasting your time with habitually nasty people who make you feel revolted, angry or terrified.
Good luck!

I escaped from my parents before a level results were out.
I will never go back and avoid all three surviving ancestors like the plague.
Both parents are revolutionary socialists, my father is militant atheist and maternal grandmother is a religious fanatic in the habit of ranting the most toxic of bible verses.
I don't need any of that in my life.
I have six years full of amazing adult memories, a fantastic best friend, plenty to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the future.
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mgi
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(Original post by Zamestaneh)
Loving the detailed reasons why you guys disagree.

10/10 would read again
Yes, please do!. And try reading my previous posts! Your comments sbout family and spritual grounding make no sense because you fail to explain why you appear to think families are generally supportive or why they are necessarily spiritually foundational- whatever that means?!. Naive. don't you think?
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mgi
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(Original post by Bio 7)
You didn’t provide anything to refute though.
Yes, he just made throwaway random comments about the mythical "perfect family " . I don't think even he is clear about what he is actually saying! Hence is sarcastic and uninformative reply!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Zamestaneh)
No. You will feel at ease for a short while before depression kicks in, and you do not have a spiritual foundation which will hold you up when you feel down. This isn't to say "Haha, 1-0 to religionists vs Atheists", but I am really just saying it as it is.

I have been through the whole leave home/get disowned/cut off crap, so speaking from experience, even if you are strong willed and have a decent support structure around you in terms of friends and think "I don't need them", your life will feel hollow as your primary sources of belonging and love have been removed.
What were you on when you wrote this?

And what do you mean "Haha, 1-0 to religionists vs Atheists"? Religion is based on blind faith with zero evidence whatsoever, it's all make belief which has been designed to control gullible people since ancient times. It's no coincidence that religion is becoming less popular since the internet and other communication media developed, which gave people access to unlimited factual information.
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