I feel so stupid - rant Watch

SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
I feel so stupid all the time. Whenever I say anything in class or wear anything it always seems to be wrong. I have no friends because of a bullying incident last year (on-going) where my best friend's boyfriend created a group chat about me online and told everyone not to talk and told her it was either me or him. Of course I got left behind, I always do.

Ever since then I've tried to find myself and I just feel like I'm barely keeping my head above the surface. I hate myself and try to study really hard and then loose motivation because whats the point? These people want me dead, no one likes me, I'm lonely. I might as well get no a levels and just die in a gutter somewhere.

Im currently having to choose a counseller before I go through for CBT and just feel awful. They are all so expensive and if I didn't exist then I wouldn't have been bullied, my parents wouldn't be worrying about me, I wouldn't feel like this and they wouldn't have to be finding the money to get me fixed.

I just tried to complete a edexcel paper 3 geography paper for homework and have no idea where to start. Just read the markscheme for ideas and I had no idea where to go with it. Why am I so stupid?

I also bought some really cute clothes from Maibees lately. I love a the art hoe look and although I'm not a massive wearer like some I love these few bits. Ever since then I've been getting weird looks in school when I wear them but I thought they were cute and expressed me.

Everything I do is wrong and I feel so stupid
1
reply
ihsan99
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by SoftGingerCat)
I feel so stupid all the time. Whenever I say anything in class or wear anything it always seems to be wrong. I have no friends because of a bullying incident last year (on-going) where my best friend's boyfriend created a group chat about me online and told everyone not to talk and told her it was either me or him. Of course I got left behind, I always do.

Ever since then I've tried to find myself and I just feel like I'm barely keeping my head above the surface. I hate myself and try to study really hard and then loose motivation because whats the point? These people want me dead, no one likes me, I'm lonely. I might as well get no a levels and just die in a gutter somewhere.

Im currently having to choose a counseller before I go through for CBT and just feel awful. They are all so expensive and if I didn't exist then I wouldn't have been bullied, my parents wouldn't be worrying about me, I wouldn't feel like this and they wouldn't have to be finding the money to get me fixed.

I just tried to complete a edexcel paper 3 geography paper for homework and have no idea where to start. Just read the markscheme for ideas and I had no idea where to go with it. Why am I so stupid?

I also bought some really cute clothes from Maibees lately. I love a the art hoe look and although I'm not a massive wearer like some I love these few bits. Ever since then I've been getting weird looks in school when I wear them but I thought they were cute and expressed me.

Everything I do is wrong and I feel so stupid
Heyyyy,
I really identify with the feeling stupid all the time or not doing the right thing. First of all you are not stupid; you are just recieving a lack of compassion From these bullies. What bullies want is perfection and the people they target (I.e. us) cannot live up to that. These people at your school have f**king issues. My suggestion might be to change schools if you haven't reported the incident (I'm sure you have). It's incredibly cruel what they did to you and you deserve nothing but love, compassion, self esteem, and friendship . You can always try a NHS funded method if that helps with funding; also with studying i would suggest youtube videos and online material which really simplifies things to grasp more easily. With wearing clothes, you have the right to wear whatever you want and as you said what feels like you. Sometimes I get really paranoid (which is what bullying does) about what people think of me, this might or might not be the case with your percieved response to what they think if you. My suggestion would also be you don't have to look at those people who don't value your dress sense, they aren't worth YOUR eye contact. I hope this helped, you really are awesome whether you believe it or not!
4
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by ihsan99)
Heyyyy,
I really identify with the feeling stupid all the time or not doing the right thing. First of all you are not stupid; you are just recieving a lack of compassion From these bullies. What bullies want is perfection and the people they target (I.e. us) cannot live up to that. These people at your school have f**king issues. My suggestion might be to change schools if you haven't reported the incident (I'm sure you have). It's incredibly cruel what they did to you and you deserve nothing but love, compassion, self esteem, and friendship . You can always try a NHS funded method if that helps with funding; also with studying i would suggest youtube videos and online material which really simplifies things to grasp more easily. With wearing clothes, you have the right to wear whatever you want and as you said what feels like you. Sometimes I get really paranoid (which is what bullying does) about what people think of me, this might or might not be the case with your percieved response to what they think if you. My suggestion would also be you don't have to look at those people who don't value your dress sense, they aren't worth YOUR eye contact. I hope this helped, you really are awesome whether you believe it or not!
It was a huge issue at school where I couldn't go to school and I did have to move schools temporarily but that made me worse. My mum ended up going to the governors but they only wanted to change the schools bullying policy not punish them themselves. I did used to go to NHS funding (I had CBT before to help with anxiety and it was really good but then the bullying started right after). Now I'm 18 I'm with the adult team and have to fund it myself. I'll have a look at the videos and online stuff but I don't know if it will work, nothing seems to work.
It's nice to know that someone else gets paranoid as well. You're a really sweet and kind person, thank you for responding to me.
0
reply
TheApprentice01
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
You know what, I can totally understand where you're coming from! It's horrible this feeling you have, as I have had it and still do to a certain extent.
I'm not at school/college anymore but I'm an apprentice. I left school in 2016 but I was lucky enough to join a college when I was 15 (now 18 years old).
I used to come on TSR to look for people in the same situation as me, with the same situations and problems but never found anyone. The posts i used to share used to grab all the bad attention and make me feel worse so I learned not to share again and deal with them on my own. Only now (3.4 years on) have I started seeing therapy referred by my GP and work colleagues.

You seem like a lovely person with a good head on your shoulders, goals, and achievements. Don't let other people ruin that - please!
Take it from me, I've been there.. i left school halfway through (Year9) because of the bullies and now I always think to myself i would have loved to stay at school and ignore the idiots even though in reality, that never works out because they're always in your ear or lurking around somewhere.. i get that.

Don't have suicidal thoughts. if you need any support, I'm always here.. sometimes you need someone who you don't necessarily know but to blurt things out at. Trust and all comes first of course but anyway.

You're not stupid for looking at an answer scheme for your geography paper! Honestly, we all feel like it. It's like me, currently, I'm revising level 2 maths paper and I can't for the love of god, sit down and go through it. It really stresses me out to the point where I'm asking myself if it's really worth it but when there is someone with me, capable of a level 2/gcse maths qual of not, just having that person sit with you, support you makes it a whole lot better. I'd happily sit with you/anyone just to give them that little bit of support.. we learn better with others i say. Whether that means 1-1 or in a group. (i prefer 1-1 as it's more direct and you don't get others interfering and so on)
3
reply
Spanx
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#5
Report 4 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by SoftGingerCat)
I feel so stupid all the time. Whenever I say anything in class or wear anything it always seems to be wrong. I have no friends because of a bullying incident last year (on-going) where my best friend's boyfriend created a group chat about me online and told everyone not to talk and told her it was either me or him. Of course I got left behind, I always do.

Ever since then I've tried to find myself and I just feel like I'm barely keeping my head above the surface. I hate myself and try to study really hard and then loose motivation because whats the point? These people want me dead, no one likes me, I'm lonely. I might as well get no a levels and just die in a gutter somewhere.

Im currently having to choose a counseller before I go through for CBT and just feel awful. They are all so expensive and if I didn't exist then I wouldn't have been bullied, my parents wouldn't be worrying about me, I wouldn't feel like this and they wouldn't have to be finding the money to get me fixed.

I just tried to complete a edexcel paper 3 geography paper for homework and have no idea where to start. Just read the markscheme for ideas and I had no idea where to go with it. Why am I so stupid?

I also bought some really cute clothes from Maibees lately. I love a the art hoe look and although I'm not a massive wearer like some I love these few bits. Ever since then I've been getting weird looks in school when I wear them but I thought they were cute and expressed me.

Everything I do is wrong and I feel so stupid
I doubt everything you do is wrong or you are so stupid. So its been a tough old slog and you've had to put up with a few idiots including your best friend who didn't do what best friends do and support you. Just because people made you feel small and tried to make themselves look bigger doesn't mean you are the one who needs to change, if anything they'll grow up and realise what idiots they were.

So a change has to be made and start by remembering you don't need to echo the bullying in your head and make yourself feel small. The idiots are behind you, lesson learned (already not stupid), looking at the marking scheme which is brighter than just sitting there (so not stupid), knowing you love the art hoe look and buying clothes that make you feel more comfortable and therefore more confident (is far from stupid).

The small voice of doubt in your head is always there (higher up you go sometimes the louder it is) but remember the things you've done and what you plan to do and stop to consider if you'd like to be one of the gang of bullies or just someone who makes them remember that their lives are so insignificant they need to put down the people who make them feel stupid...
1
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#6
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#6
(Original post by TheApprentice01)
You know what, I can totally understand where you're coming from! It's horrible this feeling you have, as I have had it and still do to a certain extent.
I'm not at school/college anymore but I'm an apprentice. I left school in 2016 but I was lucky enough to join a college when I was 15 (now 18 years old).
I used to come on TSR to look for people in the same situation as me, with the same situations and problems but never found anyone. The posts i used to share used to grab all the bad attention and make me feel worse so I learned not to share again and deal with them on my own. Only now (3.4 years on) have I started seeing therapy referred by my GP and work colleagues.

You seem like a lovely person with a good head on your shoulders, goals, and achievements. Don't let other people ruin that - please!
Take it from me, I've been there.. i left school halfway through (Year9) because of the bullies and now I always think to myself i would have loved to stay at school and ignore the idiots even though in reality, that never works out because they're always in your ear or lurking around somewhere.. i get that.

Don't have suicidal thoughts. if you need any support, I'm always here.. sometimes you need someone who you don't necessarily know but to blurt things out at. Trust and all comes first of course but anyway.

You're not stupid for looking at an answer scheme for your geography paper! Honestly, we all feel like it. It's like me, currently, I'm revising level 2 maths paper and I can't for the love of god, sit down and go through it. It really stresses me out to the point where I'm asking myself if it's really worth it but when there is someone with me, capable of a level 2/gcse maths qual of not, just having that person sit with you, support you makes it a whole lot better. I'd happily sit with you/anyone just to give them that little bit of support.. we learn better with others i say. Whether that means 1-1 or in a group. (i prefer 1-1 as it's more direct and you don't get others interfering and so on)
I used to do exactly the same thing! Come on here and try to find people who could relate and someone would just comment something smart underneath and that was it! I know exactly what you mean with the post thing, I just never talk about my problems anymore because it just seems it was the only thing I cared about and used to annoy people. It's so hard to share with other people without the feelings of that they won't understand, they will get embarassed or they will tell me off.
It's nice to know you think those good things of me. No one does here at my sixthform. The whole group sided with that boyfriend and because they arn't talking to me, no one else really is either.
I try not have suicidal thoughts but its at night when I'm trying to get to sleep that they all come rushing to my head. It gets worse in swings, one week I'll be okay and the next it hits. I knew this month was gonna be a rough one because I had a whole nice month for once. Thanks for being there for me.
I desperately want learn with people but I don't have anyone here. I like to work with company but in silence if that makes sense? Everyone doing their own thing? But the mark scheme just stressed me out because the ideas I had for the question didn't match it at all! Thanks for getting back to me.
0
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#7
(Original post by Spanx)
I doubt everything you do is wrong or you are so stupid. So its been a tough old slog and you've had to put up with a few idiots including your best friend who didn't do what best friends do and support you. Just because people made you feel small and tried to make themselves look bigger doesn't mean you are the one who needs to change, if anything they'll grow up and realise what idiots they were.

So a change has to be made and start by remembering you don't need to echo the bullying in your head and make yourself feel small. The idiots are behind you, lesson learned (already not stupid), looking at the marking scheme which is brighter than just sitting there (so not stupid), knowing you love the art hoe look and buying clothes that make you feel more comfortable and therefore more confident (is far from stupid).

The small voice of doubt in your head is always there (higher up you go sometimes the louder it is) but remember the things you've done and what you plan to do and stop to consider if you'd like to be one of the gang of bullies or just someone who makes them remember that their lives are so insignificant they need to put down the people who make them feel stupid...
I will respond I just have to catch the bus
1
reply
Spanx
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#8
Report 4 weeks ago
#8
(Original post by SoftGingerCat)
I will respond I just have to catch the bus
Knowing to catch the bus and not waste your life on TSR...(Brighter than hundreds on here already)
1
reply
TheApprentice01
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#9
Report 4 weeks ago
#9
(Original post by SoftGingerCat)
I used to do exactly the same thing! Come on here and try to find people who could relate and someone would just comment something smart underneath and that was it! I know exactly what you mean with the post thing, I just never talk about my problems anymore because it just seems it was the only thing I cared about and used to annoy people. It's so hard to share with other people without the feelings of that they won't understand, they will get embarassed or they will tell me off.
It's nice to know you think those good things of me. No one does here at my sixthform. The whole group sided with that boyfriend and because they arn't talking to me, no one else really is either.
I try not have suicidal thoughts but its at night when I'm trying to get to sleep that they all come rushing to my head. It gets worse in swings, one week I'll be okay and the next it hits. I knew this month was gonna be a rough one because I had a whole nice month for once. Thanks for being there for me.
I desperately want learn with people but I don't have anyone here. I like to work with company but in silence if that makes sense? Everyone doing their own thing? But the mark scheme just stressed me out because the ideas I had for the question didn't match it at all! Thanks for getting back to me.
I will respond too, by the way, might not be straight away because I'm at work but I'll reply
0
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#10
(Original post by Spanx)
I doubt everything you do is wrong or you are so stupid. So its been a tough old slog and you've had to put up with a few idiots including your best friend who didn't do what best friends do and support you. Just because people made you feel small and tried to make themselves look bigger doesn't mean you are the one who needs to change, if anything they'll grow up and realise what idiots they were.

So a change has to be made and start by remembering you don't need to echo the bullying in your head and make yourself feel small. The idiots are behind you, lesson learned (already not stupid), looking at the marking scheme which is brighter than just sitting there (so not stupid), knowing you love the art hoe look and buying clothes that make you feel more comfortable and therefore more confident (is far from stupid).

The small voice of doubt in your head is always there (higher up you go sometimes the louder it is) but remember the things you've done and what you plan to do and stop to consider if you'd like to be one of the gang of bullies or just someone who makes them remember that their lives are so insignificant they need to put down the people who make them feel stupid...
I love the way you have written this it has really made me smile. Your right, your completely right about how insignificant the bullies are. I just wish I could turn that small voice of doubt off because like you said it just keeps getting louder. Thank you for writing back to me. I would have written sooner but I had work straight after and then yesterday I was at a hen party and work straight after again. Thanks for saying I'm not stupid, I guess I'm not and its that voice trying to bring me down like those horrible people. It's nice to know there are other nicer people like you who will bring me up
0
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#11
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#11
(Original post by TheApprentice01)
I will respond too, by the way, might not be straight away because I'm at work but I'll reply
Thats okay! I work nearly all the time I'm not at school as well so replies can take a long time for me
1
reply
ihsan99
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#12
Report 4 weeks ago
#12
(Original post by SoftGingerCat)
It was a huge issue at school where I couldn't go to school and I did have to move schools temporarily but that made me worse. My mum ended up going to the governors but they only wanted to change the schools bullying policy not punish them themselves. I did used to go to NHS funding (I had CBT before to help with anxiety and it was really good but then the bullying started right after). Now I'm 18 I'm with the adult team and have to fund it myself. I'll have a look at the videos and online stuff but I don't know if it will work, nothing seems to work.
It's nice to know that someone else gets paranoid as well. You're a really sweet and kind person, thank you for responding to me.
There's plenty of people like us. There's an app called meetup and you can join this group called safe spaces. Basically a bunch of other people who've also gone through what we've gone through. You are kind and sweet too
0
reply
Spanx
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#13
Report 4 weeks ago
#13
(Original post by SoftGingerCat)
I love the way you have written this it has really made me smile. Your right, your completely right about how insignificant the bullies are. I just wish I could turn that small voice of doubt off because like you said it just keeps getting louder. Thank you for writing back to me. I would have written sooner but I had work straight after and then yesterday I was at a hen party and work straight after again. Thanks for saying I'm not stupid, I guess I'm not and its that voice trying to bring me down like those horrible people. It's nice to know there are other nicer people like you who will bring me up
:jumphug:

I'm glad you found the time to read it and actually understand that you shouldn't reinforce the shiz the bullies say, the voice in your head is your voice so keep it focused on the fact you don't just sit there and let them stop you being you. BTW I'm not going to adopt you or "bring you up"... you're on your own there.
0
reply
Scotney
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#14
Report 4 weeks ago
#14
What a lovely lot you are.
1
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#15
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#15
(Original post by ihsan99)
There's plenty of people like us. There's an app called meetup and you can join this group called safe spaces. Basically a bunch of other people who've also gone through what we've gone through. You are kind and sweet too
Oh what is it like? Like is it safe?
0
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#16
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#16
(Original post by Spanx)
:jumphug:

I'm glad you found the time to read it and actually understand that you shouldn't reinforce the shiz the bullies say, the voice in your head is your voice so keep it focused on the fact you don't just sit there and let them stop you being you. BTW I'm not going to adopt you or "bring you up"... you're on your own there.
Yeah I know I am I didn't mean to make it sound weird sorry!
0
reply
ihsan99
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#17
Report 3 weeks ago
#17
(Original post by SoftGingerCat)
Oh what is it like? Like is it safe?
Well I've just joined and based on their previous history of meetups they seem to meet up once a month to talk like over coffee. It's about people who've gone through trauma and stuff including bullying. I will be attending the next meetup as soon as it becomes available probably next month in February.
0
reply
Aurano
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#18
Report 3 weeks ago
#18
SoftGingerCat Just relax. I can tell you straight away that you're not stupid simply by the grammatical and punctual standard of your writing. Most people on this forum can't string a sentence together properly so that puts you above them in that hierarchy.

Just avoid social media, the news, and those ridiculous reality TV programmes that beam other peoples drama and misery into your mind. You really don't need that on a daily basis, it's very unhealthy.

Take a deep breath and a moment to put your mind into order, then take one step at a time. If you're young, it's pretty normal to be overly emotional.
1
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#19
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#19
(Original post by ihsan99)
Well I've just joined and based on their previous history of meetups they seem to meet up once a month to talk like over coffee. It's about people who've gone through trauma and stuff including bullying. I will be attending the next meetup as soon as it becomes available probably next month in February.
I'm going to have to look it. It would be nice to meet other people who have gone through this and maybe it could lead to friends? (not putting money on it but the thought is nice)
0
reply
SoftGingerCat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#20
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#20
(Original post by Aurano)
SoftGingerCat Just relax. I can tell you straight away that you're not stupid simply by the grammatical and punctual standard of your writing. Most people on this forum can't string a sentence together properly so that puts you above them in that hierarchy.

Just avoid social media, the news, and those ridiculous reality TV programmes that beam other peoples drama and misery into your mind. You really don't need that on a daily basis, it's very unhealthy.

Take a deep breath and a moment to put your mind into order, then take one step at a time. If you're young, it's pretty normal to be overly emotional.
Thank you. I tend to let my emotions get the best of me. I know I should avoid reality shows and social media but it's so hard. I don't talk to many people at school and they really like that stuff. If I keep up with something then I can have maybe one small conversation a day which is amazing! So many people don't talk to me anymore. The guy who started everything has made it worse, getting other groups involved and it's hard to defend yourself against a group.
Thanks for reminding me I'm not stupid.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

People at uni: do initiations (like heavy drinking) put you off joining sports societies?

Yes (532)
66.75%
No (265)
33.25%

Watched Threads

View All