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Pursue it or dump it?

I’ll try to make this short and sweet but there’s a lot, try not to skip over me because I’m going crazy and need help! Lol

I met this guy almost two years ago in March at work named Chris. My mom got me a job in marketing and this guy caught my eye instantly. I have a good relationship with my mom and told her and she was all for it. He’s a pretty quiet guy. Keeps to himself a lot because the industry that we were in is like high school, everyone talks. He’s very private. Fast forward to September, there wasn’t really much action with this guy so I started casually dating a different coworker. The company took us to a baseball game, there was tons of drinking, Chris ended up coming to my house and staying with me and the guy I had started talking to didn’t know anything. The next day we pretended it didn’t happen and I continued with the new guy. 2 months later I find out the guy was with his ex girlfriend the whole time so we stopped talking and he quit a month later. Me and Chris would go drinking like twice a month with coworkers and every time we ended up together at the end of the night. The company we worked for shut down last year in August so we separated and I was devastated because I thought I wouldn’t see him anymore because of work. I fell in love with Chris because we hung out every day at work, we get along so well. Chris kept in contact with me and we seen each other every two weeks. We never text each other just to talk about our day, he always texts me first. We have small talk and then he invites me over and I stay the night. I was happy with our little situation, I work a lot and I want to focus on myself but I love spending time with him so he was perfect. THIS IS WHERE IS GETS MESSED UP. December I seen him the day before Christmas Eve, then two days after New Years he posted he was in a relationship on Facebook. Which is CRAZY because he doesn’t use Facebook at all. Since 2015. So it was random and caught me off guard. I’m friends with his friends. We all used to work together and two guys have told me he’s been on and off with the same girl since high school. He’s 24 and I’m 22. I heard about this girl before and at the baseball game I said something about her, he told me there was cheating on both sides and she doesn’t want to be with him because he’s not the best guy. That was the only time we actually talked about anything serious. Whenever his friends would tell me something I would ignore them because one of his friends Justin (remember him) likes me, he always calls me and tries to hang out with me but at the same time he used to come to me for advice on his ex girlfriend so we because good friends. I trusted Chris, people say whatever they want but me and Chris are private, they don’t know anything so I ignore it. Well I was hurt by Chris posting that so I deleted his phone number. This past Thursday he texted me asking if I was going to our friends engagement party but I wasn’t invited so he kept texting me asking how I was doing, acting like nothing happened because that’s what we always do. Around 830 he had replied oh that’s nice so I didn’t reply. He texted me AGAIN at 1030 saying I was lame and I didn’t text back again. Friday night, he texted me around 10 asking what I was doing and told me to come over. I have never addressed anything with Chris before because I don’t want to be drama for him. I genuinely care about him and only want to make his life better. His ex or whatever she is, is toxic. Justin told me that she got crazy with Chris and that’s why he posted what he did. I don’t want to be like his ex I want to make him happy but I finally asked him when he told me to come over if he had a girlfriend and he said he didn’t know where this was coming from, I told him he posted it on fb and he said he doesn’t use fb. (By this time it’s 1am and I’m drunk texting at a bar) I told him well me and Justin are friends and he told me everything. He said what’s everything, I said that your with Jackie and he said what a reliable source. I told him that’s my only source because you don’t tell me anything, he said that’s not true so I asked him again ok then are you with her? No reply around 2am. Not sure if he fell asleep or he was just being an *******. Saturday night comes around and I’m at a comedy show, having a blast drinking with friends and he starts texting me to go to Justin’s house to drink. I was with my friends and I figured if we go to Justin’s it’s not like I’ll sleep over there and I’ll be with my friends we’ll be fine so I went and we hung out til 5am, just talking like nothing was happening and having fun. Then my friends left the room and me and Chris talked but I don’t remember much of it. He told me I talk to Chris too much, and that I only go to his house drunk. Which is true I get nervous so I drink at his house. And I never text him first, I’ve never told him how I felt and he knows I’m happy being single. So after an hour of us talking he came back to my house and I slept with him. I took him back to Justin’s in the morning and I haven’t talked to him yet, typically after we see each other we don’t text until he texts me to see me again. I don’t want him to drop everything and be my boyfriend. I just want to see where things go with him. I’m super confused. I feel like the guy, when a guy likes a girl but doesn’t make a move, the girl goes and gets a boyfriend and then he’s like wait I do like her so he tries to win her over. I’m in that situation. I don’t know if I should just tell him, if you want to keep sleeping with me I have feelings for you so we should stop. I want to tell him in person because I don’t want to risk him just not texting back because he’s scared to talk about it. If he doesn’t want anything more I’d rather him tell me so I can just move on already... I need advice.
You need to either be happy being friends with benefits/ booty call or you need to call him out and ask how he feels or you need to move on and find someone who is less complicated. You sound like it's the first option currently sorry. :frown:
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Avatar for smscku
smscku
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Sorry you went through this, and I'm sure it is really hard on you since you care about him so much, but you need to move on for your own good. If he would cheat on his on/off girlfriend with you, even after announcing they're in a relationship on Facebook, then he will cheat on you too. If you're ok with just sleeping with him and never being more than that, and him also sleeping with other people, then sure, keep agreeing to go over there every time he wants you to. You deserve someone who only wants you and is willing to commit to you and hang out with you sober. I'm not trying to be harsh, I just hope the best for you, I had to learn a lot of things the hard way so I know what you're going through. Getting over him might take a long time but it's what is best. The great love story of your life is not going to start with a guy who has secretly had a girlfriend the whole time and only wants to hook up when it's 3am and he's wasted.
As they say, pick your head up queen, your crown is falling

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