Am I being spoilt and unappreciative about valentines day

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
#1
My boyfriend rarely spends money on me or treats me to things and the times he has I have usually had to give him a push in he right direction or straight up ask him. He’s in a good financial position at the minute (better than my own)
Next month we have valentines day, followed by his birthday and then followed by our 1 year anniversary. All of these are within about a week of each other. we have agreed to not celebrate our anniversary since we have the other two occasions (it’s not as if it’s a wedding anniversary anyway) we have agreed to do something small for valentines day and get each other gifts and then for his birthday a few days after I have bought gifts (spending quite a bit on him and putting in a lot of effort to get the perfect gifts I know he’ll love) and have agreed to organise the day for him and come up with something he’ll enjoy we can do together. He therefore agreed to plan valentines for us after I asked him.
Today I tell him I’ve not got him as much for valentines as I got him quite a bit for his birthday and the conversation led to him telling me he’s not going to get me roses as they are too expensive around valentines. I don’t really want anything from him but flowers is something a I’ve always dreamed if getting from a guy since I never have and it just feels a bit disappointing that he won’t because it’s too much money apparently. Even a cheaper supermarket bunch is all I want and he’s not willing to pay. I asked if he’s got any ideas for the day as well in terms of plans and he’s said “no idea” and tbh I think he probably forgot until I brought it up. I know people will say valentines is a waste of money and is very commercial but honestly i just want an excuse for him to do something romantic for me since he never really has been and I thought even if I let him know how happy and how much it’d mean to me, he’d go out of his way to do it even just this once. What makes it more upsetting is I’ve put so much effort into his birthday and choosing his gifts and spent so much on him and then when I ask him to plan something small and get me a bunch of flowers it’s too much effort for him to bother even though it’s me. He’s very loving and treats me right in every other way but it’s just when it comes to this stuff. I send him videos of valentines day couples and stuff as hints and he’s like “am I gonna have to do this sort of stuff” and I tell him it would mean so much to me and he’s like “maybe”
Idk what do you lot think (sorry for long post)
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#2
Report 8 months ago
#2
I'm in two minds about gifts and valentines day when it comes to couples and stuff.

One part of me thinks, well yea, it's valentines day, of course you should get each other things and do nice stuff together. It's sweet.

The other part of me thinks, well, you should put time and effort into your relationship all the other days of the year. Why should valentines day be reserved for it?

However. I often come to the conclusion that it isn't feasible to constantly be attentive and affectionate every day of the year with a partner. There's work, studying, seeing friends and family, having time to yourself etc so, while it would be the ideal, it isn't often realistic. Everyone has bad days, days when they aren't feeling it.

Personally, I think valentines should be like this....
Use the day to do things as a couple that you wouldn't normally get to do. So, you both agree to stay off your phones through the day and spend time with each other instead. Going out for a walk, watching a movie together, having a meal. Whatever you both fancy. Just spend the day being affectionate and instead of buying a generic card and gift, put the money into buying something together like on going out for the day or something. Spend time doing nice things for each other like giving massages or something. Be fun and playful. Just use the day for each other. Also have sex.

That's my thoughts on valentines day anyway. I'm spending mine alone this year though so those plans will have to stay on the shelf for now 😂
But in regards to your post, I'd feel a bit out out if I'd gone to a lot of trouble for my bf and he didn't do the same for me. It's a bit unfair.
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#3
Report 8 months ago
#3
He’s very loving and treats me right in every other way

That is the key thing that you said. Due to this, the best course of action is for you to tolerate his Valentines ways without any complaint whatsoever.

Nobody's perfect. He is clearly more than good enough for you to stay with him. So stay with him without criticising him. Accept his relatively minor faults, because all his good points more than make up for them.

Him not wanting to get sucked into all of the crass commercialism that goes along with Valentines is perfectly logical life choice on his part.

I think that he will surprise you with flowers at some other time of the year... My local florist does really nice arrangements for £10 to £20...
0
reply
bones-mccoy
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#4
Report 8 months ago
#4
I feel like my partner is sort of the same in regards to not really being bothered about romantic stuff, either, but I'm not really too fussed myself so it's never been a major issue for us. But then I don't think popping to Tesco to buy a £5 bunch of roses is too much to ask especially considering you've already expressed how much you'd like some and don't expect a massive fancy £20+ bunch.

I think the problem here is that you put much more of an emphasis on things like Valentines day whereas he doesn't and it's causing a clash. Having a chat where you can both speak openly about your expectations is the only way to stop someone feeling disappointed/pressured.
Last edited by bones-mccoy; 8 months ago
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Current uni students - are you thinking of dropping out of university?

Yes, I'm seriously considering dropping out (143)
14.39%
I'm not sure (42)
4.23%
No, I'm going to stick it out for now (297)
29.88%
I have already dropped out (26)
2.62%
I'm not a current university student (486)
48.89%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed