I feel like a failure Watch

changemakerman
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I’m a third year who is really struggling with how I feel at the moment.

If I don’t get a graduate job and succeed in the projects I’m working on I think I won’t be happy.

I might well get the dream job and still not be happy because I’ll just be focusing on the next milestone like I am now.

If I screw things up right now and disaster strikes then I’ll be back to square one and definitely won’t be happy. I am genuinely worried that the chances of this happening are high because of how much of a liability I seem to be sometimes when I drink, albeit unintentionally.

And right now I’m definitely not happy. I’m doing my best to make a difference, help others, whilst also pursuing my goals and dreams and it’s great when I see little wins like all the people celebrating their nominations for the awards night I’m responsible for running. But sometimes I feel like I’m not doing as much as I should. I keep making mistakes, I’m so focused on my work that I’m not really looking after myself well enough, and on several occasions I have felt like I’m a bad person because of my mistakes.

I feel like people often look at me as an example of what a student should be, because of how busy I am and how much I have had the privilege to be involved with. Indeed I have often been called this directly by people. But the truth is, like everyone else I am no saint. I’m doing my very best but my best doesn’t always feel good enough. And I feel like this reputation I have for being a busy professional student makes it even worse for me when I make mistakes.

And when I talk about what I’m doing or when people react to my quirky tendencies I often feel like I’m different. Being different can be a good thing, but there have been many cases where it has felt isolating. Even when the feedback people give you is positive.

I’m sorry for rambling on, I’m not going to stop or give up because I genuinely enjoy what I do, but I think it’s about time I was honest about how I feel right now. I’m doing my best to deal with these feelings (including weekly counselling) but it’s often easier said than done.

Is there anything you can say or advise that will make me feel any better? Or are my ramblings just silly?

Thank you for reading.
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biisii
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One of the most difficult things to do in life is to try to keep up with the image people have created for you. I understand how you feel but you should always put you first. It doesn’t matter what people will think because no matter what you do, people will surely be positive and negative towards it.
It’s normal to have breakdowns every now and then because life can really f one up at diff points but I think it’s harder for you because you’re trying so hard not to let anyone know what you’re going through because of what they believe.
You aren’t a failure, you’re just pretty hardworking and ambitious which is good. You’re probably not where you want to be right now, but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It may take time but I think you’d surely get. Just don’t forget, everyone makes mistake but how you react to these mistakes is what defines you most of the time. You should also commend yourself more often
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changemakerman
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(Original post by biisii)
One of the most difficult things to do in life is to try to keep up with the image people have created for you. I understand how you feel but you should always put you first. It doesn’t matter what people will think because no matter what you do, people will surely be positive and negative towards it.
It’s normal to have breakdowns every now and then because life can really f one up at diff points but I think it’s harder for you because you’re trying so hard not to let anyone know what you’re going through because of what they believe.
You aren’t a failure, you’re just pretty hardworking and ambitious which is good. You’re probably not where you want to be right now, but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It may take time but I think you’d surely get. Just don’t forget, everyone makes mistake but how you react to these mistakes is what defines you most of the time. You should also commend yourself more often
Thanks for your reassurance. I react honestly when I make mistakes - if it’s pointed out that I did something wrong I will always apologise and try to put things right. I hope people can tell that I am genuine because of this
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biisii
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(Original post by changemakerman)
Thanks for your reassurance. I react honestly when I make mistakes - if it’s pointed out that I did something wrong I will always apologise and try to put things right. I hope people can tell that I am genuine because of this
Yep, it’s possible they do. About two years ago, was almost 18 and in my third year and I had serious doubts and broke down a lot. Like a lot, some days I’ll jus stay and I’d be crying like a baby. So, I decided to create a routine that worked for me, I have few friends and I was able to talk with one of them too!

Basically, sometimes you’ll just feel so weak, tired and pessimistic about everything but instead of trying to bottle them up and continue, let it go, cry, do whatever your comfortable with. Just try not to make the same mistake and remember, you’re the most important thing, person in your life!
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