In the summer of 12th grade, my friend (Lily) introduced me to her another friend, let's call him James. Before that, James saw my picture on Lily's phone and said Lily that he wants to meet me. Lily was friend with both of us and James and I were going to same course -for preapering to university entrance exam- but we didn't know each other at the time. After a while, we went to Lily's house and met each other. That day, we spent time together and had a lot of fun. After that day, we became friends since we go to the same course and spent some time together, everything was fine but I was a bit shy. Anyways, we were having fun and even went out a few times without Lily, we were close. But suddenly, he distanced from me and I never understand why. I was thinking about it, it was upsetting for me but I never said anything to anyone, even to Lily. After a while, it was started to get annoying and I talk to Lily about it. And she said that she was keeping a secret about James. I asked what she knows and she said that James was into me. I was shocked because I always thought that he just talk to me as friends, and I've never been in a relationship before so I didn't understand his interest in me. And he was the smartest one in our course and had a lot of friends, so I didn't think that he would like me that way.
Our friendship was over, we weren't talking to each other at all. And after I talk to Lily, I realized that I was interesting in him, but it was too late. Lily said that she can talk to James about it and she did. Lily told me that James heard some rumors about me, like allegedly, I asked James' friend that if he can set James and I up, then that person talked to James and James said "It's not my problem."When Lily and James talk, Lily said to him that it's totally a lie because she's the only person knew about us, and someone was lying about it, bu we don't know who, but James believed all of that crap anyways. So, after some time, it was so bothering me that I texted James that I want to talk to him about it and he just said "It's not a big deal, there's no need to talk." I was hurt because he just didn't care and this whole thing became a vague to me, it happened all so fast that I feel like there's something unfinished and uncompeleted thing between us.
Then, we went to university, but in holidays, sometimes we run into each other, he stares at me when I don't stare at him; but when I notice him, he looks away. Sometimes we happened to be in the same place for a brief time because Lily and James are still friends, at those times, he stares at me, but only if he doesn't talk to anyone or no one looks at him. Both Lily and I notice it everytime.
I've been always loving him after all these time and when I dream myself with someone else, it would always be him. I was kinda over him but when I saw him yesterday after a long time, my feelings got me even more confused and I feel in my gut that we will end up together some day, no matter what.
I don't know what to do since I got used to this vague and I don't even know if I want to move on or forget him. Of course I liked few people after him, but I couldn't feel the same for them like I did with James. He was so sweet and caring but all of a suddden, he became a little arrogant. I love him and I want to get rid of this vague but even if I do, I'm scared that my feelings will fade away. I want to love someone and be in a long-term relationship, but James is a ghost in the path. I can't get into a relationship with someone else because it feels like I would be cheating on that person because I have James in my mind. I don't want to forget him, but I get nervous even thinking about talking to him. Because he seems like he doesn't care and I did everything I could to make this right.
So, I don't know what I feel about him, love or something else. Please tell me your opininons, what should I do?