Why can't I still forget him after 3 years?

In the summer of 12th grade, my friend (Lily) introduced me to her another friend, let's call him James. Before that, James saw my picture on Lily's phone and said Lily that he wants to meet me. Lily was friend with both of us and James and I were going to same course -for preapering to university entrance exam- but we didn't know each other at the time. After a while, we went to Lily's house and met each other. That day, we spent time together and had a lot of fun. After that day, we became friends since we go to the same course and spent some time together, everything was fine but I was a bit shy. Anyways, we were having fun and even went out a few times without Lily, we were close. But suddenly, he distanced from me and I never understand why. I was thinking about it, it was upsetting for me but I never said anything to anyone, even to Lily. After a while, it was started to get annoying and I talk to Lily about it. And she said that she was keeping a secret about James. I asked what she knows and she said that James was into me. I was shocked because I always thought that he just talk to me as friends, and I've never been in a relationship before so I didn't understand his interest in me. And he was the smartest one in our course and had a lot of friends, so I didn't think that he would like me that way.

Our friendship was over, we weren't talking to each other at all. And after I talk to Lily, I realized that I was interesting in him, but it was too late. Lily said that she can talk to James about it and she did. Lily told me that James heard some rumors about me, like allegedly, I asked James' friend that if he can set James and I up, then that person talked to James and James said "It's not my problem."When Lily and James talk, Lily said to him that it's totally a lie because she's the only person knew about us, and someone was lying about it, bu we don't know who, but James believed all of that crap anyways. So, after some time, it was so bothering me that I texted James that I want to talk to him about it and he just said "It's not a big deal, there's no need to talk." I was hurt because he just didn't care and this whole thing became a vague to me, it happened all so fast that I feel like there's something unfinished and uncompeleted thing between us.

Then, we went to university, but in holidays, sometimes we run into each other, he stares at me when I don't stare at him; but when I notice him, he looks away. Sometimes we happened to be in the same place for a brief time because Lily and James are still friends, at those times, he stares at me, but only if he doesn't talk to anyone or no one looks at him. Both Lily and I notice it everytime.

I've been always loving him after all these time and when I dream myself with someone else, it would always be him. I was kinda over him but when I saw him yesterday after a long time, my feelings got me even more confused and I feel in my gut that we will end up together some day, no matter what.

I don't know what to do since I got used to this vague and I don't even know if I want to move on or forget him. Of course I liked few people after him, but I couldn't feel the same for them like I did with James. He was so sweet and caring but all of a suddden, he became a little arrogant. I love him and I want to get rid of this vague but even if I do, I'm scared that my feelings will fade away. I want to love someone and be in a long-term relationship, but James is a ghost in the path. I can't get into a relationship with someone else because it feels like I would be cheating on that person because I have James in my mind. I don't want to forget him, but I get nervous even thinking about talking to him. Because he seems like he doesn't care and I did everything I could to make this right.

So, I don't know what I feel about him, love or something else. Please tell me your opininons, what should I do?

Reply 1

hallaluliah

i think you love him (i'n not an expert lol )and if he is ur soulmate then u 2 will end up together, in the mean time you can either just go with the flow, if he stares u stare, mirror his actions be a ghost too, forget about him and meet new people or you can just go to him and force him to talk but if hes not putting any effort to see or talk to you then i think you should forget about him. try not to see him and if he does try to talk to you, then sort ur feelings out. he may just be a crush you never know.

Reply 2

semif

Thank you so much for replying. If I flirt with another person while he's still on my mind, would it be cheating?

Thanks again.

Reply 3

hallaluliah

Of course not! I mean maybe its best to focus on urself and ur work/studies, flirting to get rid of someone else may get you into a dilemma
No problem :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by semif

Thank you so much for replying. If I flirt with another person while he's still on my mind, would it be cheating?

Thanks again.

please don't flirt with someone else if it's just to get this guy off your mind - you're being unfair on the random person you're flirting with by using them as a tool to forget James, and they will probably end up being hurt since you'd be leading them on and don't actually like them.

Reply 5

semif

Original post by Anonymous

No I would never do that. But like I said, even though I still have James on my mind, there was people I kinda like. What I'm wondering, if I gave another person a chance and try to move on, would it be cheating?

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

if it makes you feel any better, i had a one night stand with a guy and 2 years and a whole ass relationship later, im still not over him
so yeah :tongue:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by semif

no, i don't think so, as long as you wouldn't instantly throw them away for a chance at being with james again :smile:

Reply 8

semif

Original post by Anonymous

if it makes you feel any better, i had a one night stand with a guy and 2 years and a whole ass relationship later, im still not over him
so yeah :tongue:

I'm so sorry :frown:

I think I'm afraid of the probability that I ruin a relationship because of James. Like, I'm not sure what would I do if James would come to me while I'm in a relationship with another person?

Reply 9

semif

Original post by Anonymous

no, i don't think so, as long as you wouldn't instantly throw them away for a chance at being with james again :smile:

I wouldn't do that. Thank you for you answer! :h:

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by semif

I'm so sorry :frown:

I think I'm afraid of the probability that I ruin a relationship because of James. Like, I'm not sure what would I do if James would come to me while I'm in a relationship with another person?

if that's your standing, then you probably dont like the person youre in a relationship with that much anyway. if you did, you wouldnt sacifice it for james. there are maybe gonna be people you like way wayyy more than james. so i wouldnt worry too much about the unforeseeable future lol