Potential end of a decade long friendship Watch

ea2168
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Sorry in advance for the long post but I really need opinions.

I went travelling 18 months ago with two of my best guy friends from school who I'd known for 8 years at the time. As the only people in our school friendship group who didn't move away to university, we remained best friends. Unfortunately we're not as close with the others anymore, though we still talk. I had planned to travel solo but they'd both recently quit their jobs so I asked if they'd like to join me and they agreed. We practically lived at each others houses for the next couple of weeks as we excitedly planned our trip.

We had a great time travelling and about half way through our 3 month trip, we got to know a group of people (12 of us in total) who we ended up travelling with for three weeks as everyone was doing the same route. I didn't like two people in this group, brother and sister twins 2 years younger than us, (let's call them A & B) but my friends got really close to them. You can't get along with everyone in life so I shrugged it off at first. They then started going off as a four without the rest of our group to hang out separately and I barely saw them some days. A few people in our group didn't even realise that my friends and I knew each other before travelling because they weren't acting like friends at all. During a group meal where the four of them weren't present, another girl asked if anyone else didn't like A & B and everyone there agreed. They thought they were arrogant and annoying. I was relieved to find out that they all thought the same as me! My friends definitely sensed that the rest of the group didn't like A & B but neither parties wanted conflict and remained civil. It was just the elephant in the room when they were with the rest of us. I let my friends do their own thing but still invited them to join me every day but they declined, opting to hang out with A & B. I accepted that people can get close whilst travelling and ignored it. Eventually when we moved on from that group and onto our next destination, they rejoined me and our friendship went back to normal for the rest of the trip and we had an amazing time.

When we returned to the UK, things were normal at first as we were still on a high from our trip but a few days passed and I could immediately tell that they were more distant with me. We normally hung out almost every weekend and usually one evening mid-week too. After travelling with each other for 3 months I thought maybe they just wanted some space. Our meet ups slowly decreased despite me trying to organise stuff. They'd always thank me for the invite but politely decline with vague excuses like "Sorry but I don't think I'm free". Their texts became few and far between as well, a contrast to talking every day on our group chat like we used to. I felt like anytime I spoke to them I was a burden and this went on for another few months over summer. I brought it up once, asking if I'd done anything to offend them, but they brushed it off saying they were just busy. I thought it was odd that both of them would suddenly be busy, especially since I knew that they were still just interviewing for new jobs, nothing secured. I was aware they were seeing each other regularly too. I even messaged one of the other girls in the group we travelled with, asking if she thought I'd done anything to upset my friends during our time together but she couldn't think of anything and said that the rest of the group loved my company. I couldn't figure it out. One day on Facebook I saw my two friends tagged in an album called "summer memories" and in it was them hanging out on countless occasions with A & B. Turns out they live less than an hour away from our hometown. I felt hurt and replaced. All of the times they'd cancelled on me, they'd been with their new "best friends". I couldn't believe it! After talking to my parents about it, they told me it was their loss and I began hanging out with other friends more, trying to move on and not let it get me down.

I hadn't received any form of contact from them for about 8 months, in which time I had enrolled on my foundation course at university and settled in well. Naturally, I didn't bother inviting them to my 21st birthday. It wasn't a big event, just a small gathering of friends from home and uni. A mutual friend who attended my birthday asked why I hadn't invited them so I explained the situation and she said she'd subtly ask them why they don't hang out with me anymore next time she sees them. I got a text from her not too long after, saying she'd seen the guys in passing and when she brought me up, they said they hadn't actively been avoiding me, we just don't really hang out anymore. There was clearly something deeper than that though because they were actively avoiding me. After a lot of deliberation I decided to message them to try to get some closure.

I said:
"Hi, I hope you're well. I know we haven't talked in a long time now and it's led me to believe that you don't like me anymore. What did I do wrong? If there is something then please let me know. I hope we can resolve whatever it is because I'd hate to have hurt anyone's feelings and I miss you both and our friendship"

Pretty soon one of them replied with:
"Don't be silly you haven't done anything wrong! We're well overdue a catch up!"

The other chipped in:
"Yeah we'll find a date to meet, let us know when you're free. Maybe go for a night out at your uni?"

I was so happy to read that they weren't upset with me and so I let them know about some good club nights coming up at my university. We agreed on a date and one of the guys asked if he could bring his girlfriend to introduce her and I agreed. The weekend they came to stay was great, we caught up and it was just like old times. I got on well with the girlfriend and my flatmates liked them all too. It seemed like things were back to normal until they returned home and it was back to blunt replies again which eventually dried up. I was so confused. It's been four months since that weekend now. I invite them to come and visit here and there still or offer to visit them, trying not to put any pressure on it but they always can't meet up for different reasons. Originally I thought maybe they were just busy since they've got new jobs. I also appreciated that it is an effort to travel to where I'm studying. But I can see on social media that they are regularly driving up to visit A & B who also started university at the same time as me, just 30 miles away from my uni. They've also been on a group holiday with them. At this point I could accept that they've found people they prefer to me and don't feel a need to keep our friendship, but I wish they'd just tell me that instead of dragging me along!

They still like all of my posts on social media, commenting every now and again but they never reach out to me to meet, it's always me asking and them turning me down, even when I'm back in our hometown. One time they agreed on a date to come and visit so I bought us tickets for a club night they thought looked good and then they cancelled a week before. I've got other long distance friendships but none like this. With other long distance friendships we may not see each other for long lengths of time but we talk lots in between and both parties put a conscious effort into meeting up, taking it in turns to host. But in this "friendship" I get radio silence unless I reach out and then it never leads to anything.

So my ultimate question is - do I just completely cut things off and stop contacting them? It's heartbreaking because I have so many fond memories with them and when I am with them we get on so well. But I know it can't go on being so one-sided, it makes me feel desperate. I have a great group of friends at university but it's sad that when I'm home I no longer have any close friends there. I often wonder what we'd be like if I hadn't invited them to go travelling with me. Is this the end of the almost 10 year friendship?
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Johnny Tightlips
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(Original post by ea2168)
Sorry in advance for the long post but I really need opinions.

I went travelling 18 months ago with two of my best guy friends from school who I'd known for 8 years at the time. As the only people in our school friendship group who didn't move away to university, we remained best friends. Unfortunately we're not as close with the others anymore, though we still talk. I had planned to travel solo but they'd both recently quit their jobs so I asked if they'd like to join me and they agreed. We practically lived at each others houses for the next couple of weeks as we excitedly planned our trip.

We had a great time travelling and about half way through our 3 month trip, we got to know a group of people (12 of us in total) who we ended up travelling with for three weeks as everyone was doing the same route. I didn't like two people in this group, brother and sister twins 2 years younger than us, (let's call them A & B) but my friends got really close to them. You can't get along with everyone in life so I shrugged it off at first. They then started going off as a four without the rest of our group to hang out separately and I barely saw them some days. A few people in our group didn't even realise that my friends and I knew each other before travelling because they weren't acting like friends at all. During a group meal where the four of them weren't present, another girl asked if anyone else didn't like A & B and everyone there agreed. They thought they were arrogant and annoying. I was relieved to find out that they all thought the same as me! My friends definitely sensed that the rest of the group didn't like A & B but neither parties wanted conflict and remained civil. It was just the elephant in the room when they were with the rest of us. I let my friends do their own thing but still invited them to join me every day but they declined, opting to hang out with A & B. I accepted that people can get close whilst travelling and ignored it. Eventually when we moved on from that group and onto our next destination, they rejoined me and our friendship went back to normal for the rest of the trip and we had an amazing time.

When we returned to the UK, things were normal at first as we were still on a high from our trip but a few days passed and I could immediately tell that they were more distant with me. We normally hung out almost every weekend and usually one evening mid-week too. After travelling with each other for 3 months I thought maybe they just wanted some space. Our meet ups slowly decreased despite me trying to organise stuff. They'd always thank me for the invite but politely decline with vague excuses like "Sorry but I don't think I'm free". Their texts became few and far between as well, a contrast to talking every day on our group chat like we used to. I felt like anytime I spoke to them I was a burden and this went on for another few months over summer. I brought it up once, asking if I'd done anything to offend them, but they brushed it off saying they were just busy. I thought it was odd that both of them would suddenly be busy, especially since I knew that they were still just interviewing for new jobs, nothing secured. I was aware they were seeing each other regularly too. I even messaged one of the other girls in the group we travelled with, asking if she thought I'd done anything to upset my friends during our time together but she couldn't think of anything and said that the rest of the group loved my company. I couldn't figure it out. One day on Facebook I saw my two friends tagged in an album called "summer memories" and in it was them hanging out on countless occasions with A & B. Turns out they live less than an hour away from our hometown. I felt hurt and replaced. All of the times they'd cancelled on me, they'd been with their new "best friends". I couldn't believe it! After talking to my parents about it, they told me it was their loss and I began hanging out with other friends more, trying to move on and not let it get me down.

I hadn't received any form of contact from them for about 8 months, in which time I had enrolled on my foundation course at university and settled in well. Naturally, I didn't bother inviting them to my 21st birthday. It wasn't a big event, just a small gathering of friends from home and uni. A mutual friend who attended my birthday asked why I hadn't invited them so I explained the situation and she said she'd subtly ask them why they don't hang out with me anymore next time she sees them. I got a text from her not too long after, saying she'd seen the guys in passing and when she brought me up, they said they hadn't actively been avoiding me, we just don't really hang out anymore. There was clearly something deeper than that though because they were actively avoiding me. After a lot of deliberation I decided to message them to try to get some closure.

I said:
"Hi, I hope you're well. I know we haven't talked in a long time now and it's led me to believe that you don't like me anymore. What did I do wrong? If there is something then please let me know. I hope we can resolve whatever it is because I'd hate to have hurt anyone's feelings and I miss you both and our friendship"

Pretty soon one of them replied with:
"Don't be silly you haven't done anything wrong! We're well overdue a catch up!"

The other chipped in:
"Yeah we'll find a date to meet, let us know when you're free. Maybe go for a night out at your uni?"

I was so happy to read that they weren't upset with me and so I let them know about some good club nights coming up at my university. We agreed on a date and one of the guys asked if he could bring his girlfriend to introduce her and I agreed. The weekend they came to stay was great, we caught up and it was just like old times. I got on well with the girlfriend and my flatmates liked them all too. It seemed like things were back to normal until they returned home and it was back to blunt replies again which eventually dried up. I was so confused. It's been four months since that weekend now. I invite them to come and visit here and there still or offer to visit them, trying not to put any pressure on it but they always can't meet up for different reasons. Originally I thought maybe they were just busy since they've got new jobs. I also appreciated that it is an effort to travel to where I'm studying. But I can see on social media that they are regularly driving up to visit A & B who also started university at the same time as me, just 30 miles away from my uni. They've also been on a group holiday with them. At this point I could accept that they've found people they prefer to me and don't feel a need to keep our friendship, but I wish they'd just tell me that instead of dragging me along!

They still like all of my posts on social media, commenting every now and again but they never reach out to me to meet, it's always me asking and them turning me down, even when I'm back in our hometown. One time they agreed on a date to come and visit so I bought us tickets for a club night they thought looked good and then they cancelled a week before. I've got other long distance friendships but none like this. With other long distance friendships we may not see each other for long lengths of time but we talk lots in between and both parties put a conscious effort into meeting up, taking it in turns to host. But in this "friendship" I get radio silence unless I reach out and then it never leads to anything.

So my ultimate question is - do I just completely cut things off and stop contacting them? It's heartbreaking because I have so many fond memories with them and when I am with them we get on so well. But I know it can't go on being so one-sided, it makes me feel desperate. I have a great group of friends at university but it's sad that when I'm home I no longer have any close friends there. I often wonder what we'd be like if I hadn't invited them to go travelling with me. Is this the end of the almost 10 year friendship?
I think the evidence is stacking that they aren't as close to you as they once were. These things happen I'm afraid, it's natural and probs not down to you. I wouldn't cut them off completely, but give them a bit of space for a while and see what happens. Maybe try and keep them as friends but not best friends?
THAT SAID:
Do you get the feeling when you are with them that they are having a great time as well as you? It is odd that you still get along really well when you're with them yet outside of being with them it isn't the same.
Also some people (like me!) are quite bad at replying to messages and initiating meet ups. Have they usually been quite good at it before they left?

Try and live your life without worrying about it too much. I know it's hard: I've just started uni and it's weird not seeing my best mates around, I sometimes worry that we'll grow apart. But if it happens it happens you know? You can't really control it. Just do you.
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Bio 7
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It doesn't have to be someone's fault, people just drift apart. Sounds like you need to move on as you've all changed and don't have so much in common anymore.
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mgi
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(Original post by ea2168)
Sorry in advance for the long post but I really need opinions.

I went travelling 18 months ago with two of my best guy friends from school who I'd known for 8 years at the time. As the only people in our school friendship group who didn't move away to university, we remained best friends. Unfortunately we're not as close with the others anymore, though we still talk. I had planned to travel solo but they'd both recently quit their jobs so I asked if they'd like to join me and they agreed. We practically lived at each others houses for the next couple of weeks as we excitedly planned our trip.

We had a great time travelling and about half way through our 3 month trip, we got to know a group of people (12 of us in total) who we ended up travelling with for three weeks as everyone was doing the same route. I didn't like two people in this group, brother and sister twins 2 years younger than us, (let's call them A & B) but my friends got really close to them. You can't get along with everyone in life so I shrugged it off at first. They then started going off as a four without the rest of our group to hang out separately and I barely saw them some days. A few people in our group didn't even realise that my friends and I knew each other before travelling because they weren't acting like friends at all. During a group meal where the four of them weren't present, another girl asked if anyone else didn't like A & B and everyone there agreed. They thought they were arrogant and annoying. I was relieved to find out that they all thought the same as me! My friends definitely sensed that the rest of the group didn't like A & B but neither parties wanted conflict and remained civil. It was just the elephant in the room when they were with the rest of us. I let my friends do their own thing but still invited them to join me every day but they declined, opting to hang out with A & B. I accepted that people can get close whilst travelling and ignored it. Eventually when we moved on from that group and onto our next destination, they rejoined me and our friendship went back to normal for the rest of the trip and we had an amazing time.

When we returned to the UK, things were normal at first as we were still on a high from our trip but a few days passed and I could immediately tell that they were more distant with me. We normally hung out almost every weekend and usually one evening mid-week too. After travelling with each other for 3 months I thought maybe they just wanted some space. Our meet ups slowly decreased despite me trying to organise stuff. They'd always thank me for the invite but politely decline with vague excuses like "Sorry but I don't think I'm free". Their texts became few and far between as well, a contrast to talking every day on our group chat like we used to. I felt like anytime I spoke to them I was a burden and this went on for another few months over summer. I brought it up once, asking if I'd done anything to offend them, but they brushed it off saying they were just busy. I thought it was odd that both of them would suddenly be busy, especially since I knew that they were still just interviewing for new jobs, nothing secured. I was aware they were seeing each other regularly too. I even messaged one of the other girls in the group we travelled with, asking if she thought I'd done anything to upset my friends during our time together but she couldn't think of anything and said that the rest of the group loved my company. I couldn't figure it out. One day on Facebook I saw my two friends tagged in an album called "summer memories" and in it was them hanging out on countless occasions with A & B. Turns out they live less than an hour away from our hometown. I felt hurt and replaced. All of the times they'd cancelled on me, they'd been with their new "best friends". I couldn't believe it! After talking to my parents about it, they told me it was their loss and I began hanging out with other friends more, trying to move on and not let it get me down.

I hadn't received any form of contact from them for about 8 months, in which time I had enrolled on my foundation course at university and settled in well. Naturally, I didn't bother inviting them to my 21st birthday. It wasn't a big event, just a small gathering of friends from home and uni. A mutual friend who attended my birthday asked why I hadn't invited them so I explained the situation and she said she'd subtly ask them why they don't hang out with me anymore next time she sees them. I got a text from her not too long after, saying she'd seen the guys in passing and when she brought me up, they said they hadn't actively been avoiding me, we just don't really hang out anymore. There was clearly something deeper than that though because they were actively avoiding me. After a lot of deliberation I decided to message them to try to get some closure.

I said:
"Hi, I hope you're well. I know we haven't talked in a long time now and it's led me to believe that you don't like me anymore. What did I do wrong? If there is something then please let me know. I hope we can resolve whatever it is because I'd hate to have hurt anyone's feelings and I miss you both and our friendship"

Pretty soon one of them replied with:
"Don't be silly you haven't done anything wrong! We're well overdue a catch up!"

The other chipped in:
"Yeah we'll find a date to meet, let us know when you're free. Maybe go for a night out at your uni?"

I was so happy to read that they weren't upset with me and so I let them know about some good club nights coming up at my university. We agreed on a date and one of the guys asked if he could bring his girlfriend to introduce her and I agreed. The weekend they came to stay was great, we caught up and it was just like old times. I got on well with the girlfriend and my flatmates liked them all too. It seemed like things were back to normal until they returned home and it was back to blunt replies again which eventually dried up. I was so confused. It's been four months since that weekend now. I invite them to come and visit here and there still or offer to visit them, trying not to put any pressure on it but they always can't meet up for different reasons. Originally I thought maybe they were just busy since they've got new jobs. I also appreciated that it is an effort to travel to where I'm studying. But I can see on social media that they are regularly driving up to visit A & B who also started university at the same time as me, just 30 miles away from my uni. They've also been on a group holiday with them. At this point I could accept that they've found people they prefer to me and don't feel a need to keep our friendship, but I wish they'd just tell me that instead of dragging me along!

They still like all of my posts on social media, commenting every now and again but they never reach out to me to meet, it's always me asking and them turning me down, even when I'm back in our hometown. One time they agreed on a date to come and visit so I bought us tickets for a club night they thought looked good and then they cancelled a week before. I've got other long distance friendships but none like this. With other long distance friendships we may not see each other for long lengths of time but we talk lots in between and both parties put a conscious effort into meeting up, taking it in turns to host. But in this "friendship" I get radio silence unless I reach out and then it never leads to anything.

So my ultimate question is - do I just completely cut things off and stop contacting them? It's heartbreaking because I have so many fond memories with them and when I am with them we get on so well. But I know it can't go on being so one-sided, it makes me feel desperate. I have a great group of friends at university but it's sad that when I'm home I no longer have any close friends there. I often wonder what we'd be like if I hadn't invited them to go travelling with me. Is this the end of the almost 10 year friendship?
Yes, it sounds like. In the form that it was a "friendship" you were the one that was the most motivated but sometimes people mive on in life to pursue orher things. I would stop pursuing those people and get more balanced friendships. Most of the people you describe don't sound like real friends!
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ea2168
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(Original post by frantika)
I think the evidence is stacking that they aren't as close to you as they once were. These things happen I'm afraid, it's natural and probs not down to you. I wouldn't cut them off completely, but give them a bit of space for a while and see what happens. Maybe try and keep them as friends but not best friends?
THAT SAID:
Do you get the feeling when you are with them that they are having a great time as well as you? It is odd that you still get along really well when you're with them yet outside of being with them it isn't the same.
Also some people (like me!) are quite bad at replying to messages and initiating meet ups. Have they usually been quite good at it before they left?

Try and live your life without worrying about it too much. I know it's hard: I've just started uni and it's weird not seeing my best mates around, I sometimes worry that we'll grow apart. But if it happens it happens you know? You can't really control it. Just do you.
Yes when we were together we all had a great time, not just me. One of my flatmates had even commented that she envied our friendship, if only she knew...
Before all of this they were great at replying, we spoke everyday both individually and on our group chat. I've never considered them bad at replying tbh.
I'm happy where I am in life with my other friendships but it would have been nice to just get some closure. You mention keeping them as just friends rather than best friends but without my reaching out to them, we're basically not even friends. Seems like they've found new people and I'm no longer needed.
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ea2168
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(Original post by Bio 7)
It doesn't have to be someone's fault, people just drift apart. Sounds like you need to move on as you've all changed and don't have so much in common anymore.
The thing is we do have lots in common. We have many of the same interests, mutual friends and our humour is the same. We've always had private jokes that only us three would laugh at. I wouldn't say we're at different stages in our lives yet either, we're all still young, care free and love nothing more than a good night out or chatting until the early hours about nonsense. I'd understand why we've drifted apart if we had changed as people.
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(Original post by mgi)
Yes, it sounds like. In the form that it was a "friendship" you were the one that was the most motivated but sometimes people mive on in life to pursue orher things. I would stop pursuing those people and get more balanced friendships. Most of the people you describe don't sound like real friends!
Yeah I've pretty much moved on from feeling hurt and now I'm more annoyed. These were the people who had been there for me through thick and thin for years before all of this and vice versa (we'd all come from broken homes of some kind and this really brought us together). They know all of my deepest secrets and fears and I know theirs. I'd feel less angry if I'd been snubbed for new friends that were lovely, but they're really not. The other people we travelled with didn't like them either and a friend of mine on the same course as one of them at university said they're a very odd character who comes across as rude.
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Johnny Tightlips
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(Original post by ea2168)
Yes when we were together we all had a great time, not just me. One of my flatmates had even commented that she envied our friendship, if only she knew...
Before all of this they were great at replying, we spoke everyday both individually and on our group chat. I've never considered them bad at replying tbh.
I'm happy where I am in life with my other friendships but it would have been nice to just get some closure. You mention keeping them as just friends rather than best friends but without my reaching out to them, we're basically not even friends. Seems like they've found new people and I'm no longer needed.
That's weird then. If you all get along great when together then why do they not contact you??
Personally I wouldn't seal it off, just wait a bit and see what happens, see if they remember you or forget about you. You don't have to keep in touch with people all the time to be friends: I'm still friends with people who I only see about once or twice a year. But obviously, I'm not 'good' friends with them
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Yeah that’s what confusing me. You’re right though, the ball’s in their court now so only time will tell if they reach out and if not, then I’ve got my answer too. I’ve got friends like that too who I rarely see but like you, I don’t consider them close friends.
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(Original post by ea2168)
Sorry in advance for the long post but I really need opinions.

I went travelling 18 months ago with two of my best guy friends from school who I'd known for 8 years at the time. As the only people in our school friendship group who didn't move away to university, we remained best friends. Unfortunately we're not as close with the others anymore, though we still talk. I had planned to travel solo but they'd both recently quit their jobs so I asked if they'd like to join me and they agreed. We practically lived at each others houses for the next couple of weeks as we excitedly planned our trip.

We had a great time travelling and about half way through our 3 month trip, we got to know a group of people (12 of us in total) who we ended up travelling with for three weeks as everyone was doing the same route. I didn't like two people in this group, brother and sister twins 2 years younger than us, (let's call them A & B) but my friends got really close to them. You can't get along with everyone in life so I shrugged it off at first. They then started going off as a four without the rest of our group to hang out separately and I barely saw them some days. A few people in our group didn't even realise that my friends and I knew each other before travelling because they weren't acting like friends at all. During a group meal where the four of them weren't present, another girl asked if anyone else didn't like A & B and everyone there agreed. They thought they were arrogant and annoying. I was relieved to find out that they all thought the same as me! My friends definitely sensed that the rest of the group didn't like A & B but neither parties wanted conflict and remained civil. It was just the elephant in the room when they were with the rest of us. I let my friends do their own thing but still invited them to join me every day but they declined, opting to hang out with A & B. I accepted that people can get close whilst travelling and ignored it. Eventually when we moved on from that group and onto our next destination, they rejoined me and our friendship went back to normal for the rest of the trip and we had an amazing time.

When we returned to the UK, things were normal at first as we were still on a high from our trip but a few days passed and I could immediately tell that they were more distant with me. We normally hung out almost every weekend and usually one evening mid-week too. After travelling with each other for 3 months I thought maybe they just wanted some space. Our meet ups slowly decreased despite me trying to organise stuff. They'd always thank me for the invite but politely decline with vague excuses like "Sorry but I don't think I'm free". Their texts became few and far between as well, a contrast to talking every day on our group chat like we used to. I felt like anytime I spoke to them I was a burden and this went on for another few months over summer. I brought it up once, asking if I'd done anything to offend them, but they brushed it off saying they were just busy. I thought it was odd that both of them would suddenly be busy, especially since I knew that they were still just interviewing for new jobs, nothing secured. I was aware they were seeing each other regularly too. I even messaged one of the other girls in the group we travelled with, asking if she thought I'd done anything to upset my friends during our time together but she couldn't think of anything and said that the rest of the group loved my company. I couldn't figure it out. One day on Facebook I saw my two friends tagged in an album called "summer memories" and in it was them hanging out on countless occasions with A & B. Turns out they live less than an hour away from our hometown. I felt hurt and replaced. All of the times they'd cancelled on me, they'd been with their new "best friends". I couldn't believe it! After talking to my parents about it, they told me it was their loss and I began hanging out with other friends more, trying to move on and not let it get me down.

I hadn't received any form of contact from them for about 8 months, in which time I had enrolled on my foundation course at university and settled in well. Naturally, I didn't bother inviting them to my 21st birthday. It wasn't a big event, just a small gathering of friends from home and uni. A mutual friend who attended my birthday asked why I hadn't invited them so I explained the situation and she said she'd subtly ask them why they don't hang out with me anymore next time she sees them. I got a text from her not too long after, saying she'd seen the guys in passing and when she brought me up, they said they hadn't actively been avoiding me, we just don't really hang out anymore. There was clearly something deeper than that though because they were actively avoiding me. After a lot of deliberation I decided to message them to try to get some closure.

I said:
"Hi, I hope you're well. I know we haven't talked in a long time now and it's led me to believe that you don't like me anymore. What did I do wrong? If there is something then please let me know. I hope we can resolve whatever it is because I'd hate to have hurt anyone's feelings and I miss you both and our friendship"

Pretty soon one of them replied with:
"Don't be silly you haven't done anything wrong! We're well overdue a catch up!"

The other chipped in:
"Yeah we'll find a date to meet, let us know when you're free. Maybe go for a night out at your uni?"

I was so happy to read that they weren't upset with me and so I let them know about some good club nights coming up at my university. We agreed on a date and one of the guys asked if he could bring his girlfriend to introduce her and I agreed. The weekend they came to stay was great, we caught up and it was just like old times. I got on well with the girlfriend and my flatmates liked them all too. It seemed like things were back to normal until they returned home and it was back to blunt replies again which eventually dried up. I was so confused. It's been four months since that weekend now. I invite them to come and visit here and there still or offer to visit them, trying not to put any pressure on it but they always can't meet up for different reasons. Originally I thought maybe they were just busy since they've got new jobs. I also appreciated that it is an effort to travel to where I'm studying. But I can see on social media that they are regularly driving up to visit A & B who also started university at the same time as me, just 30 miles away from my uni. They've also been on a group holiday with them. At this point I could accept that they've found people they prefer to me and don't feel a need to keep our friendship, but I wish they'd just tell me that instead of dragging me along!

They still like all of my posts on social media, commenting every now and again but they never reach out to me to meet, it's always me asking and them turning me down, even when I'm back in our hometown. One time they agreed on a date to come and visit so I bought us tickets for a club night they thought looked good and then they cancelled a week before. I've got other long distance friendships but none like this. With other long distance friendships we may not see each other for long lengths of time but we talk lots in between and both parties put a conscious effort into meeting up, taking it in turns to host. But in this "friendship" I get radio silence unless I reach out and then it never leads to anything.

So my ultimate question is - do I just completely cut things off and stop contacting them? It's heartbreaking because I have so many fond memories with them and when I am with them we get on so well. But I know it can't go on being so one-sided, it makes me feel desperate. I have a great group of friends at university but it's sad that when I'm home I no longer have any close friends there. I often wonder what we'd be like if I hadn't invited them to go travelling with me. Is this the end of the almost 10 year friendship?
WoW!
It hurts to let go of people you’ve known for so long but sometimes, you shouldn’t put pressure. You don’t have to cut them off - delete their numbers etc- but just let them be. Maybe chat them up once in a black moon if it pleases you but I think you should stop being the one trying to hangout. Also, you’re now in uni, you’d meet other people and you’d definitely find someone who may even be a better friend than they are right now. I’ve gone through this, a few times, but I just had to let it go and get on with people who appreciated me.
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