Boyfriend isn’t happy I’m going to uni Watch

Anonymous #1
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My boyfriend hasn’t taken me getting into a university that’s far away from where I live now very well, he’s barely spoken to me since I got my offer yesterday and I’m upset about the idea of moving away as well but if it was me in his position I wouldn’t be making him feel guilty about it. I don’t know what to say to him, does anyone have any advice?
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SkyRunner61
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That’s really selfish of him, especially since the idea of moving away is already stressing you out. If it’s somewhere you want to go to and you think it would be best for you, then you should tell him that. Uni can be really harsh on long distance relationships but it is possible, but that requires open communication
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Anonymous #2
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most couples hit this point and come to an end. it’s for the best. he sounds emotionally immature.

if you’re eager to make it work then you can try the long distance thing.

however, i’m concerned about the fact that uni is meant to be a highly exciting prospect and moving away is part of the fun! yet he’s not encouraging you follow your career and dreams. that’s not cool :\ perhaps he’ll come around in the future but as of now sis don’t let a man hold u back. tell him to get over it, go get that degree and get that bag.

being upset is valid but he’s handling it in quite a childlike way.
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David Getling
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend hasn’t taken me getting into a university that’s far away from where I live now very well, he’s barely spoken to me since I got my offer yesterday and I’m upset about the idea of moving away as well but if it was me in his position I wouldn’t be making him feel guilty about it. I don’t know what to say to him, does anyone have any advice?
If someone cares about you then they put you first and want what's best for you. This boy only cares about himself. Going to university and getting a good degree can be life changing, in a really good way.

Ditch this selfish boy ASAP. You will almost certainly meet someone far nicer at university, or later, and will wonder why you ever went out with this boy in the first place.
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Admit-One
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My advice would be to dump any partner that’s not supportive of your goals. They either care that it’s important to you or they don’t.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
most couples hit this point and come to an end. it’s for the best. he sounds emotionally immature.

if you’re eager to make it work then you can try the long distance thing.

however, i’m concerned about the fact that uni is meant to be a highly exciting prospect and moving away is part of the fun! yet he’s not encouraging you follow your career and dreams. that’s not cool :\ perhaps he’ll come around in the future but as of now sis don’t let a man hold u back. tell him to get over it, go get that degree and get that bag.

being upset is valid but he’s handling it in quite a childlike way.
i think it’s difficult because he has aspergers and one thing he struggles with is his emotions, i’ve spoken to him since and he said he’s not upset with me, he’s just worried that we won’t see each other that often which is understandable cause we’ve been together 2 years and seen each other multiple times a week for all of that time and he doesn’t want me to get bored of him if i’m not seeing him all the time like normal
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Evelyn34
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He sounds like a selfish coward, if you ask me. If he loves you he would be happy for you and figure out a way to work the relationship with you.
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Possibly this
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Give him a little bit of time. I think this is less about him not wanting you to follow your dreams and more about him not wanting to see you less than he does now. This is a big change for anyone, especially for someone with asperger's. Of course it's going to be hard, for both of you. Just give him a little bit of time to come to terms and he should be alright.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i think it’s difficult because he has aspergers and one thing he struggles with is his emotions, i’ve spoken to him since and he said he’s not upset with me, he’s just worried that we won’t see each other that often which is understandable cause we’ve been together 2 years and seen each other multiple times a week for all of that time and he doesn’t want me to get bored of him if i’m not seeing him all the time like normal
You can speak online regularly. I have a good friends from school whose boyfriend went to uni and she didn't - they stuck together , got married and have two lovely daughters. Just keep the communication open
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StriderHort
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A lot of couples break up before/start of uni tbh, easy to say you wouldn't do the same and he's selfish and should only want what's best for you, but it's not like you're giving him something to be happy about, you're essentially telling him there's a good chance it's over.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend hasn’t taken me getting into a university that’s far away from where I live now very well, he’s barely spoken to me since I got my offer yesterday and I’m upset about the idea of moving away as well but if it was me in his position I wouldn’t be making him feel guilty about it. I don’t know what to say to him, does anyone have any advice?
Yes. Get a more mature bf at uni!
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the bear
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he is probably worried that you will meet someone better than him. it happens a lot.
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CatusStarbright
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend hasn’t taken me getting into a university that’s far away from where I live now very well, he’s barely spoken to me since I got my offer yesterday and I’m upset about the idea of moving away as well but if it was me in his position I wouldn’t be making him feel guilty about it. I don’t know what to say to him, does anyone have any advice?
You honestly have to do what you think is best for you. If you let him hold you back you will probably regret it later down the line.
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the_queen
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On the long term, having a degree is more beneficial than having such a boyfriend!
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Rock Fan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend hasn’t taken me getting into a university that’s far away from where I live now very well, he’s barely spoken to me since I got my offer yesterday and I’m upset about the idea of moving away as well but if it was me in his position I wouldn’t be making him feel guilty about it. I don’t know what to say to him, does anyone have any advice?
my advice, do what is best for you. If you want to go to a uni far away to better your career prospects then please don't let your boyfriend dictate to you like that. If he has so much of a problem, regardless if he has aspergers then end the relationship.
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Parties
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You and your boyfriend to talk about things and try to come to a compromise or something.

Others are more or less suggesting that you dump him over this, but that would just mean that the relationship was pointless and a waste of time and effort. Talk with your boyfriend and try and come to an understanding and agreement on what to do. Don't come to this site looking for answers because it really isn't a great place to receive them.
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MiaNova
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Whilst these are all very valid points, I do think you need to give him some time. His feelings matter too. You've been together 2 years, he's naturally worried - nothing wrong with that.

I don't think he's being selfish, I think he's scared more than anything else. Don't break up over something that simply requires communication + compromise

Good luck!
Last edited by MiaNova; 4 weeks ago
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David Getling
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(Original post by CatusStarbright)
You honestly have to do what you think is best for you. If you let him hold you back you will probably regret it later down the line.
This reminds be of a tale about a woman that used to work with me many years ago. Apparently she was doing a degree at Oxford, but fell in love with a merchant seaman. She gave up her degree and married him. Not too much later things went south. She certainly regretted what she did, and there are many, many women with similar tales of having their lives wrecked because they loved non wisely but too well.
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CatusStarbright
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(Original post by David Getling)
This reminds be of a tale about a woman that used to work with me many years ago. Apparently she was doing a degree at Oxford, but fell in love with a merchant seaman. She gave up her degree and married him. Not too much later things went south. She certainly regretted what she did, and there are many, many women with similar tales of having their lives wrecked because they loved non wisely but too well.
Yes exactly!
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emily_000
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend hasn’t taken me getting into a university that’s far away from where I live now very well, he’s barely spoken to me since I got my offer yesterday and I’m upset about the idea of moving away as well but if it was me in his position I wouldn’t be making him feel guilty about it. I don’t know what to say to him, does anyone have any advice?
break up with him. At the end of the day I am pretty sure that you are not going to marry him. So, basically by not going to uni you will lose the opportunity of getting a good job for a temporary relationship.

Even if you have the purpose to marry him, do break up with him! Personally I prefer to go to the university rather than to have a useless relationship with someone.
Last edited by emily_000; 4 weeks ago
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